Author Topic: I keep setting dates for me to come out but I always break it  (Read 107 times)

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Offline jake3029

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I keep setting dates for me to come out but I always break it
« on: November 10, 2018, 01:40:17 pm »
I can't promise to myself that I'll come out by a certain time, I said I was going to come out by last week ages ago, but instead I held it in and didn't tell no one. It's so hard to tell people and ask for help, I may have social anxiety for sure.

Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: I keep setting dates for me to come out but I always break it
« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2018, 01:52:53 pm »
I can't promise to myself that I'll come out by a certain time, I said I was going to come out by last week ages ago, but instead I held it in and didn't tell no one. It's so hard to tell people and ask for help, I may have social anxiety for sure.

@jake3029
Dear Jake:
My thought for you is to perhaps take "baby steps" first.  Maybe instead of coming-out to everyone at once, select one or a few of your very close and hopefully accepting friends...  each time you come-out it will become a little easier.

"Holding it in" is very wearing on your mental state of mind.  When you do come-out either in baby steps or all at once, it will be like a big and heavy weight is lifted off of your shoulders and relieves your mental stress.... thus allowing  you to live more freely and be a much happier person...

Wishing your well and I will be eagerly looking for your updates as you feel free to post them.
Danielle
Check out my Personal Threads that have more details about myself (click Links):
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Offline KathyLauren

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Re: I keep setting dates for me to come out but I always break it
« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2018, 03:25:07 pm »
This is not uncommon.  Coming out is a difficult, scary thing to do.  It took me six months, from the time I decided I had to do it until I actually did.

What helped me was to have someone check up on me from time to time.  I had a member here who checked in with me from time to time to ask, "Have you done it yet?"  It was kind of like nagging, but I knew it was meant kindly, and it did, in the end, help me to actually take that step.  It is easier to keep a committment if someone will hold you to it.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Offline Nuno Cardoso

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Re: I keep setting dates for me to come out but I always break it
« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2018, 03:54:12 am »
I also have the same problem. But I have sort of a solution to it. I just keep hinting stuff to my friends like "tgat guy looks cute", "i would like to wear that" , ect. And finally when a friend of mine that also helped a friend of hers when he came out as bi asked me what i was hinting at i told her my secret. Of course, this is only recommended if you have total trust in your friend. Just remember that you should have a psychologist in your school or near you who you can talk to to let your emotions out regularly, it will make it easier.

Offline jake3029

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Re: I keep setting dates for me to come out but I always break it
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2018, 09:35:15 pm »
Thank you all, I might try to hint it to people, I hope it gets me feeling more comfortable to come out as well.

Offline grrl1nside

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Re: I keep setting dates for me to come out but I always break it
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2018, 10:51:04 pm »
If you have someone you can trust and share with then tell them your goal. Make a plan of who or how you will come out to different people. I had a certain order that made sense to me with some people I could trust and were easy to talk to first. Others choose to do it in a mass way like Facebook. Set dates and write them down. For me, the key was to go back to that person I initially told and I shared my goal, timeline, and plan with them. Sharing made it harder to put it off. 

Ultimately, do what works for you. :)

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