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Well THAT Was Awkward!

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TonyaW:

--- Quote from: KathyLauren on May 05, 2019, 08:46:47 am ---Yes, the first few times out in public are awkward.  Thanks for being there for her!

My wife is quite firm with me about "chivalry": she wants me to lose it.  I am not allowed to hold the door for her: whichever of us gets to the door first is to open it, walk through, and hold the door behind for the other one.  Similarly, I am not to open her car door for her.  (Our car doesn't have an electronic clicky box for the doors.  It's an old-fashioned key.)  I am to open my door, get in, and then reach across to unlock her door.  Old habits die hard, but I appreciate the lessons in how to be a girl.

Learning new relationship roles is part of transitioning, for both the transitioning and the non-transitioning partner.  Be patient and supportive, and gently guide her into her new role.  Have fun with it.

My wife was a little weirded out by finding herself in a same-sex relationship through no choice of her own.  She insists that she is an LBM (lesbian by marriage), not an actual lesbian. :D  On the other hand, she wants us to appear in public like a normal same-sex couple.

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Kathy, my wife also finds herself in a same sex marriage not of her choosing, though she wouldn't say she's LBM.
--- Quote from: Gertrude on May 05, 2019, 11:14:19 am ---Maybe she’s just a kathysexual. Sometimes love transcends sexual characteristics. I think it’s akin to being pansexual in the sense that you love that person regardless of what’s between their legs. Maybe I’m crazy.


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I think I've seen you use similar phrase before.  I know my wife is not lesbian or bisexual, but maybe she can become tonyasexual.


--- Quote from: SaraJason on May 05, 2019, 11:17:31 am ---
As for having fun with it, I tend to think it's nearly impossible for us not to have fun together. 

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As Faith says, that's a great starting point.
Otherwise ask.  Might have to phrase things as "do you want X" or "do you want me to do Y" rather than a general what do you want.





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SaraJason:

--- Quote from: TonyaW on May 05, 2019, 11:48:16 am ---As Faith says, that's a great starting point. Otherwise ask.  Might have to phrase things as "do you want X" or "do you want me to do Y" rather than a general what do you want.
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This is a good point.  I sometimes forget how hard it can be for her to answer generalities, and I'm sure it hasn't gotten any easier for her.  I just have trouble sometimes, afraid that my questions might offend her.  No, she has given me no reason to believe this, it's just my own over-thinking.

F_P_M:
sorry that's so adorable the "no you first" dance hahah.

I think setting boundries is a good plan setting out. "are you good with x" "would you prefer Y?" and so on.

I know I have to discuss this with my husband because he keeps holding doors for me and i'm like "come on man! COME ON!"
So now we have the race to get to the door first to hold it for the other out of SPITE thing lol.
We keep having "man offs" and it's really quite ludicrous. I suppose it just takes adjustment doesn't it?

I'm hoping he'll get used to referring to me by masculine or neutral pronouns soon. I don't MIND the feminine pronouns in that they don't hurt me but it sort of feels like he's not taking it entirely seriously to call me "she/her"
he has stopped referring to me as "wife" though which I appreciate. I'm "the other half" lol.
I still wanna be called husband but he said he didn't like that word despite being called MY husband for a decade! -_-
I think he's just not comfortable with that step yet but can't admit it.

Anyway,

hopefully it'll get easier as time goes on and you both get to know one another's boundries and expectations in this new phase of the relationship. Be open, be honest, TALK. Talk is SO important in relationships.

But don't sweat the small stuff, you'll get there.

HappyMoni:
Sara some general thoughts that may relate! You are right, your acceptance doesn't guarantee her self acceptance. I have a partner who accepted me 30 or 40 years ago. It wasn't until I battled my own demons of fear that it all worked. When many of us who are trans step up our game, we aren't who we eventually will be. There is a settling in/experimentation process. The clothes changing and her awkwardness may be part of this. Patience and the occasional slap on the head of a reality check will probably get you to a better place. Good luck.

Anne T:

[/quote]My wife was a little weirded out by finding herself in a same-sex relationship through no choice of her own.  She insists that she is an LBM (lesbian by marriage), not an actual lesbian. :D  On the other hand, she wants us to appear in public like a normal same-sex couple.
[/quote]

LBM! I love it...I've been trying to find something that describes my relationship with my spouse! I have no interest in other women nor men! I simply just love the person I married!

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