Author Topic: Looking for like minded souls  (Read 332 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline MichelleVindee

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 34
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Androgyne
  • Some portion of paradise is still on earth
Looking for like minded souls
« on: February 27, 2019, 03:05:50 am »
Hello,

This is my second post, after my introductory post I find that it is important for me to connect with people who are about to or have already gone through their journey of transition.

I have found that there are limited events in Brisbane and Queensland as a whole so would like to reach out to more people in the community.

Looking forward to 'light and guidance, friendship and a feeling of spirit'

Warm Regards
Michelle
« Last Edit: March 01, 2019, 09:12:25 pm by Jessica »
Warm Regards Michelle

Offline Allie Jayne

  • *
  • Posts: 65
  • Reputation: +2/-0
Re: Looking for like mided souls
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2019, 04:32:52 am »
Hi Michelle,
                  As I am soon to start my HRT, I'm not sure I can offer much guidance there, but I've been on my journey for over 60 years so I guess I can offer a kindred spirit and friendship! It definitely seems that the more we share, the less our burden is. I have been out to my wife for 20 years, and basically spend all my time at home as Allie. I am from a regional area near Melbourne and there are very few activities for older trans people, though, and good to see, quite a bit of support for trans youth. In my short time on this forum I have found it invaluable, and I'm sure you will too!

Allie

Offline MichelleVindee

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 34
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Androgyne
  • Some portion of paradise is still on earth
Re: Looking for like mided souls
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2019, 06:05:01 pm »
Hi Allie,

Thank you for your kind words, a kindred spirit and friendship sounds wonderful. After my third session of seeing the Psychologist I have an appointment next week to start on blockers and to discuss HRT. This almost feels surreal!

I have to pinch myself that this is all happening and so fast after so long keeping my true feelings hidden. It takes some time to visualize and understand how this will all play out but I am feeling very positive. My immediate family are not aware of my intentions just my wife at this time which is a sensitive point of contention. I hope to gradually let the cat out of the bag as it were.

Wow really pushing the envelope but I feel as if finding my true identity is starting to give me a focus and purpose in life, almost like being woken up from a dream.

Warm Regards Michelle
Warm Regards Michelle

Offline Allie Jayne

  • *
  • Posts: 65
  • Reputation: +2/-0
Re: Looking for like mided souls
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2019, 04:59:36 am »
Wow, so much similar. I only had one session with my psychologist and she stopped me at 40 minutes to tell me she was convinced I was female, and happy to recommend HRT. I have my Endo appointment Tuesday to sort out a plan. Only my wife knows, and while she would rather this wasn't happening, she is supportive. For me, my dysphoria has gotten to the stage it's affecting my health and normal function, so I can't go on 'managing' it with crossdressing.

Having said that, in consideration of my chances of passing, and the effects on my family, my plan is to transition medically, but not socially. I don't know if this will work as a number of people who know me have guessed I am trans. And I don't really know what it will take to bring my dysphoria back to where I can be healthy, or if the hormones will strengthen my need to socially transition. It is simply the scariest time of my life, but hopefully it will bring peace!

Allie 

Offline MichelleVindee

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 34
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Androgyne
  • Some portion of paradise is still on earth
Re: Looking for like mided souls
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2019, 08:20:49 pm »
Hello Allie,

In the 20 odd years of Cross Dressing, I can count on one hand how many times I have gone out and that was in the evening! This week has been the longest I have dressed as Michelle and been out on numerous occasions during the day. I will add though that this has been a gradual process which started midyear 2018.

So if you are not dressing everyday while in the home try it ( this maybe already happening), then gradually take it a bit further. Always use common sense though when you feel you would like to leave the house, even if it’s in the garden or walking the dogs at night, be aware of your surroundings. Remember be safe and it’s ok to take a look outside your comfort zone.
Yes it is scary but it makes you feel alive, we are living!

Warm Regards Michelle
Warm Regards Michelle

Offline Allie Jayne

  • *
  • Posts: 65
  • Reputation: +2/-0
Re: Looking for like mided souls
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2019, 12:45:57 am »
Hi Michelle, I am Allie all the time at home, but not passable enough to try going out. I also am the wife at home, doing all the domestic duties. I'm hoping HRT will soften me enough to maybe try an outing one day, but not believing I will ever be passable. I can live with this as I'm not planning to come out socially at this stage. I live in a small community where everybody knows everybody, so I know I couldn't walk our dog without being recognised, and I fear what the repercussions might be.

I think most people who know me have figured out I'm trans, as they know I do the cooking and cleaning at home and my full head of grey hair is down to my shoulder blades, but guessing and confirming are a long way apart. Coming out to my GP, Psychologist, and Endo has been both cathartic and scary, and I know there will be more medical people knowing about me in the coming months. It wasn't my planned path, but has been thrust upon me by declining health, and how far I go will be determined by what it takes to make me healthy again. So it's a ride into the unknown, and I'm glad I no longer feel alone.

Allie

Offline Cindy

  • The Forum Administrator
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 26,226
  • Reputation: +493/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for like mided souls
« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2019, 01:15:21 am »
Hi Michelle  and Allie

I'm an Aussie girl from Adelaide and welcome to the Forum.

I do know that there are a few active clubs etc for TG people in Brisbane and Brisbane and Qld generally have an excellent service for TG people.

I can find the names of the social groups etc if you like.

Oh and I can definitely understand the fears and worries of 'going out!' the terror of the knock on the door and the horror of someone seeing me!!!

Thankfully all of that is well and truly in the past!!!

I know that this may not help a lot at the moment but what I can say is that - certainly in Australia, people basically don't care. You can go out quite safely taking the usual precautions that all women take (sadly) and no one should bother you.

The biggest fear with have is fear itself. Once we face that and deal with it, life does get a lot easier.

Cindy

Offline Allie Jayne

  • *
  • Posts: 65
  • Reputation: +2/-0
Re: Looking for like mided souls
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2019, 06:46:17 am »
Hi Cindy! Thanks for your encouraging words, and I have to say, I'm not so scared of reactions against me for my self, but for my loved ones. I have always been very well muscled, and people ask me how often I work out, and I'm hoping HRT will reduce my muscle mass, but it won't change my frame. At 5'10 and with wide shoulders, I know I won't pass. I am lucky to be surrounded by people who love me, and I believe most would accept me, as most already think of me as one of the girls. But some wouldn't.

There are a few in my small community who are narrow minded and would make derogatory comments, and this would affect my loved ones. My wife has been amazingly supportive despite not understanding why she won't grow old with a man by her side, but she has said she doesn't think she could take the embarrassment. My Daughter's in laws would make her life uncomfortable as well, risking access to my grandchildren. As much as I need to live as myself, I am not prepared to make my loved ones suffer, or risk losing them.

It sucks, but in the words of a former PM, life wasn't meant to be easy. Everything is a compromise, so I have to find somewhere in the middle we can all live with. I will look for a TG group in my regional area,  and maybe spend some precious 'me' time with them, but that's the best I can hope for at this time.

Allie

Offline Finding Lauren

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 56
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for like mided souls
« Reply #8 on: March 01, 2019, 08:26:48 am »
Welcome Michelle, and hi Allie,

I can identify with your feelings.  It’s an emotionally risky journey.  We can’t avoid it, and can’t see our way around in it clearly.
I’ve been recommended for HRT for MTF, but I’m uncertain.  I’m in Ontario Canada. 
I share your fears, and so far I cannot see myself making it to passable.  My Psychologist paired me with a girl (Astrid) who said two very interesting things about overcoming fear and about medical transition without social.  First she was so panicked about shopping and being out that they gave her sessions with electro shock. I know NO, but this was interesting.  She held metal cylinders, while she laid back and they mentally took her through mental scenarios that would over stress her.  At the point of maximum stress they would shock her lightly, then begin again over and over.  They said medical science doesn’t know exactly how it works.  Astrid said it freed her in just a couple of sessions.  She lost the negative feedback, and went straight out to shop!  She accelerated her transition at that point, and said only to try this is you are ready to GO!  Secondly she said a drug is being researched that will hopefully give, well maybe me, a mental transition without the physical changes.  I would jump on that, to be more emotional, sensitive, and to have even more appreciation for female interests.
I’m looking for those half measures that would calm me, without risking rejection for myself.  Looking back I thought I had just some strange feelings, then a phase that could be conquered with an experiment or two, then a kink that I could manage ... with just one more binge before purging, then something more complex with a name that had to be given a place, needed to be shared with someone, then, and then, and then.  I always felt I could manage it, slow it if I couldn’t end it, indulge it and put it away, but now I’m thinking my conscious mind was never truly in contol of my feminizatiion.  My unconscious mind I believe now was always in ultimate control, and that my concious rational mind could only really fight minor delaying battles paced at a level that wouldn’t make me too unfulfilled to stand it at any one point.  At any one point in the feminine transitioning that was going to happen in me, one way or another.  To quote Tina Turner “We can make this easy, or we can make this hard”, but can we just make this friendly somehow?
Do you have fun pre HRT ideas?  Has anyone heard of the drug?
This forum is great.  I can see from others, including Allie, that I’m not facing nearly as many pitfalls as others, and that I’m not doing THIS alone.  I gives me the courage to take another step into the unknown, in some way together.


Pensively,

Lauren

Offline Allie Jayne

  • *
  • Posts: 65
  • Reputation: +2/-0
Re: Looking for like mided souls
« Reply #9 on: March 01, 2019, 04:06:05 pm »
My point of journey is a bit more urgent. I have always been very maternal, and raised my 2 children from 3 years old on my own. Cooking, washing, cleaning, and styling my daughters hair for singing performances satisfied my dysphoria. When my kids left home I managed it with crossdressing (Not happy with that term as I was being myself) and my second wife eventually got used to me being Allie all the time at home. In the past couple of years, my dysphoria has increased, leading to stress related illness. This has gotten to the point I am off work and constantly ill, and everyone is worried about me. I can't be more Allie without coming out to everyone, unless I start a medical transition. My Psych agrees this should ease my dysphoria and help me regain normal health.

I have been rocked by how strong dysphoria can be. I always believed I could manage myself, but I have had a harsh lesson in how mental health can destroy physical health. I am going to grasp HRT, and even orchiectomy in the hope it will turn my health around, and hopefully minimise impact on my loved ones.

I believe if you have realistic expectations you can find peace, but I've already seen a few posts on this forum where people were expecting much more than they could achieve, and they have possibly arrived in a worse place than they started from. It's one thing to be supportive, but we must realise that means not misleading someone.   

We went for a swim at the beach last night, and my wife told me to live it up as I won't be able to swim bare chested next year!

Allie

Offline MichelleVindee

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 34
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Androgyne
  • Some portion of paradise is still on earth
Re: Looking for like minded souls
« Reply #10 on: March 03, 2019, 07:16:37 am »
Hi Allie,

Thank you for sharing, you have already achieved so much in bringing up your children, what a wonderful accomplishment and trying to cope with your dysphoria as well.

To try and understand this journey seems to throw up more questions, especially once it been confirmed.  I find myself wondering the final results once I start to take blockers and HRT.

What should I realistically expect ? A change of fat distribution through my body, no change to the bone density or size. A softening to the muscle mass, a change to the way my skin looks (translucent). Development in my chest area in the form of breasts and their enlargement.

Will this make me feel more inline with my dysphoria, will this calm my mind? These are questions I can not answer. Will this help me pass as a women when I am out? I don't know.

Everyone reacts differently to the Hormones in line with their own individual genetic makeup. The one thing that I am conscious of when I am out and about is the sound of my voice. I am 1.80m in height so I stand out, given that I am slim but with broad shoulders, a physicality that leads people to thinking that I am a man.

Cindy has mentioned and I might be wrong but maybe people don't care, an interesting point. Its the fear of vulnerability that is so debilitating within!

Lauren's comments regarding the therapy for treating the dysphoria is very interesting and the way I see it non physical (medication), so you can stay in your own skin. For me this would not work as I am starting to think everyday as I continue living as Michelle is another day that i want this transition not only mentally (hope) but physically even if it is minor.

I think it is down to ones own expectations, we can only try to get the best advice. With that advice then understand how it will change us.

Thank you Cindy and Lauren for your warm welcome,

Best Regards
Michelle
Warm Regards Michelle

Offline Finding Lauren

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 56
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for like minded souls
« Reply #11 on: March 03, 2019, 01:20:57 pm »
Michelle,

I hope it gives you everything you wish for.  Feminization is so mysteriously enchanting.  I feel lured and teased, fearful and comforted at the same time.
I look forward to updates if you feel like sharing.


Hugs,

Lauren

Offline MichelleVindee

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 34
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Androgyne
  • Some portion of paradise is still on earth
Re: Looking for like minded souls
« Reply #12 on: March 03, 2019, 06:59:25 pm »
Hello Lauren,

What wonderful words, wish and enchanting. I haven't thought of it like that. I'm trying to be as honest with myself as possible. This site helps to digest, the people here are so giving and armed with that can only hope that a little bit here and a little bit there allows me some clear space through the fog.

I'm sure my posts in the future will allow me to vent more (in a nice way) on my personal journey and to join all of you in yours.

Warm wishes
Michelle
Warm Regards Michelle

Offline MichelleVindee

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 34
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Androgyne
  • Some portion of paradise is still on earth
Re: Looking for like minded souls
« Reply #13 on: March 03, 2019, 07:03:08 pm »
Hi Cindy,

I have found two of interest here in Brisbane so far: Wendybird next date 16th March and Transcendance , last Tuesday of every month.

Warm Regards
Michelle
Warm Regards Michelle

Offline Cindy

  • The Forum Administrator
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 26,226
  • Reputation: +493/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for like minded souls
« Reply #14 on: March 03, 2019, 07:23:59 pm »
Hi Cindy,

I have found two of interest here in Brisbane so far: Wendybird next date 16th March and Transcendance , last Tuesday of every month.

Warm Regards
Michelle

ATSAQ is the group that I know. Kristine runs it and by all accounts it is extremely friendly and open to all at all stages of transitioning from beginning to end.

http://www.atsaq.com/new-index.html

I know Kristine and she is lovely

Offline MichelleVindee

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 34
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Androgyne
  • Some portion of paradise is still on earth
Re: Looking for like minded souls
« Reply #15 on: April 15, 2019, 07:03:55 pm »
ATSAQ is the group that I know. Kristine runs it and by all accounts it is extremely friendly and open to all at all stages of transitioning from beginning to end.

http://www.atsaq.com/new-index.html

I know Kristine and she is lovely

Attended my first meeting, beautiful people...

Warm Regards Michelle

Offline LizK

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 5,705
  • Reputation: +24/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself
Re: Looking for like minded souls
« Reply #16 on: April 16, 2019, 04:38:00 am »
Good to hear you enjoyed it  ;D
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Tags: