Author Topic: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes  (Read 17123 times)

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Offline Wendi

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #660 on: July 14, 2020, 08:43:41 pm »
Opportunity!
Referred to and applied for latest job.
Entails serving food and beverages to plastic surgeons and other millionaires....alongside twenty-something girl servers...
What could go wrong? ;)
Nothing. I hope you get the job!

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Offline madeleine

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #661 on: July 14, 2020, 09:18:39 pm »
Opportunity!
Referred to and applied for latest job.
Entails serving food and beverages to plastic surgeons and other millionaires....alongside twenty-something girl servers...
What could go wrong? ;)

Go for it! :)  That's what opportunities are for, good luck!

Offline randim

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #662 on: July 14, 2020, 10:11:39 pm »
You go for it Maddie!  Hope it works out.  Maybe you'll get some new girlfriends out of it as well.  ;)

Online Maddie

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #663 on: July 15, 2020, 09:04:58 am »
I used to slam my head into things. A lot. 
Grateful I wasn't brain damaged, but you know what?  I'm not sure.  It could explain why I lag behind in life and struggle with many adult things.
Hadn't done it in years, but this morning I was slamming my head into the wall. Sideways.  Trying to crack the egg and get out of this shell.
My angels are crying even if I can't hear them.

If I get put back on psych meds I will want to die so much more.  You have no idea what I went through  and for how long to get free.  And start transitioning.

I cannot live with my changed name.  It was simply the last one on the list when my court date came to file the paperwork.  My first name is Gitana, which had meaning because I was Tom which came from Gaetianno in my family..  I thought for some reason it would make my parents happy, they could still call me Tommy and everyone else could call me Tana (rhymes with Donna).  But they did not become happy, and I can't stand explaining my name anymore.  I had sooooo many name ideas, many of them were simple because I wanted to avoid this very thing!!!!!!!.  I didn't go with Maddie because some people were calling me Matt by mistake.  I changed my passport too and that took many months.

I stopped losing weight back in January.  I was within 5lbs of my final goal of 162 (I'm 5'10" this is not unreasonable, in fact I was a roofer at 135/140- they gave so much <not allowed> on that job for being pretty and I didn't even get to enjoy it then.) I am now almost 20lbs above that goal of 162.  But I have not cheated on my diet, I watch my calories between 1500-1800 and keep my eating within a 6-7 hour window each day.  I don't eat anything heavy after midday..  I drink plenty water and apple cider vinegar and exercise even more than I was when I lost 40lbs last year.  Been running up to 5 miles a day.  I do other exercise regularly and stretch  breathe and meditate.    Only eat carbs early and always healthy ones and not too much. No eating late, no white sugar,. No flour, no fried, limited fruit, etc.

If I don't break out if this hell before I crack the egg

Offline Julie H

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #664 on: July 15, 2020, 09:09:23 am »
Hugs Maddie
Julie

Offline davina61

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #665 on: July 15, 2020, 09:29:38 am »
Stay strong dear BIG BIG hugs XX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline randim

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #666 on: July 15, 2020, 10:23:32 am »
Big hugs Maddie.  Pulling for you.

Offline Wendi

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #667 on: July 15, 2020, 11:16:33 am »
I think these hormones have a lot to do with us girls trying to lose and keep off weight.

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Offline CynthiaAnn

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #668 on: July 15, 2020, 12:39:08 pm »
Very nice avatar picture and wonderful smile today Maddie !!

Smilin' back at ya

C
kindness is love nurturing your soul....

Online Maddie

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #669 on: July 15, 2020, 02:11:01 pm »
Thank yous ❤️. Hugs back Juleee, Daveena, Wendee, Randee, Maddee, Cyndee
We are beautiful dolls all day

I am grateful to have friends here who will read what I wrote and post support.  I respect you more than I respect myself..because I know me lol
I didn't plan to spend the time working stuff out on forums, but here I am doing just that.

It's raining, just going to stay in the garden today.
Mintee

Offline Wendi

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #670 on: July 15, 2020, 04:30:48 pm »


Thank yous . Hugs back Juleee, Daveena, Wendee, Randee, Maddee, Cyndee
We are beautiful dolls all day

I am grateful to have friends here who will read what I wrote and post support.  I respect you more than I respect myself..because I know me lol
I didn't plan to spend the time working stuff out on forums, but here I am doing just that.

It's raining, just going to stay in the garden today.
Mintee

I'm glad you're here working stuff out. We all get down now and then and positive encouragement is a must.

Hang in there girl.

Hugs

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Online Maddie

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #671 on: July 20, 2020, 04:31:36 pm »
Tomatoes still green...

Spent 3 days with 3 generations of women who have known me forever thru changes.  Plus connected men and pets.
According to them I now pass as an attractive woman.  Though supportive, they did not think that before this visit.

I have a new-to-me pre-owned cat now!    She is under the cot that is my couch. 
Cheeto is baffled, but enjoying the bag of food that came with her.

I've been putting applications for jobs out there, and today actually had an interview.  It was another weird mask thing.  He was 25 years old and 25 min late.  He filled in his worksheet of questions like a Friday  homework assignment and concluded abruptly with a brush-off.  I had no opportunity to express any questions about the position or demonstrate anything to do with the job.  He kept saying he was smiling beneath his mask.  Maybe I should have said that too.

Offline CynthiaAnn

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #672 on: July 20, 2020, 05:33:45 pm »
Nice to spend time with the ladies....

And the new kitty, nice of you. It is nice to see Cheeto here (adorable).

Keep it up with the job search, hope you get some more nibbles, this last one was not to be Maddie.

Hugs

C
kindness is love nurturing your soul....

Online Maddie

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #673 on: July 21, 2020, 09:28:25 am »
Vines are creeping up on me.  They need support or can easily break in the wind.

New cat came out but hiding again since.

Just realized it's one year on HRT for me today.
I'm not in a good place and my weight is up.
I have support system of friends but its complicated.
My supports collapse when I display self respect.
Thought about dying all night and didn't sleep.
W T Flark is that?

I am grateful to be on a path forward with a surgery consult scheduled in Sept.
Grateful that my weight isn't worse, because it would be, if I wasn't running almost every day.
And grateful for new experiences.  Better lately than never.

I need something to hold me when the wind blows

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #674 on: July 21, 2020, 10:18:07 am »
@Maddie
Dear Maddie:
                  Wow-Whee !!!!
This exciting.. an important milestone for you... 
               
ONE YEAR HRT ... CONGRATULATIONS are in order for you.

I am also wishing you success in getting your surgery confirmed in September.

Thank you for sharing and posting.
Please continue to keep me and the rest of your followers updated as you feel comfortable doing.

HUGS and HUGS,
Danielle

« Last Edit: July 21, 2020, 12:22:27 pm by Northern Star Girl »
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline randim

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #675 on: July 22, 2020, 12:40:59 pm »
Hang in there Maddie. Don't let the down times get to you.  You have a plan you're working on and people pulling for you.  Hope everything goes smoothly with the surgery.

Oh, and don't ever hesitate to show self-respect.  A real friend would want nothing less.

Offline Rachel

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #676 on: July 25, 2020, 09:11:06 pm »
Hi Maddie, what is your per-owned cat's name?

I hope the you get the job :)

Online Maddie

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #677 on: July 26, 2020, 01:26:06 am »
Hi Maddie, what is your per-owned cat's name?

I hope the you get the job :)

Thanks!!

Her name is Maeve.  She is a 12 yr old Persian Ragdoll  :)

Online Maddie

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #678 on: July 26, 2020, 01:33:34 am »
Thanks everyone for the support  :)

The garden reports green beans!
Experimenting with ways to eat them.

It is prerequisite, for me,  to know I can be with a guy in order to go forward for the bottom surgery.

I like women but not enough to act like a man.

Dysphotic about sexual congress.
(dysphotic, if it is a word, is how it feels.)
No previous desire for vagina...
This is changes.
« Last Edit: July 26, 2020, 04:08:34 pm by Maddie »

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Ms Maddie's Garden of Changes
« Reply #679 on: July 26, 2020, 01:36:01 am »
@Maddie
Dear Maddie:

Look for a PM from me in a few minutes with the picture LINKS you are looking for.

Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

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