Author Topic: Darn Endocrinologist  (Read 16561 times)

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Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #280 on: September 09, 2020, 09:48:24 am »
Thank you so much!

39 years old... again.

Which, alas, probably is a good clue to how old I really am.   :(

Know what? The heck with that. Celebrated my first birthday last night with family. 

Grandmama came over, we cooked a very fine pot of gumbo with greens and rice on the side, and DW made a cake. Couldn't be beat.

I normally used to hate birthdays. Always felt like celebrating another g*ddam year drained, nothing new significant accomplished, and no reason to expect anything different to ever look forward to.

Sure don't feel like that now!

  :icon_birthday:
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline Pammie

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #281 on: September 09, 2020, 11:39:41 am »
Know what? The heck with that. Celebrated my first birthday last night with family. 

Grandmama came over, we cooked a very fine pot of gumbo with greens and rice on the side, and DW made a cake. Couldn't be beat.

I normally used to hate birthdays. Always felt like celebrating another g*ddam year drained, nothing new significant accomplished, and no reason to expect anything different to ever look forward to.

Sure don't feel like that now!

  :icon_birthday:
That’s wonderful! Good for you! Xxx


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Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #282 on: September 10, 2020, 03:54:04 pm »
That’s wonderful! Good for you! Xxx


Thanks, @Pammie. I have a contribution to our Male Fail conversation but haven't been able to write it up yet. Been wrestling with a stupid non-ANSI-compliant SQL engine for days upon end. Fit to drive a girl up the wall.

Instead I do have something to share that I'm not sure should go in this thread or on the Coming Out board. Don't wanna crosspost. If mods suggest moving it over, let's, but since this is where I post most all my musings, here it comes.

For background, it's correspondence with a dear friend. We've known each other personally and professionally forever. I think he may have been the first person I trusted enough to Come Out to, and he accepted me as the Battle Goddess without hesitation. The exchange is over the last couple of weeks. It started one evening we'd been testing the autoforward and aliasing from my deadname email address to my new email address, and I had just sent him a couple of links on recent trans-friendly court decisions.

******

From: [Friend]
To: [Battle Goddess]

...One of my daughter's best friends in school, [Girlname], is now being known as [Boyname]. She's 12. Causing a lot of stir among the parents, her mother (single mom) is very concerned, and all the kids are shrugging and saying, "whatever..no big deal."



From: [Battle Goddess]
To: [Friend]


Ain't it the truth!

I have friends in exactly the same situation. In fact, their kid, who went as a girl from birth, decided to be male for a while, then non-binary, and for now has gone back to male. Each of these transformations came with new names and pronouns. I have no idea how they keep up, but they have rolled with everything very lovingly. Hasn't come without some parental anxiety. I think it'd be weird if it didn't.

If you want to pass my opinion along (and not to interject myself into what's surely a very delicate situation), here's my take:

Like you say, the kid is twelve years old. Kids that age try on all sorts of different skins to see how they fit. It's natural and normal at that age. I did it at that age, and you did, too, and so does everyone else. It's part of growing up and learning how to be your own person. Has nothing to do with parenting and everything to do with each individual kid.

When you and I were that age, though, trying on a transgender skin never would have crossed our minds. It's not that it was a sin or that the consequences would have been too grave or anything - it just wasn't anything anyone ever did. None of us ever saw trans people in our communities or in the media, so we were blind to the possibility.

Not so much nowadays. These days a kid can see that we're normal, everyday people living our lives like anybody else, and that there's nothing weird or wrong at all with being trans. It's a skin they can try on and see how it fits. That's why his schoolmates aren't making any big deal about it. They never bought into the old prejudices, so they don't waste their time and headspace on them.

As for your friend's kid, who knows if he'll want to keep presenting male or not? He might, he might not, but you gotta leave it up to him. The heartbreak comes when parents insist on putting kids into skins that don't suit them, or keep them from wearing skins that fit them perfectly. Such a foolish thing for a parent to try. Does terrible damage and can ruin relationships forever.

Gotta be realistic, too. No matter what we parents try, kids will always find their own proper skins. Parents have far less control than we wish we did, for children are sneaky little ratfinks. We all also know that the best way to get our kids to insist on doing something is to tell them to knock it off, and even when they stop doing it in front of us, they'll start right up again once our backs are turned.

So my best advice for a situation like this? I will take a page from the Book of Joe: C'mon, man! They're only little for such a brief time! Love him and support him all you can. He needs it. He deserves it. You may not understand it very well, and he may not completely, either. That's okay. It can actually be a lot of fun figuring it out together.


A couple other notes:

- There's a great place that works with gender-nonconforming adolescents in [Nearby Town]. Your friend might want to give them a call, not just for the kid but also for herself. There are lots of feelings to work out around the transgender thing.

- Remember how I mentioned "presenting" as male up above? That's because gender is really complex. You might feel you're male but present yourself as female, or vice-versa, and neither has anything to do with your chromosomes. Your friend ought to check out https://www.genderbread.org/.  It helps explain things. Interesting stuff. Check it out!



From: [Friend]
To: [Battle Goddess]


All makes sense to me. The parent is more [Friend's Spouse]'s friend, but I sent it on to [Friend's Spouse] to forward to the mom.

Yesterday was the first day back at school. Apparently they made two announcements, and one was that [Girlname] is now [Boyname]. [Friend's Daughter] said it was fine. She's still good friends with him.

Hope all is well with you. Look forward to catching up soon.



From: [Battle Goddess]
To: [Friend]

I'm so happy and relieved for young [Boyname]. The suicide rate among trans teens is nightmarish when they don't receive any support. Imagine being that age, with all the terrible pressures to conform, and you discover that the only way you can truly and honestly be happy and comfortable with yourself is to raise your hand and tell everyone you're a member of a despised minority. On top of it all, lots of trans kids don't know any other trans people, so they feel utterly alone. They need love, hugs, friends, and acceptance, but far too many face turned shoulders and cold rejection. [Boyname] is one fortunate kid. Let's hope more and more and much good fortune can befall all trans kids in the future.

Things are going okay here, and am feeling better in general. People are saying that I seem more relaxed, more accommodating, happier. I am. I even manage to dance once in a while. There's still a long road to travel yet and many rivers to cross, but I'm calmer and less scared about moving ahead. It's a very good feeling.

I look... rather different than when we last got together. Maybe I mentioned this to you earlier, but please don't feel as though you have to keep my transition in confidence any longer. Actually helps when you let people know because it saves me the trouble, and anyway, I'm way too far gone to deny it!   :) 

Did you look at the genderbread site? It's a great basic tutorial. Hits at the heart of the complexity of this Gender Thing, but trust me, there's much, much more because the human condition is so very, very vast. So much remains on the fringe of mystery to me that I have to focus on figuring myself out while letting other people teach me about themselves. Certainly can't pretend to have their answers when I scarcely have a grasp on my own, so I watch the parade go by and try to extract the bits and pieces I can use.

Casts light upon the boundless depths of one's own ignorance. Seems as though no question about gender has any single definitive answer; leaves me feeling that the only reliable answers I can ever give are "depends on the person," "it's kinda squishy, and it can change depending on the situation," or "beats me. I'm still trying to figure that one out, myself."

It also teaches the Lesson of Mercy.

Being trans sucks in so many ways. Transitioning sucks so bad, it's hilarious. I've shared with you those humorous blog posts about mermaids and people asking inappropriate questions about my genitals, but the humor is a way of venting my irritation and frustration with it all. Once you figure out you're trans, you get mad at the realization. You're mad about the turmoil it causes. You're mad that the world thinks it's entitled to be rotten to you. Worst of all, you're mad at yourself for instigating the whole stupid business. Learning that you have nothing to forgive yourself for is the only path forward, but that only comes from having mercy on yourself. It's easy to tell other people that they'll be okay, that going to see a gender therapist is a good idea, that they can do hormones if they want but shouldn't self-medicate, and so on and so forth. It's a lot harder to stop telling yourself "You look ridiculous." "You're kidding yourself." "Don't tell anyone." "Something is wrong with your brain." "You'll be ugly." "Everyone will reject you." "No one will ever love you again." "You'll be all alone, forever."

Can you imagine yourself ever saying things like that to anyone? Can you imagine people saying those things to me? They have. They have. And it sucks. It truly, truly sucks.

You begin to wonder if they have a point. You thought you knew what you were doing and were excited to finally move forward toward happiness, but if it's gonna suck that bad, maybe you shouldn't. Maybe you're a fool. Maybe you're delusional, or this is all a fantasy, or your therapist misled you. Maybe there just isn't any point to living anymore because even if you try to be happy, you'll still be miserable.

That's when you realize how bad it really can be for a kid like [Boyname]. The little guy needs love, hugs, friends, and acceptance because everybody needs those, but this world is a cr*psack, and he's just a kid, and above all he needs mercy from its cruelties. Too many trans kids face criticism, "guidance," and intervention, and those are cruelties, too, and those kids also deserve mercy, and so does every other trans kid. You realize that people have said those exact same rotten things to too many other trans people, and they all deserve mercy, just like everyone else. Finally, you realize that you, yourself, deserve that very same mercy, and the only person who can give it to you is you, yourself.

So you do. That's the Lesson of Mercy. You stop caring what people say. You stop bothering with being mad at yourself. You face up to who you are and where you're headed and that it's fine because you're choosing to be happy, so to hell with it, it's time to enjoy the ride.

Helps people feel more relaxed, more accommodating, happier. Some even manage to dance once in a while. May still be a long road to travel yet and many rivers to cross, but folks are calmer and less scared about moving ahead. It's a very good feeling. 

"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #283 on: January 25, 2021, 03:35:11 pm »
Hey, All.


After the outpouring of thoughtful commentary and kind support my last post generated, I figured I’d shut this blog down. Those crickets were awful noisy. Maybe this isn’t the place for long-form, and maybe I should keep my serious feelings offline. I can live with that. After all, this did start only as an HRT blog. “Darn Endocrinologist” and all.


Besides, it’s my two-year hormoniversary! Can you believe it? Given this august January occasion, I thought the least I could do was report on how things are going and how things continue to change. Hormone levels have been stable forever now at almost no T and typical ranges of E for a pre-menopausal XX woman. I’m not going to give numbers because @Rakel will scold me for not providing the units, and for all I remember they’re Engelberts per Humperdinck. Let’s just say that I’m in regular contact with Endo, and he’s content.


Changes don’t seem as drastic as they once were – we’re not coming from a baseline of zilch, after all – and some changes have slowed or reached their conclusion. My skin has been wonderfully soft forever. The face I see in the mirror is female, and my relatives say they’d hardly recognize me if they didn’t already know me. That might be wish fulfillment on their part. What body hair that survived laser is wan and sparse. I shave it when I notice it, which is every few months. The Gang Downstairs stopped being able to rise much to any occasion over a year ago, and by now they scarcely call any attention to themselves. They’ve mostly become an annoyance. Aren’t even fun to scratch anymore. :o  The Girls are still slowly growing but aren’t as constantly achy as they used to be. They’re much smaller than I hope they’ll end up given my blocky frame. My nipples and areolae have changed greatly in the last couple of months, which leads me to think I’m heading into Tanner 4. More on that anon. Still nothing new in my heinie or hips, holiday pounds notwithstanding. The hairline hasn’t filled in any, and I can’t really tell if the hair on my head is any thicker, but it’s now past my shoulders and perforce looks a lot thicker. I find myself idly playing with it now and again, which reinforces my own feelings of femininity.


Noticeable changes lately have come in muscle. Formerly easy weights are now heavy! I had to buy a bag of rock salt last week, and groaning and staggering, managed to hump the mid-size bag out to the car. Used to be able to toss those things around. I also carry a lot of muscle in my legs, and while I’m not cut like a bodybuilder, it’s easy to see their definition. At least, it has been. A couple of weeks ago I was administering my weekly E shot and realized I have girlthighs. I can still flex and largely bring the lines out, but it’s not what it was. I’m sure part of it is aging and part of it is not getting out to the gym during the pandemic. All the same, jeepers. At least I can mostly still open jars. Momma needs her pickle juice!


Loss of strength aside, I can’t say as my basic frame or shoulders seem to have changed a whole lot. Still built like a small tank. For all y’all blessed with shrinking feet, mazel tov. I’m still rocking the same old clodhoppers.


Some of the other changes are best explained in anecdote.


The other night I was having a nap in the living room and was rudely awakened and told to go pick up our carry-out dinner. Fine. Grumph. Grabbed my sweatshirt, purse, and mask, and set out into the chilly evening. When I got inside the restaurant, everyone was giving me the Hairy Eyeball or staring indiscreetly at my chest. Weirdos. Whatever. Back in the car and buckling up, I looked down and realized that I’d taken off my bra before my nap and that my nipples had reacted very strongly to the cold. Then I realized what all the weirdos had been staring at. My kid says it’s people having been trained to respond to the False Patriarchy, but imma still remember to get a little more fully dressed before I go out in the cold. Speaking of cold in general, while other folks claim to have become more sensitive to it, I can’t say as I have. For me it’s still sweatshirt weather down to about 20 degrees, and the two other women in the house can’t stand how cool I like the thermostat. Guess I got the thick blood.


Another change requires a little setup.


I used to live in a shaky urban neighborhood. You could keep yourself safe if you didn’t go looking for trouble, but you still kept your head on a swivel. As part of that, a young man learns to cultivate an air, if not of menace, perhaps of visible awareness. You learn to show that you know where you are, where you’re going, you make sure everyone sees that you have seen them and that you are confident you have nothing to worry about from anyone. You learn who to stare down, who to nod to, and who to avoid.


You’re ultimately trying to project deterrence. Nobody really wants to take on a young man unless they can surprise him, so it works pretty well. Sometimes, though, some character reads the signs wrong and still gives it a shot, and you have to decide whether to stand your ground or light out. I usually lit out. Anybody that dumb is nobody I’d be able to convince to back off no matter how hard I hit them.


As they’re approaching, you do try to give escalating signs that you know they’re coming. Turn your ear to them, then slow your pace, then turn your head so they can see you have them in the corner of your eye, then turn to face them, maybe even hint at a fighting position. Then you choose what to do – like I said, I generally took off. Less trouble is the best trouble.


We moved away from that neighborhood twenty years ago. Our current town is pretty tame. Took a long time to get used to seeing a few young guys hanging on a street corner in the late evening and not feel like I oughta avoid them. In this town, they've generally just come from dinner or a movie.


Coming back to the other day, I was at the grocery store (where else?) in the spice aisle, and I heard loud, rapid footfalls approaching. Same old menacing steps you’d hear back in the old neighborhood when some idiot was thinking to jump you. Set off the same alarm bells in my head, triggered the same old escalating cascade of responses, and the fool ignored them all and kept coming! Stopped right next to me, violating my personal space… and grabbed a jar of oregano.


Oregano. Guy scared the crud out of me for a jar of oregano.


My analytic mind brings up a few thoughts around this whole encounter. One is that (duh) it triggered my PTSD and drove me into the useless old patterns. Fine. I know how to handle that. Another is that the guy was operating by the rules of my current town, not the old neighborhood. We were in a well-lit, crowded place. He can’t possibly have imagined himself as being up to no good and was doubtless in a rush to get his things and get out of a plaguey grocery store, as should we all. The third is that he could have grown up in a suburban environment and never had to develop any street sense. Most of the kids around here don't. He may never have learned to catch the signals I was throwing at him.


The fourth, and this is the most troubling and the most confirming at the same time, is that he saw me as no threat at all. Whether or not he was catching my shade, he felt completely safe blowing through all the warnings I set up, and without so much as an “excuse me” stopped within a foot of me to grab his stuff. Covid proprieties be darned, too.


Maybe he was just a crummy, self-absorbed, self-entitled person. Plenty of those around here, and let us not attribute to malice what can easily be explained by stupidity. But a sensible person does not hassle a man dropping into a fighting stance.


A sensible person does not hassle a man dropping into a fighting stance.


I’m going to have to think on this one. I’ve spent a long time working on knowing who I am, of working towards a position of being comfortable having others see me as the person I am, even if theirs might not be the reaction I hope for. Where I’ve never found myself is vulnerable to physical challenge simply for being female, and that’s a lesson I’m going to have to absorb. This continues to be a new world with new opportunities for learning. Every day is an adventure. Sometimes I find myself wishing I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then, but that was the case before I transitioned, too. We trans people get to see a facet of the human experience that few others ever will, and we lead richer lives for it, for better and for worse. This one, like I said, was both troubling and confirming. Unwritten rules are the hardest to learn but often the most important in any situation. I guess I’ll keep finding those out.  :-\


One last thought on second puberty: I got a pimple the other day! It was so cute! Haven’t had one of those in thirty years.
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline RandiL

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #284 on: January 25, 2021, 09:27:19 pm »
Hi BG, I love your writing style. It is worth the long-form time expenditure to read through it all. If your SQL code is anything like as elegant as your English code, it must be very fine indeed. When I think of non-ANSI compliant SQL I remember a lengthy development project I did in FoxPro years ago. It took a lot of experimentation to find what would fly and what wouldn't. There were interesting workarounds involved.

I totally missed your summer and autumn postings, but in my defense this was when my wife and I were in the process of separating. I wasn't on Susan's much at the time.

Congratulations on two years! I'm sprinting toward three months myself. Just did my first E self-injection today.

I think my muscle strength is also on the decline. I lift weights a couple of times a week in a Zoom class, and it feels like it is getting harder. Also takes a little longer to recover. Last weekend I wound up walking a great deal of a trail "run" that is usually legitimate enough not to require scare quotes.

Well anyway, see you around. Write some more :)
Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #285 on: February 05, 2021, 06:39:33 pm »
A brief health and hormones update.


Went to see Endo last week for a checkin. Not the full annual physical with finger puppets and all, but it had been a while, and he likes to lay eyes on you every now and again.


We did the usual round of blood tests, and as per usual, most came back fine, some came back unexpected, and a couple just batsh*t weird.


The finest of the fine was my PSA. I had to badger poor Endo to order it - after soaking in all this E, if my prostate weren't fried by now, I'd be stunned - but prostate cancer has struck too many close relatives for comfort. Fortunately, my PSA levels were close enough to zero to look like they're within range of measurement error. Yay!


T is 10 Engelberts per Humperdinck like it has been since we got to the right level of antiandrogen in early 2019. My blood sugar and A1C have gotten significantly better since starting HRT, too. @Rakel, do you know whether that's common?


White blood cells are unexpectedly high. It's not Covid. I know because I gave blood a couple days after seeing Endo, and the Red Cross checks for antibodies. I thus conclude it's either a cold or leukemia. Only time will tell.


A little side note: before anyone rushes out to donate blood at the Red Cross, I'd like to encourage everyone to rush out to donate blood at the Red Cross. Or anywhere else. Donations are way down because of Covid. People are dying to get your help.


Finally, the weird. I have kvetched about my E results in prior posts, and I guess I have no reason to stop now. Our target value is ~200 Engelberts, give or take. At the beginning of HRT we had a hard time getting anything above 60. Took about seven months to measure 200.


Four months later we measured 600. Five months after that, 200. No changes in dosage or method of administration after month three of starting HRT, mind you.


You can imagine my skepticism about this test when last week's came in at 900 Engelberts.


I dunno what to say. We try to control for variables like time of day, time since last shot, hydration, having eaten... A physician friend of mine advocates saliva tests as more accurate. Thoughts?
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #286 on: February 25, 2021, 01:15:08 pm »
Back to the blood lab for followup on those wacky lab results from the other week.

We'll see what happens, but the fun part for me was the phlebotomists, who loved all over my skin! It's finally getting warm enough for short sleeves around here, so I had a fair amount exposed.

One of the ladies called it "Korean Glass" skin. I'd never heard that term before, but I'll take it.

Estrogen has been very, very good to me.
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline Lagdim

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #287 on: February 25, 2021, 03:37:54 pm »
Back to the blood lab for followup on those wacky lab results from the other week.

Good luck!

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #288 on: February 25, 2021, 05:48:13 pm »
Good luck!
Thanks! I think the last test implied I was fixing to ovulate.

I wouldn't be disappointed to discover I had been, but I sure would be surprised.

Or perhaps not. Like I said, estrogen has been very, very good to me.
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #289 on: February 28, 2021, 11:57:48 am »
A pretty excellent day yesterday.

My driver's license expired this last September. Like it matters. Anymore I only ever drive to... (everybody say it together) the grocery store!

What with the plague and all, my state doesn't even care if your license has expired. They've extended everybody's grace period for renewal through the end of June. You can bet they'll extend it again when the flood of folks with expired licenses starts showing up at the DMV on July 1.

Now there's this RealID thing, too. Soon we won't be able to use our regular driver's licenses to get past airport security. Only passports or a RealID, which looks just like a driver's license but is a RealID. Oh, and your RealID also works as your driver's license. No real reason to get a driver's license anymore.

Except my state is so backwards and corrupt that they can't securely implement the RealID system, so citizens of our state can still use our driver's licenses to get past airport security. Unlikely to see that change for a while. No real reason to get a RealID yet.

So why was I even there? Meh. My life has become so boring that I thought it'd be fun to spend a little time down to the DMV. After all, at least it isn't... (you know what's coming) the grocery store!

Also, my driver's license was expired.

So I got a RealID.

I figure nobody else is going to have one from my state because there's no need to get one. Might as well give the poor airport security person a little thrill. When I can fly again. Which is probably when pigs will. I don't look forward to seeing what happens when those things start getting sucked into jet engines, lemme tell ya!

And at least until then I'll have this real swell RealID to show the cops when they pull me over on the way to... (one more time) the grocery store!

As it happens, this wasn't the first amazing transition experience I've had at the DMV. Early in anxious transition, I went to the DMV fully dressed to get my license plate stickers renewed, and the sky didn't fall in or anything. Surprised the heck out of me.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244796.msg2228906.html#msg2228906440

Now that I'm fully and gloriously and undeniably and unconcernedly Out, I mainly wanted to get a new photograph on my ID and to change its sex marker to female. I feel so fortunate that my state allows the latter to be done with nothing more than a downloadable form and one's own signature. No attestation from your physician, no legal order, no nuthin'. Just a claim that you want to change it. My state still only offers a binary male/female choice, but a change is in the works to add an "X" choice soon, as well.

So off I traipsed in leggings, full warpaint, and the sweater that brings out the aqua in my eyes. Was only misgendered once, and a withering glare got the person to apologize and correct the mistake immediately. These shoulders of mine. Sigh.

The DMV even had me in their systems under my chosen name! How that happened, I'll never know. I haven't legally changed it yet. I'd steeled myself to still see my deadname on the ID, but seeing my new face and new sex marker would be a more than satisfactory tradeoff. Besides, my deadname is (if rarely) used by women, so it wouldn't feel all that dreadful for other people to see it.

Aside from being misgendered that one time, everything ran smoothly. No grumbling, no Hairy Eyeballs, and even a little guidance when I got confused. One person hadn't ever seen the form for a sex marker change and needed to get some help from the manager, but that was about it. They didn't mind that I signed with my chosen name.

Floated out of that office with a temporary (paper) RealID and a full-body glow. They'll mail me the permanent one in a while. The temporary one is only black and white, and I can already tell the photo is going to be butt-ugly, and I couldn't care less. It's not going to look like the grouchy, conflicted, miserable guy on the old one. It's going to look like a very pleased, reasonably content, and realistically self-aware Battle Goddess with my real face, the appropriate marker for sex, and a big ol' grin, and I'm going to love the h*ll out of it.
« Last Edit: February 28, 2021, 11:26:36 pm by Battle Goddess »
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #290 on: February 28, 2021, 12:02:54 pm »
A pretty excellent day yesterday.

My driver's license expired this last September. Like it matters. Anymore I only ever drive to... (everybody say it together) the grocery store!

What with the plague and all, my state doesn't care if your license has expired. They've extended everybody's grace period for renewal through the end of June. You can bet they'll extend it again when the flood of folks with expired licenses starts showing up at the DMV on July 1.

Now there's this RealID thing, too. Soon we won't be able to use our regular driver's licenses to get past airport security. Only passports or a RealID, which looks just like a driver's license but is a RealID. Oh, and your RealID also works as your driver's license. No real reason to get a driver's license anymore.

Except my state is so backwards and corrupt that they can't securely implement the RealID system, so citizens of our state can still use our driver's licenses to get past airport security. Unlikely to see that change for a while. No real reason to get a RealID yet.

So why was I even there? Meh. My life has become so boring that I thought it'd be fun to spend a little time down to the DMV. After all, at least it isn't... (you know what's coming) the grocery store!

Also, my driver's license was expired.

So I got a RealID.

I figure nobody else is going to have one from my state because there's no need to get one. Might as well give the poor airport security person a little thrill. When I can fly again. Which is probably when pigs will. I don't look forward to seeing what happens when those things start getting sucked into jet engines, lemme tell ya!

And at least until then I'll have this real swell RealID to show the cops when they pull me over on the way to... (one more time) the grocery store!

As it happens, this wasn't the first amazing transition experience I've had at the DMV. Early in anxious transition, I went to the DMV fully dressed to get my license plate stickers renewed, and the sky didn't fall in or anything. Surprised the heck out of me.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244796.msg2228906.html#msg2228906440

Now that I'm fully and gloriously and undeniably and unconcernedly Out, I mainly wanted to get a new photograph on my ID and to change its sex marker to female. I feel so fortunate that my state allows the latter to be done with nothing more than a downloadable form from the Secretary of State's website and one's own signature. No attestation from your physician, no legal order, no nuthin'. Just a claim that you want to change it. My state still only offers a binary male/female choice, but a change is in the works to add an "X" choice soon, as well.

So off I traipsed in leggings, full warpaint, and the sweater that brings out the aqua in my eyes. Was only misgendered once, and a withering glare got the person to apologize and correct the mistake immediately. These shoulders of mine. Sigh.

The DMV even had me in their systems under my chosen name! How that happened, I'll never know. I haven't legally changed it yet. I'd steeled myself to still see my deadname on the ID, but seeing my new face and new sex marker would be a more than satisfactory tradeoff. Besides, my deadname is (if rarely) used by women, so it wouldn't feel all that dreadful for other people to see it.

Aside from being misgendered that one time, everything ran smoothly. No grumbling, no Hairy Eyeballs, and even a little guidance when I got confused. One person hadn't ever seen the form for a sex marker change and needed to get some help from the manager, but that was about it. They didn't mind that I signed with my chosen name.

Floated out of that office with a temporary (paper) RealID and a full-body glow. They'll mail me the permanent one in a while. The temporary one is only black and white, and I can already tell the photo is going to be butt-ugly, and I couldn't care less. It's not going to look like the grouchy, conflicted, miserable guy on the old one. It's going to look like a very pleased, reasonably content, and realistically self-aware Battle Goddess with my real face, the appropriate marker for sex, and a big ol' grin, and I'm going to love the h*ll out of it.


Sounds like a VERY good day.   :)

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline RandiL

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #291 on: February 28, 2021, 06:05:38 pm »
Excellent BG, and a well written story out of it too.

I got my RealID last year, unfortunately too soon for a new name or gender marker.

The most entertainment you'll get from it is watching the liquor store clerks and bar bouncers squint as they try to read the tiny print of your birthdate.

I once crossed the border leaving communist East Germany with a full beard, but my passport photo was clean shaven. The border guard had a good time striking fear into my heart as he looked back and forth between the photo and my blanched face.

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My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #292 on: March 02, 2021, 12:14:25 pm »
I once crossed the border leaving communist East Germany with a full beard, but my passport photo was clean shaven. The border guard had a good time striking fear into my heart as he looked back and forth between the photo and my blanched face.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Hahaha!

Reminds me of the time I got dragged out of my train's bathroom by a very cranky German border cop who apparently thought I was bringing drugs in from Holland but had lost my nerve.

Dude was even more unhappy after he searched the commode. There was a good reason I'd been in there, and it wasn't smuggling dope.

"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
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Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #293 on: March 03, 2021, 01:12:27 pm »
Well, that was an interesting trip to the grocery store!

Dude tried to cop a feel.

"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
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Offline RandiL

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #294 on: March 03, 2021, 03:49:07 pm »
Well, that was an interesting trip to the grocery store!

Dude tried to cop a feel.
I'm not sure I dare ask about your reaction to that. So many layers...

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Forging my new, best life as Randi

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My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #295 on: March 03, 2021, 06:48:29 pm »
I'm not sure I dare ask about your reaction to that. So many layers...

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk
I'm still shaken.

"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
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Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #296 on: March 03, 2021, 08:08:06 pm »
Sorry to hear that.

I recall an old guy who tried to hug me.  Totally inappropriate situation.
Fortunately he was also slow, so I just moved out of the way.

Marion

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #297 on: March 03, 2021, 09:02:58 pm »
There's so much to unpack.

First off, I generally loathe being touched. That's been getting easier lately, but not by much.

Next, we were in the middle of a busy effing grocery store. This was beyond obnoxious. We're talking bizarre. I don't think I can even manage to be offended so much as disgusted and weirded out, and I have a very high tolerance for the weird.

Can't even muster a sense of feeling degraded or of having been objectified. It's a mystery to me who he thought he was interacting with.

"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline RandiL

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #298 on: March 03, 2021, 10:49:39 pm »
I'm sorry you had to go through this. It's going to put you even more on guard I'd guess, and that's unfortunate. Randy

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My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Darn Endocrinologist
« Reply #299 on: March 04, 2021, 11:23:19 am »
I'm sorry you had to go through this. It's going to put you even more on guard I'd guess, and that's unfortunate. Randy

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk
Hrm. I'm afraid I'm always on guard anyway. C-PTSD will do that for you. Yayyyyy.

Spent the evening examining my feelings on the matter. You know what? Along with all the squickyness of the encounter, it comes with a certain sense of self-loathing. I'm well and truly disgusted with myself because a little part of me feels happy and validated that he was interested in me. Ick.

"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

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