Community Conversation > Intersex talk

How much time do you think I have?

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I appreciate your concerns, but I do not want to deal with doctors right now. They have explanation for every possible <not allowed>. I tried that 7 years ago. People tend to take one piece of information and use it the way it fits their assumptions. It took me years to recover from that last experience. They are just plain horrible.

That bleeding is not unusual for me. In fact I had more of these exactly 7 years ago. Then there was a long break. I do not have brain tumor, vision problems, testicular issues or pain in my behind, no sudden weight loss or gain, no thyroid issues. I had this 20 years ago and I can recognize imbalance. Cancer does not develop for 7 years.

I'm not here to convince you or myself about being intersex. Sometimes I feel like I'm hitting a wall.

   You posted so I think you want feedback. I don't know what your situation is medically. I do know that even if you had some estrogen induced symptoms, it will not cause blood in the rectum. Your medical situation can definitely change in 7 years. I am of the age where I need to get colonoscopies. They found 1polyp. Because they found that one, I go every 5 years instead of 10. I tell you that because that is the time frame for that particular problem to develop. You may have something different going on. It sounds like you have two separate issues going on in my non-doctor opinion. If it were me, yeah, I'd be mad at the doctors 7 years ago who treated me badly, but I wouldn't let that stop me looking into a serious medical issue now.

This is not easy for me to explain. I did not realize how fragile is my mind set.

Over the years I had a set of health issues, burst ulcer, hyperactive thyroid, diagnosed IBS and constant digestive problems. I can recognize when something is off. I had colonoscopy done two years ago. Nothing abnormal.

There is no blood present anymore. Except for those two days I mentioned. The blood was not mixed with a stool, hence it could not come through digestive tract. It could come from hemorrhoids, but it was not swollen at all. I have seen it in the past, that’s why I do not consider this to be alarming. However, there is a question of a color.

Believe me, if I feel that something is wrong I would go straight to ER. But for now, visit to a doctor will play out in usual way. Checking prostate, doing blood test and possible colonoscopy. Maybe they would check my testosterone and at the end they would find nothing. The endocrinologist will insists that there should be brown liquid coming out from my nipples. That I have enough testosterone in my body. If I ‘m lucky they will do USG and some lab technician inexperience in intersex condition will say that there is absolutely nothing alarming. At the end doctor will say that I’m crazy and imagining things. Case closed. No karyotype test or MRI based on somebody’s imaginary hallucinations. This is a reality. I’ve seen how people react when you try to tell them everything what happened. So I tried to limit the information to only some things and omit other details. Not helpful, because they look in the areas that are irrelevant. If you tell them more they react with fear.

Try to put yourself in my shoes. How would you react. Where would you look for help or some information to at least to rationalize some of it.

Now forget everything you ever learned in school. Forget what you think is possible and what is impossible. Forget that who you are is set in stone. That there is fluid line between male and female. There is no psychiatrist that can help you. There is no point of reference to other people experiences. This cannot be duplicated or confirmed. There is only my word against what you think it is.

It took me months to work out some things. If I were a Creator and I wanted to convince individual of something. I would start with Big event that would be so powerful that would instill unwavering understanding of an act that no so called real evidence can disprove. I would also leave some breadcrumbs here and there to be followed. I would also pick someone who can describe things well and have some analytical skills to follow the breadcrumbs.

The Big event happened 7 years ago. After imagining things, arousal shifted to inside my body and for couple minutes I lost total control of my body. I could only wait until everything plays out. All nerve endings on my breast fired up, entire belly was burning. Out of nowhere feeling of vagina appeared and it merged with a feeling of my penis. The penis was inside me. During climax, when I had multiple contractions in my crotch and following waves of energy travelled in through my thighs and up to my energy made up boobs, I was terrified, scared as hell because I realized at this moment that everything that I know about my own body is incorrect, that I’m inhabiting body of a complete stranger. When everything was over I did not even remembered my fears. Entire experience felt to me normal.

Than things started happening. My nipples looked different. Entire breast was bouncing. There were changes on my face that people who know me noticed immediately. I had strangers on the street walking up to my face only inches away, just to take a good look.

And there is another event. I felt pain in my stomach. It was vertical going straight through the middle of my abdomen. It went away, but couple hours later, it woke me up through the middle of the night. I was curling in my bed. It left like someone thrusted two ice picks in my stomach. In my mind I had a mental image of an organ. Two points bursting with energy, positioned on left and right side, with equal distance from each other connected by two very thin tubes. I could not take the pain. I got up and took some tylenol. The pain was gone.

Out of curiosity I compared dates of these two events. It was exactly 28 in between them. I had no idea whether it had any meaning, but quick google search pointed me to menstrual cycle.

About three weeks ago when I started to see growth of my left breast, I researched gynecamastia. The only problem was unexplained breast hyper sensitivity and that tingling pain inside. It had to be related to hormonal activity. Another search revealed that this kind of pain is related to surge of progesterone that expands some glands and ducts. So I after that I was thinking, what if the blood I saw in the past is somehow related to all of these. According to some sources, surge of progesterone takes place exactly one week before period bleeding starts. So day before I was thinking, there is no way it will happen. But 24 hours later I was staring at this vibrant blood on my hand. And there is a color that expert websites describe as perfectly normal for woman.

Now after all of this that I told you. Do you really think that opinion of some doctor or USG, even MRI will matter and convince me that I can forget all of these, that I was mistaken. That I never experienced anything of it?
Do you think that human brain can create phantom feelings of organs that never existed at the first place? Do you think that imaginary things can cause physical changes?
How do you think the doctors will react if I told them that while they at they should also check my ovaries because I think something going on down there.

Seven years ago I felt disconnected from everybody. Hence, my nick name, being from Earth. I was scared of the future. I do not know what will happen. Sometimes I think everything will remain the same. And then some other breadcrumb shows up. I think that right now I will be Ok with the change. I don’t mind it. I don’t know how I would I live my life though.

Look, I know that after reading this you might feel like a rug was pulled from underneath your feet. It takes time to process this information. But this is not imaginary, it’s just different from what you know.

Please more doctors suggestions or seeing psychiatrist. It’s pointless

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

With what your suggesting, I would suggest you consider testing your total estrogen, estradiol and progesterone levels. If you have to pay out of pocket it shouldn't set you back more than a couple of hundred dollars and at least in the U.S., you may be able to get the test without a doctors prescription. If the tests show something, that might be the starting point for the doctors to look farther.


--- Quote from: Dena on April 29, 2019, 06:00:09 pm ---With what your suggesting, I would suggest you consider testing your total estrogen, estradiol and progesterone levels.
--- End quote ---

I completely agree with Dena. Hard evidence should help eliminate misunderstandings and ease communication between your doctor and yourself.


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