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Conflicted feelings.

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JamesM:
I posted here earlier.

Well, I talked to my therapist and he sent me to a hospital that specializes in transcare. I met with them and they took my blood and gave me some information about hormone therapy. I have a follow up appointment in 2 days. I am feeling really excited about this, but I've also got a lot of mixed feelings.

I have always been very out of touch with my emotions. I repress things a lot, so some times I don't even know how I really feel. For years I've talked myself out of feeling gender dysphoria, I've mocked transgender people and rationalized away any feelings with logic and scriptures and studies and excuses. I never really get sad. But I think I'm feeling depressed.

The thing is my head is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me something else. I want to transition, but my beliefs are telling me otherwise. And I feel weak for giving into my desires. But I feel very apathetic and unmotivated right now, and I just need a change. I can't deny I really want to do this, despite all the objections in my mind. Idk.

Renee.D:

--- Quote from: JamesM on October 28, 2019, 03:14:40 pm ---I posted here earlier.

Well, I talked to my therapist and he sent me to a hospital that specializes in transcare. I met with them and they took my blood and gave me some information about hormone therapy. I have a follow up appointment in 2 days. I am feeling really excited about this, but I've also got a lot of mixed feelings.

I have always been very out of touch with my emotions. I repress things a lot, so some times I don't even know how I really feel. For years I've talked myself out of feeling gender dysphoria, I've mocked transgender people and rationalized away any feelings with logic and scriptures and studies and excuses. I never really get sad. But I think I'm feeling depressed.

The thing is my head is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me something else. I want to transition, but my beliefs are telling me otherwise. And I feel weak for giving into my desires. But I feel very apathetic and unmotivated right now, and I just need a change. I can't deny I really want to do this, despite all the objections in my mind. Idk.

--- End quote ---
My parents our pastors. I grew up ultra conservative and had to go through feelings of conflict from my religion and upbringing.

I am more than happy to talk with you in depth about how you can be transgender and transition without compromising your faith.

Looking through scripture with a non biased opinion on what they mean, using the original translations and studying the circumstances around when the specific scriptures were written are necessary to grasp what the authors originally intended.

We can PM or email!
Lacy

BlueJaye:
Hi, James, I have been following your posts and I am pretty sure most of us here (maybe all of us) can relate to how you're feeling right now.

I was super deep in denial for years. When I first started learning about people transitioning in my early twenties (almost 20 years ago!) I deeply desired to do the same but my conservative evangelical framework screamed condemnation within me. I played along with the transphobic crowd I was part of, secretly hating myself for being a hypocrite. But I was safe, right? Safe and miserable.

I don't want to overrun your thread with theological stuff, but if you ever need someone to discuss religious beliefs and perceived conflicts with, I am available. Shoot me a PM if you don't feel comfortable discussing it out in the open. I still consider myself an evangelical Christian and put myself through the wringer trying to reconcile my beliefs with who and what I am.

JamesM:

--- Quote from: Lacy on October 28, 2019, 03:28:24 pm ---My parents our pastors. I grew up ultra conservative and had to go through feelings of conflict from my religion and upbringing.

I am more than happy to talk with you in depth about how you can be transgender and transition without compromising your faith.

Looking through scripture with a non biased opinion on what they mean, using the original translations and studying the circumstances around when the specific scriptures were written are necessary to grasp what the authors originally intended.

We can PM or email!
Lacy

--- End quote ---


--- Quote from: BlueJaye on October 28, 2019, 04:14:11 pm ---Hi, James, I have been following your posts and I am pretty sure most of us here (maybe all of us) can relate to how you're feeling right now.

I was super deep in denial for years. When I first started learning about people transitioning in my early twenties (almost 20 years ago!) I deeply desired to do the same but my conservative evangelical framework screamed condemnation within me. I played along with the transphobic crowd I was part of, secretly hating myself for being a hypocrite. But I was safe, right? Safe and miserable.

I don't want to overrun your thread with theological stuff, but if you ever need someone to discuss religious beliefs and perceived conflicts with, I am available. Shoot me a PM if you don't feel comfortable discussing it out in the open. I still consider myself an evangelical Christian and put myself through the wringer trying to reconcile my beliefs with who and what I am.

--- End quote ---

Hey,
Thank you both for replying. Yes, I would love to talk over PM about this, or here if you would like.

Sarah-Red:
I can't imagine how it is for someone around all those beliefs. I have such a hard time already just with society's general thoughts. I guess I can say I do understand to a degree since I feel conflicted, but most of the conflict is with thoughts and feelings that aren't really my own. I want to acknowledge what I know to be important for me so much, so I try to tell myself that it's things I picked up that don't serve me, that my heart is much more important. And I believe that. I just need more confidence to know that it's good, for me, and everyone should be able to follow what's good for them. I believe in divinity that acknowledges that.

:)

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