Topic: Mental Health, Work and Transition

[RobinM.R.]

Hi I'm re-writing a post I made earlier because I broke some guidelines (really sorry about that). I feel I can do nothing right these days. Somthing at work set me off. I really messed things up, let me explain. I call in sick more often than I used to (in fact I never used to). I've been feeling bad psychically and mentally all the time. There have been days when I call in sick just because I'm feeling super depressed. I did a bad thing and I called out an  hour before my shift and my boss had to close earlier so he could pick up his sister from school.

If I call out I get it covered but my boss doesn't seem to care anymore.

I'm trying to make it right. I'm coming in everyday (even when I'm not feeling well) and I'm covering shifts. But my boss is avoiding me and giving me less and less hours. He says we will talk, but everytime we overlap on the schedule he leaves before I get to work. And now he's not scheduling me with him at all.

He just put in his two weeks and I feel I won't be able to make this right. I have OCD and I have thought spirals. For the last few days I have been feeling like a terrible person and now its messing with my thoughts on transition.

I keep thinking to myself "my boss hates me, everyone at work hates me." "I'm ugly and no one like me." I know its terrible and untrue but I can't help it. I'm super pessimistic about everything including transitioning. I feel so doubtful about the future right now.

I feel so hopeless. I'm stuck at a job that doesn't pay well and I dont know what to do. I'm trying to move on and find something better, but its tough. I'm losing sleep (which never happens). I'm not doing okay. I just want to find a new job, transition, find someone who will love me, and move on with my life. But I'm stuck right now.

I could use some help but I dont see my therapist for another week and its expensive. I know this forum doesn't replace a therapist but I'm scared of the future and I could use some help. I'm sorry

Thanks

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[MikaelaA]

Hi Ray,  I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with so many issues.  I've been in the same situation as you are with severe depression and anxiety and ended up in therapy long before I knew I was transgender.  I'm assuming you have health insurance.  Have you seen a doctor for your depression?  You need to take care of your depression first because that is bringing down every other aspect of your life.  I go to weekly therapy and there are times I struggle to make it to the next appointment.  I try to have other support I can rely on such as my daughter, co-worker or some kind of helpline where you can talk with someone when you feel you need support.  You might want to try reaching out to the Trans Lifeline, https://www.translifeline.org/   I know they specific hours but I believe they are open now.  You can also PM me if you need to talk.  I hope this helps.  Take care of yourself.


With Love,

Michelle