Author Topic: Need help with narcissistic ex  (Read 447 times)

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Offline Amoré

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Need help with narcissistic ex
« on: March 17, 2019, 11:23:16 am »
Hi guy's and gals

Hope all of you are doing well.

I need help with my narcissistic ex.

We have a child together so getting rid of her is no option but the way she uses my child and things to turn my brain into mush like she always did is non stop.

She has strict rules of what my house must be like when my child is here.

She is basically the only one that can make choices when it comes to my child but we must always be willing to open our wallets.

She is a constant topic in my house.

She is invading my life in subtle little ways and I can't get rid of her.

Me and my fiance is getting married one of these days and we feel that we must ask permission for my child to be there that is how badly she is screwing with our heads.

It is school vacation here and my child isn't allowed to visit for a week because she said so and I asked my child did your mom ask you and she said her mom said no she is not allowed to come and visit for a week because she is going to miss her mom too much and she is only allowed to stay two nights. Then her mom sweetened the deal by adding that she is going to take my daughter and her friend for milkshake and things thursday.

She always have to phone when my child is visiting to make sure everything is okay and when everything is okay and when she hears everything is okay and my child is having a good time she starts manipulating my child don't you miss me and things like that.

She is also on a war path that I must live my life as she sees fit. I must detransition and all like a previous post I posted. She turned my head into spaghetti the last time and now is doing the typical narcissist thing of giving me silent treatment so that I eventually submit because it is there way of screwing even further with your head. They got this way of screwing with your head so that you can't get them out. That you eventually submit but I won't

She already destroyed me in the past took all my self worth away damaged the way I look at myself. But I just can't get rid of her.

She even wormed her way into my family poisoning the possibility of reconciling after my transition she goes and visits them and sends me pictures of how she is spending Christmas with my father.

I am tired of her playing the victim game also. She is using that in church as her story to gain higher ranks now she is a homecell leader using me as the bad guy in her story. Her mission in homecell is to rescue people from the lgbtq comunity to show them God that their gay or whatever is gone and they are cured. She apparently rescued a lesbian woman the other day and believes she can cure me. So I did the natural thing and told her to go and do something.

She and my child prays each night for me to become a man again and see the right way. That I am sinning and am a disgrace to God.

She is also using my child as a weapon to hurt me. She guilt trips me a lot. Why can't she just leave me alone and stay out of my life and leave me that I can live my life as I want and stop teaching my child I am a man and a sinner. Also stop teaching my child that she my ex is a victim and I did everything wrong.

She told me yesterday that I must be great-full that my child can even come and visit me and she is not the bad guy because of that typical narcissist.

The thing is I am afraid she will never be done with me and move on.


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Offline RandyL

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2019, 12:08:26 pm »
I'm so sorry for your difficulty with her. Make sure you have cover from the legal system so that she can't deny your rights. Good luck! Hugs, Randy

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2019, 12:38:46 pm »
The way I see it, you only have two options. You can continue as you have been or you can take the more difficult path. You need to see your lawyer, the one who helped you with the divorce and find out what your options are. You then need to make sure that your ex follows everything that was agreed to. As long as you let her, your ex will take every advantage that she can because she is that type of person. The only thing that will end it is standing up for your rights.
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Offline Amoré

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #3 on: March 17, 2019, 02:30:57 pm »
You see the problem with her is she is very very good at playing the victim. Even in court believe I was there she has a way of turning you into the bad guy and her into the poor victim being transgender and already transitioned make the system look upon you even more. I feel that there is no way out.

I don't have the money to pursue court case after court case just to let her walk away with a even more inflated ego.

Taking her to court just plays more into her field because she taunts you and wait for you to make a move then pinpoint and prance around that you are unstable and the trouble maker.

The day when I wanted to get divorced I served her with divorce papers she didn't want to sign them. She then went on to put in her own divorce claim saying I am not going to pin her as the bad guy and she won't allow anyone to divorce her.

I basically feel that this woman owns me and will never ever stop.


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Offline Chloe

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2019, 05:12:46 pm »
Amoré Welcome to My World Too! It's called NPD, "narcissistic personality disorder" and there are many web sites devoted to just this! lol Used to have one myself!

Must Read More
(ps: I wound up with the house & the kids but, many sheriffs visits later, it wasn't easy on anybody  >:-) )
« Last Edit: March 17, 2019, 06:24:03 pm by Chloe »
"But it's no use now," thought poor Alice, "to pretend be two people!
"Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!"

Offline CarlyMcx

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2019, 08:28:12 pm »
I went through all that with my ex except I was still in the closet and she never got religion.  She cheated on me and left me and the Catholics still frown on that sort of thing.

But even after she left she used my son to stay in my life and make all sorts of trouble.

It all ended when my son turned 18.

Offline krobinson103

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2019, 08:56:57 pm »
Sounds like my ex. She wants the gravy train... the house, the child support etc. But, she does her best to poison the children against me, insists they don't see me at my new home with my gf, and tries her best to destroy my self confidence every time she sees me.

I've decided that the best way is simple. I will spell her every second weekend so she can have a bit of time on her own, BUT, she must be out of the house (since she insists I go there) and if she starts gets antsy or aggressive when we are both there I simply leave.

She will get my support with the kids till they turn 18, and at that point I will legally force the sale of the house and NEVER have anything to do with her again.
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Offline Amoré

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2019, 11:12:50 pm »
Amoré Welcome to My World Too! It's called NPD, "narcissistic personality disorder" and there are many web sites devoted to just this! lol Used to have one myself!

Must Read More
(ps: I wound up with the house & the kids but, many sheriffs visits later, it wasn't easy on anybody  >:-) )

How did you recover from this. I am still struggling to find my feet in life. My poor partner is always picking up the pieces behind me. I have no confidence left still after years.

There is really no way also talking to people about this because they don't get it. They think you are just feeling sorry for yourself. That you must just move on.

The problem here is that I don't want my child to go through the same hell and left scarred for life.
When the time for the divorce came I was silenced I was conditioned to believe that I am inaduquite to raise a child that I have no rights and that if I open my mouth I will never see my child again because she can tell them at any time the truth about what I did. I believed that at that stage and accepted it as the truth.


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Offline Chloe

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #8 on: March 18, 2019, 06:50:19 am »
I have no confidence left still after years.

Where to begin? It is definitely HER not you a NPD person is actually a child predator and yours will eventually figure that out over time!

Read this -> Understanding Narcissism and this -> Narcissists Suck then tell me if makes sense, "fits" her? Sanctuary for the Abused

IMHO it's the modern definition of "evil incarnate"?
"But it's no use now," thought poor Alice, "to pretend be two people!
"Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!"

Offline Amoré

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #9 on: March 18, 2019, 07:41:28 am »
Where to begin? It is definitely HER not you a NPD person is actually a child predator and yours will eventually figure that out over time!

Read this -> Understanding Narcissism and this -> Narcissists Suck then tell me if makes sense, "fits" her? Sanctuary for the Abused

IMHO it's the modern definition of "evil incarnate"?

O yes it fits.

I was used as a little trophy when I was male and she molded me and shaped me even dictating how I must wear my hair.

I was pushed to work weekends to supply her with nice cars and things.

She is "perfect" example you know people sometimes say the wrong word. If she does that and I corrected her she all hell would break loose and she would degrade and humiliate you so bad until you submit and say she didn't and feel like you want to crawl under a rock and die there.

She really has a entitlement and god complex now.

She started homecell at church and is now a homecell leader. She claims that she can lead people to God and she is perfect and if you accept God you can be just like her.

We played with my child last night and she pretended to be like mom the police woman that catches the fox shoot them down and kill them. The fox she said is everyone that has the devil in their heart and not believe in Jesus.

I have this on recording.


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Offline CynthiaAnn

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #10 on: March 18, 2019, 07:51:32 am »
Wow I read this thread and it's amazing what can and does happen. I don't have much offer at such a distance, except a sympathetic ear and few words "Time and Distance"

Hugs dear

Cynthia -

there and back....

Ann W

Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #11 on: March 18, 2019, 08:34:38 am »
@Amoré

IMHO, there is only one answer to this situation, and it's your lawyer.

The way you deal with her "playing the victim" is documentation. Document every encounter with her and with your child that involves her, however remotely. Keep a journal. To the extent that your fiance has encounters with her or with your child involving her, they also should document.

This is very tedious and very time-consuming; but if your lawyer is worth anything he or she will be very happy with you for doing this. You have to take her lies and manipulation, and your discouragement, out of the picture; and this is how you do it. In time, your documentation will paint a picture of her that will speak to the court for itself.

I don't know where in the world you are, but unilateral denial of visitation is a huge no-no in the US. Visitation is not only a parent's right; it's the child's right. Courts take the view that it is in the child's best interest to have a relationship with both parents, unless there is significant evidence to the contrary. Many non-custodial parents allow custodial parents to deny them visitation out of discouragement, but they shouldn't. In fact, the custodial parent who is playing games with the non-custodial parent's visitation should have to pay attorney fees and court costs, every time they get taken back to court, because it's usually a violation of the Court's order -- a contempt scenario. Unless the custodial parent is made of money, that should be a disincentive.

And even after you win this fight, keep documenting. Chances are, this won't stop and she'll keep screwing with you, using other ways, until it becomes too expensive.

Offline Amoré

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #12 on: March 18, 2019, 01:35:46 pm »
I looked at my parenting plan today and she is violating two a couple of things.

Firstly she plays us for more money. Taking advantage of our generosity. We should only increase by 10% a year but we do more and now it is piling up because what you upped last year she expects even more the next year.

In my parenting plan there is a clause that stats she is not allowed to raise my child to discriminate on anyone based on any bases, race, religion, gender, sexuality and so on.

She is doing this actively saying that people have the devil in their heart and it is up to her as a higher decendent and believe me she makes you know that she is more powerful in her own mind and that her religion gives her authority and power.

She got it right the last time to screw with my mind so badly that I started to question myself and my transition and if she is right that God made me a man and that I am sinning and won't get into heaven because of this.

If I tried to raise a point she would start to degrade me on every level. She believes that God will hear her pervasive prayers of getting her way in making me a man again. She told me it is a matter of time he will do it on his time. He listens to her.

But she makes it pretty clear that she is praying for me and for what reason. Putting an expectation now on me to do so because that is "Gods will" actually it is just mind bashing you trying to control you. She can't keep herself in how important she is and how perfect she is. Because now she is living a Reborn Christian life that floats her ego even more and she uses it as a weapon to get her way.

She recons that I can go to court I won't win because she has the power of Jesus and I underestimate him.

This whole line showed me it is a control and power trip. She is using Jesus or expect it from him that she will get her way.

She tried this treatment also with my fiance to get her way. She wants to bash everyone around her into what she expects them to be in her life. Creating her perfect little fantasy world.

I am just so tired of this person. She is putting unnecessary problems in our life and sometimes what she does is so disturbing that it consumes our lives.


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Offline RandyL

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #13 on: March 18, 2019, 01:49:40 pm »
She recons that I can go to court I won't win because she has the power of Jesus and I underestimate him.
As recommended by others, it sounds like you need to call her bluff and do go to court.  I don't know the law, but if she is violating a legally filed parenting plan, then she should pay your legal costs if it goes your way?
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Offline Amoré

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2019, 04:55:52 am »
A lot of things has come to light in the last couple of days.

My ex can't leave me and my life and poisoning me and my identity alone because she can't get over me.

In her mind she is still married to me or something.

Why would a person go to such extreme lengths to get their spouse to detransition?
She repeatedly mentioned how marriage is a union between two people and God and divorce is a rejection of God.
When she spoke about our marriage she didn't speak about she was married to a man. She talked about she married a man as if she is still married to me.

She kept on repeating how big sin it is.

She tried therapy in the past and it didn't work for her. I think because they told her to suck it up and move on.

Her last two relationships failed miserably and she is single now for 2 years.

Talking to her is not an option.

I think in her twisted mind she believe she can get me to detransition and come back to her for whatever stupid reason she have.

I am just so sick and tired of this. She is damaging our child she is causing havoc.

No amount of law enforcement can get her sickness out of her head.

I thought about it really carefully the only way to make this go away in her head is to cement that going back to her as a man is absolutely no possibility. It doesn't help you tell her this she must see it.

Me and my fiance both agrees that the more I go down transition and the more we are getting serious the worse she is getting.

We are planning on getting married soon that would cement it in a way but I know her in her mind I will still be pre-op which leave gap to try to destroy my marriage and return me to male and back to her.

The only way is to remove all traces of male. Irreversible things like becoming post op.

I just don't have the money for this.because if I cut off my God given penis it would never be the same again.

I really hope then things can calm down and she will calm down leave me alone and stop poisoning my life.
I just want her to move on find someone be happy create a stable and sound environment for my child.

I want the obsessing about me going back to a guy and that it is even a possibility to stop.


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Offline Chloe

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #15 on: March 21, 2019, 06:32:49 am »

In her mind she is still married to me or something.

       It's a HUGE blow to her ego Amoré because in her mind she thinks she still loves you - although has a funny way of showing it when together?. Odds are she'd support your transition if only you'd take her back but, of course lol, highly do not recommend it! Mine is here once again, been divorced 11 years now, appreciates NOTHING same 'ole evil ways . . .

       To her kindness is a weakness, keep her at arm's length, forget all that religious BS and just work on getting your child back! Don't know how SA court system works but, living in a very consevative part of Georgia USA like we do and even thought she made a very big deal of my being "transgender" (which I admitted as true) I eventually still got custody of our kids anyway! Same Judge as in divorce . . .

At age 14 kids can choose which parent they want to be with.

If anything like mine she's positively criminal, feels "above the law" can do whatever she wants, keep an eye on her and you'll succeed!
"But it's no use now," thought poor Alice, "to pretend be two people!
"Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!"

Offline Amoré

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #16 on: March 21, 2019, 09:11:12 am »
Most of the conversation and fighting is via whatsapp or phone calls when we go to pick up the child she doesn't even greet us and ignore us flat.

Getting custody is not that easy. I must prove abuse against my child.

The only way and that I know her is to make her believe it is over she can do nothing to change the situation.


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Offline Eva_Saskatchewatch

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Re: Need help with narcissistic ex
« Reply #17 on: March 21, 2019, 09:52:29 am »
The only way and that I know her is to make her believe it is over she can do nothing to change the situation.

I don't think that that's going to happen. Sorry. I think the way that these people are is that they are so confident that they can change something that it becomes an almost fanatical belief. The only way to stop the manipulation is through legal action. It may hurt to document it all in the short term but in the long run, it's for the best.

Good Luck,
Eva
"You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time."
-Abraham Lincoln

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