General Discussions > Spirituality

Conflicted feelings.

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BlueJaye:

--- Quote from: nue on November 05, 2019, 06:11:31 pm ---When I first started taking the idea of being a trans woman seriously, the first thing I was thinking was how to reconcile that with my faith, not just for me, but to defend myself against all my conservative Christian friends and family who would no doubt have serious reservations accepting me for who I am.

I found a great book on Audible, and it was like having a huge weight off my shoulders immediately.  The book is called Transforming, The Bible and the Lives of Transgender Christians by Austen Hartke. The book alternates between analyzing scripture dealing with transgender people (or as close as the Bible gets) and sharing stories of several  people who have all had different experiences within the Church.

Unclobber, Rethinking Our Misuse of the Bible on Homosexuality by Colby Martin was also great, since sexuality was also a question for me. Also, I'm sure it will come up when I come out anyway, so it's nice to have more knowledge to cover all the angles.

It has alleviated a lot of anxiety for me knowing everything I learned in these books. I still have lots of hurdles to get over in figuring myself out, but it's great that my faith isn't one of those anymore.

Hope this helps and good luck!

--- End quote ---

Hi, Nue,
Austen Hartke is a really great guy. I have had some email correspondence with him and am trying to set up a meeting with him on my next trip into the Twin Cities area. His understanding of the Old Testament is really great.

Reconciling our faith with who we are can be a big obstacle to get over. It took me years to do it. Helping others through the minefield of being a transgender Christian is something I am very passionate about. I would be happy to try to help you with any questions or issues you may have about it.

BlueJaye:

--- Quote from: JamesM on November 05, 2019, 06:19:02 pm ---The therapist I had in highschool understood me much better, but this isn't really his specialty. I was referred by my other therapist to the doctor who referred me to another therapist who said he doesn't take medicaid but will refer me to another therapist, so here's hoping I find somebody who works for me lol.

I'll check out some of these resources, but I'm skeptical because I already know my Bible very well. I doubt they will tell me anything I haven't already heard.

Here's something interesting I learned recently though... did you know that Joan of Arc's official capital offense was crossdressing?

--- End quote ---

Hey, James,
Yeah, I had read that. History is full of interesting things. Just a few hundred years ago the way you dress could get you killed. Or was that really that long ago..

ramilove:
I share your feelings. Last night after years of agonizing over whether or not to transition into being a woman, I told my wife that I was going to officially start my transition.  This morning I woke with major feelings of self doubt and loneliness. Last night I was sure, this morning when I woke up I was unsure. A cup of coffee helped wash away most of the self doubt. Seeing that I was not alone really helped with my feelings of loneliness. Thank you for sharing.

John406:

--- Quote from: JamesM on October 28, 2019, 03:14:40 pm ---I posted here earlier.

Well, I talked to my therapist and he sent me to a hospital that specializes in transcare. I met with them and they took my blood and gave me some information about hormone therapy. I have a follow up appointment in 2 days. I am feeling really excited about this, but I've also got a lot of mixed feelings.

I have always been very out of touch with my emotions. I repress things a lot, so some times I don't even know how I really feel. For years I've talked myself out of feeling gender dysphoria, I've mocked transgender people and rationalized away any feelings with logic and scriptures and studies and excuses. I never really get sad. But I think I'm feeling depressed.

The thing is my head is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me something else. I want to transition, but my beliefs are telling me otherwise. And I feel weak for giving into my desires. But I feel very apathetic and unmotivated right now, and I just need a change. I can't deny I really want to do this, despite all the objections in my mind. Idk.

--- End quote ---

A common attack against <not allowed> individuals by the religiously devout is, "God doesn't make mistakes." Personally, I don't believe in God, but if I did, I would agree. God doesn't make mistakes. But unlike others, I don't mean this as an attack; I mean it as an affirmation. YOU are not a mistake; your feelings are not a mistake. God knows all that is, has been, and will be; therefore logically, everything is predetermined and you are exactly as He wants you to be, and no matter where you are in life, you are RIGHT on time for being there; it's all part of the plan. God made us all individually and different, and loves all of us unconditionally regardless of our many diversities, and perhaps even BECAUSE of those diversities. You can choose to see being trans as a curse from God, or you can choose to see it as something unique, and special; like a diamond. If I believed in God, then I'd also believe that everything God created is good, including you. He WANTS you to feel special, like any father would want for his children. And always keep in mind that God did not write the Holy Bible. Human beings wrote the Bible, and human beings are flawed at times. If what you read in the Bible doesn't feel righteous and true in your heart, that's God telling you personally that it's a load of bull, and to trust in His plan for YOU specifically; not some old fart from thousands of years ago who was prejudiced and feared that which is different and decided to write it down in a book. God is in your heart; not on the pages of a book written by the flawed, sinful hands of mere mortals. Whatever you choose, God is with you every step of the way, and takes delight in your journey and your courage; for His pleasure you were created; therefore He'll always love you and accept you just the way you are, and wants you to succeed in whatever it is you decide to do. Trust in His plan and His love for you and your supreme individuality. Disregard all else that doesn't feel heavenly or pure to you personally; if it feels truly wrong, that's God letting you know that it is indeed wrong. If what you do doesn't harm anybody, how could it be wrong? Surely God doesn't want you to live an unhappy and miserable life? Follow your heart, and trust God to carry you through the hard times; He's cheering you on; I promise. You're one of His all-time favorite shows.  ;D

Sarah-Red:

--- Quote from: John406 on November 06, 2019, 10:29:53 am ---A common attack against <not allowed> individuals by the religiously devout is, "God doesn't make mistakes." Personally, I don't believe in God, but if I did, I would agree. God doesn't make mistakes. But unlike others, I don't mean this as an attack; I mean it as an affirmation. YOU are not a mistake; your feelings are not a mistake. God knows all that is, has been, and will be; therefore logically, everything is predetermined and you are exactly as He wants you to be, and no matter where you are in life, you are RIGHT on time for being there; it's all part of the plan. God made us all individually and different, and loves all of us unconditionally regardless of our many diversities, and perhaps even BECAUSE of those diversities. You can choose to see being trans as a curse from God, or you can choose to see it as something unique, and special; like a diamond. If I believed in God, then I'd also believe that everything God created is good, including you. He WANTS you to feel special, like any father would want for his children. And always keep in mind that God did not write the Holy Bible. Human beings wrote the Bible, and human beings are flawed at times. If what you read in the Bible doesn't feel righteous and true in your heart, that's God telling you personally that it's a load of bull, and to trust in His plan for YOU specifically; not some old fart from thousands of years ago who was prejudiced and feared that which is different and decided to write it down in a book. God is in your heart; not on the pages of a book written by the flawed, sinful hands of mere mortals. Whatever you choose, God is with you every step of the way, and takes delight in your journey and your courage; for His pleasure you were created; therefore He'll always love you and accept you just the way you are, and wants you to succeed in whatever it is you decide to do. Trust in His plan and His love for you and your supreme individuality. Disregard all else that doesn't feel heavenly or pure to you personally; if it feels truly wrong, that's God letting you know that it is indeed wrong. If what you do doesn't harm anybody, how could it be wrong? Surely God doesn't want you to live an unhappy and miserable life? Follow your heart, and trust God to carry you through the hard times; He's cheering you on; I promise. You're one of His all-time favorite shows.  ;D

--- End quote ---

You and I are pretty much on the same freakin' page  :laugh:
When my mom said, don't you think there was a reason that you were born a guy? I said yes, to realize who I am. lol. To find what's in my heart.
To find what's meaningful inside, to myself, and that includes the potential I can bring to the world. :)

That said, I don't believe everything is pre-determined, and it's possible that a big purpose to things is self-discovery itself. I don't know if really this was going to be my path. But it sure is now. I to wish things were easier, and that my body be how I'd like it to be, but I'm open to higher understandings as well. I want to know greater, especially what aligns with love.

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