Sorry not posting about fictitious election week news.
Hi everyone. Thank you for checking on me. I miss you.
Ive been staying away from forums because I am crazy and can't even get a job because of it. I have been applying and interviewing. Next one is tomorrow. I don't interview well and struggle to disguise my contempt for the interviewer scrutinizing and belittling my life experience, compared to their personal viewpoint.
The last place was home hospice and healthcare, driving my own car place to place in WI snow for $7.25 /hr. Part time. They don't want me because she could tell I was a man no doubt considered me a liar because my legalities say female now. And I'm pretty, dammit!! Maybe that's worse... Truthfully I didnt want to risk my 30yr old car doing that for that pay anyhow. If I lose my car then I have to rely on services to get food, as there is no grocery store or bus for twenty miles.
The libraries in my county have been closed since March, so there have been no public computers. Many apps and application forms don't work on my phone. Especially the corporate employment forms. Matrix!!!
But I am the matrix (plz don't quote this line back at me)
Trying to sell stuff online although not able to ebay because I don't have a computer. Tech says I can't link payments with phone internet. I have some guitars that I love and play daily. If all sold for good $, will cover one high volume electro hair clearing session (they said I'll need five)
The surgeon for GCS turned me down. The consult was a ten minute blind phone call because their app didn't work. The surgeon was annoyed by the questions we had prepared and also annoyed because I expressed frustration that their app didn't work. A year of waiting and two professional letters, and because of a bad phone call, I am turned down and shut off from GCS surgery in the only system doing this with my insurance in this state. The only question she asked me was my height and weight. I told her 5'10" 167lbs. So I don't think that was why I was rejected. I have to assume it's because I was mad that she couldn't even see me for my consult and couod only judge me by my voice ability. I've been working using voice pitch app but obviously not enough because I was rejected as the male I am. But maybe I'm obese by her judgement...? I will keep losing weight until someone accepts me for surgery!!
I had three other consults lined up, and none of them accept my insurance. The next upcoming one just cancelled, even though they initially said I would be covered. I was not allowed to self pay, not that I could have.
Wish I could move somewhere where electro is covered or just subsidized a little!!. But I'm in a very cheap apt in a rural area and barely making it here! I'd never make it a month in CA or WA.
Covid positive tests are increasing here now, delayed reaction I guess.
As suggested so long ago, i went to counselors for direction. Three counselors in five years. Each one promised they were a specialist in transitioning. None of them knew much. They have not helped beyond guidance towards name/gender marker change, and I am tired of wasting my life time.
I dropped 40lbs and am in the best shape of my life for surgery now. Now. But my concerns remain hair removal, skin care, voice, and personality overhaul. Employability. Ability to be a part of a group or family or anything. Years of isolation have made me something that other people cannot relate to, so they distance themselves.
My hair is growing nicely on my head these days.
Hope
