Author Topic: Abused woman  (Read 491 times)

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Offline jackie3816

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Abused woman
« on: July 24, 2019, 07:49:38 am »
My very soon to be ex wife suffers from a lot of issues that happened durring her childhood. It is very sad and I have stuck with her though many years of emotional abuse because I care about her.

I am a very gentle soul and I have strived to never hurt her and always love her. I have not will I ever tear her down or hit her.

Im so heartbroken because I can no longer live my life in madness where somehow most things are my fault and the tiniest mistake is screamed and shouted in my face all night long.

I knew that I was trans and needed hrt for some time now bit I was a family "man" and when I saw that it would destroy our family I tried to contain it. That almost killed me and I am not a suicidal person at heart.

I told myself that I would wait until I broke up with my wife over some other reason and my mom etc were dead I would live my life for me and transition. However my mind had other plans and I simply could not hold it together after a night of misery and pain where I was torn down to nothing and she committed suicide.

I saved her and I repressed my feelings in order to support her recovery. However my love for her had faded and our relationship was on borrowed time. As the months and eventually years passed I grew increasingly cold, lonely, anxious, depressed, and fed up with the vicious cycle I had lived for so long.

I inverted my pain and focused it on myself as I was allways told how terrible I was and it got to the point where I was micro managed with little freedom over my own body. All of this is in the end my fault because I allowed myself to be treated this way.

My wife is very loving but is a victim of the abuse she suffered and that makes it so hard. I still say that she is an angel for remaining a loving and caring person at heart because of everything she went through but I just cant live this way any more.

Things seem to have gotten worse since I came out to her as trans wgich may have been ok except the hrt is necessary and is non negotiable at this point. I knew that is what I wanted many 3-4 years ago and I need to do what I need to do to be healthy.

She screamed in my face and physically assaulted me last night for what I hope will be the last time. I told her that we are 100% done. We were separated but living in the same house in different rooms. I moved out all the stuff that I could fit in the old small car and left.

To make matters worse we are Christian folk and my mom is not accepting me as a woman one bit and as much as it hurts I am about to never talk to her again due to the constant stream of text messages where my bible is being used to tell me that I am sick, possessed, sinning etc.

I have to work to seperate my finances now and am homeless.. I thank my Au t for letting me stay at her house in the short term.. But im going to have to pick up the pieces of my life and start over..

Today is a very sad day for me. I feel a lake full of tears of utter despair ready to come out but the floodgates have not opened yet..

I dont want to leave my ex without aby support.. Im the only one who has a job.. But I need to move on and I need to control how my paycheck is spent...

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Offline Maddie

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Re: Abused woman
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2019, 08:08:37 am »
Good luck to you Jackie.
Please don't go back.

Offline randim

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Re: Abused woman
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2019, 08:59:09 am »
I have no brilliant advice, but my heart aches for you dear, and your wife as well.  I hope you have some friends to whom you can turn, and I hope your new relationship with your wife/future ex can become civil.  It sounds like she needs it to be as well as you, so maybe that will happen.

Offline jackie3816

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Re: Abused woman
« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2019, 09:29:38 am »
Thank you Maddie and Randim

I appriciate the support.. Only have one friend as I became very isolated as a result of my gender issues and the things I went through at home.

I am hoping to meet many real life people at my local transgender support center vit my first group session wont be until the 5th..

In the mean time im pretty lonely..

But on the up side I needed to address these issues for a long time now. Its a shame Its turned out this way but at the same time it may be all for the best..

My mom and wife have made this all about them. They do not listen to me when I tell them I have no choice but to transition based on my recent mental metdown. I faced immense inner pressure to come out of the closet and address these issues coupled with extreme fear anxiety and self doubt. Coming out of the closet was my only choice.. And I did it for them as much as me. I reasoned that having a female me would be better for everyone involved versus me being dead from the weight of my self denial..

I guess I was wrong on the mom and soon to be ex wife front.. But oh well at least I actually have a life to look forward to now..

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Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: Abused woman
« Reply #4 on: July 24, 2019, 06:38:13 pm »
Getting out of the cycle of abuse is probably the best thing you ever could have done. As far as bible thumping on Facebook, you can unfollow whoever is posting it. I did that to a couple of aunts. No matter how well meaning they think they may be, it doesn't help matters.

It sounds like you ultimately need a clean break, but you need a decent income for that to happen.  I wish you the best of luck.
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Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Abused woman
« Reply #5 on: July 24, 2019, 07:25:19 pm »
Jackie, even if your tears haven't started, mine have for you. I feel for all the pain you have been through, and agree with the others that you need a clean break and a fresh start. My first marriage failed partly due to me being trans, and I was devastated and blamed myself, but after a while I realised it was inevitable, and out of my control. I moved on to a much better life, and am actually realising all of my dreams. I know it seems like the end of the world now, but it does get better. Given time, your mother may come around as a mother's love is almost always stronger than religious conviction.

So let your tears flow to wash away your pain and look forward to a better life.

Hugs, Allie

Offline jackie3816

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Re: Abused woman
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2019, 09:40:02 am »
Jackie, even if your tears haven't started, mine have for you. I feel for all the pain you have been through, and agree with the others that you need a clean break and a fresh start. My first marriage failed partly due to me being trans, and I was devastated and blamed myself, but after a while I realised it was inevitable, and out of my control. I moved on to a much better life, and am actually realising all of my dreams. I know it seems like the end of the world now, but it does get better. Given time, your mother may come around as a mother's love is almost always stronger than religious conviction.

So let your tears flow to wash away your pain and look forward to a better life.

Hugs, Allie
Thank you!

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Offline Chloe

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Re: Abused woman
« Reply #7 on: July 25, 2019, 10:52:11 am »
OMG Jackie you stole the script right outta my story right?

Read this and that and tell me if you (and yours) qualify!

       I was lucky enough to spend over a year with a local trans friend & family (I met here) while "ex", I and lawyers *duked it out* over three divorce filings (last one successful ;) ) and 5 years later . . . You should not feel sorry in the least for what sounds like "a professional victim"!
"But it's no use now," thought poor Alice, "to pretend be two people!
"Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!"

Offline jackie3816

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Re: Abused woman
« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2019, 10:08:46 pm »
OMG Jackie you stole the script right outta my story right?

Read this and that and tell me if you (and yours) qualify!

       I was lucky enough to spend over a year with a local trans friend & family (I met here) while "ex", I and lawyers *duked it out* over three divorce filings (last one successful ;) ) and 5 years later . . . You should not feel sorry in the least for what sounds like "a professional victim"!
Thank you.. I visited my local domestic violence center and now I understand that I was abused for the last 15 years. It is not my fault and whatever happens as a result of me taking back my life is also not my fault.

I no longer have to beat myself up or take responsibility for someone else's life. Especially not the person who abused me.

I have renewed strength..

Still have a lot of work to do but I am free and I will get my divorce and move on without my wife and my mom.

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Offline Maddie

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Re: Abused woman
« Reply #9 on: July 26, 2019, 06:27:31 pm »
Thank you.. I visited my local domestic violence center and now I understand that I was abused for the last 15 years. It is not my fault and whatever happens as a result of me taking back my life is also not my fault.

I no longer have to beat myself up or take responsibility for someone else's life. Especially not the person who abused me.

I have renewed strength..

Still have a lot of work to do but I am free and I will get my divorce and move on without my wife and my mom.
Everything you just said Jackie.
Good luck and stay free sister.

Offline jackie3816

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Re: Abused woman
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2019, 07:28:24 am »
Everything you just said Jackie.
Good luck and stay free sister.
Thank you!

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