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Is honesty the best policy?

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Anne T:

--- Quote from: KathyLauren on December 29, 2018, 07:19:11 am ---Definitely do not tell the church people about your spouse unless he asks you to.  There is no reason that he needs to tell them before he is ready.

Honesty means no lies (except when necessary for safety); it doesn't mean full disclosure.

--- End quote ---

My spouse has given me permission but says it's very unlikely they would attend there with me. Which made me sad. 

Currently I have no plans to tell anyone without my SO's permission. We have talked about it and agree to keep it between ourselves.

I like how you put it : Honesty means no lies (except when necessary for safety); it doesn't mean full disclosure.

Thanks for the advice

Moonflower:


--- Quote from: Anne T on December 29, 2018, 02:10:15 am ---Hi all,
I hope this is the right place for my question. I'm very new here. My spouse recently told me that he's transitioning. It's all very new. I go to a Pentecostal conservative church where I teach a bible study. Because I've been place into a leadership position which brings a certain amount of trust in me on my pastors part. Do I need to tell them about this life event? We would really like to keep this within the bounds of our marriage. And yes, there are two affirming churches near by yet I have roots in this church.

Anne T

--- End quote ---

--- Quote from: Anne T on December 29, 2018, 12:41:41 pm ---My spouse has given me permission but says it's very unlikely they would attend there with me. Which made me sad. 

Currently I have no plans to tell anyone without my SO's permission. We have talked about it and agree to keep it between ourselves.

I like how you put it : Honesty means no lies (except when necessary for safety); it doesn't mean full disclosure.

Thanks for the advice

--- End quote ---
Wow! What a challenge! What an uncomfortable position for you, Anne, to be in such a trusted position of authority in a Pentecostal conservative church, and the loving wife of a trans person. You might find this video inspiring    It's about a conservative Baptist minister learning about trans people.

As Kiera wrote, your own "coming out" in your church community could be an incredible journey,  but don't rush it. Make sure that you are feeling strong enough to handle any consequences. Make sure that you have realistic, positive expectations. Think about how you'd like them to respond, and what you can do to increase the chances of such responses. But for now, I recommend easy baby steps. You're in a whirlwind.

Anne T:

--- Quote ---
--- End quote ---

--- Quote from: Moonflower on December 29, 2018, 07:43:46 pm ---Wow! What a challenge! What an uncomfortable position for you, Anne, to be in such a trusted position of authority in a Pentecostal conservative church, and the loving wife of a trans person. You might find this video inspiring    It's about a conservative Baptist minister learning about trans people.
--- End quote ---

Wow. What a powerful video! That's exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you for sharing that with me. 

And as Kiera suggested I will take baby steps. I'm feeling a little more at peace about it all and hopeful.

Moonflower:
Anne, I'm glad that you found it so helpful. The world is full of inspiring people. May you see how inspiring you are.

Linde:
Anne, it so depends on the individual people in the church, and probably also on the denomination of it.  My niece is a Methodist Pastor, and one of my strongest supporters.  She used my case for a ceremony on a Sunday, to tech understanding and tolerance to her parish, and to tell them that all of us the children of God, and that he loves all of us.

You might be lucky, and have an understanding pastor as my niece is one, one never knows?

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