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MTF in need of help 2

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Rachel Montgomery:

--- Quote from: Rachel on January 07, 2022, 05:22:17 pm ---@Rachel Montgomery, I am still practicing black bird and wish you were hear. I just started with Hallelujah. My music teacher said it will strengthen my weakness in cords.

I am improving but it will take time. I am alone so I have hobbies like guitar and selling on-line.

--- End quote ---

Cool.  I don’t know blackbird, but I like to play Hallelujah.  I am working on the lead part to Sweet Child of Mine.  There is still a little unevenness in my tempo (first problem to address), and my speed is slow. It will come in time.

Chloe:

--- Quote from: Rachel on January 06, 2022, 04:13:55 pm ---I would love to get a cat but I work long hours and stay at Erica's ...
--- End quote ---

Cats are EASY! Give 'em snacks & a box and GOOD for days . . unlike dogs (feed me, walk me, love me) "just leave cats ALONE & they'll contact you, 'the human', only if needed"!

Rachel:
@Rachel Montgomery, speed is something that comes with a lot of repetitive practice. The Beatles blackbird was my first song I learned. I play it every day. I am definitely improving. Pink Floyd, Wish you were hers is getting better I practice that every day. Hallelujah is definitely challenging. It definitely takes a lot of finger discipline.

I thought I never would get any better but I know all I need is practice and time.

Right hand is definitely more precise and left hand is quicker but less precise. Just like I write.

@chloe, I am thinking about a specific rescue that brings people together to adopt a specific breed. All are neutered. I need to think about it a little more. All the animals I have had over my life have been rescue. I think I will wait until after August, If I adopt.

--------------------------------

I received pricing from Dr. Sigler. It was about what I expected. I need to send her pictures again. She asked for some specific pics. I am thinking July.

Rachel:
I had electrolysis today at Papillion, 4 hours. Dr. McGinn injected me with the numbing medicine. The injections hurt much less when she does it.

I contacted Dr. Debias in Doylestown for a Co2 fractional laser for my face and neck.

Rachel:
So yesterday afternoon and into the evening I became very depressed. I knew I needed to sleep and went to bed at 6.

I had a call with my therapist at 4 so maybe it was associated with talking with her.

I have a lot of new things happening in my life. I have a lot of things happening that makes me uncomfortable. I need to stand up for my needs.

On 2/11 there are 2 parties and 2/12 one party. I was set up to be with one of the two prettiest woman I have ever seen.  It was said I would pleasure her. I really do not want to go now. I like guys. I told my girlfriends I have no interest in woman sexually. Yet they set me up. I know they will set me up the the other woman too.

The party on 2/12 is at a beautiful home across from New Hope.  I have been there before and I had a blast. I really do not want to go to that also now.

I just need time alone and to rethink things. I need to say no. I need to speak up. I know I will not and I dread what would have been an awesome time. I have difficulty telling people how I feel. I keep it hidden. I lie, stall and avoid dealing with situations that involve how I feel.

I do not know how many times I explained I am not into woman sexually. My girlfriends and I do not have sex. I enjoy being together.

My head hurts and my sleep is affected. It is on my mind a lot. I know, just explain how I feel. Something prevents me from doing that and I am back to distracted thinking. I have not been there in a while but I am back.

I went to the Korean spa several times. I really did not want to go. I am fine in LGBT spaces but CIS spaces prolonged naked and I just feel like people are judging me. I know it is in my head.

It does not help when my girlfriends say things like flush this and that before a party. Oh, wear this to distract no hips. I do not like to wear makeup but they do. I take flack for that.

Off to dilate and then to sleep. Tomorrow will be better. I know why I am depressed and why I am going to safe places. I need to break the pattern.

Rachel Lynn

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