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Offline Xeriasta

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How did you find out
« on: February 16, 2019, 07:57:45 am »
Hi all together i´m new hear. :D
Sorry in advance for any grammar or writing error i´m not natively English and i have dyslexia.

So now to my question, i´m correctly tiring to fined out if i´m  trans or not. my problem is that unlike many things i red i cant say that i always new that i wanted to be a girl. the idea more or less crept up on me over the last several years. i was never very confident, tater i started to Imagen how it would be to be female. first only in a sexual fantasy kind of fashion but later more seriously. recently i really started to think about it and i can´t stop thinking about it.
So how are your experiences how did you found out.

Edit: sorry for the messy text did not know how to start and explain.  ???

Offline Jen61

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2019, 09:04:25 am »
I'd guess you're not really trans. I think most of us knew we were trans even before we knew what trans was. It's really for a therapist to determine though.

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Offline Jessica

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2019, 09:24:15 am »
Hi Xeriasta 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan’s Place!  I’m Jessica.
I’m so happy you have found us!
You could very well be transgender, it does take serious thought, helped by therapy to get to your true feelings. Not everyone knows their true nature until later on in life and not everyone is on the same scale between female and male.  Some consider themselves fluid between the two poles, some feel they are neither (non-binary).  The transgender umbrella covers many different ways we all all individually feel about ourselves.


I see you’re new here, so I’ll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don’t forget the link highlighted red.  It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell the members about yourself!

If you are one of our younger members, please stop by the Youth Introductions Forum and get acquainted with us all!




Things that you should read

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2019, 09:26:00 am »
Hi Xeriasta!


    Welcome!    :)


Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.
Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity. 

Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2019, 09:29:47 am »
Hi all together i´m new hear. :D
Sorry in advance for any grammar or writing error i´m not natively English and i have dyslexia.

So now to my question, i´m correctly tiring to fined out if i´m  trans or not. my problem is that unlike many things i red i cant say that i always new that i wanted to be a girl. the idea more or less crept up on me over the last several years. i was never very confident, tater i started to Imagen how it would be to be female. first only in a sexual fantasy kind of fashion but later more seriously. recently i really started to think about it and i can´t stop thinking about it.
So how are your experiences how did you found out.

Edit: sorry for the messy text did not know how to start and explain.  ???

@Xeriasta 
Dear Xeriasta:
    I am so very glad that you have become a member here and this is your very first posting.   I am happy to see that you found the Susan's Place Forums.

    As you post on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.   I expect that you will be getting many members offering their thoughts and suggestions as you continue to post here. 

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation and as you continue to feel free to share with all of us.
   
    I see that our lovely member and California Girl @Jessica has already given you an Official Welcome, but please permit me to also give you a  warm WELCOME to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    Our member Jessica has attached important and informative LINKS that will help you to navigate around the Forums and will allow you to enjoy the features here.     
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Offline Jen61

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2019, 10:12:59 am »
Seriously?!?

 ;D Interesting first few posts. So far Chrissy is in the lead.

Xeriasta,
Talking to a therapist that will not push you either way but will try to help you find your best path is a good place to start. In a land where queen Validation reigns supreme it might be best ignoring those paying her homage. Er, english is not your native tongue. Ignore what you read, most of those people are still trying to prove something to themselves or others. I don’t understand where you are coming from but I like the honesty that you are starting with. Keep being honest with yourself and keep looking for your answers. I would say that to talk with a professional trained in gender issues would be the best place to start.

Take care
That's why I said talk to a therapist. We all have opinions. I'm not saying mine is right or wrong. Sorry if I offended anyone. It wasn't my intention.

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Offline CarlyMcx

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2019, 12:15:22 pm »
I knew I was a girl when I was four.  But then I got punished for acting feminine and I was told that I was a boy.

I started researching transitioning when I first found out it was a thing.  I was 19 at the time.

I made two additional attempts at transitioning, one when I was 27 and one when I was 35.  But between attempts I convinced myself that my attraction to women and my desire not to have bottom surgery meant that I was male.  And there were times when I liked being a guy even though I was never completely comfortable with it.

It took a therapist and the realization that I felt a lot better on estrogen than I ever did on testosterone for me to fully come to terms with being transgender.

From what you posted I would not even venture a guess as to whether you are transgender.  I am not qualified to make that call —no one here is.  It is just way more complicated than either “I felt like a girl when I was young” or not.  There is far more to it than that.

You need to see a WPATH certified therapist and go through the proper diagnostic procedure.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2019, 09:33:47 pm by CarlyMcx »

Offline Monica

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2019, 12:16:32 pm »
I don't know if it's an all or nothing thing. It's not binary, for lack of a better way to describe it. I was obsessed with growing up as a woman when I was younger. Then puberty hit, and I didn't think about it again until I had some natural body changes in my 40's, which (aside from the pain of it) I really enjoyed. Started hrt recently, so as of now, the downside has completely gone away. But it's not easy, and coming to the reality about how you feel about it, and what it means to you and the people around you is really the most difficult part. I'm still struggling with it, but that's okay. I'll get there. Sometimes, you just need to sit down and think about things, and be honest with yourself. I do think cis people ask themselves the question, but I think when they do it, it's a very quick answer. If you're sitting there, struggling with it, you might not be a cis person. Then again, you might be.

Try this exercise. Imagine yourself waking up, and going through your day as the gender you're thinking about. Try to get every detail in. Putting on your underwear, going to work, doing your job, taking the bus, whatever. Imagine the little things. Does anything change? Is there anything that bothers or scares you about this imagined scenario when you painstakingly walk through that door in your head? Do you feel better, worse, or about the same when you think of these things? Do you have a strong emotional reaction to it? That should give you a springboard. A starting point to reasonably and rationally have this discussion with yourself. Pay close attention to any strong emotions you counter when you do this, and ask yourself why you feel that way. I don't know is a totally okay answer. You can get to the bottom of it.

Hope that helps.

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #8 on: February 16, 2019, 12:31:03 pm »
It certainly isn't a binary for me.  I can certainly compete in the work world as a man.  Analyzing situations and making decisions has never been an issue for me.  But, I also have a very feminine side, and can maintain a healthy diet and exercise program far better than most GGs.  Which allows me to fit in cute XS clothes that I like to buy off the clearance racks.

Online KathyLauren

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #9 on: February 16, 2019, 03:45:20 pm »
I didn't "know" when I was young.  I did often wish that I was a girl, but I didn't have any idea what that meant.  My parents told me that I was a boy, and it didn't occur to me that they could be wrong.

It took 60 years of accumulating little clues before I realized that there was a significant body of evidence suggesting that I was indeed trans. 

There was one experience I had that opened my eyes to the fact that being trans didn't have to be a sentence of complete ostracism.  I attended a lecture given by a trans physicist.  I listened carefully to the comments of the audience members afterwards, and not one person was talking about the lecturer being trans.  All they talked about was how interesting the lecture was. 

I learned from that that trans people could be normal people.  It took a big chunk out of my internalized transphobia, and a month later, I was signing up here on Susan's Place.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS

Online Stevi

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2019, 03:50:45 pm »
Xeriasta,

First, welcome to our world.

I am an older trans woman.  I will be 69 years old in a about six weeks. Yikes!  I did not realize at an young age what was going on with me.  Truth be told, I lived a very good life as a man.  BUT, there was this background noise.  I was uncomfortable with what I was expected to be.  Not able to be what I wanted to be.  I did not begin to try to make sense of it all until I was approaching sixty year old.  What was once the noise of a very distant train, hardly noticeable, became the roar of a approaching locomotive, impossible to ignore.  The day came that I had to get out of its way or get run over.

There have been many here at Susan's who had clear early life experiences that I think made the decisions easy for them (Well, less difficult than mine.) and their steps on their chosen path more confident than my own.  I am a bit jealous.  I had my doubts, still do at times, that this is something I really, really needed to do.  I tried a variety of half measures in hopes to be able to just cope.  I have to remind myself of my mental state two years ago when that locomotive was bearing down on me.  That is a place I never want to see again.

There is no handbook for this.  Try to be honest with yourself.  Enjoy the journey best you can.  Don't let any trains run you over.

Best of luck,
Stevi

Online Dena

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #11 on: February 16, 2019, 05:27:33 pm »
Welcome to Susan's Place. One of the guidelines of the site is we are not to diagnosis others on the site. We can't see inside your head so we don't know what you feel. This is why transgenderism is a self diagnosised condition and the doctors only confirm what you feel. That said, there is a test for you to consider. CIS people don't normally think about their gender identity. It's natural to them so they have no reason to question it. It's the reason why CIS people have such a hard time understanding what we feel as they don't have the same frame of reference. If your questioning your identity, your doing something that CIS people don't normally do.

That thought may help put things in perspective for you.
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Offline Jen61

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #12 on: February 16, 2019, 09:39:05 pm »
No, I am the one who should be apologizing. I could have been more tactful. Sorry.

This used to be a place of inclusion, where all who questioned were accepted. Not that it was perfect but it was a good place to start for many. It appears to have become more selective, more narrow in acceptance. I can’t imagine that if those were the first posts I read here that I would ever come back. Not that any were wrong individually but collectively it was like, Yikes! Just crawling out of bed and putting my glasses on and not ready to get moving yet, I read this post and it made me uneasy and I responded badly.

Five or six years ago, there were people who came here and were just dealing with this for the first time and others were ready to tell them that it was okay. That they didn’t know when they were young either. Now in one morning two who did know when they were young and transitioned then have expressed how they feel excluded AND the next thread I read how if someone didn’t know until they were older they were probably not the real thing either.

Yeah, it freaked me out. Since posting that I have thought and I realized that most here are saying how they knew from a young age because of this or that. Maybe they did know, maybe not but it certainly makes it sound to people from the outside reading that they everyone did. The truth is many did not but no one is really talking about that anymore.

I don’t know the right or wrong of things, and I am not very smart or wise but it seems to me like the qualifications for inclusion have become narrow to the point of stagnation. For me it doesn’t matter, I have transitioned and am now just living my life. Lol, I think it has been years since I have talked about a trans related subject, even with my trans friends, it is not on my mind except when I am here. I don’t need to convince myself or anyone else, I am where I have always wanted to be and you know what? It just feels normal, not amazing, not living the life, just living life. I never could before. That is my story and I really hope everyone here has not lived the life I did, I hope they have a better story.

I thought that this is where people who had gender issues could get together and figure things out and maybe get a little help from those who have worked through those issues already. Isn’t that what this site is?

I don’t know, I don’t feel like I fit in either but I guess that I am used to that feeling and I don’t mind. It is the internet :) I don’t have to talk about something that doesn’t interest me, I can just be myself. The coolest thing about this site for me is that I don’t have to pretend that a part of what makes me who I am does not exist. My day to day life is surrounded by people who don’t know and don’t care. This thing hurt me, or brought about events that hurt me beyond what I can fix and even though I am living my life now, it is never far away lurking in the shadows. The same as being abandoned, abused and molested, this is something that I live with and reading the posts here and trying to help even if I am no help at all, it helps me cope. I can be pretty blasé about it but I need somewhere like here but maybe, like some others, here doesn’t need me. I hope that we can all find a place to get the help we need, I don’t even know where to begin to look if that is not here. This IS that place right?
I didn't read your whole post. I haven't typed that much in 2 years. I'm a person who speaks little. I accept anyone. I could care less why or when someone feels like they do. An opinion was asked for and I gave one. I knew I was supposed to be a girl when I was 4 or 5. If you figured it out later in life, I gotta hug for you too. Goodnight. Still going to bed feeling like I hurt someone. It's not a good feeling. We come here to lift each other up. I'm not here to tear anybody down.

Offline Dietlind

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2019, 10:35:43 pm »
I'd guess you're not really trans. I think most of us knew we were trans even before we knew what trans was. It's really for a therapist to determine though.

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Speak for yourself!  I did not know which gender I was for many years.  I was told that I was a guy, but I surely was not one, but I did not feel like a girl either.  In fact, I still do not have a clear gender identity!

Yes, a therapist would be the right route, but we don't know where this person lives, and If it is easy to see a therapist?







IAmM

Re: How did you find out
« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2019, 11:50:05 pm »
I didn't read your whole post. I haven't typed that much in 2 years. I'm a person who speaks little. I accept anyone. I could care less why or when someone feels like they do. An opinion was asked for and I gave one. I knew I was supposed to be a girl when I was 4 or 5. If you figured it out later in life, I gotta hug for you too. Goodnight. Still going to bed feeling like I hurt someone. It's not a good feeling. We come here to lift each other up. I'm not here to tear anybody down.

Oh my god, I know. :icon_redface: I knew that when I read it. I am so sorry. Please don't feel bad.
Danielle is gerat, Jessica's response was spot on and Chrissy's response was flawless. You said what you know. This is so incredibly personal that I don't think that canned responses help, but some response is needed. That is where I pull up. Some response is needed. There was a time where people desperately needed help but no one knew how to respond and they slipped through the cracks, thier pain was so real and no one knew what to say. I read that and saw something so impersonal and the most emphatic answer was negative.

Please don't stop responding to everyone. I saw a girl here once that practically begged for some response to her pain. I didn't know what to say and apparently no one else did either and no one answered. She never posted again. I hope that she found peace but I don't have any belief that she did.

Don't feel bad, I am the one with a problem. I feel right and wrong, I feel hurt and I want to fix it but I don't know how. I am not exaggerating when I say that you will never find someone who understands people less than me. As much as I hate it though, I can feel them. Easy for me to get on everyone else when I don't know what to do either. Sucks that I can't intentionality hurt anyone but I can't help anyone either because I don't understand anyone.

Meh, pay no attention to me.

Xeriasta, good luck I hope that you find what you are looking for.

I will find my meds elsewhere from now on.

Offline Sophiaprincess2019

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2019, 06:20:23 am »
I "found out" when I had a "Jesus take the wheel moment" and cried myself to sleep. Once I started being COMPLETELY honest with myself I knew. It was recognition of something I knew since I was 10, when gender didn't have a label.

I let go of all social expectations and everything expected of me and let nature guide me. I naturally occur on this planet as a beautiful woman, a princess. That's how I know.

Another way you might "know" is: look at this girl:

Do you want to get with her, or be like her? (honest only)

Sophia
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Offline Jen61

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #16 on: February 17, 2019, 07:53:52 am »
Oh my god, I know. :icon_redface: I knew that when I read it. I am so sorry. Please don't feel bad.
Danielle is gerat, Jessica's response was spot on and Chrissy's response was flawless. You said what you know. This is so incredibly personal that I don't think that canned responses help, but some response is needed. That is where I pull up. Some response is needed. There was a time where people desperately needed help but no one knew how to respond and they slipped through the cracks, thier pain was so real and no one knew what to say. I read that and saw something so impersonal and the most emphatic answer was negative.

Please don't stop responding to everyone. I saw a girl here once that practically begged for some response to her pain. I didn't know what to say and apparently no one else did either and no one answered. She never posted again. I hope that she found peace but I don't have any belief that she did.

Don't feel bad, I am the one with a problem. I feel right and wrong, I feel hurt and I want to fix it but I don't know how. I am not exaggerating when I say that you will never find someone who understands people less than me. As much as I hate it though, I can feel them. Easy for me to get on everyone else when I don't know what to do either. Sucks that I can't intentionality hurt anyone but I can't help anyone either because I don't understand anyone.

Meh, pay no attention to me.

Xeriasta, good luck I hope that you find what you are looking for.

I will find my meds elsewhere from now on.
You have nothing to be sorry about. You called me out on something I was wrong about. You also aren't the one who made me feel bad. I did that all on my own :).

As for you thinking you're not able to help people, I disagree. You are giving support and encouragement to others. You are a good person. Don't beat yourself up.

Offline Jen61

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #17 on: February 17, 2019, 07:56:02 am »
Speak for yourself!  I did not know which gender I was for many years.  I was told that I was a guy, but I surely was not one, but I did not feel like a girl either.  In fact, I still do not have a clear gender identity!

Yes, a therapist would be the right route, but we don't know where this person lives, and If it is easy to see a therapist?
I was speaking for myself. I just happened to be incorrect. I am really sorry.

Offline Xeriasta

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #18 on: February 17, 2019, 09:17:59 am »
Thank you all for welcoming me.  :D :D

I will go true the links Jessica posted  :D.

And Jen61 don´t think to much about what you posted in the first place. yes i was a little taken back but in the end you apologized and i´m not a person who holds a grudge. :laugh: :laugh:

Offline Jen61

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Re: How did you find out
« Reply #19 on: February 17, 2019, 09:23:31 am »
Thank you all for welcoming me.  :D :D

I will go true the links Jessica posted  :D.

And Jen61 don´t think to much about what you posted in the first place. yes i was a little taken back but in the end you apologized and i´m not a person who holds a grudge.
Thank you.

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