Author Topic: Respecting transsexual people  (Read 1079 times)

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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Respecting transsexual people
« on: January 08, 2019, 06:13:58 pm »
I wish that more people in society would respect transsexual people for who they are instead of disrespecting many of them solely because they are transgender or transsexual.  I find it hard to understand why yesterday someone respects a person then today, after finding out that person is a transsexual, that this person is often disrespected, shutout, avoided, put down, and even despised.

That is just wrong.  We are just ourselves. 

Many of us are very kind and decent people, likely mirroring society in terms of percentage of good and bad folks.  We are not bad because we are transsexuals. 

Always be kind and loving.  We should show respect ourselves.     :)

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2019, 06:45:01 pm »
I wish that more people in society would respect transsexual people for who they are instead of disrespecting many of them solely because they are transgender or transsexual.  I find it hard to understand why yesterday someone respects a person then today, after finding out that person is a transsexual, that this person is often disrespected, shutout, avoided, put down, and even despised.

That is just wrong.  We are just ourselves. 

Many of us are very kind and decent people, likely mirroring society in terms of percentage of good and bad folks.  We are not bad because we are transsexuals. 

Always be kind and loving.  We should show respect ourselves.
     :)

Chrissy

@ChrissyRyan
People are people, there are those that don't respect many others whether they are straight or gay or transsexual, etc....  there are just some folks that do not show respect.

As Transsexual or Transgender people we need to act and dress respectfully and responsibly if we expect to be treated with respect.   When I relocated to my small conservative town as a full-time woman, I worked hard to earn respect and trust.  I did not shove my transgender status in anyone's face and tried to fit into the community as a contributing member and developed friendships and even a few suitors.  Flying under the radar seemed to be the correct approach for my situation. 

I built my small business by being helpful to my clients and making certain that they knew that they were dealing with someone that took serious responsibility for my decisions and suggestions that could affect them financially.

After living here as a woman for 1½ years I was unexpectedly outed by a friend and I happily found overwhelming acceptance and respect mainly because I first developed positive community, business and personal relationships.
Now after more than 2 years I am well entrenched in my town....  when I hear the stories of others issues and problems I consider myself very fortunate.

Like you stated, Chrissy, "We should show respect ourselves."  .... in other words if we want respect we need to respect others.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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Offline KateR

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Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2019, 09:38:42 pm »
A couple of years ago I was traveling for IBM through Dallas.  It was right after the Ferguson MO shooting and the start of the Black Lives Matter movement.

The bartender and I started talking.  He shared he feared for his teen son.  He’s black.

I’m white, but could easily empathize with him, and commented ‘Black lives matter, White lives matter, Blue lives matter, Red lives, Yellow lives, Green lives (including aliens from Mars), all lives matter!  That’s what we have to get to!’

Today, if presented with the same conversation, I would add to my statement ‘LGBQT lives matter’ before the ‘ALL LIVES MATTER.’



Today, I was thinking about the abuse I took in high school because ‘I’m different!’  I never fit the stereotypes of being a male Roman Catholic.  I still feel pain in those memories.  YET...  I’m optimistic.



I think of the people in my Catholic church community today.  Most couldn’t care less that I present more and more as gender neutral / female.  The longer hair, pierced ears, and some jewelry don’t change what I’ve contributed, and contribute, to the community.  A few know I’m trans. The other handful that do seem to have an issue with me, had an issue with me before I started my transition.  I ignore, and don’t engage with, them.


WE SCARE PEOPLE!  We scare them because we force them to confront their Judeo / Christian upbringing of the world being ‘Black & White’ or ‘Male & Female.’  We painfully know it’s NOT Black & White or Male & Female.  By being who we are we force them to question what they were taught by parents who were taught by their parents, etc. Additionally, people like Black & White, or Male & Female because ‘Two (2) Categories Simplify Things!’  A lot of people can’t cope with more than an either / or situation.  Their brains are medically too small.  (Yeah that’s a dig.)


I served this country as a male.  I have an much older friend who also served.  He’s observing me change.  He truly fears for my soul because, in his world, there is only Male & Female.  He truly believes God & Jesus are not going to be happy with me.

I gently try to explain that gender presentation is a human social construct.  My belief is that God is neither Male nor Female.  I remember scripture where Jesus says (paraphrasing) that ‘man & woman don’t marry in heaven as they do on earth.’  Whether I present as Male or Female doesn’t change the contribution I try to make to the greater human good.  I believe I’ll be judged on my contributions and not the fact that I had (will have) my penis inverted into a vagina.


I think we’re in the world Jackie Robinson was in when he played Major League Baseball.  He was abused, belittled, and ridiculed.  Yet he could understand people were responding out of ignorance.  They were responding based on what they were taught.  It was terribly hard, but he persevered and didn’t let it get to him.  And now on a late spring day, all baseball honors him.


Final comment:  When your in doubt, feeling beat down, not understanding; take a couple of minutes to listen to this song from the show ‘South Pacific’ titled ‘You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught’



This is what we’re working through.


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Kate

Offline KimOct

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Re: Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2019, 12:02:51 am »
I understand that many or most transpeople prefer to live as stealth if they have the ability to do so.  Of course everyone has the right to make their personal choice.  In full disclosure that was certainly my plan prior to transition.  I met with a surgeon to discuss a full FFS surgery.

To keep this brief it didn't work out that way - so I decided to transition anyway.  What was the point of taking my secret to the grave and not living as the real me.

The reason I bring this up in relation to Chrissy's topic is that I think many people are scared, or bigoted against what they do not know.  That is the silver lining to me regarding living as openly transgender.  I am in a very public facing job and interact with hundreds of people up close and personal.  Many are long time acquaintances - almost all had never met a transwoman.  90% are men.  I would say 98% of them are approving.  It took a little adjustment for them and I was the source of a lot of "did you hear about Mike"  my former name ( not embarrassed by that - I am trans ) but now for almost all it is no big deal.

Was it hard? Damn right it was.  But that's the point if we stay in the shadows the world does not get to know us and does not find out that we are not that much different.  People quickly realize that I am a relatively intelligent - social-able person just like I was before - Just now I am more honest about who I really am.

I think as more and more people are openly trans either by choice or necessity then society will continue to evolve.
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Offline josie76

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Re: Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #4 on: January 09, 2019, 04:12:43 am »
We live in a culture built on old ideas based in misogyny. For us MTF we mostly all experienced the fear of showing our true selves since a young age. That is because in this culture, being feminine / female is seen as less than male / masculine. Guys grow into their sexual age with the concepts of girls as things that their instincts make them want to do thing to, not that girls are people to live life with. Some grow up and out of this stage but the majority do not. They do not because culture has not forced them to grow out of that stage of thinking. The stereotypical idea of a bunch of guys sitting around and their entire conversation revolving about a competition of imaginary sexual encounters is very real in our culture still.
We fear coming out because we are looked down upon by males. We become something to be scorned for "choosing" to not be male even though we never were.

My experience is most men are made somewhat uncomfortable by me once they figure out I'm a transsexual. Most women are pretty open and accepting however. Sometimes women are unsure what to think as I may be the first MTF they knowingly met in person. People tend to expect the flamboyant behavior they see on drag show TV. These ideas of RP Drag Show are what society thinks we all are. After interacting with me they seem to become a lot more open and relaxed and even strike up conversation. We have to act in a manner representing all of us so older society sees we are just people. Most younger people like my step son's age seem like they could care less. In my small hometown, my step-son (now 24) went to high school with 2 trans kids. One MTF and one FTM. Its great for them that they could be totally open about it.
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Offline Allison S

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Re: Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #5 on: January 09, 2019, 06:06:13 am »
Mainstream is overrated and the way many places function are very inorganic.  That's why more and more cis hetero couples or singles seek out trans parties and even porn... I don't know how I feel about that myself, but at least I know it helps me to feel like there's no shame in my identity (in a weird way...) Maybe that's what you mean by respect? Because you can expect respect, but not always get it from people sadly... And potentially, some people still view trans people as mentally ill...

Just as a general rule I'm much more careful with strangers that are men than women in my day to day because some of their egos are very fragile... Even grown men! I probably function on the side of being overly cautious and may miss out on meeting new people daily... I don't think I'm passable so it helps to just live my life normally and learn to accept it. I think we all want to be respected so it's a very important topic.

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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #6 on: August 21, 2019, 08:59:29 pm »
On some days you do hear or are on the receiving end of some unfavorable or disrespectful words about being transgender or transsexual.

But, keep your spirits up.   :) :)

Always be kind and loving.  We should show respect ourselves.   :)  :)


Hugs,

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2019, 09:43:16 pm »
A couple of years ago I was traveling for IBM through Dallas.  It was right after the Ferguson MO shooting and the start of the Black Lives Matter movement.

The bartender and I started talking.  He shared he feared for his teen son.  He’s black.

I’m white, but could easily empathize with him, and commented ‘Black lives matter, White lives matter, Blue lives matter, Red lives, Yellow lives, Green lives (including aliens from Mars), all lives matter!  That’s what we have to get to!’

Today, if presented with the same conversation, I would add to my statement ‘LGBQT lives matter’ before the ‘ALL LIVES MATTER.’



Today, I was thinking about the abuse I took in high school because ‘I’m different!’  I never fit the stereotypes of being a male Roman Catholic.  I still feel pain in those memories.  YET...  I’m optimistic.



I think of the people in my Catholic church community today.  Most couldn’t care less that I present more and more as gender neutral / female.  The longer hair, pierced ears, and some jewelry don’t change what I’ve contributed, and contribute, to the community.  A few know I’m trans. The other handful that do seem to have an issue with me, had an issue with me before I started my transition.  I ignore, and don’t engage with, them.


WE SCARE PEOPLE!  We scare them because we force them to confront their Judeo / Christian upbringing of the world being ‘Black & White’ or ‘Male & Female.’  We painfully know it’s NOT Black & White or Male & Female.  By being who we are we force them to question what they were taught by parents who were taught by their parents, etc. Additionally, people like Black & White, or Male & Female because ‘Two (2) Categories Simplify Things!’  A lot of people can’t cope with more than an either / or situation.  Their brains are medically too small.  (Yeah that’s a dig.)


I served this country as a male.  I have an much older friend who also served.  He’s observing me change.  He truly fears for my soul because, in his world, there is only Male & Female.  He truly believes God & Jesus are not going to be happy with me.

I gently try to explain that gender presentation is a human social construct.  My belief is that God is neither Male nor Female.  I remember scripture where Jesus says (paraphrasing) that ‘man & woman don’t marry in heaven as they do on earth.’  Whether I present as Male or Female doesn’t change the contribution I try to make to the greater human good.  I believe I’ll be judged on my contributions and not the fact that I had (will have) my penis inverted into a vagina.


I think we’re in the world Jackie Robinson was in when he played Major League Baseball.  He was abused, belittled, and ridiculed.  Yet he could understand people were responding out of ignorance.  They were responding based on what they were taught.  It was terribly hard, but he persevered and didn’t let it get to him.  And now on a late spring day, all baseball honors him.


Final comment:  When your in doubt, feeling beat down, not understanding; take a couple of minutes to listen to this song from the show ‘South Pacific’ titled ‘You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught’



This is what we’re working through.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

In this day and age, we cannot say "all lives matter" because it is considered racist and insensitive. All we can do is shut up about it. Sometimes it seems we have a lot in common with the black culture, but we will never know what it is like to grow up black. We will never know what many have gone through. Sure, they will not have a clue what we go through, but (to them) that is beside the point. They are going through tough times, and may be resentful towards any white person that tries to have a discussion about it. They are still trying to be on a level playing field with whites so they can have all the same opportunities.
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Offline krobinson103

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Re: Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #8 on: August 22, 2019, 01:03:22 am »
We don't fit the boxes. We aren't easily categorized. For many people are either male or female and thats that. No exchanges, no returns. They also generally (and rightly so not knowing a person) the outside. That person looks male or female and therefore they are.

They don't see the brain that is in fact the opposite of the body, or the pain that comes from trying to fit inside a stereotype that is wrong is so many ways.  Add on religious beliefs that state that THIS is the way and there is no other someone like me doesn't fit.

I'm female in most ways except I have a penis (which no one but my partner sees of course). I don't feel the need to fit one norm or the other, or blend in and disappear. I'm a little autistic, trans, and lesbian. People don't like it when you don't care about societies expectations.

I say... let them think what they want. I'm not them.
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Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #9 on: August 22, 2019, 06:14:17 am »
Yes, we earn respect by treating others with respect.  Especially those with tough low paying service jobs.  People remember how you treat them.  It is far too easy to take disrespect and anger and pass it on.

I contribute to the neighborhood by providing a display of flowers all season long.  I got a card from a secret admirer this year who said it brings a smile to her face when she goes by my yard on her commute.

Offline Dena

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Re: Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #10 on: August 22, 2019, 02:54:23 pm »
respect | rəˈspekt |
noun
1 a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements:

Respect is something that has to be earned. There are people I will never respect because they caused me harm in the past. Others I do respect because they went above and beyond in some areas of their life so they are a role model.

The correct word would be courteous. Being polite to all people is something one should always do. It avoids disagreements and allows you to get along with others even if you disagree with them. Consider a police officer making an arrest of somebody they had to fight. After gaining the upper hand, even if they are still on adrenalin, the fight should end and the courteous behavior should start. There is not reason to take your feeling or revenge on the other person.

Not being courteous to others has resulted in many problems that could have been avoided by simply being nice to others.
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Offline stephaniec

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Re: Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #11 on: August 22, 2019, 04:15:15 pm »
I'm just leaning to ignore. I've recently have had an employee at a grocery store go out of his way to refer to me as he while his coworker refers to me as she. I just take it in stride these days because I usually get more she's.

Offline Alice V

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Re: Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #12 on: August 22, 2019, 05:03:04 pm »
People fear what they don't understand. They have no idea how we feel and often don't bother themself with trying. It's easier to convince themself that we're mentally ill or just need right partner or have a phase or <insert what fits better>. in fairness, I have to say that it not just TG-related, people just stupid/stubborn/both in many other topics.

I think humanity just have to grown up a bit.
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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #13 on: December 03, 2019, 03:51:09 am »
Sometimes people are not courteous or respectful to those who have not fully transitioned, for sure.  I do think that there are some people that ridicule people for some reason, and there are many silly reasons.  There are some good reasons, such as for people who are behaving as criminals and such. 

But there are many reasons which are bad.  When someone would put people down for no good reason, that is simply mean.  Plus there are ways to instruct and help people behaving poorly that are perhaps more constructive than ridicule, but at least I can understand someone talking bad about mugging or cheating people.  But because you are short, tall, or trans?  No.

Let us be thankful for all of the kind and reasonable people!

Chrissy


Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #14 on: July 29, 2020, 11:00:32 am »
After thinking about this some more, of course, a person earns respect somehow.  Here we have a word meaning interpretation. 

Of course, people should be respectful and not hurtful.  One could argue if someone should respect you just because you are trans, as being trans is usually difficult for many, and if one endures all that bad treatment, enduring that unjust treatment is worthy of respect.

My intent of this thread though is that people should NOT be disrespectful to you just because you are trans.  That is akin to being disrespectful of you because of your height, ethnicity, and so on.

So the title of this thread should probably be something like, “disrespecting people only because they are transsexual.”

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Respecting transsexual people
« Reply #15 on: November 14, 2020, 10:42:12 am »
I know that many of us will never become transgender activists as we only want to blend in with others.  But we can project good images. I am still displeased that many people do not accept MTFs as women and snicker at us.

I wish were were more widely accepted.  It is encouraging to hear of many positive stories of acceptance throughout the world though.

Always show kindness.  Show more than you need to.  Leave others with a positive impression.
That can only help.

Hugs,

Chrissy


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Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

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