Author Topic: Allie's slightly different journey!  (Read 8991 times)

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Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #360 on: May 07, 2020, 08:21:53 am »
Thank you Emma, my GRS booking has come at a good time to help me fight off my dysphoria from no progress. Transitioning is hard enough when everything goes right, it really sucks when you have to fight constantly, especially with the people you are paying to help you!

Hugs,

Allie

Offline randim

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #361 on: May 07, 2020, 10:26:09 am »
Allie,

So sorry to hear about your struggles with your hormone levels.  It really impacts your well-being.  I hope you can get it figured out. I don't know if you have much flexibility in switching doctors (doesn't sound like it) but if you can, that would be something to consider.  When you say lack of progress or development, what do you mean?  E levels too low or you can't see physical changes?

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #362 on: May 07, 2020, 10:36:16 am »
You know what Allie, you are tough enough.  You will get through this.  Transitioning is definitely not for wimps.

Hugs,

Emma
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #363 on: May 07, 2020, 07:01:34 pm »
Allie,

So sorry to hear about your struggles with your hormone levels.  It really impacts your well-being.  I hope you can get it figured out. I don't know if you have much flexibility in switching doctors (doesn't sound like it) but if you can, that would be something to consider.  When you say lack of progress or development, what do you mean?  E levels too low or you can't see physical changes?

Randi, I am applying to switch doctors, but there is a 3 month wait list! By lack of progress I mean after 14 months, I still haven't hit the lower end of accepted transition levels for Blood E. It follows that for more than the past 6 months, I have seen no detectable progress physically. My psychologist says that in that time, I have 100% invested my life in transitioning, by changing all my formal ID's and going full time, but I have not realised any physical transition, and that is why my dysphoria has been at critical levels. She sent my Endo a report outlining how his treatment is putting my health in jeopardy, and I meet with him this Wednesday. My surgeon's head nurse said getting my transition going was even more critical at this time as I may need to interrupt my HRT in 6 months for my operation. I live in fear that all these interruptions to my HRT will leave me in a very unsatisfactory medical transition position.

Hugs,

Allie

Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #364 on: May 07, 2020, 07:16:56 pm »
You know what Allie, you are tough enough.  You will get through this.  Transitioning is definitely not for wimps.

Hugs,

Emma

Thanks Emma! I have to admit there have been times recently I've considered giving up, but I have so much support from family, friends and community I've survived. I was so low last month Mary was scared to leave me home alone, but I have my trans family, Nicole, Lexxi, Moni, Michelle, Randi, yourself and many others who are always there for me, and you have really made a difference. I owe you all more than you might realise....

Hugs,

Allie

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #365 on: May 07, 2020, 07:49:18 pm »
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #366 on: May 19, 2020, 06:40:11 am »
So, what a difference a couple of weeks can make. I had a very tense meeting with my Endo, where, backed up by a letter from my psychologist, I made him understand that his conservative approach was ineffective for transition, and was putting my life at risk with the increase in Dysphoria. He begrudgingly doubled my dose, and within 48 hours, I started to get feelings I hadn't had for over 6 months. 4 days later I could feel breast buds, which had completely disappeared, beginning to re form. Crying myself to sleep has become al to common in recent months, but the night I realised my breast buds were coming back, I had tears for a good reason!

I had a lemon Ford SUV which was adding to my stress levels, so I finally traded it on a new Hyundai SUV, and added personalised plates, ALLIEJ  to my new car. That also made me feel better. Having my GCS confirmed, there was only one outstanding development to go, and the mailman bought me my new Birth Certificate today, and it indicates I have been female since birth! I cried again for a good reason.

So going forward look good for the first time in 6 months. My HRT is effective, and that is such a relief. I was scared that I would never get any more development, especially when my Endo said my genetics might not support transition. He was saying that to cover his butt for 6 months of no development, but that prospect could be fatal for me, and I told him so. I have an appointment booked with an Endo recommended by my surgeon, but not until late July, but I know I only have to deal with my current buffoon for 2 more months.

My only real challenge going forward is to hit my pre op BMI of 28 in 6 months, and that should not be much of a challenge. I presented my transition story to a couple of hundred people in my government department via zoom for IDAHOBIT last week which was a bit harrowing, but the feedback was amazing. So many comments came up from people who said they were crying for me, that I was so brave, and a few saying I looked quite pretty. The department head rang me after and said she was blown away by the feedback, including from other government department who want to run the presentation for their staff.

I run Zoom meetings for some trans groups and I ran one last Sunday with some of my local trans group and some American friends, and everybody clicked straight up and the the banter was non stop, with everybody respecting everybody else, and some very intimate details were shared. I thought I knew my friend 'S' from Melbourne, but she had a few surprises for me as well as the others. People are still contacting me to say how much they enjoyed our 4 hour chat, and that meeting alone was worth my monthly paid membership to Zoom. 

So the past 2 weeks have been amazing and I am happy again after a long and painful period, and the future finally looks bright!

Hugs,

Allie

My new car!



A screen shot from my IDAHOBIT presentation!


Offline Emma1017

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #367 on: May 19, 2020, 06:52:42 am »
NICE SMILE ALLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline JudiBlueEyes

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #368 on: May 19, 2020, 07:37:00 am »
A nice post to read Allie!  Things are certainly going your way.  Keep smiling.
Judi
Wind blew in, cloud was dispersed
Rainbows appearing, the pressures were burst
Breezes a-singing, now feeling good
The moment had passed like I knew that it should

Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #369 on: May 19, 2020, 08:00:31 am »
Thank you Emma and Judi, I have dragged you through my heartache and depression, so I am so glad I can bring a good report for a change! What a rollercoaster!

Hugs,

Allie

Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #370 on: May 26, 2020, 01:26:28 am »
So I got the results of my blood test on my new dose, and from the last blood E reading of 400 Int'l (about 111 US) it 3 weeks it has tripled to 1200 int'l (about 325 US)! My GP was quite concerned, but I assured her, even though it was twice the AUSPATH standard, I know many trans people who maintain this level and higher, with no ill effects. I don't intend keeping it there and will slightly reduce my dose to see if I can get it back around the WPATH level of 800 Int'l (about 200 US) that I was aiming for.

No wonder I had very quick effects from the new dose! In the end though, it's all about development, and the numbers are only a rough guide. If development stops when I reduce my dose, I would go back to what is working. If I have no progression, my dysphoria rises, and it can threaten my life, so as I explained to my Endo, I don't have a choice in this, I must progress. I am tired of this hit an miss approach to my HRT and can't wait to be getting consistent results. I also need to know what works in the next few months before I stop HRT for my op. I'd hate to have to start from scratch to find my levels again. Good thing that I have virtually no T and that won't be a factor after my op.

Hugs,

Allie
« Last Edit: May 26, 2020, 10:59:03 pm by Allie Jayne »

Offline randim

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #371 on: May 26, 2020, 08:33:17 am »
You have had quite the struggle getting your levels right. I'm so sorry you've had to work so much and fight so hard just to take medicine.  Keeping my fingers crossed that you will have smooth sailing going forward -- before, through and after your procedure.  You're a sweetheart Allie.  You deserve better from Lady Fortune.

Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Allie's slightly different journey!
« Reply #372 on: May 26, 2020, 11:03:41 pm »
You have had quite the struggle getting your levels right. I'm so sorry you've had to work so much and fight so hard just to take medicine.  Keeping my fingers crossed that you will have smooth sailing going forward -- before, through and after your procedure.  You're a sweetheart Allie.  You deserve better from Lady Fortune.

Thanks Randi! Hopefully my fortune will improve with a change of Endo! Still, I'm at least glad something is happening, and I'm no longer suffocating with dysphoria! I so hope my development continues after I reduce my dose, I will know in a couple of weeks. You are a Sweetie too, and deserve much better, hope we can catch up in a chat again soon!

Hugs,

Allie

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