Topic: Dysphoria

[Jack3]

So I've been thinking about what makes a person trans as opposed to gender non-conforming. It has to be dysphoria, right? About one's body? Because otherwise, it's just preferences, and that fits gender non-conforming. I know this idea is negative right now, it's called "truscum" or "transmedicalist" I think... but I'm just trying to learn and work things out. What other kind of dysphoria can exist that distinguishes trans from gender non-conforming?

I say this because I'm thinking about my own place in this world. I don't think I'm trans, but why do I think that? Considering I have a lot of the qualities that seems to be trans. In fact, I realized the other day that my "cross dressing" isn't really cross dressing at all... it's literally just me and I call it "cross dressing" because I'm wearing men's clothes. But the fact is... I just like these clothes and it's actually totally normal to me. But the world thinks this is drag.

Anyway... there are a couple of reasons I don't think I'm trans, though. One, I don't think I have dysphoria. I mean, I do have SOMETHING like it, but it's not horrifying or anything. I mentioned in my first post how I never wanted my breasts (honestly, even saying "my breasts" is weird and kind of goofy to me, as I always felt they shouldn't be there) and I tried to keep them from growing. But at this point, I guess I don't really care, since I'm better off just not messing with myself and making things worse for me just because breasts feel a little out of place. This is why I don't think it's dysphoria. Weird, but not really disturbing. Though, when I was young... I hated it more.

Now, as for periods and the like... yes that is gross and weird and alien and the whole nine yards and has been ever since it started. But I also thought that must be normal, no one likes this. However, it's true that they just feel like... wrong. Like they don't belong to me. They've always felt that way, almost laughably so, like a cat wearing a tie. Same for pregnancy. Gross, weird, alien. Nope. Just absolutely, 100%, you must be CRAZY... NOPE.

However, this feeling isn't debilitating. In fact, I've come to laugh at it as I have a tendency to feel no pity for myself no matter what. I also think this feeling may stem from internalized misogyny, because the world hates women so much, who could escape internalizing it somewhat? Or maybe it also stems a little bit from being annoyed by my body being sexualized so much, and/or how women are constantly treated as if they are nothing more than their biological processes? For the record, I don't even think PMS is real. I've never had it, that's for sure. I have no idea when that <poo> is even coming. I've zero shame about it, however. Zero shyness, too. Because the world thinks I SHOULD be ashamed. So I go out of my way to be blunt about it whenever the subject is breached.

I guess it probably goes without saying that I've never been pregnant and haven't really had any use for birth control. In fact, I completely lack sexual desire.

Lacking sexual desire doesn't bother me at all, though. Other than not understanding how I could possibly be that way, because everyone on the planet tells me that no one just doesn't have it.

Anyway, the second reason I think I'm not trans is that I don't feel I have to change myself in order to be myself. I'm doing that already. I'm not in a different body when I dream, I'm just me, as I am now. I don't have a sense of the "voice in my head" being any different than my own voice. Also, I don't internally feel male or female. These both feel like playful jokes to me whenever put to me seriously. I feel like a sexless, genderless entity. Masculine and feminine are either totally interchangeable to me, or stereotypes.

Also, I shave my face, lol. I don't really need to, I only have a little peach fuzz on my upper lip which is basically unnoticeable, but I don't like the fuzz. And I DO like shaving. It makes me feel tough and cool. I remember telling the gals at work about it (who bleach and wax, etc) they were all horrified thinking it would grow back darker (it never did, I've been doing it for like 5 years) and also that they would feel gross doing it... like they were men. This was funny to me, because I just feel really cool. So I guess there's SOMETHING going on with me that may be significant... but I don't think it's trans.

What do you guys think? Do you experience dysphoria? Is it obvious that's what it is? Is that how you knew you were trans?

[Rakel]

Good morning Jack,

I knew I was different as a teenager. People around me knew this way before I did. When I first considered transitioning, I was 17. I gave it another go at 21. At the time, we did not understand the devastating feelings that can come from having a mindset different from your physical body. I lived most of my life as a physical male and  I was miserable inside my head. 

I am a late transitioner and I  have never been happier. But this is me and you are someone different. God bless you for being you. 

We each must make our own decisions on how we want to  live our life. For me transition is essential. From what you described, I feel that you will be just as happy without any physical transition, but adopting a more tomboy sort of style. You don't meed to put a label on how you chose to live. Just be yourself. Accept yourself on your own terms.

Take care 

[SarahEL]

There are lots of dysphoria's that can alter ones view of gender.
The obvious one, body or genital dysphoria is not always present in transsexual people. But how you classify your breasts and periods and the thought of getting pregnant, would in my book, count as a dysphoric reaction...
For me the bone structure in my face, my last few persistent hairs and beard and my shoulders are all dysphoric. They pale into insignificance when put against my dislike of my genitals... they are just plain wrong...

Then there is social dysphoria - how you are perceived.. For me I do not want to be seen as trans, I just want to be seen as female.. I see a maleness in me all the time and just guess others see this too - so always think I am being judged or viewed as 'less than' female.

Dysphoric about something, does not necessarily mean you cannot live with it. It just means that you would like it to be different. There is a lot more to it and each individual is different in what are their particular triggers and how far they are driven to make changes to accommodate those feelings. There are not enough labels in the world to classify each person under the transgender umbrella.

[Alice]

Jack,

I very interesting subject and the Fact you are FtM may make it easier to live between the genders.

For myself, I was never unhappy being male, it is just that I fitted being female more naturally. While out as Alan I never revolted about being male, I just so wanted to be female and wear their clothes.

In my early 30s I did some research on my feelings and found the wonderful spectrum we all live in. I initially wanted to remains as a simple cross dresser but that was still making myself tense. In the end I found the right job and was able to transition in the workplace. Everyone instantly saw the difference, I was at last able to relax and not afraid of hiding.  I no longer had to wonder who to tell and who needed to know.

I guess in the end the dysphoria effects us all differently and we all need to determine how to live with it.

Alice

[AllieSF]

You do not have to have some kind of dysphoria to be transsexual.  Yes, many if not most have it, but not all.  Also You can think you do not or did not have dysphoria when in fact you do.  Therapy with a good gender therapist can help sort out a lot of mis-conceptions.  Good luck going forward.

Allie

[Susannah]

I cannot relate to FtM dysphoria but there are many different forms of dysphoria for me.  An article really describes many of what I experienced over the years.

[Devlyn]

So I've been thinking about what makes a person trans as opposed to gender non-conforming. It has to be dysphoria, right? About one's body? Because otherwise, it's just preferences, and that fits gender non-conforming. I know this idea is negative right now, it's called "truscum" or "transmedicalist" I think... but I'm just trying to learn and work things out. What other kind of dysphoria can exist that distinguishes trans from gender non-conforming?

I say this because I'm thinking about my own place in this world. I don't think I'm trans, but why do I think that? Considering I have a lot of the qualities that seems to be trans. In fact, I realized the other day that my "cross dressing" isn't really cross dressing at all... it's literally just me and I call it "cross dressing" because I'm wearing men's clothes. But the fact is... I just like these clothes and it's actually totally normal to me. But the world thinks this is drag.

...

From the Standard terms and definitions used on the site:

Transgender: an inclusive umbrella term which covers anyone who transcends their birth gender for any reason. This includes but is not limited to Androgynes, Crossdressers, Drag kings, Drag queens, Intersex people, Non-binary people, Transsexuals, and Transvestites.

Androgyne: An androgynous person

Androgynous: Being neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine, as in dress, appearance, or behavior.

Crossdresser: a person wears the clothing of the opposite gender, and has no desire to permanently change their sex. There is generally no sexual motivation for the cross-dressing.

Drag kings: performers, usually gay women or transgender men - who dress in "drag," clothing associated with the male gender, usually highly exaggerated versions thereof. Drag kings often do drag to perform, singing or lip-syncing and dancing, participating in events such as gay pride parades, cabarets, discotheques, and other celebrations and venues.

Drag queens: performers, usually gay men or transgender women - who dress in "drag," clothing associated with the female gender, usually highly exaggerated versions thereof. Drag queens often do drag to perform, singing or lip-syncing and dancing, participating in events such as gay pride parades, cabarets, discotheques, and other celebrations and venues.

Intersexual: a person born with the full or partial sex organs of both sexes; with underdeveloped or ambiguous sex organs; a sex chromosome karyotype other than XX or XY; or sex hormone receptor problems which prevent normal absorption of Estrogen or Androgens. Intersexual persons may seek to make their body as congruent as possible with the preferred sex through surgery and hormone treatments.

Non-Binary: A person whose gender identity is not exclusively masculine or feminine‍. A Non-Binary person may express a combination of masculinity and femininity, or neither, in their day to day gender expression. This is sometimes also known as Genderqueer.

Significant other: for the purpose of this site, someone close to a person who is transgender. This may be a mother, father, son, daughter, sister, brother, family member, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, or friend.

Transsexual: a person who is mentally one gender, but has the body of the other. They desire to live and be accepted as a member of the mental gender, this is generally accompanied by the strong desire to make their body as congruent as possible with the preferred sex through surgery and hormone treatments.

Transvestite: a person who wears the clothing of the opposite gender, and has no desire to permanently change their sex. There is generally a strong sexual motivation for the cross-dressing.

Other terms:


Post-Ops: Transsexuals who have had surgical procedures to make their body as congruent as possible with their preferred sex. For MTF transsexuals this is generally considered to be after Genital surgery (GRS, orchiectomy, and/or penectomy), for FTM transsexuals it is generally considered to be after top surgery.

Pre-ops: Transsexuals who desire to to make their body as congruent as possible with their preferred sex, but have not yet had the surgical procedures for whatever reason.

This is not intended to be a glossary of all tg related terms. This just defines the make-up of the community on this site.

Proper Pronouns

Always use proper gender terms and pronouns based on the person's expressed self identity. Intentionally misgendering someone will result in a ban no matter what provocation you think you experienced.

For Male to Female Transsexuals: Male to Female transsexuals are women, and should be addressed in the feminine,  Brava instead of Bravo. recommended pronouns include She, Her, and Hers.

For Female to Male Transsexuals: Female to Male transsexuals are men, and should be addressed in the masculine Bravo instead of Brava. Recommended pronouns include He, Him, and His.

Gender Neutral: Whenever possible avoid the use feminine or masculine forms. Recommended pronouns include Them, They, and Their.

Note: <transgender person> and <transgender person> are considered extremely pejorative and are not to be used on this site. Terms like Ladyboy should be limited to use in their specific cultural reference.

[MeTony]

Hi Jack.

You got a good list of expressions from Devlyn.

I feel dysphoric about my chest. But that is me. You can as well feel euphoric about cloths, looks, body parts. Euphoria is as good indicator as dysphoria.


Also, trans is an umbrella for all people identifying to be trans in some way. Transsexual is the medical diagnose I got from a doctor. That means I’m binary FTM.

You can be trans and that means you are nonbinary, genderfluid, FTM, agender, crossdresser, dragking etc. Trans is not one way to be. It contains all gender non conforming expressions.

[Nadine Spirit]

I started gender specific therapy (with a WPATH certified therapist) and I told her from the start, nope I have ZERO dysphoria.  Now I laugh at that statement.  I really didn't think that I had it.  I just thought, heck I don't like body hair, who does?  Of course I want breasts, who doesn't?  Of course I hate my genitals, it just looks funny, doesn't everybody hate their junk?  None of that is dysphoria, right?  None of it means that I HAVE to transition or else I will die, right?  Sure I have signs of conflict with my gender since about age five, but whatever, everybody questions their gender right? 

Little did I know that everything I thought was normal and that everybody thinks was actually a huge bout of gender dysphoria.  Now that I am 3+ years into this, and have done everything I have done for my transition I can easily see, yes I was dysphoric.  Bummer, but hey I feel lots better now.  I wish I could have seen what I see now.  It would have made my path much more clear. 

Good luck on figuring yourself out.

[SoCal_Holly]

 Nadine, exactly..... lol

[CosmoIsWanda]

I like how Nadine put it. I have also felt the same dislike for the male side of my body. For me sometimes it was so bad that I would get so frustrated I would just lie in bed all day lol. Since I started HRT and Crossdressing it has gotten better, because I guess I am starting to feel like a woman. However I don't really look like a woman yet even with a wig so I know I have a long way to go. Dysphoria is a very interesting thing to me, I mean why does it even exist right?

[EZ Linus]

Hey Jack. Nice to meet you.

I was born F, but I consider myself non-binary or genderqueer, or maybe gender-expansive, a word I only learned recently. I can understand a lot of what you feel, aside from some of your indifference to certain subjects about being having a female body. However, I share your view about how men often see women in this society. But I learned that not all men are really like that and that it's a much smaller number than I'd ascribed to them in the past--probably because I grew up with a lot of abusive males. Then, I met a lot of very decent people and changed my tune. And I have too much love in my heart to stay bitter.

I have felt a lot of your feelings (I gather), and didn't identify as "trans" for a very long time because I just wasn't educated about it enough. Not saying that is your issue. It was mine, because I equated "trans" with either/or MTF or FTM only. I didn't really see how in between I was, but I was. Am.

I was always a tough female growing up. Call it a tomboy, or androgynous, or obviously gay in a stereotypical way, but that wasn't "it" either. I liked boys. I liked girls. Or...I liked anyone for any way they were. Or, I wasn't even interested in sex. It didn't matter to me. But that was just my sexuality. Different thing altogether. Gender is something else.

I didn't like my chest. Always hated it as soon as my chest got more developed. God, I hated it. Maybe this was when I developed some dysphoria. I have plans to have them taken off now. I'm through with hating this part of me. I don't have to, so why should I keep living like this? This will not make me a "man," nor will it make me no longer a woman. I will just be a person like I am now. I still dress like a guy, but I am not. I don't want to be a "woman" either. I haven't had my period in 20 years because of a hysterectomy, so I do wonder if I'd have some dysphoria had that not happened. Maybe I would. I'll never know. I'm just glad I don't get my period because it would be a monthly reminder of being a specific gender.

Anyway, I don't know if my experience helps your experience, but I thought I'd share some of my thoughts on it.

I wish you the best in finding yourself. And remember, you don't have to have any formal label at all if you don't want one. No one says you have to make any decision at all. That's the beauty of life, and people these days are becoming more accepting of this kind of fluidity. Hopefully, it will just keep getting better and safer.