Author Topic: Laura's HRT Progress  (Read 3338 times)

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Offline Laura1951

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Laura's HRT Progress
« on: October 28, 2019, 10:28:01 pm »
Today marked three weeks that I’ve been on HRT, again. This marks at least the 6th time I’ve reached this point and while I’ve never gone more than six weeks before stopping, I feel more committed this time.

When I stopped HRT in late May, I was a AA cup with half-dollar sized firm buds. Over the four months before restarting, I lost some volume and the buds disappeared. Now, at three weeks, much of the volume has returned, my nipples are erect, and the buds are about 50% back.

And yet, time and patience are the key. I hope by staying the course to finally achieve an A cup or better.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #1 on: October 28, 2019, 11:03:09 pm »
@Laura1951
Dear Laura:
As you are painfully aware, the on again and off again HRT plan is not very expedient nor productive for seeking body changes.... but of course, more important than the HRT is your personal decision regarding your transition goals.

As you so aptly stated and the end of your comment:
"And yet, time and patience are the key. I hope by staying the course to finally achieve an A cup or better."

I wish you well with your new resolve to stay the course...
and I will be eagerly looking for you updates, and only as you feel comfortable sharing..


HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle
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Started HRT:   March 2015
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Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
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Offline BlueJaye

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2019, 07:35:07 am »
Hi, Laura,
I started HRT in spring of 2018 and was on and off I think 4 times until May of 2019 when I finally overcame the fear and anxiety about transitioning and committed fully to staying in HRT permanently. I just couldn’t handle going back to testosterone mode. Each time it just got worse and worse. Once I had experienced life with a female hormone balance, it made male mode seem even worse than before I started.

Before I started I wasn’t sure what I was missing, I had never experienced feeling “right”. I knew I felt wrong, but feeling right was something I had no frame of reference for. Once I experienced it, though, it was undeniably painful to go back to feeling wrong all the time.

I really hope that you can get to a point where you can be consistent with HRT. The back and forth is not only hard on your body, but very taxing on your emotions and mental health.

None of this is meant to make you feel bad about where you are at. We all have to travel our own path with transitioning, and some have straighter and easier paths than others. We’re here to help, and I am glad you feel comfortable coming here and speaking about your joys and pains.

Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2019, 11:59:30 am »
As you are painfully aware, the on again and off again HRT plan is not very expedient nor productive for seeking body changes.... but of course, more important than the HRT is your personal decision regarding your transition goals.

As you so aptly stated and the end of your comment:
"And yet, time and patience are the key. I hope by staying the course to finally achieve an A cup or better."

I wish you well with your new resolve to stay the course...
and I will be eagerly looking for you updates, and only as you feel comfortable sharing..


HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle


@Danielle
Thank you Danielle for writing. I've followed your story from the beginning and am so happy for your happiness and progression. I'm so happy to be back among friends and supporters whose stories resonate with me and whose advice is appreciated. I'll know this is for real when I break through the six week barrier.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2019, 12:02:23 pm »
Hi, Laura,
I started HRT in spring of 2018 and was on and off I think 4 times until May of 2019 when I finally overcame the fear and anxiety about transitioning and committed fully to staying in HRT permanently. I just couldn’t handle going back to testosterone mode. Each time it just got worse and worse. Once I had experienced life with a female hormone balance, it made male mode seem even worse than before I started.

Before I started I wasn’t sure what I was missing, I had never experienced feeling “right”. I knew I felt wrong, but feeling right was something I had no frame of reference for. Once I experienced it, though, it was undeniably painful to go back to feeling wrong all the time.

I really hope that you can get to a point where you can be consistent with HRT. The back and forth is not only hard on your body, but very taxing on your emotions and mental health.

None of this is meant to make you feel bad about where you are at. We all have to travel our own path with transitioning, and some have straighter and easier paths than others. We’re here to help, and I am glad you feel comfortable coming here and speaking about your joys and pains.

@BlueJaye
BlueJaye,

It appears we have much in common, but then I know that many of us have experienced the same fears as we strive to become the women we know we are. It's not an easy path, both medically and socially, but being true to oneself is what drives me right now. 

Yes, switching back and forth has been anxiety ridden, as you have also experienced, but I do thank you for your support and encouragement.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Phina

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #5 on: October 30, 2019, 10:47:47 pm »
I wish you luck on your HRT journey.  It is definitely a big life decision.  Was there anything in particular around the 6 week mark that gave you pause?

Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #6 on: October 30, 2019, 11:43:57 pm »
I wish you luck on your HRT journey.  It is definitely a big life decision.  Was there anything in particular around the 6 week mark that gave you pause?
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?action=profile;u=69512
Phina,

The six week mark was usually when my fear reached its peak: fear of exposure, fear of rejection, and fear of never passing. What's changed? I think I've finally accepted that these feelings are real, that I need to be Laura full time, and that I want to accomplish the tasks (like electrolysis, HRT, and FFS) so that I can live as Laura.

Thanks for writing,

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Rakel

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #7 on: October 31, 2019, 04:50:30 am »
... fear of exposure, fear of rejection, and fear of never passing. What's changed? I think I've finally accepted that these feelings are real...

These are very real fears. Everyone considering transition needs to make a decision to accept exposure and rejection as a consequence of their transition. This is the main reason many of us go stealth after transition. It is a sad commentary on society in general that cannot accept us for the way we chose to live our life.

Passing is another fear that concerns us. Several years of HRT will do wonders. Just take a look at the before/after pictures posted on Susan's Place. If you still feel  you need something done after a few years of HRT, then FFS has made many of us a happy camper, so to speak.

Speaking for myself, I was about as manly as anyone could be. Pumping iron to build muscle mass, fast cars, guns, jobs that require a uniform. I tried it all and was still miserable inside. About 3 or 4 years of HRT erased the upper body muscle mass. FFS not only feminized my face, it also took years off my perceived age. I am 70 and many people, including plastic surgeons, think I look 50 or even less.

There is no need to fear passing or not. It will come slowly and it will often need surgical help, but passing is do able for everyone.




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Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2019, 11:06:31 am »
6 Weeks.

I’ve finally reached the point I’ve not passed during the past 18 months of HRT. At least five times since I began this journey, I’ve stopped HRT by the six week mark, mostly out of fear. This time, on my six week anniversary, I’ve no thoughts of stopping although I certainly do have anxiety about the future.

At the six week mark, my breast buds are now larger than they were the last time I stopped last May and my breasts are slightly larger than back then. I’m at the point where even wearing baggy shirts when playing tennis is problematic and I know wearing a sports bra or a binder will be necessary soon. Even wearing baggy clothes with layers is beginning to not be enough to conceal the growth. While this is partially a source of happiness, it’s also brings a bit of anxiety about being outed, so I know I may need to wear a sports bra or binder when out and about.

I’ve not reached the “A” cup level yet, although I have hopes that as the weeks fly by, my cups will fill up. Time will tell and, yes, my mileage may vary. I’m happy with my progress though.

I am having problems with patches staying put for a full seven days, with about 50% of them peeling back around the four day mark. Yes, I clean the area with alcohol before applying (and give the skin time to dry thoroughly), and yes I apply firm pressure for at least 10 seconds. Still, regardless of the area where I apply a patch, I never know whether it will last all seven days. I’ve used medical tape at times to keep patches in place and sometimes that helps, although sometimes that creates other problems like itching. The medical tape sometimes gets caught up and peels back as well. I guess this is a small price for the journey I’ve taken, but I wish the darn things would just behave themselves.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Jessica

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2019, 11:28:14 am »
6 Weeks.

I’ve finally reached the point I’ve not passed during the past 18 months of HRT. At least five times since I began this journey, I’ve stopped HRT by the six week mark, mostly out of fear. This time, on my six week anniversary, I’ve no thoughts of stopping although I certainly do have anxiety about the future.

At the six week mark, my breast buds are now larger than they were the last time I stopped last May and my breasts are slightly larger than back then. I’m at the point here even wearing baggy shirts when playing tennis is problematic and I know wearing a sports bra or a binder will be necessary soon. Even wearing baggy clothes with layers is beginning to not be enough to conceal the growth. While this is partially a source of happiness, it’s also brings a bit of anxiety about being outed, so I know I may need to wear a sports bra or binder when out and about.

I’ve not reached the “A” cup level yet, although I have hopes that as the weeks fly by, my cups will fill up. Time will tell and, yes, my mileage may vary. I’m happy with my progress though.

I am having problems with patches staying put for a full seven days, with about 50% of them peeling back around the four day mark. Yes, I clean the area with alcohol before applying (and give the skin time to dry thoroughly), and yes I apply firm pressure for at least 10 seconds. Still, regardless of the area where I apply a patch, I never know whether it will last all seven days. I’ve used medical tape at times to keep patches in place and sometimes that helps, although sometimes that creates other problems like itching. The medical tape sometimes gets caught up and peels back as well. I guess this is a small price for the journey I’ve taken, but I wish the darn things would just behave themselves.

Laura

After a few months I stopped having trouble with patches sticking as your skin softens.  Not 100%, but about 90% of the time they stay stuck.  Bathing (showers) with panties on helped in the beginning to keep them less saturated with water which can make them curl, blotting off with a towel afterwards. Wash down “there” without panties on and not scrubbing the patches briefly.

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Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #10 on: November 19, 2019, 04:37:49 am »
Hello Laura

Congratulations on reaching the 6 week point with no intention of stopping this time.

I am 21 months on E Patches with only rare sticking/staying problems but I am on the twice a week type meaning I change them every 84 hours. Perhaps you my consider asking your doctor for such?

Wishing you resolution and happiness.

Hugs

Pamela  xx






Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #11 on: November 19, 2019, 02:39:34 pm »
After a few months I stopped having trouble with patches sticking as your skin softens.  Not 100%, but about 90% of the time they stay stuck.  Bathing (showers) with panties on helped in the beginning to keep them less saturated with water which can make them curl, blotting off with a towel afterwards. Wash down “there” without panties on and not scrubbing the patches briefly.

@Jessica
Thanks Jessica for writing. It's nice to know that others have the same problem. I agree that care must be taken not to disturb the patches because tugging from drying towels or underwear can begin to lift the edges. I've kept a habit of not even washing areas around the patches and blotting with a towel when drying. While this seems to help, it may be the about of sweating I do when playing tennis may be a factor, but I'm not certain. 

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #12 on: November 19, 2019, 02:41:57 pm »
Congratulations on reaching the 6 week point with no intention of stopping this time.

I am 21 months on E Patches with only rare sticking/staying problems but I am on the twice a week type meaning I change them every 84 hours. Perhaps you my consider asking your doctor for such?

Wishing you resolution and happiness.

@Pamelatransuk
Thank you Pamela. I'll check with Kaiser during my next appointment.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Jessica

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #13 on: November 19, 2019, 04:44:02 pm »
Hello Laura

Congratulations on reaching the 6 week point with no intention of stopping this time.

I am 21 months on E Patches with only rare sticking/staying problems but I am on the twice a week type meaning I change them every 84 hours. Perhaps you my consider asking your doctor for such?

Wishing you resolution and happiness.

Hugs

Pamela  xx

Something that happened to me was my endo (Kaiser) prescribing the twice a week patch regimen.  My patches are Climara and are good for an entire week.  I was throwing away usable meds each week until I questioned it.  Another endo said that this was inappropriate and set things right.  It was suppose to be an increase in estradiol but it ended up just being being the very same amount used each week.  I was a bit ticked at my first endo for either tricking me or being incompetent.

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Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #14 on: November 19, 2019, 05:15:39 pm »
Something that happened to me was my endo (Kaiser) prescribing the twice a week patch regimen.  My patches are Climara and are good for an entire week.  I was throwing away usable meds each week until I questioned it.  Another endo said that this was inappropriate and set things right.  It was suppose to be an increase in estradiol but it ended up just being being the very same amount used each week.  I was a bit ticked at my first endo for either tricking me or being incompetent.

@Jessica
Oh, this is interesting. I'm also with Kaiser using Climara patches. I'm curious whether they cut your dose in half when you went to the twice a week regimen, or did you use the same dose, just replacing them twice a week?

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #15 on: November 20, 2019, 05:08:49 am »
Something that happened to me was my endo (Kaiser) prescribing the twice a week patch regimen.  My patches are Climara and are good for an entire week.  I was throwing away usable meds each week until I questioned it.  Another endo said that this was inappropriate and set things right.  It was suppose to be an increase in estradiol but it ended up just being being the very same amount used each week.  I was a bit ticked at my first endo for either tricking me or being incompetent.

Thank you Jessica for this; this is something for us all to keep an eye on - correct dosage or strength.

Hugs

Pamela  xx






Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #16 on: December 09, 2019, 10:07:00 am »
Two Months

I’ve passed the two month (9 week) mark with my HRT. Previously, I had stopped HRT (mostly out of fear) before the six week mark multiple times in the past years, but this time seems different. I feel more resolved and more relaxed about transitioning. Certainly, those things that scared me didn’t disappear. I think I’ve just felt more comfortable that my well being is more important than any rejections that may come from family and friends.

At the two month mark, my breasts have breached an “A” cup, or at the worst, a small A. I do find my 38A cup being fully filled this month as compared to last month. As for my attempted weight loss, I have been able to lose four pounds in the past two months, but the holidays have proven to be to great a temptation. Still, that I’ve not gained weight over Thanksgiving is a win for me.

Two people know about Laura: my girlfriend, who lives two hours away, and my best friend in this town, who is a female tennis player I play with often. I had told her about being transgender last summer, during a period when I’d stopped hormones, but last week, during one of our coffee dates, I confessed to her that I was back on HRT and that I was scheduled for FFS. She’s been nothing but accepting, which may be one reason why I feel less fear now, as compared to the past.

Six months until FFS.

Glady, my divorce, which has taken four years to complete (oh, it’s been a nightmare) comes to a close today. No, she didn’t know about Laura. Laura only emerged after extensive therapy after our separation.

So, today is a cause for celebration for many reasons. I’m on HRT, I’m making progress, and I have supportive friends.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #17 on: December 09, 2019, 12:08:29 pm »
@Laura1951
Dear Laura:
After I logged in this morning I was ever so happy to read your latest update here on your "Laura's HRT Progress" thread.

WOW, 9 weeks of HRT already, time sure does go by quickly at times. 
I was glad to read of your good breast growth progress, it is always so personally rewarding to see actual breasts on one's own body and to experience them growing!!  :)

Regarding your weight loss efforts,... yes, you are correct, the holiday time is a great temptation for enjoying all of the special dinners, treats, etc.   Not gaining weight over the past Thanksgiving holiday demonstrates your willpower....  if you can just continue with that path until after the new year, then you can get back to your diet and weight loss endeavors with earnest again....  just not gaining weight over the holidays is a great accomplishment... kudos to you.

My heart was warmed by your discussion about your tennis player friend that is fully accepting your transition... it is always good to have those around you that will accept you as you are in your journey.

Wow, another big event coming up, your FFS in 6 months.  Please be certain to keep me and the rest of your followers up to date as that important milestone in your transition gets closer.

I am almost never happy when I hear of divorces but if it results in your personal nightmare coming to a close, I am glad for you.

You have every right to celebrate.... these are good moments as you keep going forward toward your goals.

Thank you for sharing.
HUGS and best wishes as always,
Danielle

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Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #18 on: December 09, 2019, 01:42:14 pm »
@Danielle

Danielle,

How sweet of you to write as you make the long journey home. I know lots of us have missed you while you were away and were hoping for your safe journey over the many mountain passes as you traveled to Washington. That you've so completely detailed your journey from the beginning, and have been so gracious with your replies, helps to create a warm, welcoming atmosphere here. Thank you for that.

While I'm only trying to lose about 10 pounds, getting down to the low 150s will make my dresses and fitted tops more attractive, but a side result is that I'll move more quickly on the tennis court so I can chase down more shots. Talk about win-win. LOL.

Know that we are so happy for you and your sweetie, that we worry when you're in pain, and that we are thankful for your advice.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Laura1951

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Re: Laura's HRT Progress
« Reply #19 on: December 18, 2019, 03:56:35 pm »
Well, this is interesting. Since I'd not seen my Kaiser MST doctor since last March, not had blood work done since then,  I called the Multi-Specialty Transitions department to arrange an appointment and order some blood work. Now that the results are in, I'll be curious about whether my dose should be increased.

Previously, last March, my Estradiol level had been 189 pg/ml (US), but my most recent test shows my level as 92 pg/ml. My dose hasn't changed, but my level has halved. Given that my provider had told me they were aiming for a level of 200, I do hope to increase my patch prescription. I'll chime in after my January 2nd appointment.

Laura

PS. oh, I got my ears pierced today.
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



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