Topic: Have you ever passed through this? Some people call me sir, others ma'am

[AllieSF]

Tessa,

I love your attitude.  You own you and have no issues with how you are perceived.  That is so comforting.  I have read a lot of threads where non-binaries who dress more or less androgynous in appearance, sometimes totally androgynous or leaning more toward one or the other binary, and then complain about how they are being addressed.  Since they have selected their own presentation, how is the unknowing public to identify their desired pronouns?  I think that it is many times more difficult for a non-binary, wherever they are on their own spectrum, to be properly identified and get proper pronoun usage.  A MtF, from my own experience when first starting out, when presenting fully as a female usually gets the proper pronouns because of the effort to "fully present as".  Anyway, thanks for presenting a positive and practical attitude about this sometimes very troubling issue.

Allie

[stephaniec]

yes, I just see it as progression

[Nikita]

There seems to be a tipping point.  It doesn't feel like a gradual phase, it feels more like an accumulation of many elements piling up on one side of a teeter totter which does not move much, until at some point there is enough to tip the balance and it just swings over and stays there.

Sadly for many of us, that tipping point is never reached.

[Tessa James]

Tessa,

I love your attitude.  You own you and have no issues with how you are perceived.  That is so comforting.  I have read a lot of threads where non-binaries who dress more or less androgynous in appearance, sometimes totally androgynous or leaning more toward one or the other binary, and then complain about how they are being addressed.  Since they have selected their own presentation, how is the unknowing public to identify their desired pronouns?  I think that it is many times more difficult for a non-binary, wherever they are on their own spectrum, to be properly identified and get proper pronoun usage.  A MtF, from my own experience when first starting out, when presenting fully as a female usually gets the proper pronouns because of the effort to "fully present as".  Anyway, thanks for presenting a positive and practical attitude about this sometimes very troubling issue.

Allie

Thank you Allie,

I have come to this position after first feeling so very self conscious about fearing that proverbial man in a dress routine.  As a queer activist and educator I want to be approachable and do my best to work with people as they arrive on scene.  Most people do not seem to deliberately misgender us but for someone like me they may be reasonably uncertain.  This, for some of us, is an opportunity to make friends, allies and further understanding.  Non binary peeps are a huge part of the transgender community and we are frequently the most visible or obvious.  Working with students from middle schools to college is to be aware of a new message, change is coming and includes language, labels and yup, pronouns.  Learn, grow, be flexible of be left behind.

For those with more traditional and binary goals in transition the sincere efforts to pass, blend in and be one of the masses will be ongoing.  This may entail forever concerns about being clocked, outed, discovered or betrayed.  I lived with such fears for most of my life and have zero interest in going back into the closet or another boxed life where I may never fit in.  Our circles of influence and association can be small and neat or expand with every new friend we make.  Nice to have some expansive and colorful choices eh?

[Paul Muad-Dib]

It's down to what the person looking at you sees in their own head sometimes. They react depending on whatever their instincts or first assumptions tell them about you. That could come from body language, voice tone, looks, clothes, pretty much anything. Most of us go through some phase in which we are "in between" while transitioning.

[NCmuse]

  I used to worry about that but I really stopped caring what other people think about me. I rarely get called sir. Unfortunatly when I get confortable sometimes my voice drops and people who were calling me maam apologize and call me sir    I have to tell them they were right the first time.    If I think to hard about my voice then I act unnatural and sometimes I think it gives me away just because I appear nervous