Community Conversation > Male to female transsexual talk (MTF)

Some days transitioning seems such an immense undertaking (because it is!)

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ChrissyRyan:
A lot has changed for me this year.  I am slowly becoming the woman I know now that I should have been years ago.  My body has been transforming, and that is nice.

Rarely do things come by easy, transitioning is for sure one of those things.  There has been so much to learn.  Much comes from the desire to convincingly pass.  Maybe my looks would not be great ever, okay, but my voice is something I just do not want to be the cause of misgendering.

I think that the female voice is a threshhold to cross, so that it absolutely becomes automatic and geniunely female.  For me, practice has been ongoing.  I am at a point that I am honestly affirming that I certainly would feel uncomfortable (at first, at least) when talking with a woman that sounded like a man, so how in the world can I transition further for everyday living as a woman until that female voice has been mastered?  I would be uncomfortable and many others would be too that I would intract with if I did not have that female voice.

While there are things I can continue to do to transition, I just cannot see myself being full time unless this voice is convincingly female, not “femme male.”

So I keep practicing and learning about what to do to control my voice, including vocabulary, pitch, resonance, body language while talking, and more.  Maybe this will take a few more years!  So this takes me back to my earlier statement, rarely does anything come by easy.  I am up for the task though.

I wonder if I will end up feminizing my body really well over time but still not have this voice right.  No, I do not want to throw myself into the fire, I want to be ready.  So my timetable will not be quick.  I accept that.

I guess there is nothing wrong with that.  It is my choice.

Has anyone else here been really stymied by this voice changing hurdle?


Chrissy

Angela H:
Hi Crissy! I totally understand you when you say that you want your voice to sound totally female. My voice was, for me, the number one source of dysphoria before I started transitioning. I’ve been working on my voice for about seven and a half months and I’m still not completely satisfied with it

But! It didn’t slow down my transition at all because I never felt like I physically passed as well as I do with just my voice. I was getting consistently called ma’am on the phone at around three months in. It really helps if you get the right kind of program and exercise as much as you can. I also tried talking “like a girl” while still presenting as male which I’m sure helped a lot (worried about looking weird? I was, but then I realized I was just going to abandon my male identity anyways lol (also for the record no one even reacted, plenty of guys have girly voices I guess))

It’s impossible to impartially judge what your voice sounds like. I would ask someone you trust if they think your voice is good enough to pass instead of letting it hold you back. It never hurts to get a second opinion!


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ChrissyRyan:
Thanks Angela!   I appreciate your thoughtful reply.

So far I have asked two people whom I have opened myself up to about being mtf to give me their straight-up feedback.  I also judge people’s reactions when I do go out presenting as female or androgynously and try to talk with a female voice, to gauge their reactions.  I have had epic fails with crackling and way-off voices at times.  Perhaps the worst is behind me.   :)

I have a long way to go.  But that is okay.  There are a lot of other things too that I need to develop.  That does make life interesting, they are a set of challenges, that is for sure!

No, I do not have a need for near perfection on any of these things related to transitioning full-time, for a go or no go decision, but I had better be pretty convincing with the voice I think before living as a woman for the rest of my life. 

This is a life changing experience, that is for sure, and I think I am definitely a “work in progress.”   :)    That is to be expected though.

Chrissy

HappyMoni:
Chrissy,
   Without a doubt you have an asset that obviously stands out in your favor, your personality. You are very positive and kind from what I have seen and you make some very good threads.  I have worked on many things in the time I have been full time. I guess my look is decent and my mannerisms don't stand out. (People at work seeing me from a little distance have commented that there is no 'guy' there anymore.) I have softened my voice and I know it isn't very good. (I have to put my voice on devices as my students can not verbalize, and I cringe sometimes hearing myself.) I made the decision to move forward and it was correct. If I waited for my sound or look to be perfect, I would have missed out on two fantastic years of being myself. I think, it can be good to give ourselves permission to be a work in progress and be out there learning and living. Glad you see that. I will contact a therapist at some point. The voice does cause me stress. Right now my project is working on my facial skin improvements.
Moni

ChrissyRyan:
Moni,

Thank you for your nice reply.  I do wish you the best in regards to your facial skin improvements and your voice too. 

The comment from your co-workers seeing “no guy” in you sure has got to be uplifting!

Was it uncomfortable posing on the washer and dryer for your avatar picture?   :)

Chrissy

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