Author Topic: Faith's Progress 2.0  (Read 41780 times)

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Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #980 on: June 14, 2021, 06:51:18 am »
I'm still tired. Woke up early yesterday, then the grandchildren (+Moms) showed up to spend the day. That'll wear you out. that was after a late night out to the Local Moose club. I got home around 1am Sat night for that Sunday morning early wake-up.

Road with my drummer buddy to the club. Great guy, great singer, great drummer. Disabled and has trouble getting around, not supposed to lift anything. He, well, he had a trouble 'allowing' me to help. I'm like, hey, I'm here, I can pick this stuff up - no problem. I actually went planning on helping, I mean, who wouldn't? OK, I suppose some people would stand back, I'm not that kind of person.

Anyways, it was a good night. Lots of smiles in my direction, one couple made a point of dragging me up (ok, it was the last song) and actually thanked me for joining them stating, "You are always welcome here, come any time you want".  Well, that's great, made me feel good, also pointed out that I didn't exactly pass .. or they just knew I was very reserved and having trouble joining in. I didn't ask. I also usually sit alone, that didn't last. I got dragged over to another table to join the gals there. Yes, dragged .. I was kicking and screaming ... yeah, Ok, no I didn't :P

They caught me off-guard during one break, asked me if I was willing to get up and play a song. <insert deer in headlights look here> Yeah, I wasn't ready. Adrenaline hit, shakes didn't stop until 2 songs after I sat back down. I played 2 songs .. at least they were simple ones.

It turns out that I am on their list for asking to play permanently. I'm ok with playing or not, whatever is best for them. If they find someone that's a drop-in fit they should choose them. I do know most of the songs so I made sure to offer to be a fill-in if they ever needed one.

Here, have a photo from that night:


I went from pony tail to hanging down several times. (hot pink skinny jeans that you can't see ;D )


Offline davina61

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #981 on: June 14, 2021, 08:04:46 am »
Well dear either they dont know or dont give a fig so go with the flow. Knock out some tunes, its good for the soul XXX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #982 on: June 24, 2021, 06:41:00 am »
long week.

39th anniversary last Sat. Breakfast was expensive  :o  Fun though

Not much else to add. Work, home, sleep, repeat.  Yeah, I know, supposed to rinse in there somewhere but I'm too tired at times.

Offline davina61

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #983 on: June 24, 2021, 07:08:00 am »
Join the club dear, some times I have to remind myself what day it is. Like you say eat, sleep , work on the hotrod repeat!!!
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #984 on: June 28, 2021, 06:48:18 am »
digging around the house looking for some stuff that is misplaced and, unfortunately, not very big. Getting into all the closet nooks and crannies .. dust .. ugh .. old nasty dust. My sinuses are all messed up.  Probably reduce my system enough to get an upper respiratory infection or cold .. yuch.

  I took a brave new step out of my comfort zone. I went out to listen to my buddy's band on Sat. (yeah, becoming a regular occurrence). Anyways, I took a change of clothes but didn't change. I spent the evening in my short-shorts and loose half-top that falls off one shoulder or the other.  Black halter top underneath - an outfit normally reserved for around the house only.
  I was recording the evening, my camera was up on a shelf and I had to stand on tip-toe to see the screen. I could feel the roving eyes on me, even caught a few. My buddy was one  :o I already know that he likes how I look, he's made no secret of it. I have to emphasize - not in a creepy way, he just likes what he sees and isn't afraid to tell me. We've always had a close, speak our minds, friendship. I'm glad I didn't lose this friend from before-times. It would have really hurt. The terms, distracted and hot came up a few times. I helped him pack up his drums at the end of the gig, apparently he had trouble putting things away .. HAH :P

Anyways, I digress from my story points.

I mentioned to the gal friend that I was sitting with that I had intended to change, she asked into what. I told her long jeans and tunic top. She told me not to, that I have great legs and should flaunt them whenever I can  :icon_weirdface:

My buddy went bar-side to get paid, when he came back he shared what happened (I'll have to paraphrase)
The barmaid asked him if the gal that he was with was his sister. He wasn't expecting the question and didn't know who she meant (being in the band he socializes with quite a few throughout the evening). He asked who she meant and she proceeded to describe. He was still being a bit dense (his words) and being described as a blonde threw him a bit. He finally realized that she was asking about me. To which he said no, just a very close friend.  I had to explain to him that while my hair is silvery gray, people see it as the coveted platinum-blonde that they pay big dollars to get theirs dyed to look like.  I get hair compliments .. go figure :P

wow, that's a lot of words for a short story. gotta go

Offline davina61

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #985 on: June 29, 2021, 03:01:52 am »
And there you were thinking you didn't pass ,now you know when people look its not that you have been "clocked"   but looking at a glamorous woman !! XXXXX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline RandiL

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #986 on: June 29, 2021, 01:13:55 pm »
What a great story, Faith! Thanks for telling it in the long form, I didn't want the good news to end. Flaunt it indeed

My smartphone thinks it's smarter than me. It's probably right.

Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #987 on: July 02, 2021, 02:19:39 pm »
Off for another night on the town. Truth is, I should stay home but my drummer buddy has to play tonight. He's got a blood clot behind his knee and is supposed to stay off his feet as much as possible.  His son is loading his car, I want to be there early to help him unload and set up. Then I'll stick around to help him load back up.

His band mates would help, they have their own <poo> to do whereas I don't.

Offline SoCal_Holly

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #988 on: July 03, 2021, 01:04:14 pm »
Sounds like you are having loads of fun and living the dream!

You go girl!

Hugs,

Holly

Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #989 on: July 04, 2021, 07:04:28 am »
Living the dream? Well, not quite. I'm still dreaming to live .. getting closer every day. I'm trying to get out there, my wife pushing me to do more (not to get rid of me, to help me be me). Between her and my drummer friend I do get more exposure .. in a manner of speaking.  I'm still working on braving the dance floor.

Life crisis. Ok, that's too strong. We've had to car shop for a while now and were just now ready ... our 'dependable' car has died, needs a motor. Isn't that awesome.

Little voice story.
  My voice tends to shift when I talk on the phone, other times as well, mostly phones.  I had to make a service call for work, an issue with CenturyLink (now Lumen, what's up with that?). I called in, gave my name and company.  When she was confirming my name she said Frank with a question in her voice. I laughed and said no, not a Frank. Using few words as I am lazy typing, her assumption was female but heard Frank and was uncertain.

+1 for proper phone voice gendering.

Offline Katie Ellen

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #990 on: July 06, 2021, 12:31:06 pm »
Stay safe from the storm!

Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #991 on: July 06, 2021, 12:37:12 pm »
Stay safe from the storm!

thx but ... this all day sprinkle? pfft :P  ;D

Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #992 on: July 11, 2021, 06:41:58 am »
I had a really bad evening the other day. Every, and I do mean every aspect, of dysphoria and depression (throw in lots of anxiety) flared up. I was home alone. Alone is so much worse. There's a lot to unravel for me in there. I don't know about resolution. The last straw in the buildup was buying a car.

A car you say? Yes. Skipping the details, we found ourselves with no car and no fix, need 2 cars. We managed to buy one.

Why an issue? We couldn't find anything dependable in, what I consider,  reasonable price range. We had to take a large sum out of our retirement stash. The yearly rollover has been earmarked for my surgeries. Gone now.

Logically I know we had to do it .. emotionally, well, that bad evening that I'm still not over tells that side.

It's a nice car  :(

Offline RandiL

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #993 on: July 11, 2021, 03:54:56 pm »
Cars are just a money and resource suck. That said it's very hard to live most places in the US without one.

I'm sorry it was part of making a bad day for you. I hope you feel better soon. You deserve it.

My smartphone thinks it's smarter than me. It's probably right.

Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline davina61

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #994 on: July 12, 2021, 02:37:10 am »
Sending you a BIG HUG and some positivity dear XXX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #995 on: July 12, 2021, 09:36:48 am »
thanks Randi, Davina

Life can certainly suck. I am getting so, not disillusioned - that the wrong word, deflated kind of fits. I simply cannot see every being who I see myself as being. Stuck in a shell of 'other'.

I am not like some others, I am very binary. I want to match what my head says. Accepting a mismatch of body parts does not suit me. The only thing that helps is progress or the chance of progress.  Chances are slim to none now.

Offline Pammie

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #996 on: July 12, 2021, 12:06:06 pm »
thanks Randi, Davina

Life can certainly suck. I am getting so, not disillusioned - that the wrong word, deflated kind of fits. I simply cannot see every being who I see myself as being. Stuck in a shell of 'other'.

I am not like some others, I am very binary. I want to match what my head says. Accepting a mismatch of body parts does not suit me. The only thing that helps is progress or the chance of progress.  Chances are slim to none now.
I write 3 positives in my journal every evening- it really helps because you realise there are always good things happening. Since my little girl died I’ve learned that life is too short to waste in wishing everything was already in place when it isn’t yet.
Make the most of most days, there will be the odd write-off ‘cause we’re human


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Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #997 on: July 15, 2021, 05:58:36 am »
more time passes .. more "hey man!" and ".. sir .."

I'm getting tired of correcting. Maybe it's because I see the same thing that they do so how can I blame them.

Offline davina61

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #998 on: July 15, 2021, 10:49:42 am »
Ignore them , they are obviously idiots (thats the polite version)
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
« Reply #999 on: July 19, 2021, 07:06:19 am »
It's nice to meet up with old friends who 'get it'.

Someone (a married couple) whom I knew and hung out with "before' reached out to me to see how I was and about getting together to jam a bit (they play and sing). They hadn't reached out before stating they weren't sure if I was receptive to overtures. After seeing me out and about they decided to do it.

Conversation and time was mostly music, name was OK, they tended to trip over pronouns. However, when  the conversation did roll around to why they held back for a while and how I was doing, most of their viewpoints aligned with mine. I really didn't have to explain anything, they were already there. Only thing they did was make apologies for the pronouns, they were trying but tended to slip. I can deal with that.

No inappropriate surgery or body comments/questions although .. they did mention wondering to each other whether I was going to sing my old songs from man or woman viewpoint. Well, most of them I have reworded gender-neutral. Some I am not yet singing where neutral doesn't fit. I struggle with singing from woman point of view still, it feels weird. Plus, I tend to over-think what other people I used to know will think to themselves or talk about if I did.  I still have work to do in my own head SURPRISE! -NOT-.  Yes, they said what you are thinking .. sing either way I feel comfortable, who cares what anyone else is thinking.

The guy friend did mention singing based on presentation, no one will think twice either way. Kind of a backhanded supportive compliment but I already know that I am mostly androgynous to masculine in appearance.

One another plus, apparently my singing voice has not degraded too badly from lack of use. My bass playing, on the other hand, needs lots of work.

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