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Well THAT Was Awkward!

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SaraJason:
We spent a lovely day together. We've never spent so much time together. And we went out. In public. Together. For the first time ever.... And it was awkward. I've learned she's really not comfortable with ANY pda, which I can kinda understand at this stage.

I think the overall problem, though, was not knowing which way chivalry should flow and stumbling all over each other in trying. At least neither of us were bruised by the door to the restaurant. Then the, "No, you first" dance when ordering. She even offered to pay! After I had said this was my treat while planning this date and while deciding what to order....

Even conversation was stilted and awkward! And that's a problem we have rarely had in our many years of friendship and benefits, and definitely never to this extent.

I don't know if all this is a side effect of her transition, or a side effect of the evolution of our relationship. From the minute we stepped out her front door to minute we returned to her apartment, we were suddenly a couple of nervous teenagers or something!

After returning to her apartment, and gorging on the cheesecake I'd surprised her with, she did mention that, "next time", she'd be showing me another restaurant I've never been to. So if there's a next time, this time couldn't have been that bad, right?

I also learned that ten hours in her presence can easily mean watching her try on clothes for an hour or so. Twice. But I'll save my griping about her clothing obsession (LOL)

KathyLauren:
Yes, the first few times out in public are awkward.  Thanks for being there for her!

My wife is quite firm with me about "chivalry": she wants me to lose it.  I am not allowed to hold the door for her: whichever of us gets to the door first is to open it, walk through, and hold the door behind for the other one.  Similarly, I am not to open her car door for her.  (Our car doesn't have an electronic clicky box for the doors.  It's an old-fashioned key.)  I am to open my door, get in, and then reach across to unlock her door.  Old habits die hard, but I appreciate the lessons in how to be a girl.

Learning new relationship roles is part of transitioning, for both the transitioning and the non-transitioning partner.  Be patient and supportive, and gently guide her into her new role.  Have fun with it.

My wife was a little weirded out by finding herself in a same-sex relationship through no choice of her own.  She insists that she is an LBM (lesbian by marriage), not an actual lesbian. :D  On the other hand, she wants us to appear in public like a normal same-sex couple.

Gertrude:

--- Quote from: KathyLauren on May 05, 2019, 08:46:47 am ---Yes, the first few times out in public are awkward.  Thanks for being there for her!

My wife is quite firm with me about "chivalry": she wants me to lose it.  I am not allowed to hold the door for her: whichever of us gets to the door first is to open it, walk through, and hold the door behind for the other one.  Similarly, I am not to open her car door for her.  (Our car doesn't have an electronic clicky box for the doors.  It's an old-fashioned key.)  I am to open my door, get in, and then reach across to unlock her door.  Old habits die hard, but I appreciate the lessons in how to be a girl.

Learning new relationship roles is part of transitioning, for both the transitioning and the non-transitioning partner.  Be patient and supportive, and gently guide her into her new role.  Have fun with it.

My wife was a little weirded out by finding herself in a same-sex relationship through no choice of her own.  She insists that she is an LBM (lesbian by marriage), not an actual lesbian. :D  On the other hand, she wants us to appear in public like a normal same-sex couple.

--- End quote ---
Maybe she’s just a kathysexual. Sometimes love transcends sexual characteristics. I think it’s akin to being pansexual in the sense that you love that person regardless of what’s between their legs. Maybe I’m crazy.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

SaraJason:
Thanks for the insight! I guess I was expecting a little bit more of a role reversal, like I want to treat her as she has treated me all these years. My easy acceptance of her transition misled me to believe it should all be easy.

I don't want to guide her into a role. If anything, I prefer she guide me, show me what she wants her role to look like, and to see where I fit from there. I try to understand that clarity will come in time, and be patient with it. As an AFAB, nonbinary person myself, I'm not really caught up in gender expectation. That being said, being around her now triggers a fairly masculine instinct in me, a desire to take care of her, to "treat her like a lady". (ugh, typing that phrase makes me nauseous, so sexist!)

As for having fun with it, I tend to think it's nearly impossible for us not to have fun together.  :laugh:

Faith:

--- Quote from: SaraJason on May 05, 2019, 11:17:31 am --- ... I tend to think it's nearly impossible for us not to have fun together.  :laugh:

--- End quote ---

go with that, let the rest work itself out without stressing over it

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