Topic: Today is the day.... I hope

[Feeltrapped]

Been thinking about coming out on stop to my wife for the past few months. I've been rotating every night for the strength to do it.  I have wanted to come out so many times to her the past 10 years but always cower away from it. Last night me and my step daughter went to a hockey game and I counted 527 times I saw a woman and felt an overwhelming sense of jealously. It was to the point I wanted to throw up and was actually starting to cause me physical pain. It made me really be like "know what this is ridiculous already, you can't focus on anything else and it's making you sick and causing you pain. You need to do this."

Today is my bday and i am out with a buddy and my oldest again and all I can focus on is that I need to come out and start the journey to become the real me. Tonight when the kids go to bed I'm going to do this! I have to... I can't keep living like this and I need to be me! Hopefully I actually feel this surge of bravery tonight and open a new chapter of my life.

Thanks for listening.

Here's hoping I can do this and she takes it well!

[Sarah-Red]

Good luck!!
*hug*

I would say more, but I'm a little groggy today. But you know what's important in your life. Be true to you,and just do your best.

[BrightWindow]

Best of luck!

[Complete]

So what you are describing is, besides being extremely traumatic, very common among many of the readers of this blog. I went back and read all of your posts and from what I read, your experience was much like mine except that at that crucial turning point around age 19/20, our paths went different ways. I stumbled into an early transition. You went the way of so many others, married and had children.
If you have been reading these posts, you can see from the posts that what you are experiencing can only be "put off", maybe even for years or decades...but chances are it will never go away.


My question is what happened after you saw the therapist back in 2018?

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,232832.msg2072845.html#msg2072845

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,243723.msg2210487.html#msg2210487

[JennyTG]

Best of luck to you, it's never easy.  Honesty is always best I have found.

[Feeltrapped]

I actually didn't make it to that appointment due to work (got sent up to Nunavut) and never had the guts to make it again and I'm regretting it, much like I am regretting not coming out along time ago. Hopefully this goes well, I have no idea what I'm going to say but I have to get this out there so I can move forward.

Again... hopefully I have to guys to do it... been trying subtitle things to get her to ask me what's going on like shaving my chest and stomach hair (don't have much but still) as well as most of my arms and part of my legs. she hasn't said a word yet.... although my sister found a story she had wrote about me when she was in grade 2, and she said In there "I like my brother he plays barbies with me and we play house and have dance contests." She didn't say anything about that aside from "you don't have to be embarrassed". So maybe she already has a slight incling, but guess I will find out.

[Complete]

Based on your wife's seeming or apparent tendencies, the possibility exists that there might be a chance for a continuing mutually beneficial relationship. Only time will tell.