Author Topic: Pros and Cons, things you miss.  (Read 3920 times)

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Offline Julielynn

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Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« on: December 18, 2019, 09:27:32 pm »
I made up a list of my Pros and Cons before I even thought about going through all of this.   It was surprising.  Then later on a therapist asked me to make one.   I just brought in my list.  Mine was amusing, I'm curios if anyone else had some good ones in there.   

The interesting thing was I couldn't think of too many things I'd miss.  I'd really love to hear what someone who's FTM has to say as my list hit on a few topics I'd be curious on from that point of view.


Here's mine.   (had to alter half a dozen cuss words as it's a copy and paste from my file  lol)

Things I'd miss

Men's bathrooms (way cleaner)
Peeing while camping
Men's general courtesy to strangers
being stronger than anyone I know
Way cheaper everything



Things I definitely will not miss

super limited clothes selections
sticking to yourself.
junk falling out of underwear and getting pinched
body hair!
facial hair
treatment from strangers
natural assumptions
The expectation that you like what everyone else does
<removed> materials


Things I am not going to like.

Lack of upper body strength
What is it with dresses not having even a single pocket?
Pink Tax
Guys hitting on me (at least the gay ones give up easily)
Really limited selection of women in dating.
Lack of respect?  Is that a thing?
No more going shirtless
Bras
Shoes are probably not as comfy?   (Side note, I wasn't a CD, so no clue )


Things I'll like. 

Purses hold way more than pockets.
Getting my long hair back  :'(  so miss that
Clothes choices being endless
hugs and being touchy are way more acceptable
Hair dye is acceptable
Much softer clothes
No one is instantly afraid of you
Not having to worry if I'm coming off as a <removed> closet gay
No one complains about your color choices
smaller sweat glands! omg that's so nice
ability to cover <removed> up with makeup
Being able to say these things without being made fun of -
  1.  I liked Duran Duran
  2.  I like that color
  3.  I like cardigans
  4.  But it's so soft!




Offline Erika_

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2019, 05:29:39 pm »
I decided I was going to transition long before I had the internet or even a computer, so I never wrote anything down.

I did end up losing everything, I've built up a bit since but I will have a long way to go [if I can find the strength to keep going].

I didn't want to give up my personality, but I didn't realize that my personality was being suppressed by testosterone.

Offline Lexxi

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2019, 07:56:39 pm »
I'm only going to miss one, and only one thing about being a guy...and that's my voice. I love to sing and I think I'm pretty good at it. My voice has been compared to Johnny Cash and a couple of times to Sam Elliott, and I have been told for most of my adult life that I have the absolute best radio voice people have ever heard. Obviously though that voice won't sound good on a female, so I'll miss it when it's gone. Other than that I won't miss a thing about being male.

Something I'm probably the most excited about being a woman...being able to carry a purse. I've always wanted to be able to carry one, and once I go full time no one will ever see me without one again.

Lexxi
Finally started the process of becoming the real me! 5/20/19
Came out online 5/20/19
First time coming out face to face 6/3/19
First therapist appointment for HRT 6/3/19
Got my letter for HRT 6/10/19
Came out to my mom 6/18/19
Started HRT 7/12/19

Offline steph2.0

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2019, 09:12:16 pm »
I'm only going to miss one, and only one thing about being a guy...and that's my voice. I love to sing and I think I'm pretty good at it. My voice has been compared to Johnny Cash and a couple of times to Sam Elliott, and I have been told for most of my adult life that I have the absolute best radio voice people have ever heard. Obviously though that voice won't sound good on a female, so I'll miss it when it's gone. Other than that I won't miss a thing about being male.

Something I'm probably the most excited about being a woman...being able to carry a purse. I've always wanted to be able to carry one, and once I go full time no one will ever see me without one again.

Lexxi

I volunteer at the week-long Sun-N-Fun fly-in in Lakeland, and the same year I came out to everyone, to my surprise (and initial terror) I was recruited to work with a guy doing the announcing at our light-plane runway. This guy has an amazing radio announcer voice, which is to my advantage because it actually makes my voice sound more feminine in comparison. While I can do the same voice, I absolutely won’t! Actually, I’m not sure I really can any more, after working so hard on feminizing it for two years. That’s okay with me.

People enjoy our banter as I do the technical aspects and he does the color commentary. I like to say that he has the radio voice and the face to match. I’m the pretty one with the brains.

As for purses, in the before-times people got used to seeing me with my Eagle Creek utility bag. I called it my “power purse” since I always carried gadgets and doodads in it, and it went with me everywhere. I got teased about it occasionally, but I guess it’s a testament to my acting abilities pretending to be a guy that nobody read anything else into it. Switching to a feminine purse was completely natural.


-Stephanie
Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/7/2017 (Girl Harbor Day) * FFS With FacialTeam 12/4/2018 * Facelift and Lipo Body Sculpting at Ocean Clinic 6/13-14/2019 * GCS with Marci Bowers 9/11/2019 * Name and Gender Change on Birth Certificate 11/21/2019 * Accepted Internally That Transition is Completed 11/28/2019

Offline Julielynn

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2019, 09:24:21 pm »
Hahaha, yeah I know how you feel about the purse thing.  My GF laughs because I keep a 1/2 inch ratchet in a Prada purse.    Always wanted to do that.

Offline steph2.0

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #5 on: December 19, 2019, 09:29:22 pm »
Hahaha, yeah I know how you feel about the purse thing.  My GF laughs because I keep a 1/2 inch ratchet in a Prada purse.    Always wanted to do that.

Nice!!


-Stephanie
Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/7/2017 (Girl Harbor Day) * FFS With FacialTeam 12/4/2018 * Facelift and Lipo Body Sculpting at Ocean Clinic 6/13-14/2019 * GCS with Marci Bowers 9/11/2019 * Name and Gender Change on Birth Certificate 11/21/2019 * Accepted Internally That Transition is Completed 11/28/2019

Offline Lexxi

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2019, 01:14:29 am »
When I started college I carried a nice messenger bag that my mom used to call my murse. I mentioned it in my coming out letter to my mom. I told her it always made me feel good when she'd say that...and here she was thinking she was getting a low-key tease in on me. lol.

But I really loved carrying that bag. Heck it was the best thing about college.  :laugh:

I used to carry all kinds of things in it too. I thought it was funny because one of my classmates would be looking for something, or wishing they had something they really needed, and I'd have whatever it was in my bag.  :laugh:

I've already picked out about 15 purses that I want, and I know what I'll be carrying in them...nearly everything I could ever need in any situation.  ;)
Finally started the process of becoming the real me! 5/20/19
Came out online 5/20/19
First time coming out face to face 6/3/19
First therapist appointment for HRT 6/3/19
Got my letter for HRT 6/10/19
Came out to my mom 6/18/19
Started HRT 7/12/19

Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2019, 03:34:59 am »
When I started college I carried a nice messenger bag that my mom used to call my murse. I mentioned it in my coming out letter to my mom. I told her it always made me feel good when she'd say that...and here she was thinking she was getting a low-key tease in on me. lol.

But I really loved carrying that bag. Heck it was the best thing about college.  :laugh:

I used to carry all kinds of things in it too. I thought it was funny because one of my classmates would be looking for something, or wishing they had something they really needed, and I'd have whatever it was in my bag.  :laugh:

I've already picked out about 15 purses that I want, and I know what I'll be carrying in them...nearly everything I could ever need in any situation.  ;)

Why wait Lexxi? I have 8 purses already, 4 female wallets, and 3 feminine phone covers for my rose gold (pink) Iphone. And I had most of these before I started HRT! I have a brown suede tote I use on planes as most airlines allow a cabin bag and a handbag.

I am not missing sitting on a male wallet, and cracking all my cards (stopped doing this a couple of years ago)
I am starting to like people not expecting me to fix everything.
A double edged one - I miss having the strength to do things I used to, but I am sort of liking having a man do some for me!
I do miss standing to pee.
I like compliments on how I look.
I love women hugging and crying with me.
I miss being able to release adrenaline when I need extra strength.
I miss having automatic respect at meetings with men.
I love being accepted into the community of women.

That's enough for now!!

Allie

 

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #8 on: December 20, 2019, 04:16:55 am »
When I started college I carried a nice messenger bag that my mom used to call my murse. I mentioned it in my coming out letter to my mom. I told her it always made me feel good when she'd say that...and here she was thinking she was getting a low-key tease in on me. lol.

But I really loved carrying that bag. Heck it was the best thing about college.  :laugh:

I used to carry all kinds of things in it too. I thought it was funny because one of my classmates would be looking for something, or wishing they had something they really needed, and I'd have whatever it was in my bag.  :laugh:

I've already picked out about 15 purses that I want, and I know what I'll be carrying in them...nearly everything I could ever need in any situation.  ;)

Wow that is a lot of purses to acquire!  :)

Chrissy
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Offline BrightWindow

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2019, 04:25:01 am »
Things I will miss:
  • The queues for the toilets being empty at any event in which most people there are women
  • Being able to go to the toilet standing up easily
  • Cheap and easy haircuts
  • Being less self-conscious about my physical appearance and beauty.
  • Finding it easy to get shoes
  • Not worrying about being clocked and if so being discriminated against for being transgender.
Things I look forward to:
  • Women's fashion
  • Make-up
  • Having longer hair
  • Not being expected to be masculine
  • Living in the social world of women, which I have always felt is a far better place for me than that of men.
  • Being authentic to myself
I appreciate that other parts of the world are very different, but I don't feel that I ever had "male privilege" or ever would have done if I hadn't transitioned. I lived socially as a man, I now live socially as a woman, and I feel I am respected at least as much. I look at the men around me, and I look at the women around me, and I've never felt that the women are oppressed by comparison or that the men have some special privilege and gain more respect automatically. That may be the case in other parts of the world, but in my world it's just never something I've observed.
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Offline Lynne

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #10 on: December 30, 2019, 11:05:28 am »
... I've never felt that the women are oppressed by comparison or that the men have some special privilege and gain more respect automatically. That may be the case in other parts of the world, but in my world it's just never something I've observed.

It really depends on the kind of people who surround you, there are all kinds of people all around the world. I think you were lucky so far and I really hope that it remains that way!

I've been thinking for an hour now about what I will miss and I cannot really come up with anything. I could never really fit in as a man. I didn't look and behave like a normal guy, men's clothes have never fit me well. Most of the time I didn't enjoy any of the benefits and the few times I did, it did not make up for the years of bullying and discrimination even before I decided to transition.

Some things were more convenient when I didn't care about my looks at all but that's not something I will miss and now I may have to convince more people with certain beliefs that I know what I'm talking about but there are less and less of these people fortunately.

After leading a double life for 7 years and building my female life outside of work hours, I'm looking forward to a life that gives me freedom to express myself the way it feels natural and authentic to me, all day, every day, without thinking about my gender or feeling dysphoria about certain parts of my body.

Offline Ellie_Arroway

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2020, 10:28:51 am »
I'm only going to miss one, and only one thing about being a guy...and that's my voice. I love to sing and I think I'm pretty good at it. My voice has been compared to Johnny Cash and a couple of times to Sam Elliott, and I have been told for most of my adult life that I have the absolute best radio voice people have ever heard. Obviously though that voice won't sound good on a female, so I'll miss it when it's gone. Other than that I won't miss a thing about being male.

Funny you should say that... I want to have a female voice, but there's no way I'm giving up my male voice as part of the deal! I want to be able to return to it. I am not fantastic at singing but neither am I terrible at it, and it's something I will keep doing!

I'm beginning to think maybe I should identify as trans-feminine non-binary rather than female. Female for legal purposes, though, so that I do at least get to use a toilet in public.
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
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Offline Ellie_Arroway

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #12 on: January 01, 2020, 10:31:39 am »
I could never really fit in as a man. I didn't look and behave like a normal guy, men's clothes have never fit me well. Most of the time I didn't enjoy any of the benefits and the few times I did, it did not make up for the years of bullying and discrimination even before I decided to transition.

That was me in school except for the clothes not fitting bit which came after I grew up.

Women's clothes do usually fit me better because I'm slight of build.
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
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Full-time female presentation since: 21 Oct 2019, unbroken since 12 Dec 2019
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Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
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Offline jackiefox5585

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #13 on: January 04, 2020, 02:49:51 am »
Last year I was on hormones for 2 months but stopped due to fears for social transition. I made a calculator spreadsheet to quantify where I was at.  I took each item and rated them on a 1 to ten scale, then using a basic algorithm to convert it into a "certainty percentage." With 100% being I am absolutely sure I want to transition and 0% being not.  Anyways do not have a way of posting the spreadsheet on here. but if someone is interested I will share it with them.
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through Strength I gain power
Through power I gain victory
Through Victory my chains are broken
The force shall free me

Offline Paul Muad-Dib

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #14 on: January 06, 2020, 10:20:51 am »
I miss not having to shave almost daily.

Offline Pammie

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #15 on: January 06, 2020, 02:27:16 pm »
I miss not having to shave almost daily.
Really?


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Offline Paul Muad-Dib

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #16 on: January 07, 2020, 04:10:37 am »
The strange thing is I used to shave before anyway. I didn't like little hairs on my face apart from the eyebrows. But I didn't have to do it often and I didn't blunt the razor in a quarter of the time.

Maybe I should rephrase - I miss the option to be lazy and forgo doing it if I didn't feel like it. Not so much the shaving that bothers me but the procuring of razors. 

Offline Ellie_Arroway

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #17 on: January 07, 2020, 10:59:35 am »
The strange thing is I used to shave before anyway. I didn't like little hairs on my face apart from the eyebrows. But I didn't have to do it often and I didn't blunt the razor in a quarter of the time.

Maybe I should rephrase - I miss the option to be lazy and forgo doing it if I didn't feel like it. Not so much the shaving that bothers me but the procuring of razors.

Even though you're FTM I guess you could still consider lasering the beard!...

As a man, I strongly considered it even before changing gender because I like to be lazy. :)
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
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Offline Paul Muad-Dib

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #18 on: January 08, 2020, 06:08:01 am »
I can live with it and sometimes I grow it out a bit, but the idea of not having to spend on another blade again does sound nice.

Offline jackiefox5585

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Re: Pros and Cons, things you miss.
« Reply #19 on: January 10, 2020, 12:15:06 am »
I can live with it and sometimes I grow it out a bit, but the idea of not having to spend on another blade again does sound nice.

its interesting the contrast on that. I would love not having to worry about facial hair. I stay clean shaven myself. I find facial hair itchy
Peace is a lie
there is only passion
through Passion I gain strength
through Strength I gain power
Through power I gain victory
Through Victory my chains are broken
The force shall free me

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