Author Topic: Better late than never, Jamie  (Read 7412 times)

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Offline Rae321

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Re: Better late than never, Jamie
« Reply #200 on: September 07, 2019, 02:05:07 am »
❤❤❤

Offline Dorit

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Re: Better late than never, Jamie
« Reply #201 on: September 07, 2019, 09:03:29 am »
Jamie, I think you have the right approach to FFS.  Not everyone needs massive intervention at $40,000 to have a feminine face.  From your avatar, you are already halfway there!   
I first told a psychiatrist that I wanted to be a girl 1967 after a psychotic breakdown
Began therapy again with gender specialist 50 years later in September 2017
Began HRT November 2017
Name change with Israel Ministry of Interior March 2018
FFS September 2018
GCS December 2018
Gender change with Israel Ministry of Interior January 2019
BA July 2020

Offline gracefulhat

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Re: Better late than never, Jamie
« Reply #202 on: September 09, 2019, 10:12:56 pm »
Thank you both 💛.
I racked my brain for days about how to pay for ffs and it about drove me bat sh## crai-crai. A friend then said something to me yesterday that helped calm me down, she said, what's the big hurry? Just do one thing on your face at a time, see how you feel, and then later do something else if needed. So... Since insurance will most likely pay for the nose I'll do that, and definitely not the tracheal shave, but that's all. Instead of an insurmountable debt, I should just owe 2-3k, and that's doable. I'm also wanting a vaginoplasty and possibly voice surgery, so I need to pace myself and chill out.
« Last Edit: September 10, 2019, 07:10:06 am by gracefulhat »
Above all, love

Offline Lexxi

  • MTF Trans Woman
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Re: Better late than never, Jamie
« Reply #203 on: September 09, 2019, 10:21:11 pm »
Hi Jamie,

That sounds like some very good advice your friend gave you. As with everything else in transitioning it's a marathon, not a sprint. You will definitely get there eventually!!

Plus you already look very feminine so you already have that going for you. Now that your testosterone makers are gone you won't have that playing havoc with your system any longer.

Good luck with whatever step you take next--be it the nose job or the tracheal shave--or both at the same time.  :)

xoxo
Lexxi
Finally started the process of becoming the real me! 5/20/19
Came out online 5/20/19
First time coming out face to face 6/3/19
First therapist appointment for HRT 6/3/19
Got my letter for HRT 6/10/19
Came out to my mom 6/18/19
Started HRT 7/12/19

Offline gracefulhat

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Re: Better late than never, Jamie
« Reply #204 on: May 24, 2020, 04:48:22 pm »
It's hard to believe that 10 months have flown by since posting here on Susan's and I have missed y'all. Susan's connected me with some of my closest friends in RL, closer than many I know through local group and Susan's was there for me in my darkest times. I am so thankful for this safe space and hope to be more active from here on out.
Quick update. The last time I posted was post orchiectomy and that's been a no complication success. Spironolactone is like a distant dream and just today my spouse and I walked 3 miles at the park which would have been impossible before. Tucking isn't even necessary now, panties are enough to hide it. I have noticed that my sexual drive is near non-existent. For me that isn't really a negative. I relate with others now like a child, without any sexual filter and that's refreshing. I do enjoy the feeling of being desired, such as by men, though men scare me and I keep my distance. In daily life, such as grocery shopping and getting gas, I pass. At work, not so much. I do not get sir'd or he'd often, but I'm sure most patients know I'm trans. My biggest clockers are my voice and height. It doesn't help having to wear hospital surgical dark blue scrubs.
So... I am still married. Our relationship is complicated and changes on a whim. Some days we can't stand the sight of each other, other days we are good friends. There has not been intimacy for two years. I've never experienced such physical deprivation, not specifically sexually, rather touch. Some days it feels unbearable, and I'm hoping it doesn't affect my long-term health. We are not in an open relationship, it's just not something we've come to terms with. I love her and want to stay married, yet a lifetime of this... is daunting. We may get divorced in the future, but for the time being we need each other.
In January I had a tracheal shave which was successful and helped relieve a significant amount of dysphoria. Before then it was hard for my to even speak with others face to face since there was this constant worry they could see an Adams Apple. My good friend Morgan and her mom took care of me and it is a wonderful memory.
Goals: There are multiple surgeries I'm eyeballing, though I do not currently have the means. There's brow bossing and nose feminization, voice, and vaginoplasty. The vaginoplasty is covered by insurance though I'll probably end up spending 8k. If I follow through with these it will likely be the final blows to this marriage and it's hard to not see myself as a selfish person. The guilt I endure for ending our intimacy is heavy. Though she now understands that it was necessary for me to transition, that doesn't help at the end of the day.
Life is better in many ways. I feel much more like me and people relate to me as I have always seen myself. It's easy to forget how miserable life was and to focus on the current, but I've really been blessed. Blessed to live in this country, blessed to have access to care, blessed to have a job, and yet I will keep pushing forward because I'm not there yet.
Above all, love

Offline Dorit

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Re: Better late than never, Jamie
« Reply #205 on: May 25, 2020, 12:35:03 am »
Jamie dear, so good to see you back on Susan's!  And I just adore your new avatar.  I think what happens is that as we progress in our transition and life as outwardly female the positive feeling grows and our old negativity, shame, and self hatred about who we are fades.  I feel like we are sisters on this journey together even though I am old enough to be your grandmother! ;)
I first told a psychiatrist that I wanted to be a girl 1967 after a psychotic breakdown
Began therapy again with gender specialist 50 years later in September 2017
Began HRT November 2017
Name change with Israel Ministry of Interior March 2018
FFS September 2018
GCS December 2018
Gender change with Israel Ministry of Interior January 2019
BA July 2020

Offline gracefulhat

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Re: Better late than never, Jamie
« Reply #206 on: May 25, 2020, 10:17:50 am »
Dorit you are my sister, one of the great friends I've met through Susan's 😘. You're words are encouraging, I do believe things will improve overtime. It's hard to see past the now atm.
Above all, love

Offline Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
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Re: Better late than never, Jamie
« Reply #207 on: May 25, 2020, 11:13:49 am »
@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
I am so very glad to see that after 10 months (wow... has it been that long?) that you have returned to the Forums to permit me and the rest of you followers to catch up on what has been going on with your life and your transition.

I agree with what
@Dorit mentioned regarding your profile avatar photo...  you indeed look terrific and it appears that your transition is progressing nicely.

It is so good to read that your surgery went well and you are enjoying the good results.   Also it is good to read that you are still married and trying to hang on to your marriage relationship.   I trust, hope, and pray that you and your spouse can keep it together.   Good things can take a lot of hard work to make them happen.

I have fond memories of our earlier communication back when first posted here on the Forums way back on May 28th, 2018 a little more than 2 years ago...
       https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,237997.msg2140559.html#msg2140559
 and I am so very happy to read that your journey is progressing nicely.

Again, thank you for posting....
HUGS   

Danielle




***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline gracefulhat

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Re: Better late than never, Jamie
« Reply #208 on: May 25, 2020, 11:25:55 am »
Omg Danielle! I had forgotten that originally my chosen name was Grace, you're so sweet to remember that post. Those earliest times were quite scandalous among my family, and I was sternly asked to change the name because of my niece named Grace, God forbid that connection. Those earliest videos were also seen by my mom and I was told to take it down asap. I could have chosen to keep them up, but rather I wanted to keep a relationship with my parents and siblings intact. That was rough because YouTube was my outlet. I knew no trans people in RL, had no one to talk to, and was absolutely lost.
Above all, love

Offline JanePlain

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Re: Better late than never, Jamie
« Reply #209 on: May 26, 2020, 01:09:06 am »
Just had an interesting date with my parents. My dad is big into guns, and I am not, but I have decided that if I want a relationship with him than I need to do what he enjoys. Since deciding to transition, we have not had a meaningful conversation. But after going target shooting with my parents today, we then went to Marks Feed Store where my dad sincerely asked about being transgender. They really wanted to understand this time, unlike before when I felt like he wanted to debate (which I refuse to debate about my gender). So I explained things to them that they had never heard and afterwards they both said that it really helps them to understand what being trans really is. It was a really beautiful moment, rare indeed.

Wow thats so great to hear. It sounds like your parents just needed some information to understand whats going on. I think there are people still thinkings this is a mental health illness or a freakish fetish and don't grasp that its a medical issue. I hope your wife comes around (I always hate hearing about this causing marriage problems) it can work!

Offline AllieSF

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Re: Better late than never, Jamie
« Reply #210 on: May 26, 2020, 06:20:47 pm »
I totally agree with Jane.  That is wonderful.  Go slow, let them ask and then you answer as best you can, always with the truth, and be consistent with whatever you tell them.  It is interesting how us older parents can remember some strange detail that may get altered for whatever reason the second time around!  LOL  That is me with my adult kids.

I love positive stories so keep them coming.

Allie
HRT - February 2017
Full Time - July 2018
Orchi - January 2018
BA - September 25, 2019
FFS - January 10, 2020
GRS - TBDDD (To Be Determined, Decision and Date)

Tags: trans mtf