Topic: Don't think I'm as trans as I used to think

[amandam]

Feeling like I don't want to have to crossdress to feel femme. I don't want to have to put on "all the stuff". But, I do want a more female body. If I could have a slim, trim body, slightly wide hips, slightly protruding breasts, no body hair. Remove my beard. No hint of masculine musculature or male fat distribution. I think I'd be happy. I could be femme or toss on jeans and a t-shirt if I needed to be in guy mode.

I think that puts me on the spectrum closer to TS than CDer. Yes, I am not a CDer. I am not a man who likes to dress up once in awhile. There is an inner expression of female that comes to the forefront. Once I dress up, and I can reflect, she feels good. She is relaxed. She feels natural. She fits in like he never has. At those moments, he feels false and contrived, a persona built up to protect myself in this world. The trick is, to move more femme without freaking out over it.

[LizK]

Feeling like I don't want to have to crossdress to feel femme. I don't want to have to put on "all the stuff". But, I do want a more female body. If I could have a slim, trim body, slightly wide hips, slightly protruding breasts, no body hair. Remove my beard. No hint of masculine musculature or male fat distribution. I think I'd be happy. I could be femme or toss on jeans and a t-shirt if I needed to be in guy mode.

I think that puts me on the spectrum closer to TS than CDer. Yes, I am not a CDer. I am not a man who likes to dress up once in awhile. There is an inner expression of female that comes to the forefront. Once I dress up, and I can reflect, she feels good. She is relaxed. She feels natural. She fits in like he never has. At those moments, he feels false and contrived, a persona built up to protect myself in this world. The trick is, to move more femme without freaking out over it.

I just read through this thread and can see you are making progress. You can have what you want, you don't have to dress in any particular way...just for yourself. You can have the body you want... going by what you just said I agree with you and don't think you are a cd'er...its not about the "clothes" for you. Finding out where you are most comfortable is a big part of the battle and from there the only question that remains is "what do you want to do about it"

I too hope you can move to a more femme you with out freaking out!!

Liz

[Maid Marion]

I consider myself trans because I am basically happy with a very female looking body.   Small but obvious bust, matching hips and a small waist.  I accept the muscles as I need them to maintain my flower garden, which brings pleasure to the entire neighborhood.  The cherry tree has had flowers for the past few weeks.  Next in line is wisteria, which is covered with buds.  And then the white and purple lilacs.  And so on, until hard frosts in November.

[amandam]

Well, I emailed my doctor. Told her I have made a lot of progress mentally. Told her I think I can reduce my Prozac but wanted to check with her. I also told her I was thinking about low dose hrt on informed consent with the Center in San Diego, if Kaiser doesn't do that. I said why not if it lifts my depression and anxiety. I asked her for her thoughts.

[amandam]

The doc said she can refer me to endocrinology. I guess that means I can get a prescription? She gave me a prescription for a sleeping pill. we'll see how it goes. I will go on hrt if I have to, but I want to take a conservative approach.

[Chauntal571]

I know this is a very old post. You said something about Prozac. Just remember that being on Anxiety/ Depression medications can reduce disphoria, by making it easier to suppress these feelings. I was almost ready to come out to my parents 10 years ago and accept myself as transgender. Then I ended up in a psychiatric ward for 11 days, and ended up on really strong anxiety medication, and even atypical antipsychotics. I was never psychotic, just an extreme anxious mess. These anxiety medications actually made it harder for me to actually accept, and face my problems. I do think I needed to take them, however just remember you can suppress these transgender feelings for a very long time. It really would have been better for me to accept all this 10 years earlier.