Author Topic: Time to leave being trans behind?  (Read 2115 times)

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Offline Zumbagirl

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #20 on: November 18, 2019, 06:08:40 pm »
Why mess with a good thing? Here's something to consider. You have a good life, all is doing well, why mess with it? At some point you will have to make your existence known and no matter how hard you try, you can never put the genie back in the bottle. As soon as you say "I'm trans" your life will change. If you're happy and you know it, go live a quality fulfilling life and enjoy what you have. After all you earned it.

Offline BrightWindow

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #21 on: November 19, 2019, 10:52:45 am »
Why mess with a good thing? Here's something to consider. You have a good life, all is doing well, why mess with it? At some point you will have to make your existence known and no matter how hard you try, you can never put the genie back in the bottle. As soon as you say "I'm trans" your life will change. If you're happy and you know it, go live a quality fulfilling life and enjoy what you have. After all you earned it.

Do you mean that the "good thing" is being able to live as though we had been born in the bodies which match our identities and that being out as transsexual is "messing with it"?

Personally my goal in one way is to make my life as close as possible to how it would have been with me as a cis woman but I see nothing wrong with giving back to the community which made it possible for me to get there in the first place.
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Offline Complete

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #22 on: November 20, 2019, 07:41:15 pm »
I have lived as a simple un-hyphenated woman for almost 50 years. Married 4 times to straight men. I reach out as much as l can to those who entertain those same goals and desires as l had more than 50 years ago.  The reason l don't do more is the fact that many who do not share my values,  or are unwilling or unable to make the many sacrifices required to attain what l have, would love nothing more than to "out" me and destroy everything l have suffered,  sacrificed and worked for.
I understand the need/desire to help others. However doing so can be extremely dangerous and the consequences are beyond anything imaginable.
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Offline BrightWindow

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #23 on: November 21, 2019, 11:23:35 am »
I have lived as a simple un-hyphenated woman for almost 50 years. Married 4 times to straight men. I reach out as much as l can to those who entertain those same goals and desires as l had more than 50 years ago.  The reason l don't do more is the fact that many who do not share my values,  or are unwilling or unable to make the many sacrifices required to attain what l have, would love nothing more than to "out" me and destroy everything l have suffered,  sacrificed and worked for.
I understand the need/desire to help others. However doing so can be extremely dangerous and the consequences are beyond anything imaginable.

I assume that what you're saying is that you have spent 50 years in stealth?

I mean, starting at 17 when I'm a year or two biologically ahead of most cismen my age I doubt I'll ever be 100% passable and I'll always have my past behind me which I'm sure someone will find eventually.

I want to be passable enough so that I can spend a day with someone without them telling, which I think is attainable, and I want to live close to how I would have done if I had been born in the right body, but I don't think I can reasonably expect to be fully stealth in all areas of my life.

Having said that a great deal of older transwomen have told me that young ladies who begin estrogen during their late teens still end up pretty passable and female looking despite having to go through puberty twice because they are still flexible enough for estrogen to do a good job. I hope so.

At the very least I can help people by giving anonymous advise online. Like if I set up a YouTube channel in which I never show my face and digitally distort my voice I can help transpeople without any danger to my own safety. But I am still open to my earlier idea of giving talks to kids. I know plenty of openly transgender individuals who do things like that and most of them are safe.
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Offline Complete

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #24 on: November 21, 2019, 01:44:57 pm »
l certainly appreciate your enthusiasm, however much like what happens when a jet liner is forced into an emergency descent, it is encumbant on each and every adult to secure their own emergency oxygen before assisting others. The reason  being yourself incapacitated is no help to others, much less yourself
. Having reviewed your posts, my impression is to get into what ever programs will provide you HRT ASAP!
At 17/18 you are still young enough to make those changes needed to live a long a happy life as the woman you believe yourself to be..
I started at 22, and except for a rather difficult and painful surgical recovery,  my  physical transition was essentially a non-event. The caveat is that only my immediate family was aware . I left town one day and returned more than a year later completely transformed and started a totally new life with absolutely no connection to my past.
Not everyone is able or willing to do that.  The upside is that your future as well as your present is completely unencumbered by anything trans.
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Online Pammie

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #25 on: November 21, 2019, 01:48:41 pm »

At the very least I can help people by giving anonymous advise online. Like if I set up a YouTube channel in which I never show my face and digitally distort my voice I can help transpeople without any danger to my own safety. But I am still open to my earlier idea of giving talks to kids. I know plenty of openly transgender individuals who do things like that and most of them are safe.

The thing we need to be careful of is all about the border between support of these kids and pushing them into choices they are not mature enough to make. The biggest criticism of us as a community is about kids who think they might be trans but who - in some cases - are actually just going through the confusion of puberty and the maelstrom of emotions that brings.
I’m very sure I don’t know enough and am not aware enough to judge the difference personally



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Offline BrightWindow

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #26 on: November 21, 2019, 01:57:50 pm »
The thing we need to be careful of is all about the border between support of these kids and pushing them into choices they are not mature enough to make. The biggest criticism of us as a community is about kids who think they might be trans but who - in some cases - are actually just going through the confusion of puberty and the maelstrom of emotions that brings.
I’m very sure I don’t know enough and am not aware enough to judge the difference personally



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Well it depends on whether we're talking about transgenderness or transsexuality

For transgenderness, I see nothing wrong with allowing young people to explore their identity. Everything is reversible and if they find they are more authentic to themselves presenting as the gender associated with the opposite sex I see no reason to stop them.

Transsexuality is more difficult, but that's what blockers are for. Although I'm certainly not the most knowledgeable soul on the subject, my advise would be not to have invasive surgery until 18+, and not to start opposite sex hormones until 16+, both of those things under the advise and supervision of a qualified doctor and being 100% sure you will never want to go back on that choice. Puberty blockers exist for children who feel that they may be transsexual and hence may want to delay or prevent the onset of the secondary sexual characteristics of their natal sex. As I understand it, the risk of false positives here is low as blockers are entirely reversible with the possible exemption of compromised fertility.

Personally here I am with size 11 feet and having to electrolyse my face because no-one told me that if you have feelings of wanting to be the opposite sex, you should be open about it so that you can get on drugs which stop those things happening in the first place. I'm fortunate enough to have things properly figured out at still quite a young age but my transition might have been far easier and more effective had I been better educated when I was younger. Then again, although I sort of knew I was transgender, I'm still not sure I would have taken that choice at that age. *sighs* Just another thought I have to let go.

. Having reviewed your posts, my impression is to get into what ever programs will provide you HRT ASAP!
I said this in another thread but I'm not entirely sure how the NHS works here but I have spoken people whose jobs revolve around transpeople and apparently (given that me and my family can't pay for blockers ourselves) the fastest way to begin my medical transition is to ask my GP to refer me as soon as I hit 17 (as this is the gap between the child and adult clinics) where I can get into the GIC and begin T-blockers whilst I am on the 18-24 month waiting list for Estrogen, bottom surgery, and if still needed with all the practise I am doing independently and with help of this website, voice therapy. If I want FFS, including tracheal shave, I will need to pay for it myself.

I don't know whether my priority is to get on blockers ASAP or get on estrogen ASAP. E.g. will the former delay the onset of epiphyseal closure so that my pelvis can still widen? (Even so I'll still be only 18-19 when I begin estrogen so I'll likely be okay.)
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Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #27 on: September 05, 2020, 08:13:55 pm »
@emma-f
Dear Emma:

I know that you have not posted on the forums for some time.... BUT   ....


Wishing you
....a very :icon_flower: :icon_flower: Happy Birthday :icon_flower: :icon_flower:
I hope that your special day includes time with family and friends...
... with  Candles and CAKE.


HUGS and best wishes on your special day and birthday.
Danielle
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Offline TheWomanWithinMe

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #28 on: September 08, 2020, 02:43:17 am »
Advocacy can be very draining both physically and emotionally if you are truly vested in a cause.

It's perfectly acceptable to step back for periods of time to take a breather. Advocacy isn't a sprint but a marathon.  It's pretty rare that meaningful change occurs in months.  The harsh reality that real change can sometimes take years or even decades.

One way to learn advocacy is to observe great advocacy close up.  There are thousands of good causes with their own team of advocates. Are there any causes that have had recent success utilizing advocacy?  Every organization could use a helping hand.  You could check their website for volunteer opportunities.  If none strike interest, I would recommend looking at the various committees.  There are usually a half dozen or so.  Each committee usually has a chair.  You could reach out to one of the chairs and express interest in being a co-chair.  Co-chairs are typically invited to all the important meetings and events.  Co-chairs can usually define their job duties and the chair will likely help groom you to take over one day.

Once you have been a co-chair for a while you become a hot commodity with other organizations.  It's hard to find committee chairs or co-chairs or members of the executive committee.  After several years of this you will surely meet lots of effective advocates who will be more than happy to share their knowledge.  Having both a male and female perspective of the world can come in handy in advocacy.

Hopefully you are given opportunities to try your hand doing small scale advocacy projects on your own.  A couple of wins will surely boost your confidence and provide useful skills to build upon. Too often it isn't what you know but who you know.  This is a great way to increase the size of your network.

I would recommend a book by the title of "Upstream", by Dan Heath. I am about to embark on a project that will advocate for woman, minorities and the LGBT+ community in a very upstream fashion.

Offline Meghan

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #29 on: September 09, 2020, 05:56:36 am »
Not everyone can be an activist because you have mind to do it

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Offline Zumbagirl

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #30 on: September 13, 2020, 08:28:20 am »
What do you hope to change by being an activist? Just remember that once you step into the spotlight it can never be undone. Also consider that the activist community may run at complete odds with what you may feel is just or right. Many organizations are infiltrated by people who do not hold the organization's values but something completely different. It just so happens that there is an intersection point somewhere along the chain of values.

I did everything I did not to change the world, just myself. I wanted to correct a mistake that was foisted on me the day I was born and now I live a peaceful life as a woman and don't bother anyone. If people want to know what I did I will gladly tell them. There are plenty of successes who walked the walk and talked the talk out there that no one knows about. Decide where you want to be. I personally do not want to ever jump on the 'activist' bandwagon. Life is way more rewarding as a normal person to me than being the person on the soapbox with the bullhorn.

Offline noleen111

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #31 on: September 14, 2020, 06:00:59 am »
For me as a post-op woman, my transition is done. All the paper work is long done, I am long all healed up. I cant even imagine my life anymore as a man.. the female me feels like she has always been.

after I became post op, I met a wonderful straight man (who i did tell that I was born male), I married him (So I got to be a bride). Last year, we adopted a baby girl and I am now a mother.

I am a happily married woman and I love being a wife and love been a mother just as much. I do assume the more traditional female gender role in my marriage, so I run the household, cook for my family and look after the child.. (My man does help too) and yes I work too.

I can say, since becoming a mother, the idea of becoming a housewife is not such a bad one.

The only female thing, I cant do is to be pregnant and give birth, even though it would mean I have to experience monthly menstruation  I would love to experience this.

So I do not consider myself trans anymore.. I am just a woman, a daughter to my mother, wife and mother
Enjoying ride the hormones are giving me... finally becoming the woman I always knew I was

Offline Rakel

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #32 on: September 14, 2020, 07:39:16 pm »
...The only female thing, I cant do is to be pregnant and give birth, even though it would mean I have to experience monthly menstruation  I would love to experience this...

Every older cis-woman I have talked to says the same thing. Not having to deal with the monthly mess and pain of childbirth is a blessing and relief. They were all glad that part of their life was over and done with.  :P




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Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #33 on: September 14, 2020, 08:52:38 pm »
Every older cis-woman I have talked to says the same thing. Not having to deal with the monthly mess and pain of childbirth is a blessing and relief. They were all glad that part of their life was over and done with.  :P

But I bet they pretty much all would agree the monthly trials were worth it for their babies.

Noleen, I raised my 2 children on my own, and I loved the motherly duties and even the housework, but I had to do this while presenting as a male. I so envy you transitioning at an age early enough to have a husband and child, and your story has challenged me to re think what it would take to make me feel female. I always believed I couldn't feel female without the reproductive bits, but when I think of your situation, I think it may have been enough. I get to care for grandchildren as myself, but my dream was always to be a wife and mother. If only I could have my life over again!

Hugs,

Allie

Offline noleen111

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #34 on: September 15, 2020, 04:13:54 am »
Every older cis-woman I have talked to says the same thing. Not having to deal with the monthly mess and pain of childbirth is a blessing and relief. They were all glad that part of their life was over and done with.  :P

My best friend says the same, its a blessing not having to deal with the monthly, she says menstrual cramps are not fun and bleeding can be uncomfortable as some months she bleeds more than others, then some months you breasts are sore too.. she says,, I get all the best parts of being female, without the messy part.

but she does say, pregnancy is an amazing experience, yes it get uncomfortable, if you carry in summer its hot and you cant sleep at night because the child decides go crazy inside there and kick and move.. of course its your bladder than gets kicked.. so you pee alot.. but she says its magical feeling to have a life grow inside you. Giving birth is painful, she was in labor for about 12 hours, but she said, we she hold her daughter for the first time.. she knew it was all worth it and she would do it all again, her and her hubby are trying for number 2

Even though its messy and uncomfortable, i still would like to experience the monthly mess, as it would mean i would be able to fall pregnant. Not being able to give my husband a child that is genetically  related to him makes me sad.

 When we adopted our daughter, i did take medication that made my lactate, so i did manage to breastfeed for about 2 weeks.  The reason only two weeks, well I never produced enough milk, so after two weeks I had to feed with formula.

Breast feeding is magical and its a wonderful feeling, when the child latches. I can tell you, you never felt more like a woman, during that time. My kid really loved my nipples and they were raw after a few feeds.

Although I am a woman, and I know the reproductive part is not the only thing that makes you a woman, its a part we do miss out on and can never experience that part of womanhood. I am glad, at least I got to experience a small part of that. Suppose that is why I am so girlie, I love wearing dresses, high heels, lingerie, makeup and making myself pretty. I love to enhance my femininity, even my tattoo's are very feminine in design.
Enjoying ride the hormones are giving me... finally becoming the woman I always knew I was

Offline Harley Quinn

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #35 on: September 17, 2020, 06:09:37 am »
In my humble opinion, living your life as a woman is plenty for the cause. For many of us, it's the whole goal... live it.  Support the cause with your opinion and just being your best self.  People in your life will know your opinions through interactions with you (whether they know your trans or not).  We all assimilate some aspect of the friends we keep.  Through them, you're influencing many others...  Not all support needs to come from the soap box with a picket sign.
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?... Batman, that's who. Batman! It's always been Batman! Ruining my life, spoiling my fun! >:-)

Offline pretty pauline

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Re: Time to leave being trans behind?
« Reply #36 on: September 19, 2020, 06:16:32 am »
Last year, we adopted a baby girl and I am now a mother


I can say, since becoming a mother, the idea of becoming a housewife is not such a bad one.


Congratulations I'm so envious, myself and hubby could have adopted but age was against us, it had nothing to do with me being trans, we couldn't celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary properly due to coronavirus, now after 10 years married to my husband, life is just normal, I'm not an activist, I seldom refer to myself as ''trans'' these days, I'm just a woman, I'm a married woman and housewife, I now work 3 mornings a week, but still do all the wife and ''woman stuff'' basically all the traditional female chores, cooking and housekeeping, I love baking, I love being a wife to hubby and being a woman, I used to get depressed unable to get pregnant, but I'm all woman in every other way, I like to go and get pampered, get my hair, nails and makeup done, and hubby to take me out and spoil me the way a girl should be spoiled, I was reminded recently on my age being a middle age woman when during the hot weather when a lady asked me if I was going through ''the change'' she must have notice redness in my face, and she says it passes, every woman goes through it. I must say them remarks made me ecstatically happy to be asked such an intimate feminine question, it made me feel so feminine and womanly, just to be seen and accepted as a normal woman.
If your going thru hell, just keep going.

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