So I've been thinking about what makes a person trans as opposed to gender non-conforming. It has to be dysphoria, right? About one's body? Because otherwise, it's just preferences, and that fits gender non-conforming. I know this idea is negative right now, it's called "truscum" or "transmedicalist" I think... but I'm just trying to learn and work things out. What other kind of dysphoria can exist that distinguishes trans from gender non-conforming?
I say this because I'm thinking about my own place in this world. I don't think I'm trans, but why do I think that? Considering I have a lot of the qualities that seems to be trans. In fact, I realized the other day that my "cross dressing" isn't really cross dressing at all... it's literally just me and I call it "cross dressing" because I'm wearing men's clothes. But the fact is... I just like these clothes and it's actually totally normal to me. But the world thinks this is drag.
Anyway... there are a couple of reasons I don't think I'm trans, though. One, I don't think I have dysphoria. I mean, I do have SOMETHING like it, but it's not horrifying or anything. I mentioned in my first post how I never wanted my breasts (honestly, even saying "my breasts" is weird and kind of goofy to me, as I always felt they shouldn't be there) and I tried to keep them from growing. But at this point, I guess I don't really care, since I'm better off just not messing with myself and making things worse for me just because breasts feel a little out of place. This is why I don't think it's dysphoria. Weird, but not really disturbing. Though, when I was young... I hated it more.
Now, as for periods and the like... yes that is gross and weird and alien and the whole nine yards and has been ever since it started. But I also thought that must be normal, no one likes this. However, it's true that they just feel like... wrong. Like they don't belong to me. They've always felt that way, almost laughably so, like a cat wearing a tie. Same for pregnancy. Gross, weird, alien. Nope. Just absolutely, 100%, you must be CRAZY... NOPE.
However, this feeling isn't debilitating. In fact, I've come to laugh at it as I have a tendency to feel no pity for myself no matter what. I also think this feeling may stem from internalized misogyny, because the world hates women so much, who could escape internalizing it somewhat? Or maybe it also stems a little bit from being annoyed by my body being sexualized so much, and/or how women are constantly treated as if they are nothing more than their biological processes? For the record, I don't even think PMS is real. I've never had it, that's for sure. I have no idea when that <poo> is even coming. I've zero shame about it, however. Zero shyness, too. Because the world thinks I SHOULD be ashamed. So I go out of my way to be blunt about it whenever the subject is breached.
I guess it probably goes without saying that I've never been pregnant and haven't really had any use for birth control. In fact, I completely lack sexual desire.
Lacking sexual desire doesn't bother me at all, though. Other than not understanding how I could possibly be that way, because everyone on the planet tells me that no one just doesn't have it.
Anyway, the second reason I think I'm not trans is that I don't feel I have to change myself in order to be myself. I'm doing that already. I'm not in a different body when I dream, I'm just me, as I am now. I don't have a sense of the "voice in my head" being any different than my own voice. Also, I don't internally feel male or female. These both feel like playful jokes to me whenever put to me seriously. I feel like a sexless, genderless entity. Masculine and feminine are either totally interchangeable to me, or stereotypes.
Also, I shave my face, lol. I don't really need to, I only have a little peach fuzz on my upper lip which is basically unnoticeable, but I don't like the fuzz. And I DO like shaving. It makes me feel tough and cool. I remember telling the gals at work about it (who bleach and wax, etc) they were all horrified thinking it would grow back darker (it never did, I've been doing it for like 5 years) and also that they would feel gross doing it... like they were men. This was funny to me, because I just feel really cool. So I guess there's SOMETHING going on with me that may be significant... but I don't think it's trans.
What do you guys think? Do you experience dysphoria? Is it obvious that's what it is? Is that how you knew you were trans?