Topic: MTF in need of help 2

[Maddie]

Hi Rachel.
If anyone asks I'm not here.
None will ask tho.
Hope they find your allele

[Rachel]

@Maddie, where have you been? You ok?

I was here and there looking for you but no Maddie.

The genome test is on order. It is from Dr. Church's lab so I trust the company.

[Rachel]

UTI
Monday when I went to the bathroom it felt different. When I came home from work I thought I would call Mazzoni and see if I could get seen the next day. When Tuesday morning arrived I went to the Urgent care. I was diagnosed with a UTI and a script was issued. Tuesday I took 2 doses of antibiotics and last night went to the urgent care. I was in a lot of pain. I was given an antibiotic injection with lidocane in it but it still hurt. I was also give a script and some pain meds. I feel tired but 90% better today. I am wiped out though.

Today I feel a lot better now and I will go to work tomorrow if I wake up and feel 90%. I am pretty wiped out. I guess I can not take the pain med though because I drive to work.

I am glad I took care of it quickly. It was very swift and if I delayed I would have ended up in the hospital on IV antibiotics. I am really impressed with the Urgent Care near me.

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Covid
Philly, all gyms, public schools and indoor restaurant eating are closed. I do not think bars are open either. Normal temps outdoors is 30 to 60F this time of year. So restaurants are not going to do well. I see a lot of stores for rent near me.

Philly Covid is ramping up. We had 70 hospitalizations 2 weeks ago and 700 last week. I do not have this weeks numbers. I will be at work tomorrow and I will see if they have the stats.

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Voice
I had femlar a little less than 5 weeks ago. I can breath again and my voice (when I was allowed to talk) was pretty strong. I have a ways to go yet as far as healing. I may need to go back at some point and do some laser tuning. IDK, it is early yet and I defiantly will not be going there until spring or summer.

The scar from the CTS was corrected. The FemLar scar is visible but in a different place so it is less noticeable.
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I have a new boss. Life will be more interesting.

Rachel

[Rachel]

I received an e-mail from Dr. Thomas's office to do a recording and send it to them. It has been 6 weeks 5 days since I had FemLar.

My voice so far had made great progress. The male tamber that was there is gone. My voice projects 100% through my nose. I have no low registry. I get 100% identified female on the phone with no effort.

I still hear improvement in my daily recordings. Mostly I hear a difference every 4 day to a week.

I think the vocal folds will need to be reviewed and one de-bulked. I think I hear a bit of air escape. I hope it corrects itself overtime. If not I will get it de-bulked.  I think it is the same vocal fold that was larger than the other prior to the operation. Dr. Thomas said he did not want to de-bulk it at the time of the operation as it is stretched during the operation and that it can be done at a later time.
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Covid has spiked in Philadelphia. No parties for me


Rachel

[Rachel]

I wanted to share some thoughts on procedures:

1) Voice, I wish I never went to Dr. Sataloff and had a CTS or glottoplasty from him. I rate the experience 10%
2) I wanted to go to Dr. Thomas from the start. I should have trusted my instincts. I am in the process of healing and I may need tuning. So far I am progressing ok. I rate the experience 100% so far.
3) Dr. Spiegel, I was not satisfied with the face lift. In  reality I knew I would need another face lift as I had extensive work. His FFS was good. I would have like to have my eyes opened up a little more. Overall I would rate the experience 90%.
3) GCS and BA with Dr. McGlinn, awesome person that went above and beyond my expectations 100%
4) Dr. Coley for hair and 100% experience.

I think I may get a little more hair graphs. Breasts are fine. I will get a face lift.
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Covid
We will be getting 1700 doses next week and every week there after until no more are needed. This is from the one manufacturer. As more become available I am sure we will be administering more.

Covid is very much on the rise in Philly. A Hospital was going to divert to us this week. We have expanded our covid wards by about 25% this week. We can expand more and are ready.

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Playing I stopped playing mid summer.
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I want to learn the electric guitar. I have someone that wants to donate to me a left handed guitar and amp. I will see how that works out. I may end up making a lot of noise.
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I have been thinking about being alone the rest of my life. When I was very young I was afraid of my brother for good reason. I feared my parents would die very young and I would be alone. I am living that fear now.

 I do know both of my parents died after a prolonged 3 month ordeal. I Know I do not want that. My brother went quickly in the end with a broken neck but that is another story. My brother in law called me and asked that I take care of my sister as he thinks his time is limited.

So being alone is ok. I walk the state park and play with my hobbies. I can find guys if I want them any time. Last weekend there were 8 parties and I stayed home in covid seclusion. Soon I will be free. Then what? I guess this time I can use to see what I really want to do post covid seclusion.

I do know I love the park and gym (closed). I loved the hall (closed).

The current (in seclusion now) parties are fun but for how long? My therapist asked if I get paid to go to the parties. I said no. She said I have other clients that do get paid. She said if you like it then why not get paid? I said I never thought of that.  I need some help sorting that thought out. I do know at first I wanted to know if the guys would accept and play with me. Then it became fun. Now I do not know what to think. I have friends I can discuss this with and a place to go to ask girls first hand that is for those that do street work. I think I may have a hard stop.

I think what was the cause of pause is that I wonder what others think of me. I wonder what I think of myself. I need to stop and pause and rethink. So I will get a used electric guitar and amp and try to think about my experiences. Maybe write a song or two.

I will be going to a car club that meets twice a month. I have my muscle car and I may be getting a C5 corvette for free. I just need to get it running and restore it. My current car is a beast. I took it to the state park last Sunday and three guys were around it when I got to the lot. They had lots of questions.

Cars, guitars and the park.

I found two places in the park I would not mind spending eternity. One is absolutely the most beautiful place and the other is something I think about often.

Rachel

I cancelled my POF account. I had lots of guys wanted to date but I could never reply.

I

[Rachel]

So I am presently 44 inches over boob and less than 38 under boob. So i think that is a 38 DDD??? I believe the last time I measured I was 41 or 42 over boob and 37 under boob. My newer 38 DD now has an air gap between the boobs. I think I have a growth spurt.

I am on E1 and E2 for about three months or so now and for about 6 week have been doing some breast pumping.I notice the breast pumping increased my nipple size and changed my ariola. It is larger, has lots of Montgomery bumps and is raised a bit. My boobs have a bit of a cone at the ends. Also, my ariola and nipples are very sensitive. Pumping now feels very good.
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I have not gone to parties since summer and corona is really spreading now. I have to be very careful. I think I will get the first dose of vaccine in 4 to 6 weeks. I think it depends on the FDA and some issue there.
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I have a new boss and we had a one on one meeting today. I think he will be good.
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Tomorrow 5 mile hike in the park, pick up something at a shop and dinner at my ex's. Sunday, I will go to Costco with my daughter and maybe some cleaning, maybe park again, perhaps both.
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I cancelled my POF account. I had 3 to 5 guys wanting to meet or message me each day but I never would read their messages. Why I can party but not read a message on an app? I came to the conclusion that I do not want a relationship. You think transition is tough, well my experience with relationships does not have a great track record. No more. 

I know it was a lot my fault for the end of my marriage but there were a lot of issues I lived with on a daily basis. Transition was not an means to end the relationship it was a absolute need. I know what I did was needed and I am alive because I transitioned and had a lot of help along the way.

I am glad I transitioned and I love my body. I wish I did not lie to my ex but if I am wishing I wish I was cis. Then again I would not have my daughter or maybe she would be there but maybe not. I love her and my ex. I guess things were meant to be the way they are and there is no point wishing things were different. They are what they are.

I do know some day I want to live where there is a beach and it is warm.  Winter is not my favorite season. I would like dry and wet like in Belize. However, the croc footprints outside my door at night was a bit unnerving. When I was in the jungles of Southern Mexico walking the Mayan road I was told Crocs can run 35 miles an hour in the jungle and can smell you for miles. We were in a canal in a park at a Mayan tax building. We had lunch. There was what sounded like a frog in the distance. The guide said it was a croc. We had floated several miles in a canal with crocs around us.

There are many dangers in life some you know about and some you have no idea. You can plan to remove the danger from what you know but never can you plan to remove danger and vulnerability from what you do not know. Life is full of danger and we are all vulnerable. 

Rachel

[Rachel]

Stacy's dog
 I saw some reviews and it sounded too good to be true. I purchased one and wanted to see if it would work on a no-vagina. I charged it up for 4 hours and went to bed regular time. I dilated. I then started induced breast pumping and inserted the dildo.

The dildo has 10 vibrations for G spot and 10 clitoral sucking strengths. It can be a strong dildo. I thought well it feels very good but will I have an orgasm?

Yes and the hardest orgasm in my life. So guess what is charging for tonight??? Stacy's Dog and I need to take that dog for a walk, again

[Northern Star Girl]

@Rachel
Dear Rachel:
I have always followed your postings and lately I have been busy reading your recent updates on your blog thread.

You lead a busy life and have progressed well in your transition journey since starting HRT way back in 2013.
I am so very glad that you take the time to share your experiences with the members here on the Susan's Place Forums.

I am so glad that you are being careful and keeping safe with the Covid-19 hazards all around you.  It is quite unfortunate that we can not socialize as much as we want....  humans need to socialize, be hugged, be together, etc.
I wish you well in getting your vaccine in 4 to 6 weeks as you have planned.

***So, I am curious, how did your meeting go with your new boss? ....   Good as you had surmised?

According to what I read on the weather forcasts I think you have lots of snow coming and cold temperatures as I am writing this... so I think that your walks in the park may be delayed somewhat.  I hoe that you are dealing with the snow OK... driving can be a dangerous challenge, less dangerous with good snow tires and tire chains as needed.  Be sure to bundle up in your warm clothes, boots, hat, gloves, etc. 

Lots of snow here where I live.  It has been snowing all day today and now we have more than 2 feet of new snow on top of the 3 feet that was previously on the ground.... the snow will continue through tomorrow Wednesday.   My outside temperature is near Zero(f) and later this week it is forecast to be much colder perhaps down to minus -22(f) or colder.

Again Rachel, thank you for being a long time member and a part of Susan's Place and the Forums.. and thank you for being so open and sharing.

HUGS and best wishes. Stay safe, stay healthy... and Merry Christmas to you.
Danielle

[Rachel]

@Northern Star Girl, thank you for posting.

My new boss seams to be very good. We have a lot of new building going on and he is immersed in that end of the business. We have a new hospital opening next year and a 500,000 GSF ambulatory addition. We are doing a major central plant and planning a 850,000 GSF patient tower.  Add in Covid 19 and a significant loss of revenue this year. He has a lot to learn and cope with right now.

We start with the Covid vaccine administration at work tomorrow. The hope is in 6 weeks all will be vaccinated or all those that want to be vaccinated. So there is hope. 2021 will be awesome. I definitely will be happy being with friends and having fun.

Snow, I think 12 inches. I have AWD on my one car. It is the other wonderful drivers that make it an adventure. I have no idea how you can survive such a cold climate.

I share what I do, feel and think here. I use to go to group but I stopped one day. I had thought I would never stop going to group but one day I realized I had outgrown that group. There are other groups but they are later in the evening and I can not go to them because I work.

What I find amazing in life is thinking what if then I do it. It is an awesome feeling to do it. Each achievement builds on the last. This summer I was lonely and covid was down. I looked and found a bunch of parties in my area. I went to one. It was a black party with a lot of guys and only a couple of woman. I was very intimidated. I am trans, will they play with me? I am white will they play with me? The guys were really nice and I had a lot of fun and I was accepted. When I went to the previous (hall) it was very mixed in race but mostly woman. I would play with the guys mostly. I really like doing new and different things. Life is an adventure.

Latest realizations
1) I wake up and often think, I really love my body. Breast, legs, tummy vagina, hair and being me. I had a dream last night. I was in the hospital at age 7 ( I was in there at age 12 too). I remember how bad my dysphoria was. I remember wanting to die. I remember being trapped with no way out ( Maybe it was being tied down in the bed). I awoke and realized it is over and I really appreciate my mind and body being aligned. I have absolutely no dysphoria.  It may be from a lot of things. Maybe it is transition and hormones (both E1 and E2) or maybe work or maybe challenging myself to join new social groups. Maybe it is all of  it together.

Genome
Nebula notified me their lab was hit with Covid and my test results will be delayed 4 weeks. When I get my full genome I will scan it for 5HSD and see if the need for E1 and E2 is a result of an allele. Then I will go after evidenced based science to alter how peeps like us receive hormones.

Happy December 16,
Rachel

[Rachel]

I have Covid 19

I awoke with symptoms and called the hotline. Tested at 8AM and results at about 1. I can not go back to work at the earliest until 12/28/2020.

I thought I had it in March, I guess not. I am in a serology study and tested negative 6 times. I have 1 more teat in about 5 months.

[Megan.]

I have Covid 19

I awoke with symptoms and called the hotline. Tested at 8AM and results at about 1. I can not go back to work ate the earliest until 12/28/2020.

I thought I had it in March, I guess not. I am in a serology study and tested negative 6 times. I have 1 more teat in about 5 months.

Sorry to hear this, I hope you make a swift and safe recovery. X

Sent from my MI 9 using Tapatalk

[Rachel Montgomery]

I have Covid 19

I am very sorry to hear that.  How do you feel?  Are you very sick?  Having trouble breathing?  Or, more flu like?

Do you have a pulse oxomiter?  They are about $40 at most big drug stores.  You want to get O2 if your sat drops below 90, to prevent organ damage.

[Rachel]

@Megan, @Rachel Montgomery, thank you for you well wishes.

I have the following symptoms:
Back of throat and nasal passages hurt
Voice is definitely not great,
muscle aches but not too bad,
head an neck hurts will not go away.
some chills.
Lungs are not right but ok.

I go up this morning at 3:30 and felt bad.I went into the shower and had to bend over to keep from fainting. I thought I just needed to wait 10 or o seconds and it would be ok. It did not get better. Back to bed I went and called the hot line. I got the first appointment at work for testing (in my car). Went home and slept. Got a call from the Covid staff (we do a lot of tests in a day) that I was positive. Did contact tracing and told to call on the 27th to see if I can go back to work on the 28th.

My daughter had to let her supervisor know. She has to get tested before coming back to work. She works in post op ccu. I know the nurse manager and he is awesome. I was on the unit with my Mom for 3 months but he was in the Heart, Lung and Vascular CCU then. He was Alpha Minor (taped on the stethoscope). Alpha Major was another Guy that was the head in charge.  I knew all the doctors and would see them post morning rounds each day.


Rachel

[Maid Marion]

Hi Rachel,

Wishing you a quick recovery.

Marion

[ChrissyRyan]

I have Covid 19

I awoke with symptoms and called the hotline. Tested at 8AM and results at about 1. I can not go back to work at the earliest until 12/28/2020.

I thought I had it in March, I guess not. I am in a serology study and tested negative 6 times. I have 1 more teat in about 5 months.

Rachel,

I hope that you feel much better soon.

Chrissy

[Rachel]

@ChrissyRyan, @Main Marion, thank you.

The head ache is gone
Muscle aches are gone
Lungs are 99%, they feel great
throat is fine now
Right behind my nose is 95%
Neck pain is gone (neck and head pain was bad)
I had a minor amount of thick mucous but that is almost all gone

Thursday I arrived at work and was ok. It snowed and travel early was very light. A lot of people I guess stayed home. Work was normal but I felt off. In the afternoon I had a headache and neck ache. When I got home the tummy felt very off. When I awoke I felt bad Friday. I had covid symptoms and called the hotline. I was scheduled for a 0800 test. Yesterday was ok but I was sick from the flu like symptoms. I had worse flue. I would rate this at 30% of the all time worse. No diarrhea, no puking, and I had worse muscle pain. Lungs were definitely off but I had worse. I really have not been getting sick in recent years. So this breaks the record. I think I have not called out sick from work for 7 years. 

When I arrive at work at 0500 I go to the bottom of a stair tower in one high rise. I do 100 squats and walk up 21 stories.  I eat keto and do 18/6 time restricted feeding. My glucose is low and steady before and after a meal.

I love walking up steps. It works my lungs hard. When I started years ago I walked up 9 stories and I had induced asthma. I kept it up and that went away. I feel awesome for 1/2 a day from that short amount of discomfort. I think that helped me. I think keto and 18/6 time restricted feeding helped. I think Vitamin D helped and all the other supplements. I usually take some pretty heavy antioxidants and other suppliants. I just took Vitamin D yesterday ( I usually take a large dose daily, I have an issue with E, D fish oils and the such from testing. I need to take high amounts).

When I was 36 I was a pretty sick person. Alcoholic, I stopped weighing myself at 327 pounds (170 now), I was a bad diabetic, smoked, took whatever prescription meds with alcohol I could get and I was going to lose my one foot. This is why I am so health conscious.

Rachel

 

[Julie H]

Speedy recovery

[Rachel]

@Julie H, thank you.

I had 7 hours sleep, woke and was up 2 hours and slept 4 hours. I could sleep another 4 hours but need to eat something and hydrate. I feel ok much like yesterday but very tired. I have no appetite and I am very thirsty. My tummy is definitely not in the mood for food. I have a slight head and neck ache and lower muscles are off but do not hurt. It is definitely kicking my butt and zapping my energy. I am 90%, so not bad, just really tired. I suspect I will be asleep in a few hours but will try to stay up.

I had my on-line therapist appointment this morning. She knows me very well. I discuss things I do not put on here and she has a bunch of trans she treats. On of the things I asked her is, "Do you think I am a slut"? She said that woman have been shamed to feel bad about there bodies and desires for centuries. She said that I am doing what I want with my body and no one can pass judgement on you. Only you can do that. I then explained now that I have Covid and will get the vaccine at work (now later than planned) this spring and summer I want to go to North Jersey to hotel take over parties at the beach. Basically beach and sex for 2.5 days. I want to wear my bikinis. I want to go into the ocean, in the summer, and have fun then have fun at night.

I told her I can never see myself in a relationship again. It is just too much of a chance of getting hurt, physically and emotionally. I digressed about my ex and how she would physically and emotionally hurt me and I never left. I went over my personal trainer in the LGBT gym that would abuse me and I kept going to her until I had an excuse to not go to her when I had FFS. I never returned. I like seeing my x for 2 hours every month or two. Beyond that I I think something would not go well for me.

I went on to say if I ever was in a relationship I would keep it as a separate living arrangement and for the fun times. First sign of <poo> and I am gone. I got rid of my POF account, it just gave me stress that guys would contact me and I would never open up there messages. I am on three other sites too and I will eliminate them too.

I can not wait for the gym to be allowed to reopen. Having covid is not great but having it and getting a vaccine ( I need to check with my employee health and my C-NP, phone appointment Monday at 1600) means I will resume life as normal. As time goes by I really hope 2021 goes back to normal.

 I do know I cherish being with other humans at work, the gym, grocery store, parties and at a restaurant.  love the State park and I love hiking. I am house bound next week   . I always stop by my ex's Christmas Eve and drop of presents for her and our daughter, not this year. Home alone.

Rachel
.

[Rachel]

A coworker died today. I knew him for 34 years. It is so sad. I would see him every morning and we would chat. I will be so lost without him. They can not have services and if they were able I could not attend. Tough day. Times like this I want to retreat and just be. I loved that guy, goodby good friend.

I am cold. In blankets and cold. I really need to think about eating tomorrow. I have been drinking but the thought of food gets me sick to my stomach.

I have very little tolerance for anything right now. I am exhausted and just want to sleep and retreat.

Rachel

[Rachel]

Today I really need to eat. I have been drinking but I need to increases fluids too.

Tummy does not feel good at all. I am light headed and feel weak. Muscle pain is gone. My muscles feel blah. Head ache is almost gone. My sinuses are doing better but are still off. Other than that all is ok.

I forgot to do my weekly E injection yesterday.