Author Topic: What do I do?  (Read 559 times)

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Offline picardy

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What do I do?
« on: November 23, 2018, 01:49:44 pm »
So I am 15 yr old born female but, obviously, I don't like it. I never really have. I found out what being transgender was when I was 12/13, and I had just recently told my mother that id more rather a boy than a girl. She responded in such a weird way, just "oh, okay". this was about four months ago and even now she hasn't brought it back up with me but a few times and I'm confused if she actually supports me or not. She has made it very clear that I will not be able to get on HRT, which made my heart break, but she isn't mad at me, at least openly.

My mother is very religious and I'm not sure if her faith will get in the way, or has, with this. My father makes fun of homosexuals and vegans every time I visit him so I know he won't accept. I don't know how my stepfather is, I hardly know his opinions on thing. But I don't think he has that much authority over me. My brother would be okay with it but would probably weirded out. the only person I know who would support me is my grandmother.

So far I have only told my mother. She still calls me "girly" and "Miss [name]" She even threw out my binder, one I had bought without her knowing back in April. She hasn't said anything such as "you'll never be a boy honey what the <screw>" Thats why I'm still confused

What my main problem is, I have no idea if I should even transition. What if my extended family bullies me? My father. My younger sister. I don't know anyone such as a peer group since I'm homeschooled, so kids won't bully me. But I'm so conflicted if I should go through this long journey, stress my family, stress on myself, or keep it quiet.

Every day I experience dysphoria, usually in the morning when I change shirts. It's like a stab in my chest and the pain lingers for 10-15 minutes. But it's been happening for 5 years now and I could probably live with it. But idon't want to

I want male characteristic, I know that. I don't know if I want to do all of this though. I know I won't want bottom surgery, and top still scares me. HRT sounds great but it's so awkward to talk about. It's a lot of work and I don't know if it's worth it, with everything else that could happen.

this was more of a rant, sorry if it makes no sense



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Offline Grunt

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Re: What do I do?
« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2018, 01:56:33 pm »
Thing is, transitioning is for you, not others. Weigh the pros and cons, if people cut you out of their lives, will that be harder than if you had to lie to yourself and never be truly happy for the rest of your life?

I made it 28 years before having a breakdown and finally started transitioning, and now I'm off of antidepressants altogether. Your mom can be against HRT all she wants, you can do whatever you want once you move out. You just have to hold on for a few more years.

If it's allowed, therapy really does help, even just being able to talk through the pain. I wish you luck

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Offline KathyLauren

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Re: What do I do?
« Reply #2 on: November 23, 2018, 02:27:29 pm »
Hi, Picardy!

Welcome to Susan's Place.

Coming out to family (or anyone) is a bit of a crapshoot: you never really know how they are going to take it until you tell them.  As a minor, you do need your parents' permission to begin any medical treatment, including HRT.  That is unfortunate, but it is the reality. 

I would suggest talking more to your mother about what you are feeling.  It doesn't sound like you have given her much to react to yet.

Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Things that you should read


2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2019-10-18 Phone consultation for GRS; 2020-03-11 GRS!; 2020-09-30 New birth certificate




Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: What do I do?
« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2018, 02:52:47 pm »
@picardy 
Dear Picardy:
    I am very happy to notice that you decided to join the Susan's Place site.

    I see that our lovely member  @KathyLauren   has already welcomed you to Susan's Place.     

    Thank you for telling us a little about yourself... and as you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to any of your specific questions and concerns..

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
 
    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that  KathyLauren  included in her welcome message.  You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
    Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: What do I do?
« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2018, 03:06:54 pm »
@picardy
Oh, and another thing Picardy,
Since you are one of our younger members here, will you please make certain that you find your way
to the Youth Introductions Forum  to let more members be aware of your arrival to the Susan's Place Forums. 
You will then have more interaction with other younger like-minded members as you both find each other.

Also,  you may not have noticed but we have moved your thread
to the  YOUTH TALK Forum where you will find many various and pertinent posts and threads that may be more interesting to you for your situation.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place
Best wishes to you and enjoy your time here.
Danielle


NOTE:  Now that all of this Official Greeting business is done, I will let you have your thread back.

***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Ryuichi13

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Re: What do I do?
« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2018, 04:46:29 pm »
First and foremost, make sure you are safe!  Your physical safety is the most important thing!

If you doing anything to transition, even if its something as simple as cutting your hair or wearing male clothes means that you won't be, then I'd recommend you don't do so until you can move out on your own.  Yes, I know its rough, but it'll happen soon enough. 

If you can, get another binder for  yourself.  It sounds like you want to wear one, so as long as you do bind, do so safely!  There are threads on this forum that explains how.  Chest dysphoria is very common, so you're not alone.  I'd recommend hiding the binder from your mother, especially since she threw out your last one.

Thrift stores are your friend!  In order to find out what male size you are, if you can get to a thrift store, go look through the men's/boys clothes and find clothes that you like, and that fit you the way you want them to fit.  Never mind your hips and chest, there are many tricks to hiding both if that's what you want.  If you have the money, buy them and wear them.  That might help your family get used to the idea...maybe.  I wore jeans and t-shirts for most of my life, so my family was used to me continuing to do so when I transitioned.

If your hair's long, you can either get it cut short, have ti cut into a more masculine style or wear it in a man-style bun.  Google "samurai man bun," there are many styles that come up.

If you can, see if your family will let you get into therapy.  Even if its not specifically a gender therapist, it really helps to have someone to vent to about your problems.  If you can't, talk to your grandmother or someone else you trust about how you feel, or write it down in a journal and hide it from everyone.  It always feels better to let out your feelings, even if its only on paper.

I'm going to be honest.  You have a hard road to travel should you decide to transition. 

Sometimes, people expect a certain thing from you, and when you don't live up to it, they turn away.  Family included.  But it is your life.  You are the one that has to live with yourself and your decisions. 

But remember, this forum is here for you, just like others were here for us when we needed to vent, ask questions or simply be acknowledged. 

And no, you don't need to have any kind of surgery to be transgender.  Nor do you need to be on HRT.  Its usually accepted that "anyone that questions their gender they were assigned at birth falls under the transgender umbrella." 

Good luck little brother.

Ryuichi
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss




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