Author Topic: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now  (Read 1707 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline golden_ocean

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 47
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Dear all,

I really need your help on something that has been kind of bothering me.
I am from Germany (27, ftm) and have been on HRT (testosterone) for about 10 days. I feel much better mentally and more free, myself; however, a reason for signing up on this website is that I still have to come to terms with (if this is the correct word in this context) something, that is my mum's comment.


Just a bit of historical background. I have been in gender therapy for about 2 years. During my stay abroad I even attended a trans* support group for a few months. Since the age of 13, I have felt that something was off ... and since starting university I have 'explored myself' further as I did not have a word to describe this disconnect, which means it has been almost 5.5 years going on this path of deeper exploration. Due to my dysphoria I have never been able to enter a relationship (however; I have to mention that this dysphoria is stronger on some days, whereas on other days it is not as noticeable). I don't want to go into further details here.

I got my eggs frozen for possible future options as it will not solely my choice on whether to have children or not (right now I am not pro and not against it). [But I heard that even after 10ish years on testosterone pregnancy is possible. However, I am not too keen getting into this.].



As I mentioned above. I have been on testosterone for about 10 days.
A reason for temporarily stopping testosterone is my mum's comment: I do think it is a mistake. You will never be happy like this.

I would like to give you a little bit of background information about my mum. She cares about us children; she can be a good mum, however, she has also her conservative side. She sometimes makes negative comments about men and is very religious.
Her support, which I do not have is important to me. However, comments such as "I don't see any problems", "You were born too early. Science has proven a certain kind of weirdness in these kind of people" - don't really help me out. She also likes to mention in different situations that "She was right and we should have listened to her". I don't want to hear this sentence (again).

             a) If she is right, then bodily changes would do more harm.
             b) If she is NOT right, then I would deeply regret on having not transitioned.

Due to her not agreeing with my transition. I think my father does not really mind. -> I feel guilty. I don't want my mum to see me as some kind of abnormality. My siblings and best friends are supportive, which I really appreciate.

However, due to my mum's comments on transitioning I looked into the topic of "detransitioning". It seems to me that detransitioners often detransition due to:

a) dysphoria does not go go away but "new problems" come up
b) they want to live as a woman (detransitioned women)
c) accepting one's biological sex and live with dysphoria (self-acceptance)
d) not enough support from family and friends
e) no or very little psychotherapy
f) no body dysphoria but they came to the realisation that it was rather body dysmorphia
g) they were just not happy transitioning and were unable to identify themselves on HRT
h) they realised there was no need to medically transition
i) some form of abuse (e.g. sexual abuse in childhood)

I could never live up to her wanting me to be a "feminine *girl*" and I know I am not a "masculine *girl*". I just cannot identify with girls.

I am aware that transition is not an easy process and I like to think critically about topics but also listen to my inner feelings. I am aware that I will have to be on hormones my entire life (which is necessary but not great), get regular check-ups (twice a year). Shortened life-span. However, benefits should not be forgotten.

Now, I am afraid - I don't want this detransitioning thing happen to me. Brief: I do not want to make a mistake. When I look at former photos I see how unhappy I was before transitioning. It just does not feel right living "that" life. Right now I feel lost as I want to please my mum but can't and I feel like stopping, do nothing and live unhappily. These detransitioned videos just kind of scared me; I do  not want to make a mistake.

If someone asked me, how to you see yourself when you are old: I cannot imagine being old right now. Unfortunately, I cannot give an answer. I just wanna be healthy and live a happy life. But maybe I cannot be happy by knowing how my mother will "see" me. I don't want to lose her as a person (by which I mean, I want her to accept me and not disconnect from me).

Maybe I should take more time and talk to the gender therapist. However, I would gladly like to hear your opinion. Any ideas on how to proceed?  ???

Thank you.

Offline LaRae

  • "No one ever wetted clay and then left it, as if there would be bricks by chance and fortune."
  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 245
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2019, 06:36:37 pm »
Hi, & welcome!


First things first: You should definitely be sure this is the course for you, but most importantly, you should never let anyone else define you, even your mother. Only you know the truth of who you are. The very fact that you've gone this far, & been in therapy that long, is a good sign you're on the right track. Checking yourself rather than running in blindly is the best way to go about it, as well. A bit of critical thinking goes a long way.

I'm 8 months into HRT, & it definitely can be scary at times, especially in the beginning. A lot of what you're feeling at the moment could actually be BECAUSE of the hormones. They put your emotions into flux for quite a while after starting. It took me around 2 months to level out. However, that does get better.

Her reaction, though harsh & dealing in absolutes, is pretty regular. My mother, who is extremely liberal pansexual, reacted in fear & doubt as well. They're parents, & this is a huge change for them. And at first, she had the typical 'mama bear' reaction: all she could think about was the danger. It got better with time though, & now she's my staunchest ally.

So essentially: yes, it is good to keep yourself in check, but don't allow others' fear control you, or stop you altogether from pursuing your own happiness, comfort & contentment.
"Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour and it can never be used to hurt you."



Offline Jessica

  • I love you. No...... I might not know you, but if folk can hate for no good reason, I can love.
  • *
  • Posts: 7,952
  • Reputation: +59/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2019, 06:41:13 pm »
Hi Golden_Ocean!  Welcome to Susan’s Place!  I’m Jessica.
It’s any transition there is the chance that someone close will disapprove.  Sometimes through time that can be resolved, sometimes not.  Your questioning if you should seek more gender therapy is a sound direction to follow.  I hope you will find the answers you need.

I see you’re new here, so I’ll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don’t forget the link highlighted red.  It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell the members about yourself!


Things that you should read

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."



Online Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 31,095
  • Reputation: +42/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2019, 10:37:38 pm »
@golden_ocean
Dear Golden Ocean
     I am so very glad that you have decided become a member here and that you have started posting in the Forums.
     
    As you continue to post on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.   I expect that you will be getting many members offering their thoughts and suggestions as you continue to post here. 
   
     For sure this is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation and as you continue to feel free to share with all of us.
 
     I see that our lovely member and Calfornia Girl  @Jessica  has already given you a big WELCOME ... but please allow me to also warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    Attached at the end of  Jessica's  Welcome Message are important and informative LINKS that will help you to navigate around the Forums and will allow you to enjoy the features here.     
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Online Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 31,095
  • Reputation: +42/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2019, 10:40:32 pm »
@golden_ocean 
OH, and another thing Golden Ocean:
As our member @Jessica  suggested in her Welcome Message to you, please if you feel so led plan to write a post and briefly introduce yourself in the Introductions Forum so that other members will be aware of your arrival... therefore you will be able to share your thoughts and questions with more members here.
     
Thank you again for joining Susan's Place and being involved in the Forums here.

Best wishes to you,
Danielle

NOTE: Now after all of this Greeting Stuff I will you and everyone have this thread back so that the exchange of conversation can continue.
Other members here will certainly be along to give you their comments and replies
« Last Edit: October 23, 2019, 04:21:12 pm by Alaskan Danielle »
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline kaygee

  • Mademoiselle💃
  • ****
  • *
  • Posts: 276
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • A very stable genius.🤪
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2019, 05:30:03 am »

Maybe I should take more time and talk to the gender therapist. However, I would gladly like to hear your opinion. Any ideas on how to proceed?  ???


I'm thinking it would be beneficial to your Mum if she saw a gender therapist.

A professional in that field could give her statistics that tens of thousands have undergone the surgery, with only a handful regretting it.

And basically steer her towards accepting you as you are and will be.

You have my sympathy, Golden. Acceptance by the ones we love is so important.

And rejection is so damned painful.😢
Give me ambiguity... or give me something else.

-Patrick… somebody

Offline golden_ocean

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 47
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2019, 06:25:16 am »
Hello everyone,

I appreciate all replies be it critical or no, so thank you  :)
I asked my mum to see a therapist (also for herself) but she thinks no one is needed in her case. Everything is perfectly fine according to her. She "knows" what "she knows is right" .

I just don't know what to do right now. I know it is only me who knows how I feel but right now I just feel like doing nothing. I kind of feel lost. This comment really "erased" any feeling towards me as a person "for now" - what I think of myself etc. Maybe some of you do understand.

I thought about sending my parents an e-mail, explaining the situation (again); and asking them why they think I would be making a mistake by proceeding further. I think e-mail communication is best in this way,. First, they can both think about what to say and I don't get any emotional reactions. I guess I just (still) have to find out for myself what is right - as I said this is a huge step.

I feel like I don't fit in with the girls/women (it is not that I hate women or "worry" about women being treated better or worse). I just want to feel content with myself (e.g. not worry about body issues - tough sometimes I can ignore them but still don't feel comfortable). A reason for not using the word "happy" here is that I think there is more to happiness. And now I am romaticising about the past "Oh, maybe it wasn't too bad" , "Just dress as you want and live your life with your problems" .  :(

I would also welcome any thought-provoking replies. Thank you!

I aplogise for "complaining about my life" .

Offline Lexxi

  • MTF Trans Woman
  • *
  • Posts: 1,545
  • Reputation: +16/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • 50 Year old MTF
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2019, 06:36:40 am »
Hi Golden Ocean,

Something you said in your post really popped out at me. You said you've been watching detransitioning videos. A big portion of those videos are produced by religious organizations or people. They're often filled with loads of misinformation.

The last numbers I saw on people going through gender confirmation surgery only about 2 percent of the people came to regret their decision. That means that 98 percent are happy they did it. I would imagine that close to the same number of people regret transitioning in the first place.

Last thing...I agree that you should always make up your own mind and never let others make your mind up for you. This should be all about what's best for you.  ;)

That's just my two cents.

xoxo
Lexxi
Finally started the process of becoming the real me! 5/20/19
Came out online 5/20/19
First time coming out face to face 6/3/19
First therapist appointment for HRT 6/3/19
Got my letter for HRT 6/10/19
Came out to my mom 6/18/19
Started HRT 7/12/19

Offline Faith

  • *
  • Posts: 2,607
  • Reputation: +17/-0
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #8 on: July 29, 2019, 06:40:43 am »
asking why they think it's a mistake isn't the right approach, imo. Anyone outside yourself will always go with their preferred perception - doesn't make them right.  You have to look inside yourself and decide, no one else knows what's in your head. Even we don't and we are all going though similar issues, all we can do is speculate based on our own experiences.

If you currently feel like doing nothing, then do nothing. It's perfectly acceptable to coast a while to figure things out.

You can't fix other people, only yourself. If someone feels they 'know' and don't need therapy to work things out, nothing you say will change their mind.

Offline golden_ocean

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 47
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2019, 07:19:57 am »
 Hi!
Regarding the Detrans* videos I just wanted to know people's reasons for transitioning.
I am aware that behind some are religious organisations  ;). I think people transition too fast, are pressured online or without proper resources such as therapy etc. (Hence, I am glad therapy here is a requirement).

I have decided that the best option for "now" is to talk to a friend about my feelings. I feel like discussions about whatever topic always help me in life. This means, I will stop for now - and I feel better by not being pressured in any direction (e.g. mother). I might just need more time (which is fine).

Thanks to you all!


Offline Linde

  • Full time for some time
  • *
  • Posts: 6,268
  • Reputation: +21/-1
  • Gender: Female
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2019, 07:53:07 am »
@ Golden _Ocean
Wir haben eine deutschsprachige Ecke hier bei Susan's im Forum, wenn du da mal reinschauen moechtest?
Hugs
Linde


Offline golden_ocean

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 47
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #11 on: July 29, 2019, 08:22:12 am »
@Linde Vielen dank! Überrascht mich ;) hätte ich nämlich nicht erwartet.

Offline sarah1972

  • Family
  • *****
  • *
  • Posts: 1,912
  • Reputation: +11/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Former News Administrator
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #12 on: July 29, 2019, 10:43:41 am »
@golden_ocean : Auch von mir Herzlich Willkommen. Die Deutschsprachige Ecke hier ist vermutlich die Aktivieste im Internationalen Bereich.

Tut mir leid zu hoeren, dass Du solche Probelme mit Deiner Familie hast. Ich bin auch im Konservativen Deutschland aufgewachsen, kenne von daher einige Deiner Probleme. Wenigstens meine Familie war ein bischen mehr offen und liberal.

Einen Punkt habe ich vermisst in Deiner Liste mit Gruenden fuer Detransition:

Love...

Es gibt einige, die aus Liebe zu ihrem Partner eine Transition stoppen.

Hoffe, Du findest eine Loesung.

Liebe Gruesse,

Sarah


Offline golden_ocean

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 47
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #13 on: July 29, 2019, 12:29:18 pm »
Hallo @Sarah1972 :) !
Ein weiterer und warum ich dachte mit der Transition erstmal zu stoppen war, dass meine Eltern (eher Mutter) mich als verrückt ansieht oder gar als "nicht-normal"  (was sie sowieso schon tut und ich nicht will, dass es schlimmer wird).  :-\
Sie ist leider eine Person (sie hat auch gute Seiten) aber jemand, der gerne immer Recht hat und die eigenen Fehler nicht einsieht (und sich dann auch dafür nicht entschuldigt). Sie würde mich (soweit ich weiß) nie enterben etc. aber der Gedanke, dass ich weiß, dase sie es nicht will/mag ... Ich fühle mich (leider) in einer Art und Weise noch bei ihr emotional gefangen - von was ich mich aufjedenfall lösen muss. Auf der einen Seite will ich sie auch nicht verletzen. Meine Eltern haben mir vieles im Leben ermöglicht.

Die Psychologin hat mir mal die Frage gestellt: Was wäre, wenn deine Eltern nicht da wären? Würdest Du es machen ohne zu zögern? + Ja.

Ich stecke zur Zeit leider in einer Zwickmühle - aber auf der anderen Seite rede ich mir manches auch zu gut ein. Ich kann ja so verweilen - das Problem: ich bin so nur nicht wirklich glücklich - ich verpasse manches im Leben aufgrund körperlicher Probleme und ich will nicht zurückblicken und denken, dass ich "nicht richtig gelebt habe" ; was ich leider jetzt schon tue.  :-*

Es ist viel leichter emotionale Sachen auf Deutsch zu besprechen.  :D

Offline Linde

  • Full time for some time
  • *
  • Posts: 6,268
  • Reputation: +21/-1
  • Gender: Female
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #14 on: July 29, 2019, 01:18:51 pm »
Hallo @Sarah1972 :) !


Es ist viel leichter emotionale Sachen auf Deutsch zu besprechen.  :D
Please continue in the German section if we want to write in German.  Most people here in the general section cannot read German, and might be frustrated.
You can open your own subject in the German section and we can do all in German there.
Linde


Offline golden_ocean

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 47
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #15 on: July 29, 2019, 03:06:09 pm »
I will "Transfer" it into the German section in the next few days! ;) sorry about posting it here.


Online Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 31,095
  • Reputation: +42/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #16 on: July 29, 2019, 03:13:42 pm »
I will "Transfer" it into the German section in the next few days! ;) sorry about posting it here.

@golden_ocean
No apology needed....  but our member @Linde is correct... it is best to use primarily English in the General Forum Sections as we do have specific Language Forums Sections for other languages.

There are a fair number of members here that can speak and write in German, myself included, but if the conversation and comment exchange is in a language other than English it is best taken to the appropriate language section of the forums to avoid frustration from our English Language Only members.

Thanks for your posting activity since you first joined Susan's Place yesterday.
Best Wishes,
Danielle
« Last Edit: July 30, 2019, 05:15:40 pm by Alaskan Danielle »
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline F_P_M

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 598
  • Reputation: +8/-0
  • Gender: Male
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #17 on: July 30, 2019, 04:42:07 pm »
You will never know anything for sure, nothing in life is ever certain, nothing is black and white.
ALL of us have moments of doubt, of fear, moments where we think "well it's not THAT bad, I can probably just live like this right?"
It's very normal.

I too have fussed and fretted and researched and obsessed over everything, including detransition and why it happened.

But here's the thing i've figured out.

You can NEVER live your life without mistakes and ultimately, you can't see any sort of change in life without taking a few risks. Will you regret it? Maybe, maybe not. But will you regret it MORE if you don't try?
In my case the "what ifs" are more painful than the idea of saying "okay that wasn't the right course" because at least I can say "well i tried that, it wasn't that, but I tried it." and for me, personally, I find more peace in that than spending my life wondering.

I'm sorry your mother isn't being supportive. But at the end of the day, who are you living your life for? Her? or yourself?
it sucks, it's horrible and it's sad, but ultimately YOU are the only one who can life your life. It's your life. Your mother gave you that life sure, but that doesn't mean she has ownership of it. You aren't property, you're a person, an individual, and if she doesn't like transgender that's fine, SHE doesn't have to transition.

That may sound harsh, blunt even, and i'm sorry for that.

I understand the love and the fear of losing the people you care about. Parents matter to us, no matter how old we get. I'm still very close to my mum, it makes me a bit sad to think she might distance herself a little when I become her son instead of her daughter, but I hope she'll realise that i'm still the same person inside, I just have a bit more body hair and a deeper voice.

One thing I found that brought me a degree of peace was researching T effects and what wasn't reversable and deciding if I could live with that. If, worst case scenario I was wrong and transition didn't work for me, how I would feel about those irreversable traits.
And I decided they didn't bother me, or weren't insurmountable.
I'm sure you've done similar with looking into the side effects but it's a useful excercise to consider. IF it wasn't correct, IF it didn't work out for whatever reason, would you be okay with the changes or the work required to undo them?

Honestly I think fear of change is what keeps a lot of us closeted for so long. Humans naturally fear change because it's scary and unpredictable and it's not "safe", but change is neccisary to grow and to evolve.

At the end of the day you're trying to find a suit that fits. We weren't lucky enough to be born with one that was comfortable. But it's figuring out WHAT alterations have to be done. Quite where that discomfort is. It's a challenge, and it's not one to be taken lightly.

The fact you have T suggests you've spoken to a therapist. Would it be worth seeing them again to discuss this setback?

Offline golden_ocean

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 47
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #18 on: July 30, 2019, 05:13:32 pm »
You are very right about that is is me who is transitioning and not my mum she just makes me feel "frozen" or "stuck" in life (but I understand her reaction toward this).

I will be seeing the therapist again (therapy is still going) - a so called "Begleittherapie" , which should translate into "accompanying therapie" . It is not every other week like before but about once every 6 weeks - a support therapy in the transition process.

I have looked into things that are unreversible on T. Right now I would say they would not bother me - e.g. I took T for two weeks and my voice has already slightly changed in the higher tones and it does not bother me at all. I feel perfectly fine. I am aware, however, that there are gonna be other changes and they do not bother me at all when thinking about it (only hair loss when I am honest ;) but most people will have to face that, even women to some extent).

Maybe this is worth adding. My mother has an internal "dislike" towards men and likes to comment on that from time to time - even towards my father. But her upbringing was not very liberal. (I don't know whether I mentioned it before). I am sometimes wondering whether this has some impact on me and also stops me in my transition. But this is just speculating.

Ricki Wright

Re: Afraid - my mother's comment scared me - stopping transition for now
« Reply #19 on: July 30, 2019, 06:22:48 pm »
Welcome,

I am sorry you seem to be stuck between what you want, and pleasing your mother. Living your life, and making your Mom happier.

It sounds like you are already not a very feminine woman which is already making her slightly disappointed so at best by not transitioning you are only disappointing her slightly less. Are you her only assigned female at birth child? Does she feel like she would be losing her only "daughter"? If her motives for telling you to not transition are for her best interest and not yours, that is just incredibly selfish.

I have 4 children. Every one of my children I have taught to think for themselves. They know I will offer my opinion on things, sometimes without them asking, but that I trust them to decide for themselves. My oldest daughter and I have extreme differences when it comes to politics. She voted for Trump, which makes me feel like I failed her somehow. I do NOT love her less because of it, we just do not talk politics.

I would much rather see you live your life as you wish to and learn from it. You will make mistakes. Eventually you will tell others about them in an effort to help others learn from them. You will have successes and you will be recognized for them. It's called "Life", and it is your Life to live.

You are old enough to make your own decisions. Your parents no longer have the right to tell you what you can and can't do. They can suggest. They can advise you. It is your life at this point, and your decision.

How can your Mom possibly know what will make you happy? She is not you. She does not know how you feel. All she knows is she dose not particularly like Men, and you want to be one. She is pulling on your emotions, I think she knows it, and I also think that is a horrible thing to do to someone.

You have said that if your Mom was not saying anything that you would transition. I think you have your answer right there. It is up to you now to decide if you are old enough to live your life, or still too young and will allow others decide for you.

Hugs!

Ricki

You have not mentioned your father. Perhaps go have a father/son talk with him. Dads and sons regularly talk about  how to handle Wife/Mom on things.

Tags: