Topic: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes

[Maddie]

Leaves dance in the night breeze. A whisper calling me to change things up and start a journal thread. 
Intended topic is present transition, growth, and change, although it will no doubt contain flashbacks. It's often hard not to look back. 
And may seeds of hope and a future grow here too.

My apartment has a south-facing balcony porch. This time of year, a few boxes contain green and purple growing things. Things do change here over seasons and years, as they do in Susan's Place.  I don't know Susan personally, having only been around a few seasons, but I'll bet you a peppermint leaf that she would agree.

Won't you join me here for tea?  I don't do alcohol or tobacco myself, but you are welcome to bring whisky, wine, or smoke if it makes you feel at home. I'm not your prescribing MD.

...

There are many things about transition I have not experienced yet. And I have taken on some experiences that may be prerequisite.  I hope to live and be subjected to many experiences. And survive them, for I want to live.  Here in the garden and beyond.

Welcome

[CynthiaAnn]

Good Morning Ms Maddie - a garden of changes, how appropriate and telling, I like the sound of this. Indeed the seasons change and so do we, and life is full of changes, some really good, some not so. That's why I enjoy cultivating the good seeds of kindness, caring, and love that will grow happiness, and fulfillment into our lives here in the present, as well as future moments  Transition experiences can be exhilarating and scary, they bring about growth and understanding not only of one's self, but of others. I hope your changes are fulfilling Maddie and bring about resolve and personal contentment. I am happy to post in your personal garden thread and have enjoyed meeting and interacting with you here at Susan's.

Have a wonderful "growing" day 

Cynthia -

[HappyMoni]

Hi Maddie,
   Can I come if I bring my hay fever? Ahhhhh-coo! I agree on the tobacco and only occasionally on the booze. I have noticed your postings more lately and find you to be nice and also sensitive. (In a good way) If it's okay, maybe I can drop in to the garden, you know, like three in the morning, crash the party, wake the neighbors, cause general mayhem, then sleep amongst the flowers.  Seriously, good luck on the thread! I'm off to electrolysis.
Moni
Hi CynthiaAnn

[Maddie]

Hi Cynthia Ann!! I have already sensed you cultivating these wonderful seeds... in myself and in others here on the forum.  I treasure this!  It is too early for cherry tomatoes, but the first one to pop and turn red will have a little smile on its face, and it is for you

Ahhhhh-COO o!

Bless you Moni! Yes, please crash the garden party. A box of purple nectar-y flowers,  visited by hummingbirds, is yours to sleep in if you visit. I'm leaving a box of tissues next to it just in case

Thank you for bringing up electro.
I am enjoying my face changing a little and facial hair becoming more invisible these days due to this treatment. Have been going regularly now, but since I started it (Dec '15) have been upset at times with my electrolysist,  and have even stopped going to her for periods of months and even close to a year once. This due both to finances at times, and her dumping issues on me, upsetting me while I'm receiving the sometimes painful treatment.  It has spurred growth in me to hang in there with it, and even respect her views and pain, which are often not mine. My natural tendency has been to be defiant and run away from pain and opposition. This is not always serving me on this transition path. So I see this as growing as a human spirit being. In the now.

Anyone wish to drop in or even share changes and growth(or stopping thereof) resulting from undergoing electrolysis in your transition?

[Northern Star Girl]

@Maddie:
Dear Maddie:
I love your choice for the name of your personal transition thread... "Ms. Maddie's Garden of Changes" 
I think that all transitioners can utilize a place that they can write out some details regarding their experiences, thoughts and questions regarding their own exciting transition journey.

This will be your place to tell your readers and followers about your successes and good news updates, but also just as importantly, you can write about your disappointments, discouragements and failures....
Writing our your feelings on your own thread is a good way for you to personally explore your feelings about the issues, good and bad, that you are experiencing. 
I absolutely find that for me it is good personal therapy to be able to express these things, not just for others to read and to give their comments, but I think it is actually much more important for the author. 

I also recommend that you might want to start your own personal journal at home... 
...I keep a frequently updated "old-school" Pen&Paper journal complete with colorful doodling and some pertinent pictures.   
Many times on a cold and rainy night or whenever, I can be found pouring though my writings to see where I have been, where I am now and where I am going.... sometimes with tears in my eyes.   It is always good for me to read and to ponder my difficult issues that I write about and then to think about positive ways to improve my situation.   Again, great personal therapy.

When you report good news, we will all rejoice with you... and when the news is not-so-good, we are here to lend our ears to listen and our shoulders to lean on. 
We  are  your biggest fans and we always are rooting for you.

Again Maddie, thank you for joining me and the other members here that are keeping their personal transition thread available for all to read and to share their thoughts.

HUGS, and best wishes.....    I will be eagerly looking for your future postings here.
Danielle

[Wendi]

Wonderful thread.

I've gotten all my vegetables planted and they're starting to grow anew just like me.

I can't wait for the buds to start popping out on the new growth.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

[Northern Star Girl]

@Wendi
Dear Wendi:
I just love how you worded your last posting here!!!!! 

Please keep us updated regarding your "garden" progress as events unfold, bud and bloom
on your thread "Wendi's journal with HRT transformation" and any other thread that you feel so led to comment on. 
I am frequently reading your personal transition thread to follow along with your transition endeavors...
.. please continue as you have been to keep it up to date....   I and the rest of your followers want to "follow" ... that is what followers do!!!!

HUGS and best wishes to you.
Danielle

Wonderful thread.

I've gotten all my vegetables planted and they're starting to grow anew just like me.

I can't wait for the buds to start popping out on the new growth.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

[CynthiaAnn]

Anyone wish to drop in or even share changes and growth(or stopping thereof) resulting from undergoing electrolysis in your transition?

It was the most painful, drawn out and expensive agony, one could ever imagine @Maddie. I invested over 6 years into this form of torture    Started the first 3 years at 2 hours / week, and then was able to move down to 1 hour / week, then finally maintenance mode, and free. The lady I went to was nice, caring, and RN. The lack of growing out days, and all those trips back and forth, has given me a peace of mind today (took  >300 hours to be free). Good luck with it !, it's a long long road

C -

[HappyMoni]

Maddie, why would she dump her issues on you, a paying customer? That's bad business. Like CynthiaAnn, I'm on the down side of this procedure. I don't care to know how much it cost me, too depressing. I guess I have a high pain threshold, so I didn't think this stuff was too bad. Mentally, in fact, it helped me out a lot when I was dysphoric. It was progress and I craved progress. I might also be a masochist because I looked forward to going.    If anyone reading this is planning lower surgery, ask if your tech does the lower area and ask if they charge extra. Some don't do it and some charge extra. My electrolysis person, Tricia, (and myself) think it is ridiculous and discriminatory to charge extra. I would like to know this policy early before spending tons of money on a place only to come back and hear that they won't do 'that.'
Moni

[Rae321]

Maddie - I love the metaphor and the poetic intro. Beautiful. My garden is only just planted but so far the soil seems fertile. Here's to sunshine and rain! I'll bookmark this for sure. <333

[Maddie]

The sound of a warm breeze calms my stress, and is so welcome, for I do not wish to be angry right now.
 Sun has broken thru the clouds, brightening the small growing things.
 My kitty likes to nibble on onion grass.

Thank you for stopping in. Let me grab a small green folding chair for you.

Alaskan Danielle,  I will follow up on your suggestion of a pen and paper journal. Next time I get to town, I will stop at a drugstore or walmart and buy one. Maybe something feminine and nice looking.

Rae, may your soil become increasingly fertile and us both be inspired by Wendi's imminently popping buds....I'm happy and excited for you Wendi!

Moni, I have to agree with Cynthia about the torture in the process.   At least with the lip area. The rest of the face doesn't bother me so much and I don't use numbing for it. But the lips....very different case for me!! The first time there she cleared it in three 1hour sessions with just a little numbling rub.  The next time returning to the lips, we hit a nerve or something.  I couldn't go back to the lips until we lined up a dentist nearby to take cash and numb me for lip sessions!   Not even sure if I'm ready to think about the other body areas yet, and I don't plan to continue going to the same electrolysist for those.

So...looking ahead, I may not be tough enough...yet, but with warm watering care and attention from the wise visiting gardening women, I will not wither!

Looking ahead, I have 2 hrs booked with my current electro, per week, through August, and then I have some other names my counselor gave me. He and they are 4+ hrs roundtrip drive away however.  My current electro lady is a much closer drive, and we have several of the sessions synced with the dentist for the lips.  She also accepts barter at times, though I am finding it best to pay cash when possible. Moni, she is conflicted with her religious beliefs, and those of her peers and her "regular clients" she gossips with. Perhaps wavering with guilt over the $ she gets from my business.  She has been in business a very long time and seems burnt out, with a myriad of perpetual & strange health issues, and is in the habit of venting on people she's working on.  At least on me she does.
I'm just glad to be numb when she's under my nose!  Cheeks, chin, not a problem. I am giving myself permission to weed her out of my life sooner, if needed to protect myself. I guess I'm holding on now to save time, gas $, and to take advantage of the dentist near her office.  I had inquired several places to do the numbing for the lips, including my own dentist, and none would consider it, until we found this one.

I'm still only around 100 or so hours into it, after 3 1/2 years.
Long seasons of clearing an ever-smoothing bed. 
I will grow and shine.

[Maddie]

Thanks for stopping in. Check this out..

Two male neighbors engaged in seated friendly discussion, below us, in the backyard under the porch garden...

Bartles :F'n shut the F up
James:I'm gonna F'n put my F'n foot in your ass
Bartles:I'll knock you the F out
James:You can't F'n knock me out
Bartles:I'm gonna F'n put my foot in YOUR ass
James:F'n shut the F up......

They can do this for hours.

I grab a spray bottle that I use to mist my hanging fern, adjust the nozzle, and start spraying them.
They fail to notice, and continue to expand on their discussion.
So I keep spraying them.
When Bartles actually gets up from his seat and swayingly steps towards James, I spray him right on his head and join the conversation, in the silly high voice I use often:

Maddie:Hey cool down you guys(spray him again)
Bartles:(look up and smiles)Hey Maddie, how you doin' man?
Note that Bartles genders me incorrectly (in a friendly manner), and I understand he does that so as to remain socially comfortable around me.
James:Shut the F up bitch
Note that James genders me correctly, which I also enjoy

Smiling, I spray James in the back of the head, since hadn't even turned around.
Then I laughingly retreat from both conversation and garden.

I will return when it is quieter.

[Rae321]

Maddie, I'm getting laser and im wondering why you choose electro.  Ive seen several girls on here using electro on their faces.  What's the advantage? Won't laser combined with estrogen deal with it much more painlessly?

[Maddie]

Hi Rae,
A lot has to do with the colors of your hair, skin, and the settings used on the laser. If you have dark hair on lighter skin tone, you are a better candidate for laser effectiveness.
Some people get laser to hopefully reduce the amount of electrolysis required to clear an area. I interrupted electrolysis for a year of laser treatments  and it did reduce the amount of visible hair growing out of my face.
Though laser combined with HRT is reported to be effective by some people I've read, electrolysis is the method that is allowed to claim permanent results.  I've noticed that laser techs cannot make that claim officially,  but some results defy this.  Also there is a potential for skin discoloration with laser, and with electrolysis you don't have to avoid sunlight exposure as you will have to do with laser. (I wore a wide brim hat, sunglasses, and special sunscreen my whole year of laser.)

I cannot knowledgeably comment on the effects of laser treatments combined with estrogen.

[HappyMoni]

Thanks for stopping in. Check this out..

Two male neighbors engaged in seated friendly discussion, below us, in the backyard under the porch garden...

Bartles :F'n shut the F up
James:I'm gonna F'n put my F'n foot in your ass
Bartles:I'll knock you the F out
James:You can't F'n knock me out
Bartles:I'm gonna F'n put my foot in YOUR ass
James:F'n shut the F up......

They can do this for hours.

I grab a spray bottle that I use to mist my hanging fern, adjust the nozzle, and start spraying them.
They fail to notice, and continue to expand on their discussion.
So I keep spraying them.
When Bartles actually gets up from his seat and swayingly steps towards James, I spray him right on his head and join the conversation, in the silly high voice I use often:

Maddie:Hey cool down you guys(spray him again)
Bartles:(look up and smiles)Hey Maddie, how you doin' man?
Note that Bartles genders me incorrectly (in a friendly manner), and I understand he does that so as to remain socially comfortable around me.
James:Shut the F up bitch
Note that James genders me correctly, which I also enjoy

Smiling, I spray James in the back of the head, since hadn't even turned around.
Then I laughingly retreat from both conversation and garden.

I will return when it is quieter.

Can't wait to hear the conversation between your upstairs neighbors, Captain Morgan and Jim Beam.

[CynthiaAnn]

Thanks for stopping in. Check this out..

Two male neighbors engaged in seated friendly discussion, below us, in the backyard under the porch garden...

Bartles :F'n shut the F up
James:I'm gonna F'n put my F'n foot in your ass
Bartles:I'll knock you the F out
James:You can't F'n knock me out
Bartles:I'm gonna F'n put my foot in YOUR ass
James:F'n shut the F up......

They can do this for hours.

I grab a spray bottle that I use to mist my hanging fern, adjust the nozzle, and start spraying them.
They fail to notice, and continue to expand on their discussion.
So I keep spraying them.
When Bartles actually gets up from his seat and swayingly steps towards James, I spray him right on his head and join the conversation, in the silly high voice I use often:

Maddie:Hey cool down you guys(spray him again)
Bartles:(look up and smiles)Hey Maddie, how you doin' man?
Note that Bartles genders me incorrectly (in a friendly manner), and I understand he does that so as to remain socially comfortable around me.
James:Shut the F up bitch
Note that James genders me correctly, which I also enjoy

Smiling, I spray James in the back of the head, since hadn't even turned around.
Then I laughingly retreat from both conversation and garden.

I will return when it is quieter.

boys, boys, boys, when will they learn ? sounds like you have the advantage of being "above it all".

That made me smile this morning @Maddie, thanks for sharing 

C -

[HappyMoni]

boys, boys, boys, when will they learn ? sounds like you have the advantage of being "above it all".

That made me smile this morning @Maddie, thanks for sharing 

C -

CynthiaAnn, you scared me. I thought you were going to say those boys are all wet!

[Maddie]

Can't wait to hear the conversation between your upstairs neighbors, Captain Morgan and Jim Beam.

If the Captain moves in, I will be stepping it up cosmetically, and shaving my legs twice daily...
Anything I can do to be gendered correctly by that sexy boozehound

[Maddie]

Cloud...Rain....Sun....bean sprouts thinned, tomato plants warned for being aggressive...!

Incoming text message to garden:
Confirming appt 2pm July 3rd with (MALE NAME) at Infectious Disease Center...text back YES or NO yadayadayada

I do have an appt at that time, but is at "Inclusion Clinic" not "Infectious Disease Center", and its to meet a doctor who may prescribe for me HRT.  I saw her a couple of years ago, filled my preferred name in as Maddie, and was addressed that way then.  But recently, when I already confirmed this same appt by phone, I was addressed as "dead" name. I corrected this at the time, but now I'm called this again today, so I'm wondering....is there a change in policy...?
I call back to ask questions about the clinic name, but office closed for weekend immediately upon sending out the text confirmation apparently. No worries, probably a combined clinic that has different names.

Bottom line as far as I am concerned, they can call me anything they want, as long as they treat me with the proper care for my condition. I'm getting in on this, paid for by insurance.  I'm going in there with a few questions, and an open gut.  Because I need a gut feeling here. 

It's like looking a gift horse in the mouth to question a place that I can get on HRT covered by my insurance.
But what if this is some kind of nasty place that is experimenting on people or trying to get rid of them, like patients who have been basically pharmed-up leading to death because they were in the mainstream health system for cancer treatment without the right insurance or money??

Hoping my gut tells me what's up...If it seems wrong, I am willing to wait and find somewhere else where I can take the right hormones, maybe even prescribed by someone who cares.  Without being covered the insurance I can't afford this, at the present. How-ever, I will be resourceful and make that happen (eventually), if its the right thing to do for this!

Long shot here, but does anyone have experience with Inclusion Clinic in Milwaukee, WI?  Or Dr Jessica Francis?  She also is at Froedert Hospital& Medical College of WI, where she saw me previously.  My counselor works with her and has clients there, and some have transitioned.  He seems credible and knowledgeable, but I am still not 100% that I trust him.

Am I being drawn into a web???

My plans are adjustable to the many changes. This is going to grow as the spirits of nature rule, and not by my will alone.  I do not wish to be alone!

No one can guarantee their own life or death. Arguments that money helps are sustained, but in the end irrelevant to this fact.

And I must continue watching and watering and pruning to work my end of this.

[Maddie]

If I watch and water, things grow.
Through all changes of weather. 
Tap water or rain. Cultivated or wild.
It is inevitable despite my best intention, and despite my worst action
True life is perfectly imperfect.
And I need not worry about it, as long as I attend to the garden.