Community Conversation > Significant Others talk

Brothers second time around not so easy

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Kate-k:
I had a long chat with my brother last night about how he was feeling and coping with life generally since his divorce. I notice thst whatever we speak about he steers the conversation back to his desire or perhaos need is a better word to cross dress. Right now it seems to be all he can think about.
Its obviously hard if not impossible for me to understand how he feels, he has been unable to cross dress to any real extent for many years and so i get the excitment but there seems almost an urgency to try everythjng and do everything. Is this kind of obsession usual ?
He said that hs would rather be single than have another relationship if that meant he could not cross dress again, thats quite a statement dont you think ? Basically putting cross dressing before a relationship.
It just all seems so different to when we were younger, it was fun and seemed to be no big deal when we were teens. All seema much more intense now.

Allie Jayne:
Kate-k, your brother may be trans. This means he was possibly born with the brain of a woman. This happened before he was born and is caused by hormone fluctuations in his mother. This female brain demands to realise its gender identity, and puts pressure on the person to comply. This pressure is called Dysphoria. It can be mild, and it can be quite severe, but it won't go away until the brain gets its way. If dysphoria is strong it will overcome the need for relationships. This is a medical problem and the only known treatment is transition, but that can be slow or relatively fast.

He needs to talk to an experienced Gender Therapist who will determine if he is trans, and can work out the best way to go forward. Untreated, dysphoria can be quite dangerous, with a much higher suicide rate among trans people. It is important for him to get professional help, and make sure it is with an experienced trans therapist, or he could get an incorrect diagnosis. Of course he may not be trans, but at least they should work towards finding peace for him. He is lucky to have someone who is looking out for him!

Allie

Devlyn:

--- Quote from: Kate-k on February 04, 2020, 04:28:21 am ---I had a long chat with my brother last night about how he was feeling and coping with life generally since his divorce. I notice thst whatever we speak about he steers the conversation back to his desire or perhaos need is a better word to cross dress. Right now it seems to be all he can think about.
Its obviously hard if not impossible for me to understand how he feels, he has been unable to cross dress to any real extent for many years and so i get the excitment but there seems almost an urgency to try everythjng and do everything. Is this kind of obsession usual ?
He said that hs would rather be single than have another relationship if that meant he could not cross dress again, thats quite a statement dont you think ? Basically putting cross dressing before a relationship.
It just all seems so different to when we were younger, it was fun and seemed to be no big deal when we were teens. All seema much more intense now.

--- End quote ---

I spent the better part of six decades single, and it had nothing to do with crossdressing or being transgender. Societal conditioning tells us we should be in a relationship, but if you can't be happy alone, there's very little chance you'll be happy with someone, either. I know people who have been married and divorced more than once, and guess what? They weren't happier than single me.  :)  Now I am married, for the first time, at age 57. It's because I finally found the right person, by which I mean to say that she found me.  ;D

Your brother might just have a desire to be a fulltime crossdresser. He might want to pursue transition, who knows? About all you can do is continue to support him, like you are. That's what all of us need more than anything.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Devlyn:
Oh, while I'm here...since you're a sibling, would you like us to add a Significant Other badge to your profile, like the one I'm sporting?  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

KathyLauren:

--- Quote from: Kate-k on February 04, 2020, 04:28:21 am ---He said that hs would rather be single than have another relationship if that meant he could not cross dress again, thats quite a statement dont you think ? Basically putting cross dressing before a relationship.

--- End quote ---

I totally get this.  He is saying that he would rather be his true self by himself than be a fake with a partner. 

When I was mentally processing my intention to come out to my wife, that very thought was part of my thought process: that, if she rejected me and wanted a divorce, I would be okay with that, because I could be myself.  (As it turned out, I got the best of both worlds: she stayed. :) )

I agree with Allie's advice: he should talk to a gender therapist. 

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