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Author Topic: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?  (Read 3325 times)

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Offline Pammie

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #40 on: December 08, 2019, 05:04:06 pm »
Quote from: Sophiaprincess2019 on December 08, 2019, 05:00:53 pm
My thoughts/feelings about people leaving me due to my transition:

If you truly love me, you will never leave!

I give them something to think about:

" I didn't CHOOSE to be Transgender, this is something I started to understand about myself"

"Remember: you chose to leave me"

I could have chosen to not continue in life and I could have also chosen to leave this earth and wreck almost 1,000 people's lives in the process, but I didn't. I chose to live, as my authentic self, as I was meant to be.

Sooner or later they come around. If they choose to remain gone, that's their CHOICE, not mine. Either way they have to own the choices they make: if they are going to be in or out of my life, I cannot make those decisions for them. Everyone's an adult (in my world) they are capable of deciding.

I have better things to do than worry about who hates or loves me. I like a saying by Henry ford:

"Henry Ford — 'Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right."  ------- same goes for hate/love!

HUGS

Sophia
Yep, spot on! I see people falling by the wayside as a small price to pay for becoming my true self. I’ve lost my best friend but the fact I’ve lost him shows he wasn’t really my best friend, just my longest friend


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Offline Linde

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #41 on: December 08, 2019, 11:38:35 pm »
What I thought would be my best friends, a pretty religious couple, but who never bothered me with their religious view, did it when I came out to them.  They told me that I seem to have a brain damage, and should go into an institution.  Because it could not be normal that a manly man as I was, would want to become a woman!  They did not know that all that manliness was nothing but a coverup, and that I was a woman all my life.
All my explanations did not help, oh well, now they used to be my frinds, I lost them, but gained many more new and real friends who do accept me!
Life goes on, there is no reason to look back!
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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #42 on: December 09, 2019, 10:29:18 am »
Quote from: Linde on December 08, 2019, 11:38:35 pm
What I thought would be my best friends, a pretty religious couple, but who never bothered me with their religious view, did it when I came out to them.  They told me that I seem to have a brain damage, and should go into an institution.  Because it could not be normal that a manly man as I was, would want to become a woman!  They did not know that all that manliness was nothing but a coverup, and that I was a woman all my life.
All my explanations did not help, oh well, now they used to be my frinds, I lost them, but gained many more new and real friends who do accept me!
Life goes on, there is no reason to look back!

I am sorry that you lost your best friends Linde.

Chrissy
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Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others. 

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Linde

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #43 on: December 09, 2019, 10:36:50 am »
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 09, 2019, 10:29:18 am
I am sorry that you lost your best friends Linde.

Chrissy
Thank you Chrissy, one learns to cope with losses over time.  I have to admit that I still miss them, because we really were super close!
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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #44 on: December 09, 2019, 10:39:25 am »
Quote from: Linde on December 09, 2019, 10:36:50 am
Thank you Chrissy, one learns to cope with losses over time.  I have to admit that I still miss them, because we really were super close!

Perhaps you can try again someday to reach out to them.

Some people think that transsexuals have a mental defect, as this “weirds them out.”
All well.

Hugs,

Chrissy
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Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others. 

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Linde

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #45 on: December 09, 2019, 12:00:35 pm »
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 09, 2019, 10:39:25 am
Perhaps you can try again someday to reach out to them.

Some people think that transsexuals have a mental defect, as this “weirds them out.”
All well.

Hugs,

Chrissy
I am in very loose texting contact with the wife, he seems to be tougher, cause he "lost" a car working/talking buddy (so he feels), not realizing that I am still as much into that stuff, as I ever was!
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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #46 on: December 09, 2019, 01:05:07 pm »
Quote from: Linde on December 09, 2019, 12:00:35 pm
I am in very loose texting contact with the wife, he seems to be tougher, cause he "lost" a car working/talking buddy (so he feels), not realizing that I am still as much into that stuff, as I ever was!

Maybe you can email him, call him, or text him some thoughts to start a conversation about cars and other things?

Chrissy
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Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others. 

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Linde

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #47 on: December 10, 2019, 12:10:31 am »
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 09, 2019, 01:05:07 pm
Maybe you can email him, call him, or text him some thoughts to start a conversation about cars and other things?

Chrissy
I have to see if I can overcome my inner hurt/pride to initiate something.
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Offline roseyfox

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #48 on: December 10, 2019, 06:18:45 pm »
Peeps dont have to understand to respect but when peeps disrespect me i am a no hold back kinda girl. I will get in your face and do not hold back even if it gets physical. An of course i don't go straight into attack. I dont care about pronouns i care about name. Like my one manager at work learned. I will tell you hey i perfer to be called by Rosa. He said ya will that not your legal name. After a ear full of screaming and a trip to hr with witness of the occurrence. He recieved a write up and told to call me by Rosa.

If it was family or randos. It wouldnt of just been a earful. :3
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Offline ChrissyRyan

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As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #49 on: February 15, 2020, 05:46:33 pm »
Some days are easier to cope with hearing disapproving comments than other days.

It is particularly hard to hear them on some days without getting your spirits down.

 

Chrissy

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Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others. 

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Jaymilynn

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #50 on: February 15, 2020, 10:02:18 pm »
I have been of the opinion when I decided to come out and begin transition, all that matters was that I was happy and finally being true to myself. I have spent years trying to cover up and hide who I truly was. I knew I would lose family and friends when I finally decided to transition. I’m out in pretty much all aspects of my life. Few coworkers and a few family and a few friends is all I have left to come out to. I had my first negative response today. My aunt bluntly told me that I would be an ugly woman, I will lose all my friends, the majority of my family, my job and my wife. My wife has been my biggest supporter so far. She has told me that she worries that she will not be able to cope with the physical changes but she loves the emotional changes and the happiness I’ve expressed since I’ve came out. What really hurt today was my aunt saying first that I was going to be ugly. I’ve spent my whole late hating how I looked and dreaming of the day that I would finally have the beautiful outside that matches my inside. Second when she said flat out that my wife would never love me and never stay with me and would be gone, that hurt more than anything else she could have possibly said. My wife was sitting on the couch next to me when I was telling my aunt what was going on with me. Everyone of my wife’s friends and family she has spoken to about me has all told her the same thing. She needs to run away and leave me. I think, we’ll, I know that she loves me with all her heart and she is going to do everything to try and make things work and continue our lives together. My fear is everyone is going to talk her out of me. I’ve spent the last hour crying. I thought I was prepared to lose her. I am ok somewhat if she decides to leave me because she can’t handle the physical changes. I’m not ok if she leaves me because of everyone telling her to run. I just don’t understand why people can’t just accept me for who I am and accept the fact that she loves me and wants to make it work. I don’t understand why everyone is telling her to run. Why are they doing this?  I’ve been on cloud nine and now I just feel devastated. Why can’t people just let other people be happy?

Jaymi Lynn
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Offline Pammie

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #51 on: February 16, 2020, 02:38:54 am »
Quote from: Jaymilynn on February 15, 2020, 10:02:18 pm
I have been of the opinion when I decided to come out and begin transition, all that matters was that I was happy and finally being true to myself. I have spent years trying to cover up and hide who I truly was. I knew I would lose family and friends when I finally decided to transition. I’m out in pretty much all aspects of my life. Few coworkers and a few family and a few friends is all I have left to come out to. I had my first negative response today. My aunt bluntly told me that I would be an ugly woman, I will lose all my friends, the majority of my family, my job and my wife. My wife has been my biggest supporter so far. She has told me that she worries that she will not be able to cope with the physical changes but she loves the emotional changes and the happiness I’ve expressed since I’ve came out. What really hurt today was my aunt saying first that I was going to be ugly. I’ve spent my whole late hating how I looked and dreaming of the day that I would finally have the beautiful outside that matches my inside. Second when she said flat out that my wife would never love me and never stay with me and would be gone, that hurt more than anything else she could have possibly said. My wife was sitting on the couch next to me when I was telling my aunt what was going on with me. Everyone of my wife’s friends and family she has spoken to about me has all told her the same thing. She needs to run away and leave me. I think, we’ll, I know that she loves me with all her heart and she is going to do everything to try and make things work and continue our lives together. My fear is everyone is going to talk her out of me. I’ve spent the last hour crying. I thought I was prepared to lose her. I am ok somewhat if she decides to leave me because she can’t handle the physical changes. I’m not ok if she leaves me because of everyone telling her to run. I just don’t understand why people can’t just accept me for who I am and accept the fact that she loves me and wants to make it work. I don’t understand why everyone is telling her to run. Why are they doing this?  I’ve been on cloud nine and now I just feel devastated. Why can’t people just let other people be happy?

Jaymi Lynn
Sadly, this is a massive thing for people to take in in one go. It’s just human nature that people will handle it differently. Remember you have had years thinking about this whilst they have to process it in one minute.
I think it’s a massive challenge for your wife if you plan to fully transition as she never expected to become a de facto lesbian.
Some people will be initially supportive but then become anti on thinking it over, some will be initially anti but come round and others will be consistent with their initial views.
What I would suggest is that you probably should be certain this is important enough to you that you would be happier transitioning and losing your wife than staying as you are.
Good luck anyway! Xx


I opened the door and the light shone in
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Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #52 on: February 16, 2020, 06:16:42 am »
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 15, 2020, 05:46:33 pm
Some days are easier to cope with hearing disapproving comments than other days.

It is particularly hard to hear them on some days without getting your spirits down.

 

Chrissy

Chrissy, did someone say something to you?
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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #53 on: February 16, 2020, 06:24:50 am »
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 16, 2020, 06:16:42 am
Chrissy, did someone say something to you?

I overheard some comments.  They were not said directly to me.

Chrissy
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Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others. 

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #54 on: February 16, 2020, 06:33:32 am »
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 16, 2020, 06:24:50 am
I overheard some comments.  They were not said directly to me.

Chrissy

Ah, I'm sorry that happened. You're always so kind. If only being kind made us immune to the unkind.
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Offline ChrissyRyan

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As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #55 on: February 16, 2020, 06:36:55 am »
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 16, 2020, 06:33:32 am
Ah, I'm sorry that happened. You're always so kind. If only being kind made us immune to the unkind.


That was a kind thing to say.  Thank you, and do have a nice day today.   :)

Chrissy
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Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others. 

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Jaymilynn

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #56 on: February 16, 2020, 07:13:57 am »
Quote from: Pammie on February 16, 2020, 02:38:54 am
Sadly, this is a massive thing for people to take in in one go. It’s just human nature that people will handle it differently. Remember you have had years thinking about this whilst they have to process it in one minute.
I think it’s a massive challenge for your wife if you plan to fully transition as she never expected to become a de facto lesbian.
Some people will be initially supportive but then become anti on thinking it over, some will be initially anti but come round and others will be consistent with their initial views.
What I would suggest is that you probably should be certain this is important enough to you that you would be happier transitioning and losing your wife than staying as you are.
Good luck anyway! Xx


I opened the door and the light shone in

I actually spoke to her last night on this exact thing. Transitioning has to happen. To me it’s isn’t a want. Like I said above I am prepared to lose her if it’s a decision she makes on her own and I will support her 100% and help her however I can. What I can’t deal with is if she leaves me because of outside pressure. Just because people don’t understand and keep telling her over and over again to run if that makes any sense.
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Offline Pammie

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #57 on: February 16, 2020, 07:31:18 am »
Quote from: Jaymilynn on February 16, 2020, 07:13:57 am
I actually spoke to her last night on this exact thing. Transitioning has to happen. To me it’s isn’t a want. Like I said above I am prepared to lose her if it’s a decision she makes on her own and I will support her 100% and help her however I can. What I can’t deal with is if she leaves me because of outside pressure. Just because people don’t understand and keep telling her over and over again to run if that makes any sense.
It does make sense but it’s also human nature in action. Your wife will already be experiencing such a turmoil of emotions and hearing negative reaction from others will have an influence.



I opened the door and the light shone in
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Offline WishnHopeN

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Re: As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #58 on: July 23, 2020, 11:02:52 pm »
Cope?  Is that me coping?  I'm better off without them.  Is that coping?  Why would I waste my time with them? 
« Last Edit: July 24, 2020, 05:25:32 am by Rakel »
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Offline ChrissyRyan

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As a mtf, how did you cope with others who disapprove?
« Reply #59 on: November 29, 2020, 02:44:01 pm »
Quote from: WishnHopeN on July 23, 2020, 11:02:52 pm
Cope?  Is that me coping?  I'm better off without them.  Is that coping?  Why would I waste my time with them?

That is certainly one way of handling the situation!

Chrissy
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Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others. 

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  
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