Author Topic: Uncertainty and self confrontation  (Read 259 times)

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Offline AshGrey12

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Uncertainty and self confrontation
« on: January 02, 2019, 12:57:14 am »
Hi, my name is Ash and I'm 17. I'm biologically male, but am contemplating transition. I've had this in mind for a while, but have filled myself with doubts. I like to think that I'm well informed, and truly try to be, but don't have any solid knowledgeable source to speak and relate to. I sought out this forum to aid with that.
For years I've questioned my gender and sexuality as any young individual does. I came out to my mother as questionably trans about three years ago and my doctor a year after, but have yet to begin any type of therapy or medication due to my own choosing. I could go on to give my whole life story, but am unsure I'll even get a reply, and certain that over sharing is done plenty already, but to make sure any possible reader or kind soul that stumbles upon this has some ground I'm happily going to share some basics and why I'm confused.

I always loved "feminine" colors as a child. I always wore my mother and grandmothers makeup and clothes. I happily played with dolls and such, along side nerf guns and Pokémon cards. I occasionally experience the sensation of phantom breasts and would much prefer a feminine body structure, yet wish to remain competitively athletic. I don't have a preference with pronouns, and percieve myself through a very androgynous lens. Yet I wish I were more feminine bodily, would see myself as both a mother and a father, but somehow still idealize the idea of being a son or uncle. I guess it's the idea of the  "honor" aspect that chokes me up there... I'm just very confused with my own mind and would love any input possible.

Offline Devlyn

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Re: Uncertainty and self confrontation
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2019, 02:04:22 am »
Hi Ash, welcome to Susan's Place! Not trying to sound condescending, but I thought I was pretty well informed at 17....27...37...47...and now at 57 I know I'll never stop learning.  :)

Around this site, the conventional wisdom is that cisgender people don't question their gender all the time. Sexuality, yes, bit their gender, no. At first blush, you sound genderfluid/bi-gender/2 spirited, just like me. Take your time, figure yourself out, and take your place on the gender/sexuality spectrum, wherever you land on it. Google the genderbread person if you haven't already seen it.

Good luck, and see you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Offline IzzyM

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Re: Uncertainty and self confrontation
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2019, 03:14:35 am »
Hi Ash,

One of the things I do envy about younger people today is the access you have to information which I didn't have in the early eighties. But it might be worth talking to someone who specialises in gender therapy to help your self discovery.

Izzy
It isn't hard at all to make a wish. The difficultly lies in how to make what you wish for a reality

Offline Allison S

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Re: Uncertainty and self confrontation
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2019, 03:36:20 am »
Being trans isn't an easy thing to know or really understand what it means. If I knew at 19 what I did at 27 when I started transitioning, things might be so different. I probably would have gotten away with a lot more and gotten myself in trouble... Who knows.
It sounds like you're discovering yourself and what you want for your body. That's nomal so keep doing what you're doing and hopefully you'll get to where you want.

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk


Online KathyLauren

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Re: Uncertainty and self confrontation
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2019, 07:37:50 am »
Hi, Ash!

Welcome to Susan's Place.

Some confusion and doubts are normal, especially when just starting out as you are.

I guess it's the idea of the  "honor" aspect that chokes me up there.

I am not sure what this means.  Perhaps you could tell us more about what kind of doubts you are having.

The best way to start transition is to talk to a gender therapist.  They can help you decide who you are and what you want, and then how to get there.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Things that you should read


2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS

Offline AshGrey12

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Re: Uncertainty and self confrontation
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2019, 12:06:38 pm »
Thank all of you so much. It's nice knowing that there are people out there that can relate, and or that are simply comfortable sharing the knowledge they have ☺.

Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Uncertainty and self confrontation
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2019, 02:36:56 pm »
Hi, my name is Ash and I'm 17. I'm biologically male, but am contemplating transition. I've had this in mind for a while, but have filled myself with doubts. I like to think that I'm well informed, and truly try to be, but don't have any solid knowledgeable source to speak and relate to. I sought out this forum to aid with that.
For years I've questioned my gender and sexuality as any young individual does. I came out to my mother as questionably trans about three years ago and my doctor a year after, but have yet to begin any type of therapy or medication due to my own choosing. I could go on to give my whole life story, but am unsure I'll even get a reply, and certain that over sharing is done plenty already, but to make sure any possible reader or kind soul that stumbles upon this has some ground I'm happily going to share some basics and why I'm confused.

I always loved "feminine" colors as a child. I always wore my mother and grandmothers makeup and clothes. I happily played with dolls and such, along side nerf guns and Pokémon cards. I occasionally experience the sensation of phantom breasts and would much prefer a feminine body structure, yet wish to remain competitively athletic. I don't have a preference with pronouns, and percieve myself through a very androgynous lens. Yet I wish I were more feminine bodily, would see myself as both a mother and a father, but somehow still idealize the idea of being a son or uncle. I guess it's the idea of the  "honor" aspect that chokes me up there... I'm just very confused with my own mind and would love any input possible.

@AshGrey12
Dear Ash:
    I am happy to see that you signed up as a member of Susan's Place and that you have now posted in the Forums. 

    As you post here you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you mentioned in your Introduction.
 
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
 
    I see that our lovely member  @KathyLauren  has already Officially Welcomed you,
but please allow me to also warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that  KathyLauren included below her Welcome Message to you.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Uncertainty and self confrontation
« Reply #7 on: January 02, 2019, 02:47:29 pm »
@AshGrey12
Oh, and another thing Ash...
You were given a LINK to the Introductions Forum by @KathyLauren in her welcome message to you.
Please plan to find your way there soon so that other members will be aware of your arrival.
    Introductions Forum

Since you are one of our younger members you can also go to
a more youth-oriented   Youth Introductions Forum...

You will also find an entire  Youth Talk Forum  section that with have other younger members there that can share possibly more relevant information with you.
   
Thank you again for joining Susan's Place and being involved in the Forums here.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle

Offline Beverly Anne

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Re: Uncertainty and self confrontation
« Reply #8 on: January 02, 2019, 02:54:29 pm »
Hi Ash! When I was your age, I was lettering in sports and getting beat up for looking like a girl, even though I wasn't trying. It's just how I was made. I did all sorts of things to try to "cure" myself of my female gender identity and bi-sexuality. It just made things worse, and I lived a long miserable life for many years pretending to be something I knew I was not. You're doing the right thing. The earlier the better. I echo what others have said about seeking a therapist who specializes in gender and sexuality issues. I did, and it helped me find myself and the courage to live authentically and be happy. I felt your pain. Know that you can work though this. You are not alone. Best wishes! Beverly
Be authentic and live life unafraid!