Author Topic: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?  (Read 4857 times)

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Offline sarahc

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #20 on: December 08, 2018, 04:10:33 pm »
Yes - my mom said it was weird.

The thing is....I don't know what it's like NOT to be transgender. Not wanting to be a woman is what seems weird to me!
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline sarahc

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #21 on: December 08, 2018, 04:18:26 pm »
I have to admit that I disklike it more when someone under the lgbtq++ umbrella is being unwelcoming and disparaging to trans-people solely for being trans, than when straight people do that, although both situations are not good at all.  Both situations are disappointing.

It just seems like those in the lgbtq++ umbrella, regardless what category, likely have been ostracized as a group or even personally and they should be empathetic and welcoming of trans-people.  Apparently even some trans-people are not respectful of some other trans-people because of some type of trans-related difference.  That seems very odd. 

Her “transgender flavor” is strawberry, his is chocolate, yours is vanilla.  So what?  We all struggle, we are all people with feelings.  We want acceptance and support.  Kindness goes a long way.   :)

Chrissy
@ChrissyRyan

I sometimes question the sincerity of the cis LGB community at large in embracing transgender folks as part of the larger community. Even though LGB leaders have embraced the transgender community, I think deep down a lot of LGB people do NOT view transgender people as equals and allies. That's particularly true now that the LGB community has solidified their rights and their standing in society over the last decade. A lot of them are like...we don't have a dog in the transgender fight, and some LGB folks are just as disdainful of the transgender community as straight folks.

My assumption with LGB folks is...don't assume they're going to be supportive.
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline dee82

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #22 on: December 08, 2018, 04:32:58 pm »
I am liked and respected at work but people are talking. I must make a statement at the next engineers meeting. I feel steadfast even though this will result in some harm and some good.

Kirsten, hope that meeting does well for you. I don't know if you are comfortable talking in meetings usually, but this will be extra challenging.

Good Luck!

~Dee.

Offline Kayden

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #23 on: December 08, 2018, 04:35:43 pm »
I have recently fallen in love all over again with Kesha’s album Rainbow. She may not be everyone’s cup of tea but the lyrics in her song “Bastards” really kind of speak to me on a new level through my beginning transition process....


Been underestimated my entire life
I know people gonna talk <poo>,
and darling, that's fine
But they won't break my spirit,
I won't let 'em win
I'll just keep on living, keep on living, oh
The way I wanna live

Don't let the bastards get you down, oh no
Don't let the <jerks> wear you out
Don't let the mean girls take the crown
Don't let the scumbags screw you 'round
Don't let the bastards take you down


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Offline dee82

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #24 on: December 08, 2018, 04:41:05 pm »
My assumption with LGB folks is...don't assume they're going to be supportive.

My gay male friends are supportive, but I am often left scratching my head at the things they say things about women. Sometimes I am left feeling uneasy about their attitudes to women in general, and well, when it comes to trans women, to be honest I have found their love drag queens a challenge.

I dunno what my point is sarah, but sometimes the LGBT alliance feels like a strange mix.

~Dee.

Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #25 on: December 08, 2018, 04:42:19 pm »
Kirsten, hope that meeting does well for you. I don't know if you are comfortable talking in meetings usually, but this will be extra challenging.

Good Luck!

~Dee.
Thank you Dee. I plan on making it short & sweet & to the point. The chips will fall where they may.

 Kirsten.

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As a child prayed to be a girl- now the prayer is being answered - 40 years later !

Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #26 on: December 08, 2018, 04:42:49 pm »
I have recently fallen in love all over again with Kesha’s album Rainbow. She may not be everyone’s cup of tea but the lyrics in her song “Bastards” really kind of speak to me on a new level through my beginning transition process....


Been underestimated my entire life
I know people gonna talk <poo>,
and darling, that's fine
But they won't break my spirit,
I won't let 'em win
I'll just keep on living, keep on living, oh
The way I wanna live

Don't let the bastards get you down, oh no
Don't let the <jerks> wear you out
Don't let the mean girls take the crown
Don't let the scumbags screw you 'round
Don't let the bastards take you down


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Love it!

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

As a child prayed to be a girl- now the prayer is being answered - 40 years later !

GingerVicki

Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #27 on: December 08, 2018, 04:57:17 pm »
I have recently fallen in love all over again with Kesha’s album Rainbow. She may not be everyone’s cup of tea but the lyrics in her song “Bastards” really kind of speak to me on a new level through my beginning transition process....


Been underestimated my entire life
I know people gonna talk <poo>,
and darling, that's fine
But they won't break my spirit,
I won't let 'em win
I'll just keep on living, keep on living, oh
The way I wanna live

Don't let the bastards get you down, oh no
Don't let the <jerks> wear you out
Don't let the mean girls take the crown
Don't let the scumbags screw you 'round
Don't let the bastards take you down

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So true

Offline Lisa89125

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #28 on: December 08, 2018, 05:27:40 pm »
I have recently fallen in love all over again with Kesha’s album Rainbow. She may not be everyone’s cup of tea but the lyrics in her song “Bastards” really kind of speak to me on a new level through my beginning transition process....


Been underestimated my entire life
I know people gonna talk <poo>,
and darling, that's fine
But they won't break my spirit,
I won't let 'em win
I'll just keep on living, keep on living, oh
The way I wanna live

Don't let the bastards get you down, oh no
Don't let the <jerks> wear you out
Don't let the mean girls take the crown
Don't let the scumbags screw you 'round
Don't let the bastards take you down


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Love it!

Lisa
"My inner self knows better than my outer self my true gender"

Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #29 on: December 08, 2018, 06:13:21 pm »


What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
No, not just for some but for everyone. 

- Hal David, lyrics.
- Burt Bacharach, music.

Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Linde

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #30 on: December 08, 2018, 07:13:00 pm »
Yes - my mom said it was weird.

The thing is....I don't know what it's like NOT to be transgender. Not wanting to be a woman is what seems weird to me!
And that is what I envy you about!  This knowledge who you were and were supposed to be!
I, in turn had no gender identity, and was basically drifting through life, trying to be a man and filed at it.
Now, my body decided to become a woman, and I am excited to hopefully find a gender home.

I don't care what anybody says, I want to be a woman!


Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #31 on: December 08, 2018, 07:53:36 pm »
And that is what I envy you about!  This knowledge who you were and were supposed to be!
I, in turn had no gender identity, and was basically drifting through life, trying to be a man and filed at it.
Now, my body decided to become a woman, and I am excited to hopefully find a gender home.

I don't care what anybody says, I want to be a woman!
Love your story. I love hearing about your gender journey.

 I wish I had xx chromosomes built in like you do- Then I could have some validation for my gender misalignment.

 You are so lucky Dietlind -you have the option to just be a woman!

 Kind regards, Kirsten.

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« Last Edit: December 09, 2018, 01:35:15 am by Kirsteneklund7 »
As a child prayed to be a girl- now the prayer is being answered - 40 years later !

Offline Linde

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #32 on: December 08, 2018, 08:55:27 pm »
Love your story. I love hearing about your gender journey.

 I wish I had xx chromosomes built in like you do- Then I could have some validation for my gender mialignment.

 You are so lucky Dietlind -you have the option to just be a woman!

 Kind regards, Kirsten.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Thank you!  But those darn XX did not make it easy for me in my younger years.  I was supposed to be a guy, and by god, I tried hard to be one, but I never really reached the goal!
Now is payback time!  yes, it is way easier for me to become a girl than it is for you ladies.  Even my voice is ok high enough, I just have to unlearn the male speech pattern.  Once that is done (it is a learned behavior), my only really remaining male identifiers is my little bit of  plumbing that is left, and my thinly growing beard (that is treated with laser).  The face you see in my avatar is my real face without any surgery done to it, and prior to any HRT  (I just Photo-shopped a few wrinkles away)


Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #33 on: December 09, 2018, 08:23:24 am »
Even though LGB leaders have embraced the transgender community, I think deep down a lot of LGB people do NOT view transgender people as equals and allies. That's particularly true now that the LGB community has solidified their rights and their standing in society over the last decade. A lot of them are like...we don't have a dog in the transgender fight, and some LGB folks are just as disdainful of the transgender community as straight folks.

What makes it even sadder, as well as just annoying, is that they don't know their own history.  If it wasn't for trans folks, Stonewall would have been just another police raid. 
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2019-10-18 Phone consultation for GRS; 2020-03-11 GRS!; 2020-09-30 New birth certificate




Online Devlyn

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #34 on: December 09, 2018, 08:47:02 am »
Let's not paint it as a one-way street, mention male on male sex around here and see how long it takes
someone to say "eewww"

The disdain flows both ways.
Veteran, US Army

Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #35 on: December 09, 2018, 10:10:34 am »
Let's not paint it as a one-way street, mention male on male sex around here and see how long it takes
someone to say "eewww"

The disdain flows both ways.


I say be considerate and loving of all, regardless of their sexual identify or gender identity, even if their “identity combination” is something that does not appeal to you.   :)


What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
No, not just for some but for everyone. 

- Hal David, lyrics.
- Burt Bacharach, music.



Chrissy

Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Lynne

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #36 on: December 09, 2018, 10:49:11 am »
Hmm, let's see, our own public health system thinks we are mentally ill, as we still need to have a diagnosis with the F64.00 code to be able to change our names and gender. So in essence we get a paper which states that we are so mentally ill, they cannot treat us, so in the end we get to change our names and gender marker instead.

Other than that I see that a lot of people cannot separate gender, sexual orientation and presentation so I heard a lot of comments like "Why would you want to become a woman if you are interested in women?". I got a similar comment from my parents as well. They asked me what kind of relationship would that be if I become a woman and I stay with my girlfirend? Like they haven't seen lesbians before...
« Last Edit: December 09, 2018, 05:39:42 pm by Lynne »

Offline Kayden

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #37 on: December 09, 2018, 10:58:30 am »

Other than that I see that a lot of people cannot separate gender, sexual orientation and presentation so I heard a lot of comments like "Why would you want to become a women if you are interested in women?". I got a similar comment from my parents as well. They asked me what kind of relationship would that be if I become a woman and I stay with my girlfirend? Like they haven't seen lesbians before...

I get this a lot. I know my parents will definitely think like this. My fiancé asked if I was going gay on her. I wanted to be sarcastic but chose to just educate her a little more. It seems like a lot of people just don’t have the general education in gender studies.



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Offline sarahc

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #38 on: December 09, 2018, 02:30:39 pm »
Thank you!  But those darn XX did not make it easy for me in my younger years.  I was supposed to be a guy, and by god, I tried hard to be one, but I never really reached the goal!
Now is payback time!  yes, it is way easier for me to become a girl than it is for you ladies.  Even my voice is ok high enough, I just have to unlearn the male speech pattern.  Once that is done (it is a learned behavior), my only really remaining male identifiers is my little bit of  plumbing that is left, and my thinly growing beard (that is treated with laser).  The face you see in my avatar is my real face without any surgery done to it, and prior to any HRT  (I just Photo-shopped a few wrinkles away)

I dunno...it's been pretty hard to know what path you want to follow and for decades not being able to follow that path because you know that you will lose family relationships, your friendships and your professional career. The reality is that I had a successful life faking it as a guy. That success meant there was a lot more to lose.

I'm now at a point in my life where there is a lot less to lose, although I'm still going to lose most of my friendships and family relationships. But I've gotten to a point in my life where I'm willing to accept that.
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Linde

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Re: Has anyone flat out told you that you are weird for being mtf?
« Reply #39 on: December 09, 2018, 09:12:25 pm »
I dunno...it's been pretty hard to know what path you want to follow and for decades not being able to follow that path because you know that you will lose family relationships, your friendships and your professional career. The reality is that I had a successful life faking it as a guy. That success meant there was a lot more to lose.

I'm now at a point in my life where there is a lot less to lose, although I'm still going to lose most of my friendships and family relationships. But I've gotten to a point in my life where I'm willing to accept that.
I came out to almost everyone I know earlier this year (including my son, my ex, and hr sisters, my nephews and nices, we all have still a close relationship), and amazingly nobody except of one female friend, showed any negative reactions.  Our relationships have not changed at all.  Te one negative reaction from a female friend was, was as if she feels I got a real bad illness, and just need the right medication to become again the manly man she knows!

I thought I would have a much harder time with me coming out.


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