Community Conversation > Significant Others talk

recently found out that my partner is trans mtf

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Bea1968:
Sounds like you are approaching these challenges with thought and empathy.  You are doing well and I think you are making good choices.  I would reiterate my advice about counseling for couples.   Work on communication between you two.  As this progresses you will have to put in effort to maintain open communication.  I wish the best for you both.


Bea

Emerald24:
just to update for anyone interested my partner and i are still going strong, she told her friends about it all and their response was hilarious, her best friend who is quite masculine asked her for a picture so we sent one of her in a skirt top tights and heels one normal one and one with her blowing him a kiss for fun, he sent a photo back of him with his t-shirt tied up round his chest like the old Britney spears look blowing a kiss back it was great to know he not only accepted it but was comfortable enough to be casual and jokey and his normal self about it, he also invited her over for a party with some other close friends and his girlfriend who is a bit transphobic, my partner mentioned she would be dressing up when she got there and presenting female but he must not have been listening as when she got to the party and went into a room to get dressed he walked in and was a bit shocked, she offered to take it all off again and re-dress as a "man" and his response was "no stay as you are my girlfriend is just going to have to learn to be ok with it" and over time she has become ok with it but his support was amazing. we told my friend who instantly offered her shoes to my partner as they are 1 size apart and the shoes in her closet that were to big for her fit my partner perfectly. she told her mom and then we left it there, knowing we have years to wait for the nhs GIC clinic to see us we felt like there was no point anyone else knowing as she is not happy with the idea of going out dressed up as a woman but still looking (in her mind) like a man, unfortunately this means not telling our son yet as it would mean his teachers, the other parents and children finding out and my partner has to do the school run and cant face that right now (our son is only 7 and would have a hard time not telling everyone) we cant afford gender gp or any other private care and thankfully i dont think we are in danger of needing any therapy any more as we couldn't afford that either. so for now we are just rolling along and all the fears and worry from that first post are gone.

Faith:
Always trials, I am glad that you are finding a path together. It is not easy. Based on others stories I've had it very easy with my wife and our path together. It's still not something to wish upon anyone.

I had few friends. only one 'work friend' that was comfortable enough to accept me and ask me various questions about it. No invasive questions at all.

visual shocks, yeah, I had a few of those. they can by humorous if handled the right way.

thanks for updating, stick around. It's always nice to hear from 'the other side' :)

JanePlain:
I'm glad you brought up the sexual part of your relationship. I read a lot about people transitioning and being close to asexual. And while thats not everything in a marriage I think it is important. Limbic (skin on skin contact) is a huge plus in maintaing a bond.  Lack of it is not good! Before going into that I want to say that the point about him trying sex with a man disturbs me because it sounds like infidelity which is maybe the worst thing I've ever experienced.  Maybe I'm old school but I think thats something to hammer out.  Anyway enough misery...

A couple of thoughts. Being in transition and approaching sex in a different way can be difficult (I think) because while your still you and approach things the way you always did your spouse maybe wanting to do things differently and thus can get embarrassed.  Or feel guilt afterwards wondering if this is really working for you or if this is too crazy.  I think one of the things that made being sexual better and have less baggage was my wife asking me if it was weird she liked things the way they were going (I don't want to TMI people out.)  If you want to PM me (Or anyone else)  And the point is I was VERY relieved she said that because it took a lot of guts for her to say that and really took the heat off of me to perform in what for menever felt comfortable.  Oh!  I also wanted to echo the comment about thinking about sex during sex as the opposite gender.  *Which has been that way for as long as I can remember. 

I would like to suggest one book that I think might be helpful for both of you. Its called "Girl Sex 101"   The way I read it there are a lot more "complicated" relationships and this has a lot of material to make it work. Like WOW type good. 

And I guess one more TMI thing then usual but if your spouse is really keen on sex with someone with a penis there are a very wide variety of strapons that can pinch hit and you "might" also find it to be a hit.  Anyway just a thought and I really do hope you don't get talked into 3 somes or whatever.  Trust is a huge thing and of course there is always the issue of STDs to worry about.

Anyway I think its really cool that your on this forum and that your making it work.    Kudos! and good luck.

Emerald24:
thanks but i did post a few comments ago that we were experimenting with strap ons :D i've gotten quite good at it (not to toot my own horn :D ) we still do it both ways it just depends what mood we are in and how much time we have, also the subject of experimenting with other people has been firmly shelved and she knows my feeling on the subject, she realises that i am 99% sure i will never be ok with it but i i ever am she will be the first to know and she is ok with that

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