Community Conversation > Non-Op

More difficult to live as a non-op trans woman than as a post-op trans woman?

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DebbySoufflage:
I don’t mean to play the oppression olympics and I hope no one will take it that way.
But honestly, I sometimes wish I had more genital dysphoria, so that I had a valid reason to undergo GCS.
I have never been interested in GCS because I found the surgery too invasive and the recovery too rough and time consuming. But honestly, I sometimes wish I was post-op.

When I’m dating someone I drop the bomb about my medical history through email after 2 dates. Usually the person still wants to date but their mindset changes completely. I become a sexual curiosity instead of a potential long term partner.

I can’t put it out of my mind that if only I were dysphoric enough to get SRS, my life would be easier overall.

But here I am with the facts: I’m not that dysphoric that I need SRS. I don’t like my genitalia touched at all by a partner but honestly, I have no problems with them when using the sanitary or when I’m being intimate with myself.

Sometimes I feel like an outsider in the trans community too for being non-op. Especially when visiting online forums and seeing almost every trans person online talking about GRS as a long term goal. It makes me feel like an exception.

Sometimes another trans person would ask me whether I’m planning on SRS or have already had it. I always say that money is tight but that I plan to get it. Because there is judgement, subtly, when you don’t want it. I’m scared of being labeled a “fetishist” or “wannabe”.

That’s why I usually prefer not to be around other trans people. The fact that we have dysphoria about different things makes me even more dysphoric.

What are your non-op stories?

Paul Muad-Dib:
I get the distinct impression there are lot more non-op or pre-op transwomen out there than we might think. I've encountered several online whom everyone assumed were post-op but were not. There is still an assumption in the public that being post op is somehow more validating and people accept it more, which some people do believe both trans and non trans, but it's not necessarily what's been developing out there. Several prominent trans commentators have revealed they are non op or pre op and it hasn't much affected their reach or how people interact with them on the whole. Which is promising.

But it has to be said there is an assumption usually leveled at them at some point that they are "going to have it done". The idea that it "completes" transition is a very ingrained one, but it's certainly not possible or desirable for everyone. In time I think the idea not everyone does will come to be accepted more.   

emma-f:
I'm a lawyer and when I came out it unfortunately had to be in a pretty public way, locally at least. I went to see the local Judges and even one of them started asking when the op date was. At present it seems very much the expected thing, and as trans issues become even more well known, people feel more able to ask outright. Even my mum basically asked first question when my op was.

I am having my op, and I'm maybe trying to kid myself and block out the months ahead that I'll have to go through, but for me its not even necessarily about a dysphoria over genitals but just being able to live as myself, freer and easier. To be able to travel the world at less risk. To be able to go into town in a short dress without worrying what I'm showing off. To be able to wear yoga pants to the gym, bikinis on the beach, tight jeans. But we all have our own reasons for what we want and don't want, will and won't pay, and will and won't risk.

Em

Bea1968:
You are not alone.  I will likely stay non-op as well for reasons similar to yours.  I think there are quite a few non-op members here.  People have a hard time understanding things that are not black and white or in this case, bianary.  We present uncertainty to others as they cannot use traditional gender roles to categorize and define us and that is an uncomfortable feeling for most people because we all look at the world through lenses that help us predict some things and make sense of others.  When they feel like we are not predictable and safe because we don't fit a specific role or stereotype it creates stress for them.

Just my 2 cents,

Bea

DebbySoufflage:

--- Quote from: Kylo on May 08, 2019, 11:51:56 am ---I get the distinct impression there are lot more non-op or pre-op transwomen out there than we might think. I've encountered several online whom everyone assumed were post-op but were not. There is still an assumption in the public that being post op is somehow more validating and people accept it more, which some people do believe both trans and non trans, but it's not necessarily what's been developing out there. Several prominent trans commentators have revealed they are non op or pre op and it hasn't much affected their reach or how people interact with them on the whole. Which is promising.

But it has to be said there is an assumption usually leveled at them at some point that they are "going to have it done". The idea that it "completes" transition is a very ingrained one, but it's certainly not possible or desirable for everyone. In time I think the idea not everyone does will come to be accepted more.

--- End quote ---

I hope I will live to see the day that SRS is no longer seen as a prerequisite to be trans.

When I was discussing this on another website, the other day, a post-op trans woman told me that I shouldn’t call myself a binary trans woman because a binary trans woman would die over the fact of having a penis between her legs permanently. She insisted that non-binary was my label. It kind of made me feel enraged and feel sorry for her narrow mindedness at the same time.
I mean, I am a woman, whatever my parts are.
It’s my mind that makes me a woman, not my genitals.

Blaire White and Gigi Gorgeous are also non-op. I follow them on YouTube.
But there is still this expectation that they will sooner or later have the surgery, by the public.

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