Author Topic: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)  (Read 1280 times)

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Offline Linde

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #20 on: December 17, 2019, 12:03:03 pm »
Thanks.. it's not a bad view. but I don't feel like it's enough. I feel like even if I get some small satisfactions eventually in the future, it's just too much turmoil and not worth it because I want something different. And I don't even know how I can even just live. How to be reborn..
Don't hang yourself up on absolutes.  You don't get reborn, you develope, cis girls do this, too.  It takes them 10 to 15 years to become from a pretty gender free kid to a woman, and they had the advantage of female socialisation.
You can't force mother nature to go faster, just because feel it is enough what happens with you.  It will happen that is for sure.
I had a way better start than you, as you might know, I am XX and never masculinized, but I was forced to live as a guy and was socialized as a guy.  Once I found out that I was just playing the act of being a guy, I slowly converted into a woman, but hat conversion took me more than 10 years to come to the point to be a happy woman.  I am now a happy woman, and I think all the troubles I had to face were worth it, cause now i can live my real life!

You have to do some deep soul searching to find out who you are, and what you want, a therapist could help you with this, but it is you who is in control!


Offline Sarah-Red

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #21 on: December 17, 2019, 12:10:21 pm »
I don't know what to say to that. Maybe mother nature on earth isn't what I'm looking for. I don't want to have to try a lottery. I want to be born a girl. I want to look like one without having to put make-up on. And there's just too much I want that makes this journey not feel worth it.

Offline Lucy5

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #22 on: December 17, 2019, 12:39:06 pm »
I don't know what to say to that. Maybe mother nature on earth isn't what I'm looking for. I don't want to have to try a lottery. I want to be born a girl. I want to look like one without having to put make-up on. And there's just too much I want that makes this journey not feel worth it.

I think one issue you may have is having internalized a bit too much of societies view of an ideal form. I've known many women and men both of over the years who have struggled a great deal with not being able to appear they way they thought they should with no transgender issues involved. Women don't look like our socialized vision of women without makeup (and sadly in more recent times that view is becoming even more warped with digital manipulation). At some point everyone has to come to terms with the fact their appearance will never be some Platonic ideal of female or male.

In terms of worrying about a "passing" appearance - I promise other people will accept your appearance as female long before you do. I've kept my hair long most of my life while thinking of and presenting myself as male and been misgendered regularly. I've had people call me mam despite the fact that I was facing them with a full beard because they processed the long hair first, without the beard but also without makeup to hide the shadow or any active effort to present as female I've had people not realize I wasn't female through a short interaction. Give them the hint of a gendered appearance and project a little confidence behind it and most people will think of you as female and never pause to second guess their initial conclusion.

While I don't know much of anything about your life beyond here, I know from your posts here that you are a strong, caring individual with a lot to offer the world and any potential relationship. It sounds like you've got a lot of both gender dysphoria and body dysmorphic issues to work through but you've got a lot of greatness in your heart and mind I hope you can see the value in as you work through your issues with your body!

Lucy

Offline Linde

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #23 on: December 17, 2019, 12:51:55 pm »
I don't know what to say to that. Maybe mother nature on earth isn't what I'm looking for. I don't want to have to try a lottery. I want to be born a girl. I want to look like one without having to put make-up on. And there's just too much I want that makes this journey not feel worth it.
I was born a girl, and see what good that did to me!  Society decided that i was a male, and i had no influence on this decision, and i had to live the life as a male, because i didn't know better.
I am now the female I should have been all my life, but better late than never.  At some point you may be able to go out without makeup, I can do that, I will not be misgendered, but I don't' like to go out, looking like an old hag.  Many cis women don't/can't go out without makeup, if they don't want to scare little children.
But you alone can know if you want to continue on the journey, or not.  From my point of view, every step I did was worth the while it, because it made me into the happy woman I am these days!


Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #24 on: December 17, 2019, 01:16:52 pm »
I've noticed that a lot of GGs with gray or white hair no longer bother with makeup or nail polish.  Or at least that I can tell.  ;)

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #25 on: December 17, 2019, 02:03:39 pm »
I want to be born a girl.

You were, sweetie. That's where all this is coming from.

I know how you're feeling. I think quite a few people here do. The thing about it is, you have to learn to be your own woman. That's how you get through this. You can tie yourself in knots thinking about "if only's" and "what if's". This journey is your journey. It's different from the journey of every other person on this planet. It's unique to you. Sure, you may have to try a little harder to get to where you want to be, but think about everything you learn and experience along the way. That's the journey. No, it may not be what you wanted, but it's the path you walk. I know that I am all the better for meeting you, for getting to understand you, for... being privileged enough to see your heart, and your light.

Were you not who you are, we would never have met. You would never have touched the lives of the people you have. Given comfort to those hurting, offered yourself to people in need... Sarah... look at everything you have, everything you can offer... rather than what you wished you had. You are beautiful. You are your own woman. Walk your own path. Be you, sweetie. Because the world is a better place with you in it. I promise you.

*squeezy hug*

Being a woman can mean whatever you want it to mean. It's up to you to define what kind of woman you want to be. I already know what I think, but I don't want to make you big headed. ;)

Offline Sarah-Red

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #26 on: December 17, 2019, 03:19:20 pm »
Thank you for the replies. I really do have trouble resolving some things. i'll try to reply.

In terms of worrying about a "passing" appearance - I promise other people will accept your appearance as female long before you do. I've kept my hair long most of my life while thinking of and presenting myself as male and been misgendered regularly. I've had people call me mam despite the fact that I was facing them with a full beard because they processed the long hair first, without the beard but also without makeup to hide the shadow or any active effort to present as female I've had people not realize I wasn't female through a short interaction. Give them the hint of a gendered appearance and project a little confidence behind it and most people will think of you as female and never pause to second guess their initial conclusion.

Yeah that wouldn't be too bad. I've heard plenty of people with opposite stories too. But it would be nice if I could be treated female.

Quote
While I don't know much of anything about your life beyond here, I know from your posts here that you are a strong, caring individual with a lot to offer the world and any potential relationship. It sounds like you've got a lot of both gender dysphoria and body dysmorphic issues to work through but you've got a lot of greatness in your heart and mind I hope you can see the value in as you work through your issues with your body!

Yes I would say I probably have dysmorphic issues as well. There's so much in me that wants to be represented. But I don't consider it because of society, but there are some things that I want, and it's hard for me to accept less. I'm very tired of struggling, and trying to appreciate what I have. I don't know how to be true to my feelings, with how things are.

Thank you for saying those things about me though. I recognize I have a lot to offer. Today, I don't feel like I really care about that. It's a waste to not bring more to the world, but I need something more for me too.. and I guess you could say I have a sad side,.. I'll try to remember about my stronger side too though.

I am now the female I should have been all my life, but better late than never. 
[...]
But you alone can know if you want to continue on the journey, or not.  From my point of view, every step I did was worth the while it, because it made me into the happy woman I am these days!

I'm glad some people are able to feel that way and live totally fine transitioned. It does bring some inspiration. I just don't see it for me at the time. There's a lot of stuff and feelings in the way.
You're right I'm the one who'll end up deciding. A part of me feels like giving up totally. It feels good to just.. stop. It'd be giving up on everything I've been working on. But right now it feels like it's just been what's kept me going. I don't see the happy steps, but I do like the idea of becoming better at being happy, both in general and with this.
I have so much trouble with some steps on the way. Maybe I need a break to let my emotions rest or something.. but .. eh..

I've noticed that a lot of GGs with gray or white hair no longer bother with makeup or nail polish.  Or at least that I can tell.  ;)
I suppose appearances aren't as important, or hard to maintain, when people get older. Not that fun, but they've lived a long time, it must feel different.

You were, sweetie. That's where all this is coming from.

I know how you're feeling. I think quite a few people here do. The thing about it is, you have to learn to be your own woman. That's how you get through this. You can tie yourself in knots thinking about "if only's" and "what if's". This journey is your journey. It's different from the journey of every other person on this planet. It's unique to you. Sure, you may have to try a little harder to get to where you want to be, but think about everything you learn and experience along the way. That's the journey. No, it may not be what you wanted, but it's the path you walk. I know that I am all the better for meeting you, for getting to understand you, for... being privileged enough to see your heart, and your light.

Were you not who you are, we would never have met. You would never have touched the lives of the people you have. Given comfort to those hurting, offered yourself to people in need... Sarah... look at everything you have, everything you can offer... rather than what you wished you had. You are beautiful. You are your own woman. Walk your own path. Be you, sweetie. Because the world is a better place with you in it. I promise you.

*squeezy hug*

Being a woman can mean whatever you want it to mean. It's up to you to define what kind of woman you want to be. I already know what I think, but I don't want to make you big headed. ;)

Of course it's your post that's going to get me crying. And I was eating chocolate too. Guess I have my first experience of those two things at the same time.

There's a lot of good stuff in there, thank you, I will try to be my own woman. I'll try a bit more. I have a real hard time being ok with what I have.. I'm looking for more. In a way it's not even that much more, but how my body is matters a lot to me, it's not like I want. I know it's not everything, but like I mentioned, I'm having trouble seeing worth in life. I need more to keep me holding on. I don't exactly want to give up though.
I need to find a little more strength in myself. I am on a journey. I feel like there's probably something bigger. I don't know, but maybe I have enough energy to keep walking some at least.. find some other feelings in me too.

Thank you again for caring.
*hug*

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2019, 04:55:23 pm »
Of course it's your post that's going to get me crying. And I was eating chocolate too. Guess I have my first experience of those two things at the same time.

Yup, eating chocolate would make me cry, too. Because I can't stand the stuff. ;)

*extra hugs*

Offline Pammie

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #28 on: December 17, 2019, 05:45:06 pm »
Yup, eating chocolate would make me cry, too. Because I can't stand the stuff. ;)

*extra hugs*
I’m not sure I’ve heard of anyone hating chocolate before but it’s great because it balances out my love of chocolate - well, nearly


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Offline Sephirah

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #29 on: December 17, 2019, 05:49:57 pm »
I’m not sure I’ve heard of anyone hating chocolate before but it’s great because it balances out my love of chocolate - well, nearly


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Lol, you can have every piece of chocolate I ever get, sweetie. The stuff makes me nauseous. Even the smell of it. I know women are supposed to have some kind of genetic weakness to it but just... ugh... give me a bacon sandwich any day. I think I was born with vampire fangs rather than a sweet tooth. :)

Offline Pammie

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #30 on: December 17, 2019, 05:52:55 pm »
Lol, you can have every piece of chocolate I ever get, sweetie. The stuff makes me nauseous. Even the smell of it. I know women are supposed to have some kind of genetic weakness to it but just... ugh... give me a bacon sandwich any day. I think I was born with vampire fangs rather than a sweet tooth. :)
Hee hee. I’ll swap my bacon butties for your chocolate in that case!


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Offline Sarah-Red

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #31 on: December 17, 2019, 05:55:42 pm »
Ohh :O. For me I've always had a big sweet tooth. There's times I let myself indulge and ate a ton, and then because of that I filled the big craving for it, which is good, I'd rather not eat quite as much :P

Offline Linde

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #32 on: December 17, 2019, 06:01:11 pm »
.. give me a bacon sandwich any day. I think I was born with vampire fangs rather than a sweet tooth. :)
That makes two of us, but I would prefer a ham sandwich.  This not being that much into sweets makes it way easier for me being diabetic, I don't really suffer from it.


Offline Pammie

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #33 on: December 17, 2019, 06:07:24 pm »
That makes two of us, but I would prefer a ham sandwich.  This not being that much into sweets makes it way easier for me being diabetic, I don't really suffer from it.
Ok Linde, so you can have my ham sandwiches and I’ll eat your chocolate too! might have to increase my daily runs to 10k not 6 to compensate


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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #34 on: December 17, 2019, 06:14:37 pm »
I think if we try to be cheerful, hopeful, and other-centered, our issues may not seem as looming. 

With or without chocolate or other goodies.   :)


Hugs,


Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Emotional troubles? (and finding a way out)
« Reply #35 on: December 17, 2019, 06:59:08 pm »
I think if we try to be cheerful, hopeful, and other-centered, our issues may not seem as looming. 

With or without chocolate or other goodies.   :)


Hugs,


Chrissy

Definitely without, lol.

I tend to adhere to the quote Ghandi made. Smart dude, that one.

"Be the change you want to see in the world".

That's all any of us can really do. Change comes from within.

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