Community Conversation > Male to female transsexual talk (MTF)

feeling like suicide (semi - serious)

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kelly_1979:
I've bottled up this so long and destroyed my body from anxiety. Doctors now told me I have too much anxiety and need to take drugs to calm down before starting HRT. Currently I have so much anxiety and tiredness I have difficulty thinking and finding a job. I now realize I had been playing with fire for so long I got burned big time.
Two days ago I came out to a colleague, she told me she supported me but apart from that she remained strictly "professional". Btw she is technically married so it could be awkward for her. I guess it doesn't matter anyway.

I have developed adrenal fatigue so bad I feel my body is breaking down, my smell and taste has changed. I'm convinced that I'll probably die in the next few months. Currently I'm still living in my parents house because I it's also on my name and I had thought it would have been stupid trying to move out.

I've been to multiple endos for my fatigue and nobody really helped. So far I keep losing muscle despite the fact I'm gaining fat.

Now I am at a loss. I don't want to see myself get any worse than this. I really don't want to kill myself but I can't seem to find a way out.
Don't just say "it gets better". Not if you have messed up your health so much.

Edit: forgot to mention, currently I'm NOT taking any medication.

Kirsteneklund7:
What about give all medication away?  Starting from scratch can be very good.Have you discussed core issues with your GP or a psychologist ?Begin mtf hrt if you feel fit enough mentally and physically.Focus on health and fitness and mental fitness first.

 Medication can be a red herring if the core issues are not addressed first.

 Kind regards,  Kirsten.

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CynthiaAnn:

--- Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on April 24, 2019, 06:20:05 am ---Focus on health and fitness and mental fitness first.

--- End quote ---

I agree with Kirsten above. Anxiety / depression is killer, I suffered 10 years ago, start a walking program, or other aerobic, don't neglect your diet. You have to own it, don't let it own you....

Take care

Cynthia -

kelly_1979:
Yeah I mean I've no idea what to do. I try walking but still get tired easily, I eat well (plenty of protein, veggies), try to sleep before 22:30 but wake up early and just keep getting worse. My rapidly declining health is was worries me. As I am now no endo would agree for me to start HRT.

CynthiaAnn:
You have to see your Dr and should.

Have you considered "mindfulness" ?

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