Author Topic: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line  (Read 1096 times)

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Offline BeckyCNJ

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Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« on: August 18, 2019, 09:32:01 am »
Many of those in this group are not transitioning for one reason or another. I don't believe that makes our desire to live as our non-birth gender any less legitimate or intense.

So, how do you cope? What tools do you use?

For me, I've tried to do as much as I feel I can get away with without crossing the line to living as a woman or raising unwanted attention. For many months I've been on the lowest dosage of estradiol possible. It's brought some peace and some (barely) noticeable physical changes but nothing that draws attention.

Through a happy quirk, I changed the gender marker on my driver's license to F using a typo on my birth certificate as legal justification. I haven't done anything with my passport since that could cause problems in less LGTBQ countries. I've shaved the hair from much of my body and sometimes let my nails grow longer. My wife has even encouraged me to get the occasional manicure and pedicure (no polish). Even wearing a bracelet brings some comfort.

How about you? What's worked for you? I'd love to see what you've done and see if we might adapt some of the same methods to help us on this journey. 

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2019, 09:59:17 am »
@BeckyCNJ
Dear Becky:
Transitioning is obviously a very personal decision and there is not a "one size fits all" timeline that will mentally and physically work for everyone.

In my own journey, and in how I live my life today, I tend to be quite conservative and I am rather slow and deliberate before making any dramatic changes in my appearance, my actions, my dress, and my relationships.

My best advice is to take baby steps, walk before you run, etc, etc..
You mentioned that you changed the gender marker on your Drivers License ...  definitely a good and affirming step in your transition.
   
Wow... your wife is encouraging you to get a Manicure and Pedicure....   
...also keeping your body hair shaved and letting your nails grow is a wonderfully satisfying thing to do... and as you mentioned: bracelets and other jewelry...  pierced ears and earrings, necklaces, etc....  .  Other things that can be done as your feel comfortable would be to have your eyebrows shaped and if possible allow your hair to grow out somewhat and perhaps get a unisex style done.

I will be eagerly following your future posts to check up on you

HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle
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Offline natasha

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2019, 09:52:04 pm »
Im tiptoeing (sp) myself. I really dont have any formal plan on "coming out" but just taking it day by day. Long hair past my shoulders, earrings, shaved legs. Theres no hiding that, lol. I've been on hormones for about 10 years and had an orchi.

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2019, 10:50:08 pm »
Hi Becky, as you are aware, we are in much of the same situation.
Not wanting to attract attention is part of it so our life doesn’t unravel.
My wife and I get mani/pedis on a regular basis, which can be a huge stress reliever on many avenues. Try clear polish, just having the luxury of having your nails done with someone applying polish to them is quite satisfying.
I am regrowing my hair long again.  I had it long (center of my back) between the ages of 15 and 40, so my wife has seen it at least 50% of our marriage already and had no issue with it.  I though am taking a full transition dose as it is what has made me feel better.  So physical changes will and have happened, but it’s easy to hide them if I need to.

Hugs and smiles,Jess



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Offline Lexxi

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2019, 12:20:20 am »
There's not a whole lot I can do right now. But I just started on my 6th week of HRT and there are a couple of changes happening inside my shirt that I'm pleased about. It's not noticeable to anyone else yet, but I know things are changing and it feels good...even though it hurts.

I'm also letting my hair grow. I haven't had my hair cut since December of last year and it's the longest it's ever been in my life...I'm REALLY lovin' that.

The only other thing I've changed is I'm letting my nails grow for the first time ever. I used to bite them like a fiend, but I've kept my teeth from touching them for almost 3 months now. Sometimes I paint them with purple glitter nail polish. I really like that too.
Finally started the process of becoming the real me! 5/20/19
Came out online 5/20/19
First time coming out face to face 6/3/19
First therapist appointment for HRT 6/3/19
Got my letter for HRT 6/10/19
Came out to my mom 6/18/19
Started HRT 7/12/19

Offline IWish

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2019, 07:29:17 pm »
I will never fully transition for various personal reasons.  I have however not only tip toed up to the line but have a foot on both sides.  I only own and wear female clothes , have my acrylic nails done every 2 weeks , toes painted , female pixie cut , ears double pierced and hairless from ears down.  All these things keep me firmly planted on the female side.  When I go out with my GF I do my eyes wear perfume and accesorize.  I dont pass by any stretch of ones imagination but present as a very feminine male.
All these things allow me to be me and thats what counts cuz Im happy.

IWish
IWish I was born a girl !

Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2019, 07:33:28 pm »
I will never fully transition for various personal reasons.  I have however not only tip toed up to the line but have a foot on both sides.  I only own and wear female clothes , have my acrylic nails done every 2 weeks , toes painted , female pixie cut , ears double pierced and hairless from ears down.  All these things keep me firmly planted on the female side.  When I go out with my GF I do my eyes wear perfume and accesorize.  I dont pass by any stretch of ones imagination but present as a very feminine male.
All these things allow me to be me and thats what counts cuz Im happy.

IWish

IWish,

  Good for you! It seems like this works well for you as you can be yourself and that is important.
I wish you much continued happiness.


Chrissy
Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2019, 07:37:21 pm »
There's not a whole lot I can do right now. But I just started on my 6th week of HRT and there are a couple of changes happening inside my shirt that I'm pleased about. It's not noticeable to anyone else yet, but I know things are changing and it feels good...even though it hurts.

I'm also letting my hair grow. I haven't had my hair cut since December of last year and it's the longest it's ever been in my life...I'm REALLY lovin' that.

The only other thing I've changed is I'm letting my nails grow for the first time ever. I used to bite them like a fiend, but I've kept my teeth from touching them for almost 3 months now. Sometimes I paint them with purple glitter nail polish. I really like that too.


Gosh, and I thought the proper way to keep nails nicely trimmed was to bite them.  That shows ya what I know!   :)

Sounds like you are growing (hair, nails, and girls) (and more) into womanhood!  Yay!

 :)


Chrissy
Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Lexxi

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2019, 06:09:47 am »

Gosh, and I thought the proper way to keep nails nicely trimmed was to bite them.  That shows ya what I know!   :)

Sounds like you are growing (hair, nails, and girls) (and more) into womanhood!  Yay!

 :)


Chrissy

Hi Chrissy,

Well it looks like I spoke too soon. Last weekend I was surfing Susan's and not paying attention to what my teeth or fingernails were doing. Apparently they had a party while I was busy; either that or I've developed some very strange medical condition that made all of my fingernails fall off.  :laugh: :laugh:

I swear I don't remember biting them at all. I really hope I enjoyed myself, because now my nails look horrendous!! So I'm back to square one. I guess I'm gonna have to pull my purple glitter polish back out again.

Lexxi
Finally started the process of becoming the real me! 5/20/19
Came out online 5/20/19
First time coming out face to face 6/3/19
First therapist appointment for HRT 6/3/19
Got my letter for HRT 6/10/19
Came out to my mom 6/18/19
Started HRT 7/12/19

Offline IWish

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2019, 09:41:01 pm »
IWish,

  Good for you! It seems like this works well for you as you can be yourself and that is important.
I wish you much continued happiness.


Chrissy

Chrissy thank you for the kind words !

IWish
IWish I was born a girl !

Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2019, 09:44:06 pm »
Hi Chrissy,

Well it looks like I spoke too soon. Last weekend I was surfing Susan's and not paying attention to what my teeth or fingernails were doing. Apparently they had a party while I was busy; either that or I've developed some very strange medical condition that made all of my fingernails fall off.  :laugh: :laugh:

I swear I don't remember biting them at all. I really hope I enjoyed myself, because now my nails look horrendous!! So I'm back to square one. I guess I'm gonna have to pull my purple glitter polish back out again.

Lexxi


Maybe some cayenne pepper flavored nail polish would discourage the inadvertent nail pruning!   :)

Chrissy
Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline WannaBgirl2

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #11 on: October 10, 2019, 09:19:02 pm »
Many of those in this group are not transitioning for one reason or another. I don't believe that makes our desire to live as our non-birth gender any less legitimate or intense.

So, how do you cope? What tools do you use?

For me, I've tried to do as much as I feel I can get away with without crossing the line to living as a woman or raising unwanted attention. For many months I've been on the lowest dosage of estradiol possible. It's brought some peace and some (barely) noticeable physical changes but nothing that draws attention.

Through a happy quirk, I changed the gender marker on my driver's license to F using a typo on my birth certificate as legal justification. I haven't done anything with my passport since that could cause problems in less LGTBQ countries. I've shaved the hair from much of my body and sometimes let my nails grow longer. My wife has even encouraged me to get the occasional manicure and pedicure (no polish). Even wearing a bracelet brings some comfort.

How about you? What's worked for you? I'd love to see what you've done and see if we might adapt some of the same methods to help us on this journey.
I'm 49yrs old... A big strong biker looking guy, on the outside! But for as long as I can remember... I've never truly felt like a man, I always feel uneasy around guys, it's mostly sports, sex, dirty jokes.... I get it, but I don't want it!!! I love feelings soft, fragile, tender and feminine. I hide it from everyone, nobody seems to understand what or how I feel.... I'm not a real man, but I'm cool with that part. I wear my bra and panties as discreetly as possible, I keep my toes painted, but HIDDEN! I've purged my girly wardrobe several times.... Like when my wife would catch me, or find something.... I lie to her and myself... Saying I will stop.... But that doesn't last long.... But I'm still wanting more! I need to unleash my femininity, but I have to do it on the down low, as I don't think I can leave the life I have, friends, family, work connections.... To become a gorilla of a woman, that nobody is going to find attractive!?! But I do want to move forward.... Slowly and subtly.... Any advice or suggestions, pearls of wisdom.... I will be in your debt!!! Sorry for the book!


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Offline Listlesswanderer

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #12 on: November 07, 2019, 01:04:58 am »
@BeckyCNJ
   
Wow... your wife is encouraging you to get a Manicure and Pedicure....   
...also keeping your body hair shaved and letting your nails grow is a wonderfully satisfying thing to do... and as you mentioned: bracelets and other jewelry...  pierced ears and earrings, necklaces, etc....  .  Other things that can be done as your feel comfortable would be to have your eyebrows shaped and if possible allow your hair to grow out somewhat and perhaps get a unisex style done.


I agree with Danielle, this is a thing of great beauty, I am so happy for both of you :)
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If only I had someone to hold my hand...

Offline Geeker

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Re: Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line
« Reply #13 on: March 13, 2020, 10:56:01 am »
@BeckyCNJ, I cope using rather "unhealthy" means as the antidepressant/antianxity med I'm prescribed is as helpful as placebo is for broken bones. After all, if your blitzed out of your skull you tend to no longer give a dang about most things.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2020, 12:10:29 pm by Geeker »
I'm not out, I'm not on E, unless things change I doubt I ever will be.

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