Author Topic: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters  (Read 383 times)

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Offline Roxanne90

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Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« on: March 14, 2019, 11:31:43 am »
Hi everybody, I know that the subject of the topic is a little misleading and I hope there's nothing wrong with it, but I really need some advice about a plan I came up with to test the waters with my family.

My parents are very catholic and old-fashioned and I have plenty of reasons to believe they will not take my coming out well, but I can't say it for sure... So, I thought that maybe if I "fake" my coming out on April Fool's Day, I will be able to see how they might react about it.

I was planning on replacing my current profile picture on Facebook with one modified with FaceApp and then let the things go by... My relatives and my only friend would also see it and I will probably get to know their opinion, too. Learning that there is any chance to get their approval would be crucial to plan my next move.

Do you think it could work? Has any of you tried something similar? Do you have any suggestions or ideas?

Thanks in advance for reading!  :)

Offline Eva_Saskatchewatch

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2019, 11:53:07 am »
Hi everybody, I know that the subject of the topic is a little misleading and I hope there's nothing wrong with it, but I really need some advice about a plan I came up with to test the waters with my family.

My parents are very catholic and old-fashioned and I have plenty of reasons to believe they will not take my coming out well, but I can't say it for sure... So, I thought that maybe if I "fake" my coming out on April Fool's Day, I will be able to see how they might react about it.

I was planning on replacing my current profile picture on Facebook with one modified with FaceApp and then let the things go by... My relatives and my only friend would also see it and I will probably get to know their opinion, too. Learning that there is any chance to get their approval would be crucial to plan my next move.

Do you think it could work? Has any of you tried something similar? Do you have any suggestions or ideas?

Thanks in advance for reading!  :)

I think the idea seems good but I want to make sure that you've considered this. (You probably have but I want to clarify). You're phrasing it like a prank because that's the spirit of April 1st. Makes total sense to me but they may see through this and understand that it's not a joke. If they don't react well then you may have problems.

Also if they don't react well and they see it as a prank what are you going to do? It hurts so badly to be shut up inside your false self and you probably don't want to suffer through that.

Good Luck
Eva
"You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time."
-Abraham Lincoln

Offline Devlyn

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2019, 12:32:43 pm »
Coming out seldom requires more than the two words "I'm transgender."

The rest is going to be questions and learning to accept you.

Hugs, Devlyn

Offline NatalieRene

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2019, 12:50:28 pm »
It doesn’t even have to involve disclosure. Leave something out for them to find or your parents are total snoops and they rummage through your things and find out on their own.

Online TonyaW

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2019, 02:34:00 pm »
March 31st is International Transgender Day of Visibility.  Could do something then and walk it back as April Fool if it goes horribly wrong. 

Personally I don't like the idea of joking about coming out.  Maybe just bring something up on the 31st somehow and see where they are.

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Offline Devlyn

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2019, 02:57:02 pm »
March 31st is International Transgender Day of Visibility.  Could do something then and walk it back as April Fool if it goes horribly wrong. 

Personally I don't like the idea of joking about coming out.  Maybe just bring something up on the 31st somehow and see where they are.

Agreed. Tell your family that transgender is a joke and they're likely to run with the joke....then what?

Tell them you're transgender and they have to deal with it... right here, right now.

Online Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2019, 03:09:15 pm »
March 31st is International Transgender Day of Visibility.  Could do something then and walk it back as April Fool if it goes horribly wrong. 

Personally I don't like the idea of joking about coming out.  Maybe just bring something up on the 31st somehow and see where they are.

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@Roxanne90   @TonyaW   @Eva_Saskatchewatch  @Devlyn  @NatalieRene
Dear Roxanne:
I agree with all of the comment replies that you have received on your thread so far.

I also agree with the others that the idea of making your announcement
on April Fools Day (a "joke" day) is NOT a good idea.


In my opinion, whenever you do decide to come out, it needs to be a very serious and truthful announcement and not tied in with any kind of jokes or uncertainty.

Coming out to family members, especially parents can be a difficult gauntlet to get through.  While it may be difficult for you to make the announcement to them, please understand that your parents will also have great difficulty as well.... their son is now a daughter, name has changed, etc....   very difficult for both of you...
...that is why I think that the April Fools Day thing is ill-advised.
It is your life and your announcement to make, use you best judgement in doing so.

We are all your biggest fans here and we are all rooting for your success. 
Please keep us all updated regarding your coming out events.

Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle [/b]

Offline Roxanne90

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2019, 04:14:04 pm »
Thank you everybody. I’ve just realised it was a stupid idea! And actually, I don’t think I really need to test the waters. I just have to recollect all the courage I have and be prepared for the consequences my coming out will lead, even if it will mean that I will not see my family anymore. But I expect it will take a lot of time yet. :)

I’m so grateful for your advice! I’m so happy I decided to ask you before doing anything! I hope I can count on you again! :D

Offline Laurie K

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2019, 04:21:14 pm »
Be honest and up front.   most of us have done this without a safety net to fall back on...
Be true to yourself and if some have a problem with it ... the problem is theirs.... this is not easy but can be rewarding




The ball is now rolling....I hope it doesnt run me 0ver

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #9 on: March 14, 2019, 08:02:22 pm »
Thank you everybody. I’ve just realised it was a stupid idea! And actually, I don’t think I really need to test the waters. I just have to recollect all the courage I have and be prepared for the consequences my coming out will lead, even if it will mean that I will not see my family anymore. But I expect it will take a lot of time yet. :)

I’m so grateful for your advice! I’m so happy I decided to ask you before doing anything! I hope I can count on you again! :D
I am glad to hear that you have reconsidered.  There are two days in the year when I would avoid coming out: April Fool's day and Halloween.  Either one will lead to not being taken seriously.

Coming out to family is hard.  When the time is right, summon up your courage, take a deep breath, and just say it.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS

Offline LizK

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #10 on: March 14, 2019, 09:32:27 pm »
Thank you everybody. I’ve just realised it was a stupid idea! And actually, I don’t think I really need to test the waters. I just have to recollect all the courage I have and be prepared for the consequences my coming out will lead, even if it will mean that I will not see my family anymore. But I expect it will take a lot of time yet. :)

I’m so grateful for your advice! I’m so happy I decided to ask you before doing anything! I hope I can count on you again! :D

Great glad you found the answer to your question. I was going to add a list of reason but I doubt they would be any different to what others have said. People react in all sorts of way and just remember that when you first tell them their first reaction may not be their last...it normally takes people few days to process everything and they may have  more "detailed response" once the have digested what you have said.

I hope it goes really well for you

Liz
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Offline Roxanne90

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2019, 12:51:24 pm »
Thank you everybody! You're so kind!  :)

Offline Denise

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Re: Coming out on April Fool's Day to test the waters
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2019, 05:36:27 am »
I am glad to hear that you have reconsidered.  There are two days in the year when I would avoid coming out: April Fool's day and Halloween.  Either one will lead to not being taken seriously.
...

Not to pile on, but someone else might not be convinced...

Take it from someone who came out on Halloween Kathy Lauren is right. Those are the two days to avoid.  I have a friend who accidentally came out to their parents on April 1st and when they said it was a joke, it made it that much harder later.
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