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MTF in need of help 2

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Rachel:
Hello, below is the link to the original thread MTF in need of help. It was locked due to a number of page limit Rubicon.  There were 100 pages, 1996 replies and 246,964 views.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html

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@MaryXYX,

--- Quote ---*
  Re: MTF in need of help

« Reply #1993 on: Yesterday at 05:56:41 pm »
I think the 'sir' was a deliberate insult.  Here I would report someone for that.  Good idea to go with post-menopausal though, it's simpler.
--- End quote ---

Mary, I agree, the sir was deliberate. It was the way she said it, the emphasis that I picked up on. After a while though I think she warmed up to me. We chatted a bit and she welcomed me to womanhood. It felt nice when she said that.
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@MM


--- Quote ---Rachel, glad your momo went well for you.  Answering questions truthfully about your periods is difficult without coming out as trans. Telling the truth is probably the best way, if the tech has had much experience she should have had a trans women before. You didn't mention the plate being cold and the pressure hurting your boobs.  You should be able to easily see the your breast tissue and the implant. At your age and being on hrt's so long you fall in the group that should have an annual mamo.  I think the tech was surprised with you telling her you were a tgirl and somehow calling you sir and quickly realizing what she had done.

I can see your interim boss,calling sir for 25 yrs he has seen you as a guy and is still getting use to you as a woman. I say give him a break for the little longer.
--- End quote ---

Hi, the clear plastic was not cold and the meter said the pounds force was between 9 and 12. So the only discomfort was the position I had to be in and hug the machine and not get my hair in the way. I do love my hair though :) . The place is at 1100 Walnut street which is the heart of the gayborhood. Mazzoni ( my trans provider) sends a lot of woman there.

I do think she intentionally slipped in the sir because of how she said it. I could be wrong but it felt that way. She later did welcome me to womanhood and showed me the 8 pick of my breasts. Implants are bright white but the breast issue is very cool with lots of I guess ducts and veins. Maybe I grew a bit in breast tissue since 2017.

I owe a thanks to @Danielle for sharing her breast story and putting it out there.
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So, when I looked at the first page of "MTF in need of help" I cried and could not go to page two. Lots of memories there. I am really sad it will go away in time and that journey will be forgotten. Is there a way I can download the thread? Maybe make it an e-book and charge $1 for a copy and make it a donation to a charity like Susan's Place. Or go to a fund for a new computer for the site.
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Personal life

So I will be going to the Hall tomorrow evening. I have play set up with one top and I messaged another one to see if he wants to do a shibari scene.  I would love to do an electric scene with the one guy and I will ask.

So, going to the hall provides a social environment. Something to do on a Saturday night. I do want something more. Perhaps I will go out to the munches. Maybe I can find something there. I do think what I am looking for is not at the hall, just a feeling.

I am super fearful getting into a relationship. I really need to listen to my inner self on this.
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Brows, hair and nails
I have  microblading consult tomorrow. The treatment was to have been next Saturday. If it is not next Saturday then I need to make it in three weeks and get my hair colored. Nails next weekend. 
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Clothes and shoes
I really need to get some new cloths and shoes. Shoes are hard to find in stores (13 woman's). So the internet for them is my friend. Clothing though, I need to try on clothing.
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Health Assessment
I need to bring the info home so I can put it here. It is really good. My BMI is 23 but it does not take into account the muscle. I had 52 beets a minute and BP 93/56. I had a huge dinner last night (5 eggs and a package of Taylors porkroll) and my sugar was 92. My waist was fine. My HDL was great and my LDL was just a little high which is what is expected with keto. My triglycerides were 34 or 54 which is recommended to be below 300. This is another keto measure.
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Rachel Lynn 2

Northern Star Girl:
@Rachel
Dear Rachel:
Thank you for starting your new and continued thread...

I and the rest of your followers have so much enjoyed reading your previous ORIGINAL thread...
click LINK below:
                         "MTF in need of help" 
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.msg2345024.html#msg2345024

Wishing you well as you continue on.....
HUGS,
Danielle

Julie H:
To keep your memories of your first blog just add a bookmark to it that's what I do to get to mine easily.

Rachel:
@Julie H, thank you. I bookmarked the original thread.
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So I had the microblading consult. I filled out a 4 page document. It asked about medications and past surgeries. I put down estradiol and testosterone and I put lots for past surgeries.

I scheduled for next Saturday at 10. I am very excited. There is a one week wait and you can not do it the same day as the consult. The cost is $575 and it includes a follow up session in 4 to 6 weeks.

The microblade person liked my brows. Color and style. She said she would copy it. She recommended I color the natural hairs.  The my color is light brown. I felt so happy that a makeup artist liked the way I do my brows. I get compliments from woman at work but I do not know if they are just being nice.

The technician asked what surgeries I had. I started with the face and she asked why I had it done? I started thinking I pass. Then I said I had a BA and some surgeries down there. She expressed absolutely no difference in voice stress or cadence.

The salon is big, clean and very busy. Maybe I will schedule my hair coloring there.
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Body
So one issue I have is my body image and how I see my body. If you read my posts it is pretty obvious. My therapist wants me to look in the mirror several times a day and say positive feedback. When I get changed I look at my body.

Today before going to the gym I did see some nice attributes then focused on some of the attributes I do not like. One is not having good hips. I am thin and there are no hips. I was at the gym and there were two woman next to me and the one had no hips. She was beautiful . OK so maybe I need to cut myself some slack on the hip thing and let it go. I will not get silicone or fat transfer (where would I get the fat). So I am focusing on having a really nice butt, legs, tummy and chest. There is nothing like lifting weights to calm me down.
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I made the blogosphere with just one post. At some point along my journey I set 250,000 post views as a decision point. It is much less important now but back then it was very important to me. Maybe it was just to push off a decision until later and later I would have a better grip. Maybe it was my slow thinking mind (inner mind) allowing myself time to adjust to being me or maybe it is just a reasonable amount of time to reevaluate and go from there.

So the 250,000 view is approaching and I will be doing some introspection. I will share the introspection with my therapist to a point. Perhaps the next trigger point will be higher views, perhaps not. I m healthy, I am sane and I am in good spirits.
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I have only one play lined up for tonight, with a pharmacist and professor. I need to work up the nerve to ask the chemist to play with me, very cute. How about this line. Do you want to do a scene with me? You know I am a bit slutty. If we can work that into the scene that would be good. LOL, not ready for prime time.

Rachel


 


Rachel:
The Hall
I went to Hush tonight at the Hall. I had messaged 4 guys I play with and only one was going. One guy I had talked to last event said we would do a scene next time he comes to the hall. So I had one scene. It was with the Pharmacist. He did floggers, riding crop and two wips. He is a medium top and it was enjoyable. I did go into subspace for a while. Coming out of subspace and back to the hear and now is harsh. Like turning on a bright light, your senses come alive.

I went to the perv perch  (mezzanine) where it is warm and I lay on a sofa for a bit and just floated.

So next was a time to ask a top to play with me. There was a guy that is awesome at fire but there were 4 beautiful woman around him :( . No shibari for me tonight either. The Chemist was there and he had no one to play with. I could ask but I chickened out several times. I am disappointed in myself. It was a goal for me to achieve tonight.

A woman walked right up to me a foot away and said I love your body suit. I said thanks. The she said she loved my tattoo's. I said thanks. Woman are very forward at the hall. Males are laid back and woman always ask the guys to play. There is a negotiation. Almost always no sex is involved. Woman post about the issue on boards at the hall about the lack of sex. There are explicit sex scenes but most all scenes as without sex.

So I left early.

Next week is wrestle FXXK. This is the event that landed me into the hospital. So if I go I will negotiate a wrestling scene if I venture to do that. Then there is the FXXK part on the third floor. I do not know if I could participate. I feel awkward in that I am trans. There are trans there but I feel awkward. So I might invite a guy that has been messaging me on fetlife.  If he went with me I could buy a few impact pieces and bring them and he could use them and then maybe FXXK.

Oh, the Pharmacist almost invited me to a play party but did not. I think he needs to play a bit more with me. He said I can take a lot of pain. I was in subspace and his impact enabled me to drift off.
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So a part of me likes the socialization. A part of me likes the impact and the chemical response to the pain. A part of me is thinking this is a huge stress event. My body must altering my histones and reveling certain DNA to help me with the huge stress event.  Epigenetics.

Healthfulness is influenced by calories intake, time restricted feeding, protein intake, sleep, exercise, keto diet, anti-oxidants, heat stress, cold stress and continuous stress. I eat protein at a higher level than most people and I blood test at minimum. If I cutback then they will draw blood weekly until I up my protein. I eat hydrolyzed protein every day too . I make super antioxidants. May calories are fine. Sleep, I need to increase that during the week an hour to 1.5 hours. Exercise and keto are great. Since transitioning and living alone my continuous stress level is 1/1000 what it was.

I want to include the sauna 3 times a week. Also, I believe the impact, electric and fire at hall are stresses that must influence the epigenetics. I hate the cold but there is a cryo place near me and I could go there.

So this was Saturday night. I need to gain courage to ask tops to play with me.

Rachel

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