Author Topic: Laura's FFS Journal  (Read 3313 times)

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Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #60 on: October 05, 2020, 10:55:51 am »
Had to laugh at this...this has happened to my reading glasses as well! Keeps slipping down my nose - annoying!

Fortunately, it has always been part of my post-surgery plan to spend some money and get a couple pairs of nice looking reading glasses with the anti-glare coating from an optician. I hope to do that in the next couple of weeks.

Everything else you mention is similar to where I was two weeks ago. It’s pretty slow going from here to month 6, I think.

Sarah

Good to know we're on the same track, but that you're a few weeks ahead, @SarahC. So much easier to be at this point than the first week. Oh, staples in the head were a strange feeling.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #61 on: October 05, 2020, 04:34:44 pm »
Thank you @OldAndCreaky. I'm getting "clocked" when I go out, but hopefully time will change that.

Laura

Laura, please tell me more. Who said what and when? Do you still have facial hair? Arm hair? A deep voice?

Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #62 on: October 05, 2020, 06:56:36 pm »
Laura, please tell me more. Who said what and when? Do you still have facial hair? Arm hair? A deep voice?
@OldAndCreaky
The good news is that no one said anything to me. In the first case, where I was eating lunch outside with a friend, two people turned their heads and stared at me for a second. It's entirely possible my voice, which I'm still working on, gave me away. I was close shaven and my beard takes quite a bit of time to grow, so I know it wasn't that. Still,after the initial stare, they didn't look back later.

In the second instance, the person who stared at me was about 100 feet away, but the couple always sees <deadname> playing tennis on Fridays with my group.I suspect they knew is was me, which is why the male stared for long periods of time. It made me quite uncomfortable.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #63 on: October 05, 2020, 07:03:20 pm »
Hmm, Laura. In the second anecdote, someone who sees you in male mode one day and female mode a few days later might connect the dots, but I wouldn't count that as being clocked.

In the first anecdote, who knows.

Even a close shave isn't the same as no facial hair.

You look cute in your photo, cuter than me by a two lengths and a half, and I pass. Good times are coming. You'll see.

Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #64 on: October 05, 2020, 07:55:34 pm »
ou look cute in your photo, cuter than me by a two lengths and a half, and I pass. Good times are coming. You'll see.

@OldAndCreaky.

You're so sweet. thank you.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #65 on: October 05, 2020, 08:49:04 pm »

Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #66 on: October 13, 2020, 08:26:46 pm »
FSS Post-Op, Eight Weeks

Things came falling down last Saturday.

First, all bruising is now gone and while numbness continues on my forehead, head, jaw and chin, I can feel slow (ok, very slow) progress. Some feeling is returning, but I'm certain it could be a year before things return to normal.

On Saturday, I was playing tennis with a large group of friends as <deadname>. (I only play as Laura with the four people I've confided to, so this week Laura gets to play Wednesday and Friday. Yippee). During the third set, I was standing at the net while my partner (a woman) was serving. We were playing two men, both whom can hit the ball fairly hard. After she served, the player opposite me stepped in the the ball and hit it hard down the line. Unfortunately, he missed. The ball headed so quickly towards me that I couldn't get my racket in the way to deflect it. As a result, the ball hit me squarely on my nose, digging my glasses into my nose and opening a small cut. Worse, blood instantly began coming from my nostrils and my nose felt numb. I was certain it was broken.

I apologized to the group as I decided to leave for home immediately to begin icing my nose while I called Kaiser. With COVID, they don't just let you waltz into the ER without screening you, but after a bit, I got permission to go in. The ER doc took some pictures, sharing them with the Ear, Nose Throat doc who replied that the nose didn't seem distended and that I should continue icing and to contact my surgeon on Monday.

Not exactly calming or reassuring. My nose had bled for an hour and felt (and continues to feel) numb. I'm certain it's broken, but because it doesn't look deformed, I could only wait.

In an exchange of messages with my surgeon, I shared pictures of my nose and was told that I'm doing the right thing and that it's best to wait.

So easy for him to say.

I guess I should feel fortunate that it doesn't look broken at this point, but because I'm certain it's broken, I've returned to the pattern of sleeping on my back and taping my glasses to my nose.

This event scared me. Worse, I cried so much on the way home from tennis and on the couch as I iced it and talked to Kaiser. Think of all the time I waited for FFS and all the care I've taken in the past two months to make sure the surgery was successful. To imagine that some of that work was ruined, that my new nose could be disfigured, was depressing. It was a very hard weekend for me.

I'm fortunate that one of my female friends that I'm out to was also playing with us. We were part of group of 12 players that were rotating between sets. She texted me many times that morning asking about how I was doing and providing me support. Her daughter, who also knows about Laura, sent me her good wishes as well.

so, I'm still a bit scared about how my nose will heal, and fortunate to have many wonderful friends.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #67 on: October 13, 2020, 08:41:22 pm »
@Laura1951
Dear Laura:
After reading your last update: "FSS Post-Op, Eight Weeks"
I am so very concerned as certainly you are... but at some point, sooner instead of later I would hope that you can get an in-person appointment with your surgeon.  It could easily be better news than you are thinking....  I am praying for you and for a quick diagnosis from your surgeon and a quick recovery. 

The guy that hit the ball hard down the line and missed and then it hit your nose must feel badly I would think.... if not, give me his phone number and I will have a "little talk" with him.

Hang in there sis, be positive, keep icing, and report anything that you feel you need to report to your surgeon or at least the PAs and nurses there in the Surgeon's office.

I will be eagerly and anxiously waiting for your update when you feel inclined to share it with us.

I  am giving you "gentle" HUGS, HUGS, HUGS, HUGS and more HUGS,
Danielle       
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #68 on: October 13, 2020, 09:25:38 pm »
Laura, that's awful. Hope for the best, but brace for the worst. I'm thinking good thoughts for you.

Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #69 on: October 13, 2020, 10:50:16 pm »
Thank you @Danielle and @OldAndCreaky. While I am still concerned/scared, that the outside of my nose still looks the same does help alleviate some of my anxiety. The damage is most likely internal since I continue to feel a soreness and numbness in my nose.

I think that because my surgeon is a two-hour drive away, he was satisfied with my self-assessment and the multiple pictures I sent. In reality, they really can't do anything if the nose looks the same. I'll continue babying it for the next month or so.

And, yes, the player who accidentally hit me immediately felt bad, as we all would if we injured another player. I've played doubles with and against him many times the past eight years and while I'm not out to him, he did contact me later asking how I was doing.  These things unfortunately happen.

I do appreciate your concern and your good wishes. I'll say again that I could never have made it this far in my transition without our community at Susan's.

thank you.

Laura

Offline Another Nikki

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #70 on: October 13, 2020, 11:58:18 pm »
Oh no!!!  Fingers crossed it’s ok and it’s just a small hiccup.  That’s definitely on my list of worries for the surgery- getting into a car crash or othe calamity just after.  Good luck!!!’
“What you know, you can’t explain, but you feel it. You’ve felt it your entire life—that there is something wrong. You don’t know what it is, but it’s there like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me.”

Offline sarahc

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #71 on: October 14, 2020, 05:06:00 pm »
Oh, I am so sorry that this happened - ugh! I'm sure that you must be distraught.

I actually feared this exact scenario when I played tennis this past weekend for the first time since starting transition, especially because I am an aggressive net player. Definitely was in the back of my mind when I stood my ground on a couple of short balls.

I hope everything heals ok...please keep us posted on how things progress in the coming days.

Sarah
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #72 on: October 14, 2020, 08:57:35 pm »
Thank you @Another Nikki and @SarahC. The weekend was quite traumatic for me. We put so many of our hopes on how FFS can erase parts of our male past, that the idea of ruining it never really entered my mind. Sure, I was careful in tending to the surgical wounds and religiously did everything the surgery staff told me to do, but having our faces injured afterwards endangers some of that progress.

I'm fortunate that I'm not seeing physical damage outside my nose, although I know inside there's some re-healing going on. The cut on top of my nose, where my glasses dug into my skin, will heal and hopefully this will just be a good story I can laugh at down the road.......FAR down the road. LOL.

Thank you again.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #73 on: October 18, 2020, 11:35:38 am »
@sarahc @Laura1951
Dear Sarah Laura:
I have been thinking about you constantly since you reported your tennis "accident"...

Hopefully many days later you are recovering and that there is no or little damage or any kind of a setback.
Please, but only if you feel so inclined, give me and all of your other followers an update.


HUGS and best wishes as always,
Danielle
« Last Edit: October 18, 2020, 08:23:28 pm by Northern Star Girl »
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline sarahc

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #74 on: October 18, 2020, 08:01:47 pm »
@Northern Star Girl:

As I wasn't the injured one, I'm tagging @Laura1951.

Sarah

@sarahc
Dear Sarah:
I have been thinking about you constantly since you reported your tennis "accident"...

Hopefully many days later you are recovering and that there is no or little damage or any kind of a setback.
Please, but only if you feel so inclined, give me and all of your other followers an update.


HUGS and best wishes as always,
Danielle

----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #75 on: October 18, 2020, 08:21:51 pm »
@Northern Star Girl:

As I wasn't the injured one, I'm tagging @Laura1951.

Sarah

@sarahc    cc: @Laura1951
Thank you for the correction .....   
Forgiveness please.
I have been making errors like that a lot lately,,, 
I need to slow down a little.

Hugs to both of you.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #76 on: October 19, 2020, 11:00:36 am »
Thank you @Danielle and @SarahC for checking in. A week after the accident, my nose seems to be recovering and I'm not noticing any undue swelling. I still have some numbness and while I'm taking steps not to aggravate my nose, things seem on the mend. My surgeon looked at several pictures and said that it's best to wait.

In the meantime, I'm finding that now that I'm. recovering from my FFS, some people are beginning to ask questions about my status. that worries me a bit and I've chronicled my concern on my blog. I've decided to not wear my earrings when I play tennis to eliminate one of the clues, but I suspect that my coming out timeline is being disrupted. More to come later on my blog.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #77 on: October 19, 2020, 11:29:48 am »
Laura, because you're a teacher, i.e. one of my tribe, and because you have a pragmatic approach to transitioning, I too cheer for you.

Offline Wendi

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #78 on: November 05, 2020, 11:00:16 am »
Hello Laura, I just read your thread and was wondering how you are doing?

Hugs

Sent from my SM-G986U using Tapatalk

Started HRT 1/3/2019




Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Laura's FFS Journal
« Reply #79 on: November 05, 2020, 11:04:21 am »
@Laura1951
Dear Laura:
I agree with the comment reply from @Wendi ...
I and the rest of your followers of your thread "need" an update, but only if
you feel comfortable sharing.

We are all concerned for you and as always, we are wishing you the best...

HUGS and more HUGS,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

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