Author Topic: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know  (Read 27198 times)

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Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #880 on: August 19, 2020, 09:30:16 pm »
I'm so glad you are getting back on track now. I know how painful it can be to lose a loved one... I also understand how hard it is to hide -- once your soul tastes freedom it can be difficult to but the genie back in the bottle, even for just a little while. I am glad you have found support, especially at the phase you are in now. Nicole, please reach out if you need someone to talk to, most of us are pretty good listeners.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Journal - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out
GCS - GCS and BA with Dr. Ley on 21 Feb 2019
GCS II and FFS - GCS II and FFS with Dr. Ley on 26 July 2019
FFS II - FFS II with Dr. Ley on 13 Oct 2020
23Mar2017 Started Estradiol / 16Feb2018 Full Time! / 21Feb2019 GCS / 26July2019 GCS II & FFS

Don't let others tell you who you are. Be yourself, the world will adjust.

Offline Emma1017

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #881 on: August 20, 2020, 06:48:59 am »
Nicole WOW!  So glad that you have leaped forward.  I am jealous (in a nice way).  Your new photo looks great.  You look so happy!

Welcome back!

Big hug,

Emma
  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Stepheewt

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #882 on: August 23, 2020, 11:26:33 pm »
Emma....Thank you...it’s quite a journey. Amazing how much your mind can understand About yourself if you just open up and let the fear go. The freedom is beyond. We all have our stories, no path is the same. Unfortunately mine came with a devastating loss. Lesson learned...live for today, tomorrow is not promised.
All the stuff I have done for years was just to relieve the symptoms of this issue. I was always afraid of the cure.[/i]

My Story found at Stepheewt Pod Cast Thread now in member blogs all are welcome to post

Yes Stephee it turns out, may have changed, Going by Nicole but call me either

Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #883 on: August 24, 2020, 12:16:01 am »
You have blossomed my sweet rose Nicole, now go show your beauty to the world!

Hugs,

Allie

(all that manure we fed you worked!)

Offline Stepheewt

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #884 on: October 05, 2020, 09:59:35 pm »
Lol...the world feeds us manure...we need to make it smell like sweet perfume. And why not we deserve it.

So crazy things going on in my life...... Not out yet at work...It’s my last stop on the living my truth express. Couple pit stops along the way. Some good some bad. For instance my family knows( most of them) includes my parents, my aunts, my cousins..... also childhood friends, are now in the loop. Tough part of life now is living the lie at work and truth the rest of the time. Of course it doesn’t help that I’m gonna be out for gallbladder surgery soon....( yikes)...

Seriously can someone just turn off 2020already???.....

Big Hugs To All
Nicole
All the stuff I have done for years was just to relieve the symptoms of this issue. I was always afraid of the cure.[/i]

My Story found at Stepheewt Pod Cast Thread now in member blogs all are welcome to post

Yes Stephee it turns out, may have changed, Going by Nicole but call me either

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #885 on: October 06, 2020, 12:34:30 am »
@Stepheewt
Dear Nicole:
I love the opening sentence of your last post...
....reminds me of the old saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" 
Optimism can overcome the Pessimism and negative attitudes that will only drag us down.

I will give you links to 2 of my threads that will hopefully give you ideas about how you might successfully go forward...

I fully understand and feel your pain regarding living 2 lives and not being out at work.  In my case I was able to quit my male-mode job and then relocate about a thousand miles away to a small town in Alaska to start my own woman owned small accounting and CPA business.  For me, that ended my dual-life routine.  Going full-time or ate least being "out"at home with family and also at work is a big load off of one's shoulders and mind. 
Details about my early journey is found on my first blog/journal thread 
         I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles

I wish you success with your personal journey as you press on toward your transition goals.
Try to always stay positive and optimistic.
         Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Regarding your soon surgery, unless there are complications, gallbladder surgery is usually done using the laparoscopic (keyhole) surgery method where very small incision(s) are made and and results in an easier and faster recovery time than it was decades ago.
I wish you well with your pending surgery....  when is the proposed date?

I will be looking forward to following your coming out progress ... and your surgery experience.
Only as you feel comfortable doing, please keep me and the rest of your followers updated on your "Podcast" Blog and on other threads that you contribute comments on.

HUGS and best wishes to you.... and thank you for sharing your life events.
Danielle

Lol...the world feeds us manure...we need to make it smell like sweet perfume. And why not we deserve it.

So crazy things going on in my life...... Not out yet at work...It’s my last stop on the living my truth express. Couple pit stops along the way. Some good some bad. For instance my family knows( most of them) includes my parents, my aunts, my cousins..... also childhood friends, are now in the loop. Tough part of life now is living the lie at work and truth the rest of the time. Of course it doesn’t help that I’m gonna be out for gallbladder surgery soon....( yikes)...

Seriously can someone just turn off 2020already???.....

Big Hugs To All
Nicole
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Stepheewt

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #886 on: November 15, 2020, 08:24:29 pm »
@northern star Girl.....thanks for the advice and the links they were helpful. I just got over having my gall bladder removed, I was down a month. Not fun. But good news it gave me time to get things together. In fact, I contacted my HR Department at work and let them know.....

It’s official.....I just put in the paperwork for a name change. I told my boss I am transitioning at work. Cone January, when the new name goes into effect......I will be officially FULLTIME...... Lie mode no more.

There will no longer be “ Dead Name”.... it will be “Nicole“....BOOM....

I figure, I live 24/ 7 as myself now outside of work, time to finish this. Who knew I even had it in me. Don’t get me wrong. very nervous about what is still to come, but the pain of living in two worlds is now more than the pain of dealing with the judgement of the world. Time to overcome those fears.

Hugs
Nicole
All the stuff I have done for years was just to relieve the symptoms of this issue. I was always afraid of the cure.[/i]

My Story found at Stepheewt Pod Cast Thread now in member blogs all are welcome to post

Yes Stephee it turns out, may have changed, Going by Nicole but call me either

Offline GinaG

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #887 on: November 16, 2020, 08:57:44 pm »
Hi. It's been a while.  So good to hear your news.  I have done much the same this year.
No job to deal with though. 

I have been on the site less lately.  My transition is slow.  But surgery is likely in the spring.

Loe and hugs

Jenny

Offline Stepheewt

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #888 on: November 16, 2020, 09:57:41 pm »
So glad to hear that @gina g ......Living the freedom is quite the reward. No surgery yet( need $$ for that)..or good insurance....) Truth is.......I’ll look at that After this step is complete.

Hugs
Nicole
All the stuff I have done for years was just to relieve the symptoms of this issue. I was always afraid of the cure.[/i]

My Story found at Stepheewt Pod Cast Thread now in member blogs all are welcome to post

Yes Stephee it turns out, may have changed, Going by Nicole but call me either

Offline HappyMoni

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #889 on: November 18, 2020, 04:13:26 pm »
Hi Stephee,
   It has been such a long time, how are you? What's this I hear about you changing your name? Well, more power to you! Glad to hear things are working so well for you. I know I'm probably dreaming here, but one day we should get together for lunch or something. Bring the folks! Do you like Italian food? Okay, hope to talk face to face soon, even if it's only on Zoom or something. I know, dreamin again!! I'm doing well, you know, in a hypothetical situation where you might ask me that! LOL
   Take care,
   Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)
"Moni" is pronounced like "Bonnie"

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS, great repair.

]

Offline Stepheewt

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #890 on: January 03, 2021, 03:22:33 am »
@happymoni .....Love the idea!!....Lunch, Italian, If I can only remember to take a picture while we’re there. Lol..
Glad to see you Moni....

It’s been a little bit after hell of a crazy year we have finally made it to 2021. 🥳 I have a huge year ahead. Need to go fight the courts to get my gender marker changed with my name and will also be finding my insurance within my company to try to get them to change their policy on bottom surgery. Seems like a lot of fighting. Oh well... sometimes it’s needed. And it’s definitely worth it.

This is a good lesson for anybody who struggling through this as I have.

I’m coming off one of the worst years of my entire life and still when I went to lunch today completely living as my true self. I felt more freedom, I was more relaxed no anxiety, I was just me. I enjoy living more now, than I have in years, all as I sat there and ate lunch alone.

Being alone at lunch doesn’t bother me, being alone in my private life......obviously the pain of losing my wife this year still hurts, but it did let me see life is fragile.  I only have one life to live, we can either enjoy it, be ourselves or live in turmoil, have pain and anxiety every day. Our choice.

This is what I’ve learned ....What you fear now will not be the same in six months. The way you feel about yourself won’t be the same in six months. Your acceptance of yourself, won’t be the same as six months. If you allow yourself to move forward, walk through your fears...... there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  It just may not be the perfect life that you want.  Family members and friends will either except you or they won’t,  the same goes for your partner, there’s nothing we can do about that, that’s their decision. I do think living in the middle ground is extremely destructive and in the end will actually hurt you more than going through with it.

To anybody who’s holding back, trying to stop the inevitable,  its simply like trying to hold back a wave that’s crashing over you. I think you can either stand there and continue to drown or try to learn to swim. Remember this is not your fault, there’s nothing wrong with you. This is not some sort of a psychological condition, this is a real medical condition where your mind, body and soul is not balanced. Your soul is continuously trying to convince your mind, that your body is wrong, once you get the three of them in balance, then you are in balance.

Hey,  basically we got a raw deal, its a birth defect, we can either do something about it or do nothing. This is the choice we have ..........but you have to live with the consequences of doing nothing. Which I thinks for many people is much worse and the consequences I’m going through it.

I hope wherever you’re at, you can find that balance and simply live your truth. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Hugs
Nicole
All the stuff I have done for years was just to relieve the symptoms of this issue. I was always afraid of the cure.[/i]

My Story found at Stepheewt Pod Cast Thread now in member blogs all are welcome to post

Yes Stephee it turns out, may have changed, Going by Nicole but call me either

Offline davina61

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #891 on: January 03, 2021, 04:21:01 am »
Well said Nicole we need to embrace it then we become our true selves , I just went for it and not looked back.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline Emma1017

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #892 on: January 03, 2021, 09:23:13 am »
Nicole I am so happy you checked in and to hear that you are progressing for yourself.  You have had a rough time but it sounds like you are finding your own way.  That is the reality of transitioning, we share many common experiences, with so many differences, in our lives.

I hope the path gets nothing but smoother for you!


Warm hug,

Emma



  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Stepheewt

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #893 on: January 03, 2021, 10:11:09 am »
Nicole I am so happy you checked in and to hear that you are progressing for yourself.  You have had a rough time but it sounds like you are finding your own way.  That is the reality of transitioning, we share many common experiences, with so many differences, in our lives.

I hope the path gets nothing but smoother for you!


Warm hug,

I would not wish what I went through this last year upon anyone. And that doesn’t even include Covid. So yeah yeah it’s been a rough year. One of the very few positives I take from that year, is that I found myself. I finally embraced who I am. The pain of living a lie became greater than the pain of moving forward. What I experienced in pain personally though, was worse than both options put together. Let’s just say it gives you perspective.

Emma I hope you are doing well. I hope the choices you make become clearer, your decisions give you freedom and you find the peace you’ve been searching for.

Hugs back


Well said Nicole we need to embrace it then we become our true selves , I just went for it and not looked back.

Pretty crazy right.... no doubt that going for it burns you at first but then things get so much better.

It’s sort of like being in a home thats on fire and the room that you’re in, is getting hotter and hotter. The flames are getting closer. After a while you have to make a stand do I let this engolf me or do I run through the flames knowing it’s going to hurt, but also knowing on the other side of those flames will be a whole new unknown life you fear. Thats when you discover the great freedom outside of that house. Even though you’ve always been comfortable in the house and it’s protected you for all those years, the time comes that you have to move on.

The cool part is running through the flames doesn’t hurt as much as you think, it will leave some marks, but getting to the other side is so much better, it makes you question why you didn’t move from this house before.  Davina glad your doing well. It’s so good to just be ourselves.

Hugs to all
Nicole
All the stuff I have done for years was just to relieve the symptoms of this issue. I was always afraid of the cure.[/i]

My Story found at Stepheewt Pod Cast Thread now in member blogs all are welcome to post

Yes Stephee it turns out, may have changed, Going by Nicole but call me either

Offline Stepheewt

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #894 on: January 11, 2021, 10:45:13 pm »
Time I make an update. I’ve had quite the crazy year. After my wife died I became pretty absent for a while. I guess I had a lot to think about. Good news is I became extremely determined to succeed.

So the big news is..... I will be going to court on the 22nd to officially get my gender marker changed along with my name. I am out the world across the board family friends and work by the end of the month.

Anybody out there who says they can’t do it, go ahead read through this thread and just see how scared I was. Truth is I still am, but every time I feel like I’m living in fear, I realize it’s time to overcome that and move forward.

Can’t wait update the thread and tell everybody that it’s official.

Hugs
Nicole
All the stuff I have done for years was just to relieve the symptoms of this issue. I was always afraid of the cure.[/i]

My Story found at Stepheewt Pod Cast Thread now in member blogs all are welcome to post

Yes Stephee it turns out, may have changed, Going by Nicole but call me either

Offline davina61

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #895 on: January 12, 2021, 03:29:09 am »
Well done dear, remember keep your head up and charge ahead. Confidence is a great defence.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Stepheewt Pod Cast, my story, my thoughts, now you know
« Reply #896 on: January 12, 2021, 04:07:55 am »
Hi Nicole,

I'm really sorry for your loss.

And, I also find your ability to embrace life very inspiring.  Thank you for sharing. :)

V/R,
Vivian (TSL_NB)
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)