Community Conversation > Non-Transitioning and Detransitioning

Not transitioning but tip-toeing up to the line

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Many of those in this group are not transitioning for one reason or another. I don't believe that makes our desire to live as our non-birth gender any less legitimate or intense.

So, how do you cope? What tools do you use?

For me, I've tried to do as much as I feel I can get away with without crossing the line to living as a woman or raising unwanted attention. For many months I've been on the lowest dosage of estradiol possible. It's brought some peace and some (barely) noticeable physical changes but nothing that draws attention.

Through a happy quirk, I changed the gender marker on my driver's license to F using a typo on my birth certificate as legal justification. I haven't done anything with my passport since that could cause problems in less LGTBQ countries. I've shaved the hair from much of my body and sometimes let my nails grow longer. My wife has even encouraged me to get the occasional manicure and pedicure (no polish). Even wearing a bracelet brings some comfort.

How about you? What's worked for you? I'd love to see what you've done and see if we might adapt some of the same methods to help us on this journey. 

Northern Star Girl:
Dear Becky:
Transitioning is obviously a very personal decision and there is not a "one size fits all" timeline that will mentally and physically work for everyone.

In my own journey, and in how I live my life today, I tend to be quite conservative and I am rather slow and deliberate before making any dramatic changes in my appearance, my actions, my dress, and my relationships.

My best advice is to take baby steps, walk before you run, etc, etc..
You mentioned that you changed the gender marker on your Drivers License ...  definitely a good and affirming step in your transition.
Wow... your wife is encouraging you to get a Manicure and Pedicure....   
...also keeping your body hair shaved and letting your nails grow is a wonderfully satisfying thing to do... and as you mentioned: bracelets and other jewelry...  pierced ears and earrings, necklaces, etc....  .  Other things that can be done as your feel comfortable would be to have your eyebrows shaped and if possible allow your hair to grow out somewhat and perhaps get a unisex style done.

I will be eagerly following your future posts to check up on you

HUGS and best wishes,

Im tiptoeing (sp) myself. I really dont have any formal plan on "coming out" but just taking it day by day. Long hair past my shoulders, earrings, shaved legs. Theres no hiding that, lol. I've been on hormones for about 10 years and had an orchi.

Hi Becky, as you are aware, we are in much of the same situation.
Not wanting to attract attention is part of it so our life doesn’t unravel.
My wife and I get mani/pedis on a regular basis, which can be a huge stress reliever on many avenues. Try clear polish, just having the luxury of having your nails done with someone applying polish to them is quite satisfying.
I am regrowing my hair long again.  I had it long (center of my back) between the ages of 15 and 40, so my wife has seen it at least 50% of our marriage already and had no issue with it.  I though am taking a full transition dose as it is what has made me feel better.  So physical changes will and have happened, but it’s easy to hide them if I need to.

Hugs and smiles,Jess

cc: @BeckyCNJ

There's not a whole lot I can do right now. But I just started on my 6th week of HRT and there are a couple of changes happening inside my shirt that I'm pleased about. It's not noticeable to anyone else yet, but I know things are changing and it feels good...even though it hurts.

I'm also letting my hair grow. I haven't had my hair cut since December of last year and it's the longest it's ever been in my life...I'm REALLY lovin' that.

The only other thing I've changed is I'm letting my nails grow for the first time ever. I used to bite them like a fiend, but I've kept my teeth from touching them for almost 3 months now. Sometimes I paint them with purple glitter nail polish. I really like that too.


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