Community Conversation > Intersex talk

Ugh, losing my mind...


I just wanna cry..
i have dealt with health issues as a kid and my parents tried to keep it in a bottle where I grew up.  Of course later in life I never really got the whole gist of everything from my parents other than the post-birth surgery and the emotional and financial impact it had on my parents that led them both to drop out of college and relocate.
Of course i was to blame.
So later in life I found out that the Mormon church who primarily likes to fond itself as the "chosen" has a tendency to ordain the sex of a child upon birth and let the parents know when this happens.  Of course, who is to say whether or not this is true... but rather instead growing up was a curse of its own...
only to want to hurt myself since middle school and moving on... because i didnt know how to talk to anyone.

Also I came to find out that it also is cheaper in medicine to remove the female ovarieis in an infant rather than the go the other way anyway.  it did seem that there were a lot of medical concerns with me so im not sure...

then when i turned about 25/26, my body did a loopdy loop on me and everyone thought it was a reaction to my psych meds.  so they were readujusted.  nothing much really ever changed, but i later was in the ER and my discharge instructions wanted my provider to keep an eye on my hormone levels.  funny how at the time, my PCP didnt think that was the issue so nothing happened.

so at the beginning of this year after finally realizing that there were other people that struggled with different stories i set out on my quest to stop living in my head and stop hurting myself and try to enjoy life and be what i always felt like.... of course so much time has gone by, i look and felt like <not allowed> when i first started and i still think i do after about a year.

then this year when i have dealt with home loss a few times over too many, i feel like i am losing my mind, because heres the irony - i was getting both ma'am or sir way before any said choice was made.  too me... it started as a curse that made me wanna  give up.
now the only hope is now trying to make sense of random chaos of sociological norms and trying to find adequate housing on my budget....

hoping for any hugs and positive help... thank you for listening.

~~~ Liz

Hi Liz 🌸 Welcome to Susan’s Place!  I’m Jessica.
I think I understand that medical decisions were made that were misgivings in the long run.  I get that.  My mother took DES before I was born, a medical wonder at the time, disaster in the long run.
Joining Susan’s Place has helped me find some answers through the experiences of the membership here.  I hope you find some as well.

Hello, first I want to give you lots of hugs!
I am not fully clear if you consider yourself intersex?  It is pretty vague to me what you tried to tell us?

I am intersex, and was assigned male at birth, they had a 50/50 chance to hit it right, but they hit it wrong.  And that is the reason why I am a woman now.

I am also a medical professional.  If you feel like giving us more details on your condition, we might be able to help you to sort it out a little better.  If you feel more comfortable to talk to me more privately about it, you can PM me once you have made enough contributions to be allowed to send PM's.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and we will help and advise you as good as possible!

And for now, many more hugs for you!
Take care and hope those hugs helped a bit!

Hi Liz

Welcome and I understand your angst. There are many things surrounding my early years that make me question what was really going on. Not least of which is my Father telling me just after I came out to him that "He knew what I was going to say" when questioning him later he desperately tried to find an excuse to make sense of it but could not.

In the end I decided it did not matter what happened then it was about what I could do to make myself happy going forward. I have often thought about getting "tested" but at the end of the day I don't think it would really change anything. I am who I am and you are who you are.

The struggle is very real...I hope you find some peace and some answers to your questions.



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