Author Topic: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...  (Read 755 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Eliza C

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 21
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • 25y HRT 2/8/2019 :)
I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« on: February 10, 2019, 07:28:57 pm »
This is probably ludicrous, but I really really want to be that cool petite Asian girl. I'm afraid my large nose will make me look weird. I'm afraid my broad shoulders and ribcage will look large and masculine. I'm mostly concerned about my face... I'm afraid I will look gross.

I know a lot of folks think that East Asian trans women have the "best" starting points, but it's not necessarily the case. I've heard accounts from other East Asian trans women and the consensus is that while we may "pass" in non-asian spaces, we are immediately clocked at East Asian spaces. It's really difficult.

I may be short (5'6), but I'm tall for an East Asian girl. I'm 136 pounds... again, lightweight and skinny, but heavy for an asian girl of my size. 31'' chest, which puts me at 36 for a band size. East asian girls of my height usually have a band size of 32... My feet are size 8, and most East Asian girls of my height have a shoe size of 6 or 6.5.

I have a giant head. And oof don't get me started about that voice!

Offline Sabrina Rei

  • *
  • Posts: 222
  • Reputation: +6/-0
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2019, 09:21:53 pm »
Please don’t hold yourself to some ridiculous media fueled beauty standard. You will be beautiful and that beauty will come from within, first and foremost. If you think your nose is too wide, there’s ways to fix that without surgery. I had a Japanese friend whose entire fashionable look was created through makeup mastery and using a carefully curated wardrobe. Every woman has something that she doesn’t like about herself, but we learn to adapt.

Offline Devlyn

  • Family
  • *****
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 27,696
  • Reputation: +219/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Veteran, US Army
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2019, 09:55:35 pm »
Please don’t hold yourself to some ridiculous media fueled beauty standard. You will be beautiful and that beauty will come from within, first and foremost. If you think your nose is too wide, there’s ways to fix that without surgery. I had a Japanese friend whose entire fashionable look was created through makeup mastery and using a carefully curated wardrobe. Every woman has something that she doesn’t like about herself, but we learn to adapt.

That right there.

Eliza, if you don't see yourself as beautiful, no one else can, either. If you don't love yourself, neither can anyone else.

If you're lamenting the fact that you're not going to be a giddy teenaged girl going to senior prom.... welcome to transgender world.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Offline Linde

  • A year full-time
  • *
  • Posts: 4,645
  • Reputation: +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2019, 10:11:28 pm »
Eliza, more Nordic type people like I wold dream of your size! How do you like my bandwidth off 42"?  How do you like my size of 6', and a shoe size of 11?
I think it is all in the eyes of the beholder.  I feel that I am a good looking older woman, and a lot of it is because of makeup.  Your nose can be made to look small and dainty with some clever contouring techniques.  There are a ton of youtube videos out there that show you makeup tricks that would change you so much, our own parents would not even recognize you!
Just go for it, and you will be amazed what a hot girl you are, when you are done!
Feb 2019, bi-lateral orchiectomy
June 10, 2019 Not enough Y chr detected to be male






Offline Eliza C

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 21
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • 25y HRT 2/8/2019 :)
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2019, 10:12:08 pm »
That right there.

Eliza, if you don't see yourself as beautiful, no one else can, either. If you don't love yourself, neither can anyone else.

If you're lamenting the fact that you're not going to be a giddy teenaged girl going to senior prom.... welcome to transgender world.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Haha I'm lamenting the fact that I'm never going to be that giddy but pretending to be edgy teenaged girl at a cheaper and less uptight party, while making fun of "normies" going to prom.  ;)

Offline Alaskan Danielle

  • If you want friends, be friendly, be the first to smile and introduce yourself.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 13,058
  • Reputation: +52/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • I love living as a Female.
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2019, 10:16:26 pm »
@Eliza C
Dear Eliza:
The previous comment replies by  @elle’s bells  and by  @Devlyn  ...  @Dietlind  are all exactly what I would tell you. 
Even most cis-females can not meet the ridiculous media beauty standards.   
Go to any beach, any social event, any restaurant, any shopping mall, etc....   you will see "normal" looking females not what we see in the celebrity stories and pictures.

We all  have to work with what we have, a lot can be done with exercise, diet, makeup, hair styles, eyebrow shaping, hair removal, apparel, voice, mannerisms, etc.

Wishing you well.
Hugs,
Danielle

Offline Eliza C

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 21
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • 25y HRT 2/8/2019 :)
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2019, 10:18:59 pm »
Eliza, more Nordic type people like I wold dream of your size! How do you like my bandwidth off 42"?  How do you like my size of 6', and a shoe size of 11?
I think it is all in the eyes of the beholder.  I feel that I am a good looking older woman, and a lot of it is because of makeup.  Your nose can be made to look small and dainty with some clever contouring techniques.  There are a ton of youtube videos out there that show you makeup tricks that would change you so much, our own parents would not even recognize you!
Just go for it, and you will be amazed what a hot girl you are, when you are done!

Sorry :/ East Asian folks kind of have different standards for their own kind. I feel like if I don't "pass" then my parents are less likely to accept me... as problematic is the concept of "passing."

I forgot makeup is a thing since I never really used it... A coworker offered to take me to Sephora and to teach me how to use makeup stuff! hehe

And yes! You're good looking! :)

Offline Jessica

  • I love you. No...... I might not know you, but if folk can hate for no good reason, I can love.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 6,206
  • Reputation: +40/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2019, 10:27:16 pm »
Sorry :/ East Asian folks kind of have different standards for their own kind. I feel like if I don't "pass" then my parents are less likely to accept me... as problematic is the concept of "passing."

I forgot makeup is a thing since I never really used it... A coworker offered to take me to Sephora and to teach me how to use makeup stuff! hehe

And yes! You're good looking! :)

Eliza makeup can do wonders!  You can get a makeover at Sephora to give you an idea what is possible.
Also you would be surprised at what parents (even Asian ones) will accept of their children.  There is a wonderful lady here who was certain that her Asian father would never accept her.  She was surprised.
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”


"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."



Offline Allison S

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,178
  • Reputation: +11/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #8 on: February 11, 2019, 08:35:16 am »
And yet you're taking hormones? I know my middle eastern family doesn't approve and yet I'm taking hormones myself... I'm also 5'7" and medium built, including broad shoulders, wide rib cage/back, big hands/feet... I'm 16 months on hrt and accept that gender dysphoria doesn't just go away... What I do is try to focus on things that excentuate what I like about myself and I like the femininty of things like soft hair/skin, nails, curvy body and some makeup and jewlery...
Oh and as a side note, yes I have a "wonky" nose. It's an insecurity of mine because I look like I was punched in the face by an elephant (close, I guess. I fell flat on my face at 3 while going down stairs. It could've been worse)...
I won't say I "pass", but I think people generally just don't care if I'm not bothering them or effect them in anyway. Don't get me wrong, being clocked at job interviews is awkward (my fault there) and I sometimes feel like I have to overcompensate or "prove" myself, but that's another discussion...

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

Offline barbie

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 5,324
  • Reputation: +65/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • I change my avatar every week
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #9 on: February 11, 2019, 12:01:20 pm »
Everybody is unique in personality and appearance.

I live in S. Korea, and my nose is very big. My height is 184 cm (6 feet), and I sometimes wear 4 or 5 inch heels. In women's public restrooms, I attract all attention. I once heard that one old woman in a public restroom shouted behind me like "You are so tall, and still wear such high heels?"

Some photos on my everyday life here.







And in Yokohama, Japan, last autumn.



BTW, I have never been on HRT.

barbie~~
Just do it.

IAmM

Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #10 on: February 11, 2019, 03:44:42 pm »
I hate showing pictures of myself, this will not stay up long so I hope you get to see it. I understand how you feel, to make it worse I am not photogenic at all. I have been cleaning a good bit of the day so please don’t make fun.



I despise my nose. I know that I barely knew my mom when I was young and I love any connection with her, I really, really, really, really wish she had not given me her nose though. If I ever have any surgery besides GRS that will be it.

Anyway, ignore the photo, I just wanted to show that we all have issues with our body or face. All of my friends do, I could list each one and what they hate about themselves. It is kind of normal to feel that way. Sometimes all you can do is dance with the one that brought you.

Offline CindyLouFromCO

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 177
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #11 on: February 11, 2019, 04:18:48 pm »
Almost all girls get caught up in the "beauty" thing.  It's the pressure of society that all women face.  That is why we suffer from higher rates of depression and other issues than men do.

All women are beautiful in their own way.  We are not all created with the same body, face, nose or whatever. 

You are already beautiful.
I've taken what others have offered, so now I'm giving back.

Offline Maid Marion

  • *
  • Posts: 881
  • Reputation: +4/-0
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #12 on: February 11, 2019, 05:45:27 pm »
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beauty_Myth

"The basic premise of The Beauty Myth is that as the social power and prominence of women have increased, the pressure they feel to adhere to unrealistic social standards of physical beauty has also grown stronger because of commercial influences on the mass media. This pressure leads to unhealthy behaviors by women and a preoccupation with appearance in both sexes, and it compromises the ability of women to be effective in and accepted by society."

I've seen statistics claiming that the percentage of women with an hourglass figure is as low as 8%!


Offline Linde

  • A year full-time
  • *
  • Posts: 4,645
  • Reputation: +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #13 on: February 11, 2019, 11:28:56 pm »
I hate showing pictures of myself, this will not stay up long so I hope you get to see it. I understand how you feel, to make it worse I am not photogenic at all. I have been cleaning a good bit of the day so please don’t make fun.



I despise my nose. I know that I barely knew my mom when I was young and I love any connection with her, I really, really, really, really wish she had not given me her nose though. If I ever have any surgery besides GRS that will be it.

Anyway, ignore the photo, I just wanted to show that we all have issues with our body or face. All of my friends do, I could list each one and what they hate about themselves. It is kind of normal to feel that way. Sometimes all you can do is dance with the one that brought you.
I was to late, did not see your picture!
Feb 2019, bi-lateral orchiectomy
June 10, 2019 Not enough Y chr detected to be male






Offline KimOct

  • *****
  • *
  • Posts: 861
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #14 on: February 11, 2019, 11:47:31 pm »
I was talking about this in my faceapp thread.  Also I discussed it with my therapist today.  She reminded me that cis-women fall into the beauty trap and that for many or most transwomen that feeling is amplified.  I struggle with this sometimes too but I try to get my mind 'right'.

ALL women deal with issues of measuring up in terms of beauty.  So now we are part of that experience.  Fun being a girl isn't it? LOL.

Before I transitioned I felt like I was a slightly above average looking guy for my age but I really didn't care much.  Now that I am a woman it is a big deal.  That is ridiculous.  I am working on it and I hope we can all help each other do the same.
The first transphobe you have to conquer is yourself

Online Rachel_Christina

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,568
  • Reputation: +15/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #15 on: February 12, 2019, 01:19:40 am »
The world is so vain nowadays we all fall victim to it..
The fear of being unattractive. Or even features that we do not like become fixated upon.
For me that's mostly my nose aswell. It has a lump in from only one side. It's not visible at a side profile. So it's not a Roman nose.
I have considered getting this fixed for the longest time.

Sometimes we care less about these things, then other times it takes up way too much of our thoughts :/




Offline randim

  • *
  • Posts: 279
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #16 on: February 12, 2019, 08:52:51 am »
For some reason this poem by Sam Levenson seems appropriate on this thread.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it every day.
For poise, walk with knowledge that you’ll never walk alone.
If you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands,
One for helping yourself, and one for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because
That is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman only grows during the passing years.


GingerVicki

Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #18 on: February 13, 2019, 02:17:24 am »
I believe that most of us worry about not being pretty enough.

Offline Maid Marion

  • *
  • Posts: 881
  • Reputation: +4/-0
Re: I'm afraid I'll never be beautiful...
« Reply #19 on: February 13, 2019, 02:33:05 am »
It is saying "hi" back to a little kid in a stroller at Target and making their day!

Tags: