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Things that scared you as a kid.

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Lady Sarah:

--- Quote from: Rakel on July 26, 2022, 08:47:16 pm ---Same here, but this time it was my father. I really do not want to even call him a father. I got slapped around quite a bit for trivial offences and at age 11 he grabbed me by the neck and threw me against the kitchen wall so hard that the back of my head dented a hole in the drywall. A few years later I was in foster care.

--- End quote ---

Foster care was wonderful for me. I got to live away from the horror until after I graduated high school. But, since I graduated at age 17, they put me back in hell afterward.

Two major fears ruled my life not only as a child and even into my adult years. First the feat of my father when it gets angry. He physically abused me repeatedly growing up. It only stopped three years ago and I am in the mid 40s. My mother is my protector. She is the one that tried to calm him down and get him off me.

The other is my extreme fear of girls. I watch boys pester girls and at some point they have enough and snapped back at those boys. I treated girls like they can beat me to a pulp with a stick. If they came anywhere near me I would draw up and shake. This even affected my relationship with my sisters. I take the blame for their misbehavior when they blame me when I was innocent. I would not stand up to them and take the blame. Thankfully my mother saw right through this and knew it was not me. I learned playing one on one with my baby sister reduced amount of time my sisters got together which is when two of them would blame for something. Beginning of my dysphoria was my preteens. I am basically a girl on the inside that was afraid of girls. It sounds crazy in theory. My eye level go no higher than their shoe tops. Since I was afraid of making eye contact with girls. This staring at girl's shoe tops got me accused of looking up the girl's skirts in Sunday School in church when I was 26. Sunday School teacher, a man, confided that with me after they came to him with it. I told him my eyes never het higher than their shoe tops because of my fear of girls/women. That was the end of that. Guys were on the left and girls on the right facing each other about 6 feet apart setting on benches. My eyes stayed on their shoe tops because the proximity brought out my fear of them. Forget looking up skirts, by this stage of my life I was wishing I was on the other side of the other side of the room in the skirts. My dysphoria was real by this time. Fear of girls finally got conquered in my late 20s. Boys bullied me and girls scared me. I was isolated much in school growing up.

Allie Jayne:
When I was seven years old, I sat on my bed and poured my heart out to my mother that I should be a girl. She knew that in 1961 in a government housing area, being transgender was almost a death sentence. Through fear, she told me that if anyone found out about my secret, I could be taken to an asylum and shocked until I stopped saying I was a girl, or people could assault me. For the next two years, most nights I had nightmares about people chasing me, and I wet my bed. With 3 brothers, bed wetting until you are 9 years old brought about it’s own miserable times. I learned that shock treatment was really a thing for people with assumed mental conditions, and a 14 year old boy in my street was kicked to death because he ‘might’ have been gay.

I buried my trans feelings with a genuine fear for survival, and that fear of discovery stayed with me until it contributed to me becoming critically ill at 65 from long term stress. When I was a kid, I lived in fear of losing my life, but as an adult, I lived in fear of losing loved ones close to me who meant more to me than my life. Though I am transitioned now and living reasonably comfortably, being trans meant a life of fear and stress for me, and did cost me my health, my life partner, and almost my life.



I thought of one other thing. I think many children have dealt with this fear. I had a fear of the dark so I sleep with my closet light on. Now I want my room pitch black. I even cover the light on the TV and one on my surge protector.


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