Author Topic: Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!  (Read 617 times)

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Offline jhunt4664

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Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!
« on: November 02, 2019, 10:02:13 am »
As an FTM I’ve been in transition officially for just over a year now, and we’re all feeling that calling me “mommy” is getting a little awkward. I pass as male the majority of the time, so the title “mommy” outs me and makes things uncomfortable for others who aren’t used to it. I did carry our daughter, so I figured we’d roll with that until the time came to change it.
I’m looking for suggestions other than “dad” or “daddy,” since I don’t want to steal that title from my partner, her biological father.
Also, while I’m FTM looking for male titles, options for women (trans or otherwise) are welcome since I’m sure I’m not the only person looking for suggestions.

Offline mm

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Re: Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2019, 10:04:54 am »
Can I ask how old she is and that as that makes a difference in what she understands and is willing to call you.

Offline jhunt4664

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Re: Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2019, 10:08:51 am »
That’s a good point, not really sure why I neglected to share that info. She’s 4. Going on 16 lol

Offline BlueJaye

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Re: Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2019, 10:09:41 am »
You could just be addressed by your first name. I can sympathize a little bit with your situation. I was called "mom" by two different staff members at the hospital yesterday with my son. While it was cool to have my gender affirmed like that, it felt uncomfortable to me. I feel like I am invalidating my wife by being called "mom". I don't have a good answer, and am working through this issue myself.

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Offline Dena

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Re: Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2019, 10:13:22 am »
I know you don't want to steal the title but pappy might work. The formal use of the word is ones father however the title is used informally to refer to someone older than you are that you have some respect for. It doesn't always imply a blood relationship.
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Offline Charlie Nicki

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Re: Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!
« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2019, 10:27:12 am »
I follow 2 gay dads on Instagram and their son calls one of them "daddy" and the other one "papa".
Latina :) I speak Spanish, English and a bit of Portuguese.

Offline Susan Baum

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Re: Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!
« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2019, 05:44:12 pm »
Our daughter was about 4 when she named my then CD alter "Maddy;" at 40, she still does.

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Offline ParkerTalks

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Re: Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!
« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2019, 01:08:03 am »
papa is one I've heard some people use!
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Offline Jill E

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Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2019, 01:44:01 am »
Our son just calls both of us mom. He started at around 6, he’s 8 now. It’s not confusing, as far as who he’s talking to. He felt like it would be at first, so he tried calling one of us mom and the other mama, and even Mama J & Mama D. Maybe something like that would work. You might also consider something for dad in another language if you have ancestry you’re close to.. or maybe even just picking a letter in general to go by


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« Last Edit: November 08, 2019, 06:58:56 am by Jill E »



Offline Listlesswanderer

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Re: Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!
« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2019, 02:03:56 am »
Our daughter was about 4 when she named my then CD alter "Maddy;" at 40, she still does.

Susan

I have had therapists suggest this one as well, it's plausible as a name as well and is considered unisex in that context (source: the internet search I just did).
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Offline LizK

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Re: Looking for ideas, FTM doesn’t want to be called mommy!
« Reply #10 on: November 08, 2019, 05:01:59 am »
Hi Jhunt

Welcome to Susan's. I hope you enjoy your time here.

Great to see you have jumped right in seeking help and as you can see we are certainly here to try. 

Please feel free to head over to our Introduction forum and tell us a little bit about yourself

So you are able to get the very best from being here, these are a couple of links we give to all our new members. This provides information about when you can post avatars, send private message and the general rules of the forum.   

Regards

Liz

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